Subversive

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any money off any of the characters.



I lay quite still, listening to the thunderous pounding of my blood in my ears. I knew what I had agreed to, what had been my idea, in fact, but it was still making me feel like a bunny caught in a snare. My lust had fueled us in our latest adventure into pain and pleasure, and now we were coming to the new climax. Before I even realized it, I was lying on my back, with Spike hovering over me like the predator that he was. It was easy and yet impossible to forget that he was a dangerous creature. I always knew. Now I was about to take the biggest leap of faith yet.

Tilting my head to one side, I licked my lips and swallowed hard as I looked into Spike’s face. He was still normal, still simply gazing at me with a dark intensity I had grown to love and respect. He smiled slightly and brushed my hair back softly. I was very aware of his body pressing down on mine, keeping me stationary and immobile.

With a shallow breath I slowly nodded.

Spike smiled again. His eyes grew dark, filled with a fervor I had not seen before. As I watched his face changed, twisting into the deformed visage of a demon. His fangs lengthened and yellow eyes blinked at me. I gasped, instinctively drawing back as fear clutched at my throat and my heart began to pound. I suddenly wondered what the hell I was doing, where this bright idea had come from and was I really going to go through with it.

He touched my cheek with a soft hand, a familiar gesture that I couldn’t help half-shirking from. He didn’t seem surprised. “You sure about this, love?” he asked, still gazing at me. I could feel a tremendous amount of power thrumming through his body, waiting to explode as his muscles tensed like a trapped predator.

I had to remind myself that it was still Spike, still the man I had volunteered to let suck on me. It wasn’t the first time I had seen a vampire change, but I’d never seen him do it before. It was a bit startling to come face to face with the demon that resided inside my lover. Taking several deep breaths, I nodded again. “Yes,” I whispered.

His lips drew back in a strange smile. “All right then. Just try and relax, love. I’ll try not to hurt you much.”

Spike bent towards my neck and I heard him sniff me. His lips touched my skin, delivering a series of warm kisses. I sighed, unconsciously relaxing as he continued his path. He licked a long, warm line over my neck, a low growl vibrating from his throat. A slow anticipation began building inside me once more, riddled with the rising fear that I couldn’t quite push aside. I couldn’t back out now. Well, I could, but it would look damn stupid. I didn’t want to. Didn’t stop me from being afraid, though.

His warmth caressed my skin, causing me to tilt my head to the side to give him better access. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the way his hand ran through my hair and the way his lithe body stretched across mine. His tongue flicked my ear and I moaned. With a slight hiss, Spike bit hard. Fangs pierced my skin and I jumped, crying out as my eyes flew open. He leaned on me heavily, keeping me pinned to the floor as he began to drink my blood. I cringed, struggling against him, but he held me down without effort. Small, weak noises came out of my mouth as he drank. I stared at the ceiling, my mouth in a little O, as white fuzzy circles began dancing through my vision. My heart was beating frantically against my chest, as if willingly pushing blood to the surface and into the vampire’s mouth. He moaned against my neck like a drowning man.

He pulled my hair, jerking my head to the side as he continued to drink. I tried to speak but found the words were silenced. I couldn’t move, couldn’t push him away. I was frozen.

With a growl Spike abruptly pulled away. His mouth was ringed in dark red blood. He sighed deeply, savoring the taste. I gasped for air as dizziness quickly overtook me. I felt weak, limp. All I could do was stare at the ceiling, waiting for reality to step back in. A small part of my brain was still functioning well enough to demand what the hell was going on.

Before my eyes Spike’s demonic appearance melted away and he suddenly looked human once again. He licked his lips, then looked at me. He was positively glowing.

“Hey.” He touched my face, gingerly stroking my cheek. “You all right, love?”

My throat was dry and it ached from the way he had stretched it out. I was still seeing white circles. It took me a moment to realize that he had probably taken more than he should have. Or maybe I was just a lightweight. I didn’t know a whole lot when it came to sudden, slow blood loss.

“Eva?”

It took me several more tries before I was able to bring my voice back. “Yes,” I breathed. “I think so.”

Spike slowly began to pull me into a sitting position and held me tightly against his body, looking at me in an entirely different way. I wasn’t sure if it was quite the same as the intimate gaze of a lover, or perhaps the look of a grateful predator to his prey with his hunger sated. It was slightly unnerving, yet also somewhat endearing. A mixture of the two, a bizarre hybrid of human and animal. I felt the fear still shuffling around me, perhaps more so than before. No vampire had ever bitten me before. Yeah, I’d been curious on some levels, wondering what it was like to have someone draining you. But seeing Spike now, knowing that we had both wanted it, and having actually done it… I felt a little frightened. I was seeing him in a whole new light. Of course I knew that he was a monster. How could I think otherwise after everything I’d heard about him? But I had also seen the loving side that scarcely a handful of people over two hundred years had seen.

Now? He was a sated predator, and I had been the meal.

The pain in my neck was starting to fade, as was the dizziness. However, both were being replaced with an equal amount of a strange feeling of pleasure and contentment. A part of me was inside Spike, and it always would be. It was because of me that he was able to continue functioning, to live, as it were. There couldn’t possibly be a more intimate act than that. I wasn’t really focusing on Spike, except to smile lazily. The blood loss was obviously affecting me more than I cared to think about.

Actually, I couldn’t think very much at all. All I could see was the white circles giving way to darkness. Strange images floated around inside my head. Dark pictures of blood and moonless nights. Cold wind stirring naked trees. Swift passage of light feet stalking, hunting. The faint echo of cries upon cries of pain. Shining silver and fiery torches piercing the darkness. Glinting white teeth and sparkling yellow eyes passed on to rivers of red blood…

“Eva!”

I gasped, taking in a huge breath of air as my eyes flew open. I didn’t recognize where I was at first and panic struck me. My eyes fell upon Spike. The darkness slipped away from me in a rush and I realized that Spike was holding me tightly, his arms keeping me still. His eyes were dark, brow furrowed.

“Hey.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Hey? That’s what you have to say? You passed out, love. I’ve been trying to get you to look at me for five minutes nearly. Never a good sign.”

Startled, I blinked slowly and stared at him. “Shit,” I sighed. “I just fell out of it. All of a sudden I was seeing things and I was completely lost to it. It was the strangest thing, which is really saying something right now.” I slowly tried to straighten so I could lean against the couch, my body like dead weight.

Spike frowned deeper. “What kind of things did you see?”

I shrugged, aware of the soreness in my neck and a subtle pounding in my head. “Not much, everything was very dark and it was just flashes, anyway. Blood, teeth, glowing eyes. Your basic vampire montage.” I brushed my hair back out of my face and took a slow, cleansing breath.

Spike touched my cheek, forcing me to look at him. “Are you sure that’s all you saw?”

It was my turn to frown. “Yeah… I think so. Why?”

“Well, it’s not every day that I bite someone and they start seeing visions,” he replied. “Of course, Drusilla did, but she was out of her bloody mind. A bit different than you, love.”

“Well, thank God for that.” I rubbed my forehead, willing the ache to disappear.

“Really, are you all right?” Spike asked, his gaze bordering on concern.

I nodded. “Yeah, I am. A little weirded out, but fine. I’ve got a nasty pounding in my head and I guarantee I’m going to be sore for a day or two, but other than that I’ll be okay.”

“So you’re not going to run away screaming from me now, are you?”

Even through the headache I could see there was actual worry in his eyes. I shook my head very slightly, reaching for his hand and I kissed his fingers. “No. It’s very different and obviously takes some getting used to. Of course, I doubt there have been many people kept alive purely for bleeding purposes.” I eyed him curiously, tiredly. “How did I taste, anyway?”

Spike grinned, a very naughty look spreading over his face. There was the mischievous vampire I knew. He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed the palm very slowly, eyes on me the entire time. “Very yummy,” he replied, eyes unblinking. “Sweet and hot, just like you.”

I winked, smiling tiredly. “My, my, my,” I whispered, still amazed at myself for actually going through with it. “I feel so damn drained.”

“As well you should. I, on the other hand, feel very energized. There’s definitely a kick to your blood, pet.” He leaned forward and kissed my bare shoulder, a hand squeezing my arm affectionately. I leaned my cheek against his head as he continued to plant kisses along my shoulder and collar bone.

“Somehow I don’t think you should bite me after sex anymore.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” he said thoughtfully, before rolling his face back to face mine. “I think next time we should try for in the middle. There’s nothing like a fresh bite while in the midst of physical pleasure.”

I raised an eyebrow, considering the idea. I knew I was crazy, but I couldn’t stop the thoughts from rolling around in my brain. Considering this was my first time as a donor it was obviously a shock to my system. Perhaps getting me distracted would help. That is, if I even wanted to do it again. At the moment, I just wanted to regain all feeling in my limbs. “That might not be a bad idea,” I replied. “Let’s think it over though, shall we? One feeding at a time.”

Spike faced me, placing a kiss on my nose. “Of course. You need to regain your strength. I don’t like you feeling so weak, little dove.”

I met his eyes, stroking a hand up his bare chest, delighting in the sensations that caused goosebumps to break out over my flesh. “How very considerate of you. How about you give us a kiss and make it all better?”

“Mmm. Sounds good.” He kissed my lips with just a trace of his normal passion. I could taste the coppery blood on his lips, even though it was faint. My blood. I sighed, relaxing as we tasted one another deeply. His tongue gently flicked over my lips and I grabbed his arm, squeezing the muscles in an effort to steady myself. He slid a hand over my cheek, running fingers back though my hair. Each kiss brought me peace and pleasure, making me more aware of our shared nudity. I placed a hand over his heart, yearning to allow my own heart to cause his to beat once more. The strangeness of a lack of heartbeat never failed to surprise me. Just for once, I wished I could make his beat once more.

Slowly pulling apart, I said softly, “I’m very tired, Spike. I need to sleep.”

He nodded, eyes glowing. “Right you are, love. Come on. Easy does it.” He gently helped me to my feet, wrapping an arm around my waist to steady me. He paused, eyes roving over my body. A naughty smile graced his face as he lingered on my nudity. “I never get tired of seeing you naked, Eva. The mere idea of it is enough to make me think dirty little things.”

I smiled, nestling myself against him and allowing my eyes to rove over him as well. I loved looking at him naked. He was proud of his body, and rightly so. I never tired of his skin, the feel, the sight, the spectrum of sensations it caused in me. His well-tuned chest that curved down to a flat stomach and tight ass that I loved the feel of. “The feeling’s mutual, my lascivious vampire.”

Smiling knowingly, Spike helped me into bed, making sure I was fully covered by the thick, feathery down comforter. Sitting beside me, he stroked my hair back, gazing deeply into my face as he was wont to do on occasion.

“You know,” I said, feeling sleep pulling at me. “I know you were William the Bloody for a couple hundred years. You’ve done terrible things as a vampire. I don’t know all of them, and I really don’t need to. I never expected to fins someone in you who could be so kind.”

“God, I know. It’s all a bit of a cock-up, isn’t it.” He shook his head. “I don’t know about this whole being on the side of good thing, and I’m damn sure I’ll make a mess of it somehow. Sometimes being good is so bloody boring.” He ruffled slightly. “Sometimes it’s worth it.”

I smiled. “I like you, Spike. Never thought I’d say that, but I do.”

He offered a quirky half-smile that was a trademark of his. “I like you too.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“You better not, or I may have to punish you.” He playfully slapped my thigh, then kissed my hand. “You go on to sleep, baby. I’ve got to go speak with Angel. The bastard always needs something and he won’t get off my back till dawn if I don’t get down there soon.”

“Okay. You go talk to Angel. I’ll just be here, sleeping.”

Spike nodded once, then kissed me. I watched him dress. Before he left, he flashed me a grin. As the door shut, I rolled over to sleep, allowing the quiet of the apartment to fill me at last, leaving me alone with the meager thoughts that ran through my head before I passed out.