Chase This Night

Ok so here we go again. Please review if you like what I'm doing here. Im truely grateful to all those who take the time

Part 13

So much for the silence… I was loving watchin’ her sleep… Her eyes fluttered when I called her name, and sleepy green is revealed to me. Damn she’s beautiful, even all ruffled. But I hate that she’s awake now. ‘Cause that means its all over.

“Yeah… I’m awake…” She says. It’s my first time hearin’ her scratchy-morning-voice. My chest feels like its gonna bust open, ‘cause I know its gotta be the last. I look out the window at the rain still sliding over the glass, It’ll be easier if I just don’t look at her.

Nothin’s ever easy. I’ve been sitting here coming to that realization for the past hour or so. Nothing that is, but loving her. Hell, I’ve been doin’ that since the moment I set eyes on her. Yeah, I can admit it. Here and now, finally, is everything I’ve ever wanted. And for a moment, last night, I was so sure she wanted it too. Fuck, when she told me… I can hardly even think it! I thought I was gonna combust. It was so perfect. And then after… I can’t help but grin a little…heh, yeah, hotness.

Damn she just makes me feel things… wild and out of control type things. Its always been that way, no matter how much we tried to fight it. When she put me away it had faded some… the space between us too much I guess, and besides… nothing can bust through two-feet of concrete and steel bars. I was dead in jail anyway. Dead and haunted. But now… I feel so alive. It was like I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t feel my heart beating until the minute I set foot back on the outside… my first step back to her.

Back to makin’ things right.

And this, when we’re together, when she touches me…kisses me its so right. Its like I’m always burning for her. Like a comet entering the atmosphere, consumed by the fire before I can even touch ground… And its not just sexual either… no, seriously. I’m not whole if she’s not there. She feels it too. And that thought, that we’re finally on this same level, that she wants me just as much as I want her… it should bring me comfort…

Yeah, nothin’s ever easy. See, B isn’t ready.

“You sleep ok…?” I ask, trying to delay the inevitable and my voice sounds strained.

“Yeah… no crazy dreams.” She smiles, and it reaches her eyes. It’s breakin’ me. She reaches a hand from under the covers… “Come back… its still early.”

I want to. And I mean I REALLY want to. But I can’t, ‘cause she’s not ready.

See I think, when I was locked up, somethin’ happened to me. I think I got smarter about this whole life thing. Soul boy liked to call in ‘insight’. He told me I’d lived a lot to have lived so little… fuckin’ riddles…

Anyways, he said that I spent my whole life trying to survive. True, you don’t have a lotta time to sit around contemplating when you’re not sure where your next meal is comin’ from. Which is why prison was good for me. As much as I hated it, as much as it ripped me apart, it was a good thing. Those walls that pushed in around me, those dreams of dying every night… they helped me see, who I am… what WE are.

“Baby? What’s the matter?” Heh heh ‘baby’, god I love that… I must be worrying her with all this ‘deep in thought’ shit. But hey I thought she liked ‘em dark and brooding. Buffy can’t see it yet, she’s afraid to. I saw it in her last night, in that dream we shared before that. The girl is running from herself, from that darkness that’s part of us… that MADE us. It’s the part that allows us to stalk the night… to kill things, it’s the part of her that was able to stick a knife in my gut. But she still wants to keep it all in a nice pretty package.

Well it ain’t about the wrappin’ paper, its what’s inside the box that counts.

“Buffy… we really gotta talk.” Damn, did that sound ominous? Must have ‘cause she’s sitting up, pushing the covers outta the way. She’s got that concerned frowny pout thing going on… its even cuter than normal with her hair all crazy, I just wanna kiss her. A soft little hand touches my arm and its like my entire body prickles

“Um… Ok. Just, tell me what’s wrong.” And she moves to sit right next to me, her bare thigh brushes against mine and fuck its too close. I can’t think when I can feel the warmth just leaping off her body, when I can smell her skin.

I get up and start pacing back and forth in front of her… I can still feel her eyes like a caress though.

“Listen um… I think we really need to slow this whole thing down” I stop and meet her eyes.

“Wha- slow down?” Ok the eyes maybe not the best place to look… they’re pleading with me already. But I gotta say this. Its for both our sakes

“B, I just think that we’re kinda rushing this a little ya know? I mean, we’re hardly back to good… and we haven’t even talked about what went down the last time I was here…”

There is so much baggage between the two of us I don’t know how we could ever get past it all… she has to see that. I mean I wanted to do it all the right way this time. And a relationship with B? How can that be right when so much shit between us is wrong?

And ‘relationship’… fuck, I’ve never done that before. With all the trust involved and, expectation, I don’t know if I could deal… what if I let her down. What if she realizes she really doesn’t want me? It would send me over again… and god, just the thought of hurting B again… But wait! All this shit isn’t about ME, its about Buffy’s issues.

I gotta stay focused here… shit, she’s talking again…

“…and I know we have a lot to work out, but I want us to do that. Together…” She’s sittin’ on the end of the bed now… looking up at me with eyes so full of… everything. I feel my heart speed up. This is so damn hard! But I gotta do this…It’ll hurt less in the long run.

“No, you don’t want that B, you can’t!” I gotta make her see this, but I got a feeling that was exactly the wrong thing to say. She’s up in my face in an instant... eyes flashin’ anger and something else… disappointment?

But damn the girl is quick.

“And how the hell do you know what I want?! That I don’t want this?” Well duh? Her freakin’ out every time things get a little intense maybe?

“Cuz its obvious! You’re not ready for this B!” She’s not the only one who can get a little loud.

“What!? Was last night in the graveyard not ‘ready’ enough for you Faith?! ‘Cause the way I had you screaming for me, it seemed like I was perfectly ‘ready’ then!”

I can’t believe she just said that, and now she’s lookin’ all holy. Bitch.

“Fuck you that’s not even what I mean!” I mean seriously, ouch. But this is obviously upsetting her a lot… fuck are those tears? See this is the type shit I’m talking about its always been this way. So intense that we clash in one way or another… fighting or fuckin’ I guess.

“Then what DO you mean! Faith why are you doing this!?” Her voice is gettin’ all shaky all defeated, but-

“Don’t you see it’ll be better this way!?” She is just so stubborn!

“Faith… you’re the only thing I see…”

Oh. God. That was so not fair! I think I feel my heart breaking… suddenly my own eyes are burning. She takes a few steps to close the distance between us, and fuck its so good being this close to her… she cups those soft warm hands around my face…

“B…god B don’t say shit like that…” I can hear the tears in my voice… why does she make me feel so helpless, so conflicted? She’s kissing me… brushes of her lips all over my face… eyes, cheeks… I feel them against my mouth and my breath freezes… NO!

“Don’t…stop. B, that’s my whole point. I can’t be the only thing for you…” I push her back.

“Oh…” Its totally dead sound, like some one just flipped the off switch to her emotions. But it looks like she starting to get it. There’s definitely some realization goin’ on in her head… but she looks pissed as hell.

“Buffy it’s just that-”

“No, its alright… I- I get it now…” She does? I take a wary step closer and attempt to take her hand. But she just avoids me.

“You do? Really?” Is it too much to hope?

“Yeah, it’s… this is the ‘get gone’ part of the deal right?”

WHAT?!

“NO! B that’s not it!” Is that all she expects from me? She’s got the self-righteous eyes on again and I just want to shake her, I feel my fists clench…but I start pacing again instead.

“Shit B, what I mean is… you gotta life here. A whole bunch of people that count on you… that need you, that aren’t exactly crazy about ME. I’m not gonna ruin your life.”

“Is that it?! You’re scared of what they’re gonna think?”

Umm no? I mean hell no! I force a chuckle and pray its believable. She crosses her arms… lifts an eyebrow. Was that a challenge?

“I can give a fuck what they think!” Ok that’s not entirely true…at all. But I care MORE what they think of her… and again, this isn’t about what I’m scared of, so I say

“But YOU care… and that’s the thing B, there’s a part of us that you’re not ready to accept, that you don’t want anybody to see. You feel it all the time… you feel it more with me. You gotta deal with that first…”

Ok that threw her off her game a little. The defiant look in her eye is gone because she knows what I’m talking about… I mean Christ, she’s been a slayer longer than me! I thought she woulda come to terms with all this ya know? If she can’t even accept her self how the hell is she gonna deal with me with US… god I want there to be an ‘us.’

“I don’t… It doesn’t matter to me.” And she tries to say it with some conviction, but just comes out week.

“Right B, that’s why you went all spastic when everybody showed up last night!” I’m trying not to get pissed…really I am… but fuck it!

I wasn’t gonna bring that up again but man it just stings… how she was so quick to just throw me away. I mean, sure getting damn near caught with your pants down, can be a little awkward. And I’m not naïve enough to think she was gonna be all ‘hey guys! Look who I just fucked!’… But STILL. Just thinkin’ about it gets me pissed and depressed in equal parts…. Oh yeah… AND she still has a boyfriend. Why can’t it be easy?

“I said I was sorry for that!” what like I have the audacity to even bring it up?

“Right, you’re sorry you hurt me, you’re sorry ‘cause it was so easy for you!”

“You have no idea how hard it is! How this all terrifies me!” And she’s standin’ so close to me again… I’m startin’ to think she gotta thing for being in my personal space.

“Yeah I know B, you’re scared of what they would all think if-”

“No! I’m scared of what you make me feel….”

Oh… and now all the venom is gone from her voice and she just sounds… defeated.

“Can you help me Faith?” She comes close and wraps her arms around my waist. I’m not strong enough to push her away this time. She kisses my neck, close to my shoulder and I gotta try hard to find my voice.

“Help?

“Help me face this part of me… balance me?”

Ok she’s asking unstable slayer of the year for balance? How the hell am I supposed to help her? I barely can figure how to help myself? Does she realize what she’s askin’ me? She wants me to be the one she comes to for support… for trust? Again all that relationship stuff… Fuck that could never work, but she sounded so damn sure…

“B how can that work? H-how can you know-” She cuts me off when her thumb brushes my lip, she presses our foreheads together.

“I love you Faith, that’s all I need to know.” God why does she say these things? A few simple words and it all turns around… she just spins me. Her mouth follows where her thumb had been. Its one of those gentle kisses that just gets me shaking all over…B’s the only one that can do this to me… make me feel like I’m gonna fly apart with just a single kiss. This has all gotten so far from where I thought it was gonna go. All my resolve is just melting under the sweet pressure of her mouth as it slides over my own. I try to break away, but its just a hopeless gesture

“I- I can’t…we can’t B…” Oh, but we can. I’m kissing her deeper already… my tongue exploring the soft recesses of her moth as we shuffle backwards. Her knees hit the bed and we’re suddenly horizontal. Soft sheets and her skin… the only sounds our heavy breathing and the rain beating constant on the window. She feels so good under me.

That t-shirt she’s wearing is gone in a matter of seconds. Her hair goes tumbling everywhere as I pull it over her head… its shiny yellow silk in my hands. And she’s kissing me so deep now, like she needs it to live…her tongue wrapping around mine, I feel teeth on my bottom lip. So good, but I shouldn’t be doin’ this…

“W-we should stop… this… its wrong” I whisper across her lips. It sounds like I’m begging… and I am, but its with myself.

Her hands are holding on to my head and she’s got those strong skinny legs wrapped around me…kissing me with everything she has… fuck its desperate. God that’s exactly how I feel, I NEED her, but I pull my mouth away, cuz I need to breathe just a little bit more.

I’m kneeling between her legs now and I finally get to look at her… all of her. Fukin’ Christ she’s unbelievable…

“Buffy…” Its all I can breathe, what does that mean? This is wrong…

I let my eyes travel over all that’s exposed to me. Her skin is so flushed the pale light pouring over her body like a liquid…the cuts and bruises from last night have faded a lot… they’ll be gone by tonight… I let my fingertips brush gently over her knees…up her thighs, never felt anything softer than this… I shouldn’t go any further, but the higher I go the more the muscles of her stomach contract. Her breathing is picking up…her chest rising and falling so quick, her back arches and fuck I cant believe just this little touch is turning her on so much… that its turning ME on even more. I’m getting so wet just from watchin’ her react to me… my clit starts to throb as I watch her nipples harden.

“Faith…” she breathes my name like I’m her savior, it’s a beautiful sound, but it just makes that doubt in my head scream louder… how can I be the one she needs?

I watch as my hands tremble over her stomach… her skin is on fire, my thumb swirls over her navel and her hips jerk up towards me and it’s incredible. She makes this sound in the back of her throat… half moan and half whimper and its like pure need… it rolls down my spine and I can’t help but moan a little myself. My eyes travel lower on their own… to where she spread out for me and I’m suddenly breathin’ a hell of a lot faster too.

“B you’re so wet…” I can hardly recognize that whisper as my own, it was so rough and needy. I can’t help it though. Her juices are shiny, spread over the inside of her thighs… she just looks so swollen, so ready. My hands stay on her stomach though, makin’ those idle patters, it just seems to be makin’ her hotter… fuck she smells so good.

“Faith…god. Need you…” She practically growls as she takes one of my hands in hers and slowly drags it up. And we both moan when she stops over her left breast. The hard point of her little pink nipple is burning in my palm… my hands are still shakin’ like crazy.

“Touch me baby…” she whispers and arches her back again… pushing herself further into my hand. It’s sexy as hell… I start rubbing my palm over her nipple, letting it drag slowly over all the ridges of my hand… she makes that sound again. God I’m gettin’ so wet from this… her eyes are locked right into mine, they’re so dark there’s hardly any green left.

I take the tight little bud between my fingers, rolling it around over my thumb and her mouth falls open as her head tips back…Fuck I wanna take this slow, but just watchin’ her… I can feel my control slipping. I get my other hand into the action, squeezin’ and rubbing both her tits, her eyes flutter closed on a sigh… god she’s getting so worked up… my eyes fall back down between her legs and she’s dripping for me.

“Faith... baby I wanna feel you.” The sound of her voice draws my eyes away from her soaked pussy. It’s a dark needy sound.

“How?” I pinch her nipples harder… pullin’ a little and I get that moan again… makes me nuts… but there’s still that voice in the back of my head telling me I gotta stop this…

“T-take off your clothes Faith” But I can’t…She sits up to help as I pull my tank over my head. It puts right at eye level with my chest… this is goin too far.

“Oh fuck! Buffy!” The sudden feel of her hot mouth over my aching nipple has me moaning outta my mind. Her tongue is flicking over it as she sucks on me… it so good I can hardly stand it. I feel my pussy contract as a hot flood drips outta me. I hold her head in one hand as we fall back again, keeping her mouth attached to my breast, I support my weight with the other arm. Suddenly stopping this is the last thing on my mind. B seems to be right there with me. Her hands are sliding down my back… down to my ass and she jerks me down between her legs again.

“Oh shit B…” I have to gasp, the feeling of her heat spreading all over my stomach makes my whole body tense up. I wanna taste that heat… be in it. I slide down her body, touching, kissing her everywhere. It feels so... sacred, and I want to worship her forever. I feel saved when I reach her breasts… when she arches into my mouth, puts her hands in my hair. But I can’t stay long.

I move lower, feeling her skin jump and twitch under my lips… Her breathing is so ragged, those whimpers turning into moans. I curl my hands around her hips, because they’re moving constantly now, her pliant little body reaching for me.

“Faith…please.” I can barely hear her over the rushing in my head, Its all gone too far… Her hands are pushing me lower and all of a sudden I’m there. I’ve never been nervous about these sorta things, but now, my breath is shuddering out of my lungs. I get my first taste of her high on the inside of her thigh… and its darker than I could have ever dreamed. She tastes like sex… like raw femininity, and the heat is just coming off of her in waves.

“Oh… god… baby” She’s trembling all over and so am I. I feel her nails rake over my y scalp as her hands clench in my hair. She’s almost frantic, but I need to take this slow, need to look at her… fuckin’ beautiful. Her lips are puffy, glistening with her need, and her clit has to be aching … the thought that I did that to her, its just unbelievable. I finally lower my mouth to her and it feels reverent. She hisses at the first contact, my lips placing a tender kiss on her swollen clit. Then those strong hands are pulling me closer, and her hips start up a rhythm immediately.

“Faith! nuuuhh...lick me baby…” I can’t believe this his happening… that I’m sliding my mouth around in her, covering my self in her juices. I press my tongue against her clit and she’s so hard I can feel her pulsing. My hands slide up her thighs, spreading them wider as I bury my face in her heat. I’m never gonna be able to get enough of this… of her.

We both moan as I push a finger into her. I tare my mouth away, because I just have to see this… I have to believe it. Her back arches hard as I add a second, it’s so tight.

“…oh fuck…baby…yes.” I start pushing in and out of her and I’m torn between watching my hand or the pleasure that is sliding over her face. She’s frowning a bit concentrating on the feel of me fuckin’ her… those long lashes are resting against her cheeks, and she keeps biting her bottom lip… trying to muffle those sexy groans and sighs that keep breaking free, a fine sheen of sweat is covering her and she’s almost glowing in the early morning light.

I can feel her starting to tighten up around my fingers… she so close but she fighting it, those moans getting harder and harder to restrain. I speed up my thrusts, pushing into her as deep as I can… curling my fingers a little. I need to see her come. Its like I can almost feel it building inside me… its never been like this. I lower my mouth over her aching clit again… take it between my lips and suck.

“ahh...g-god… Faith” I can feel her getting wetter, I can taste it but then “Faith S-stop baby… wait…”

“What?” I pull my mouth away… panting…licking her juices from my lips. My hand keeps going though, still fuckin’ her but slower. “What’s wrong B?”

Please don’t tell me she wants to stop, not now, not when I need this so bad.

“Get… uuuhh…up here… want…need to feel you” Relief washes through me and I crawl quickly up her body until were face to face again. She gets her hands back in my hair and kisses me hard. I know shes gotta be tasting herself, but she’s lovin’ it.

“Clothes… off... Faith.” She mumbles against my neck. I feel her teeth scrape me gently and I think I’m gonna die. We get my shorts off quick and now, there’s nothing but skin. Hers and mine and it feels like my whole world just stopped.

Our eyes are locked as I sink down on to her…into her, our centers pressing together. She’s breathing in all gasps, sharp… erratic. Her eyes flutter open and B’s looking at me with every kind emotion. My heart is suddenly in my throat as I realize… this is so much more than sex. I can hardly breathe at the thought. I try to swallow down the sudden wave of nerves but its almost overwhelming… God this is everything to me… SHE is everything! Im shakin’ all over again… I can’t do this!

“Buffy I-I can’t…I… oh god!” She moves her hips… rolling them up and the pleasure rushes through me as our clits grind together.

“Ahh fuck B!” I almost come then and there.

“Look at me Faith… feel me” Her hands are cupped around my face… she’s so open right now. And I do feel her… everywhere. It’s so intense. I can only hope I’m reflecting every I’m feeling right back at her. I start moving with her, sliding against her. Its all so wet and slick and hot I’m on the edge of way too quick. And the whole time she’s just lookin’ right into my eyes, letting our bodies set a pace that’s getting more and more frantic with each passing second.

“B… ahh fuck… I-I’m gonna…” they way she’s looking at me… how she’s panting right along with me tells me she’s just as close.

“I know…me too…mmm--don’t stop baby…” Her nails are raking down my back I gotta struggle to keep my eyes open, I have to see her… need to. And then it starts. Her eyes flicker closed just for an instant before they open wider than before. Her whole body surges against me and I feel it… in the slick heat between us, rolling down my spine, prickling my skin and thundering through every inch of me. And somewhere distantly I hear both of us moaning… shouting desperately but all I can see is her eyes.


It’s a little later now… I’m not real sure how much time has past, just been soaking up the afterglow... But its not peaceful, not like when I first woke up… God I just made love for the first time and its not peaceful! B’s got her body slung half over mine, her warm skin making all the sheets and blankets unnecessary. I’ve been trying to sort through all the shit in my head. She wants to give this all a go, she doesn’t want the consequences of what that could mean… I want… hell I just want it all to be right.

“Don’t doubt this… don’t doubt that I love you.” She whispers so soft, and I open my eyes to see the watery depths of hers. How does she get in my head like that?

Fuck just hearing those words… she just has this pull over me… IN me. Its every thing good inside me, everything that makes me want to come outta these damn shadows. Everything in me that makes me wanna live in the light. Its all her, and it makes me feel whole. But its not enough…

“I know Buffy… its just not enough.” And then there’s this silence, so heavy I can feel it crushing me. There’s just the rain. I want to say it back… I want to shout it to the world that I love her more than anything in this life… ‘cause I do, but I just can’t.

She pulls away from me and I hear her choke on a sob. Why can’t it be easy.

“Its getting late, we should get going. The gang’s gonna be waiting.” She says finally... her voice is strained. She gets up and puts the T-shirt back on, looking around for the rest of her clothes.

“They’re all getting together at mine to figure out what went down last night…”

“Yeah, they’re probably freakin’… what did you tell them after I left?” I stay in the bed, and wrap the covers around me. I feel like I need the protection

“Nothing…”

“What are you gonna tell them now?”

“I don’t know…nothing.” I can’t really ask for anything more than that. Its all she can give me right now. I watch her walk out the door, the soft click of the wood echoes through the loft and I feel my eyes burning. She loves me, but its not enough.

TBC!
Please feed the troll. She is hungry and insecure!!! And all I have is cheese puffs here, so do you’re part! It all picks up quite a bit after this. I do remember I have a plot here after all. So hope you enjoyed the hot stuff cuz ya gets none for a while! ;-)