Saying It With Flowers

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Xander/William
Rating: G then R then NC17 ( but not till later…..he he he)
Author: Mightbeme
E-mail: Lee_Michelle_t@hotmail.com
Feedback: Yes please
Disclaimer: Not mine, don’t own em (pout…stamps foot….dammit) they belong to Joss etc.
Spoilers: Up to Grave and then we take a left and head off road.
Thanks: To my wonderful friend Meg for encouraging me to finish this and for being the best beta in the world. Thanks also to the many people who sent me feedback I really appreciate it. A huge thanks to Seige and Sofy for their insights. My apologies for not updating sooner, I've been rewriting the next 4 chapters and its put me behind a bit.

Notes: Thoughts in * * flashbacks in # #

Saying It With Flowers
Chapter 7 William

The day’s labour ended and Alex had returned to collect me from work. We’d sat in a rather strained silence together for the length of the drive home. Though my heart was not in it, upon our arrival I retired to the bathroom immediately to begin preparations for the evening’s entertainment. When I emerged from my room dressed and ready, Alex’s eyes again roamed my form with that confusing mix of heat and disdain.

We ate in civil silence, broken only by necessary polite utterances about the meal in question. As Alex had prepared the dinner I set about the cleaning as soon as we had finished. He hovered uncertainly at the table for a moment looking as though he wished to voice his thoughts, but in the end he turned away in silence.

When I could no longer avoid his company in good conscience, I joined him in the living room. It wasn’t that I was uncomfortable with him. On the contrary I found him to be an amusing if somewhat sardonic companion. His pithy insights were sometimes cutting, but he was a complex man with a seemingly endless supply of loyalty. I found myself drawn to him, and had in fact caught myself gazing at him without realizing it. Maggie’s suspicions rang true. I was attracted to him, though I was still unsure of that attraction myself.

He obviously disliked this Spike person with a passion. With good reason. The flashes of what seemed to be someone else’s memories had left me shaking and perplexed as to their origins. I, of course, recognised the voice in them as mine, rude and uncouth as it was. What I found more disturbing was the echo of violence and the enjoyment of causing it, and that gagged my throat with bile. Just thinking about it made my stomach roil. I resolved to put it aside in favour of learning more about my companions. Seating myself on the opposite end of the couch to Alex, I decided to try to engage him in polite conversation on this neutral topic.

“Alex?”

“Yeah, what’s on your mind William?”

Alex used the remote control to turn the television off, tossing it haphazardly on the cushions between us.

“I was wondering if you could perhaps enlighten me in the matter of personal relationships”

The blank look on Alex’s face was chased away as his eyebrow arched in less than shrewd speculation.

“Say what….?

“Beg pardon, I only wondered if you could tell me a little about our mutual acquaintances.”

“Mutual acquaintances huh” he pushed himself up into the corner of the couch turning to face me. “You mean like, Buffy, Dawn, Willow and Giles.”

Excited, I leaned forward. I had heard mention of Dawn, Buffy’s sister, and I was looking forward to meeting her. Buffy seemed reluctant to speak about Willow, only saying that she was away in England at the moment. Of Giles I knew nothing, only having heard his name once or twice in passing.

“Yes indeed, if you would be so kind as to tell me about them.”

Silently, Alex got up from the couch and walked over to a bookcase. He leaned down and retrieved a large volume from its shelves. Returning to his seat he sat down beside me and opened the book on his lap.

“This is our yearbook, the class of ’99. It’s as good a place to start as any.”

He turned the pages opening first to a picture of the staff, pointing out a tall greying gentleman standing at the back of the group.

“This is the G-man, as in Rupert Giles. He’s like a father to Willow, Buffy and me.”

“He looks very distinguished, is he English by any chance”

“Oh yeah, he’s extremely English. It’s about the only thing you two had in common, that and watching Passions”

“Passions?”

“A bad television show that you’re better off not remembering, believe me”

“Alright, I’ll take your word on that”

The pages turned and he stopped, this time on a picture of Buffy in a beautiful dress. She was holding a parasol with the words “Class Protector” written on it.

“Buffy does look lovely there”

“Yeah she does” Alex quickly turned the page stopping on a picture of a smiling couple. A beautiful red haired girl was clinging to the arm of a slight brunette man, a charming smile on her face.

“That’s Willow and Oz.”

“Her paramour?”

Alex blinked “If paramour means boyfriend, then yeah that’s what he was.”

“Was?”

“They broke up not long after that was taken, he moved on and Willow fell in love again”

“Oh, do you have another photograph?”

Alex flipped to the back of the book, pulling out some loose photographs and shuffling through them. He found the one he wanted and held it out to me. I took it and my eyes widened in surprise, Willow was in the arms of a tall blonde girl, a look of utter devotion on her face.

“That…that’s a…a girl”

“Uh yup that’s right, you’ve seen girls before William, what’s the problem?”

“But isn’t it an offence against God to lay with another of the same gender.”

Alex shook his head in surprise, his dark eyes twinkling as a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“William, this is the 21st century, it’s not against the law to be gay you know.”

“Gay…why would it be against the law to be happy?”

I frowned, puzzled by what he meant, he laughed outright at me before explaining.

“Gay as in homosexuals, lesbians…. people who are sexually attracted to members of their own sex.”

“Oh.”

“Willow and Tara had the whole Wiccan thing going for them as well. But they were good witches, that is Willow still is….a good witch and lesbian.”

I felt dumbfounded; practising witchcraft had been as reviled as having relations with a member of the same sex. Both of them hanging offences. The idea that these things were now an accepted practise was quite frankly mind-boggling. I stared at the picture, the two girls held each other tenderly, their eyes locked in a look of total love and trust.

“Will I get to meet them soon?”

Pain showed clearly in Alex’s eyes as he took the picture from me. He gently ran a finger over the blonde girls face before putting the photo down again. I could only sit in respectful silence, listening to his sorrow tinged voice as he talked.

“No, Tara died last year. Willow….well Willow lost her way after that. She loved Tara with all her heart and without her she lost control. Willow’s a very powerful witch…she killed the man that took Tara’s life and she tried to end the world. Luckily she came to her senses before it could happen, she went with Giles to England. Her grief blinded her to everything for a time and she went away so she could learn to control her power without letting it overwhelm her again.”

Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, “To have loved and lost…..”

“Is better than to never have loved at all. Yeah I get that, though I don’t think that was a comfort to Willow then. Now, well hopefully she sees it that way, she’ll always have her memories of Tara to see her through the hard times.”

Sympathy burned in me, and turmoil threatened to close my throat permanently as I thought of losing someone so beloved. Alex’s grip on the book wavered and the loose photos tucked in the binding spilled to the floor. I knelt down to retrieve them and handed the precious parcels back to him. One photo lay face up on the floor and I recovered it, mesmerised by the smiling features of the young man in it. Dark hair fell in wild tangles over his handsome face, his eyes lit by some inner amusement, and his smile. Truly happy, his smile was contagious and quite cheeky, like he was laughing at something no one else could see. Alex looked up from the pile of photos he had been shuffling into order and snarled. The photograph was unceremoniously ripped from my hand. I looked up in surprise at the anger on Alex’s face as he carefully placed the photograph back in the book and closed it.

“I’m sorry, I was only looking at it”

“Well don’t, you shouldn’t have touched that photo. Jesse was…” he stopped suddenly as a knock sounded on the front door. The pain and loss that was so clear in his eyes carried with it an unspoken demand. I felt compelled not to press him about this Jesse. Who was he, that just a simple thing like a picture inspired such a wealth of grief? I could only stare at him perplexed as he got up to return the yearbook to the bookcase. Another knock sounded at the door and Alex waved his hand, indicating that I should open it.

“You’re date’s here. Better not keep her waiting.”

I rose and hurried to open the door, letting Buffy in.

“Hey William you ready to go? Hi Xander.”

“Um yes, I’ll just get my coat.”

Alex smiled stiltedly at us, turning on the television and waving as we took our leave. I shut the door, following Buffy down the stairs to the car park. I opened her car door for her and we drove the short distance to the Bronze.

It was an overwhelming place, noise flooded around us as we made our way through the crowds. We found seats at a high set round table, I cupped Buffy’s elbow politely seating her on the tall stool. After a short trip to the bar I returned with two glasses of wine before taking my seat beside her. She took her glass appreciatively and sipped at the pale liquid, licking her lips as she set it down. Her fingers stroked the stem of the glass lightly as she leaned towards me.

“So William what do you think of the Bronze?”

“Its very lively, the music is rather umm….”

Buffy cut in as I faltered, unsure as to how to phrase my reply politely.

“Loud?”

A smile graced her face in answer to the rueful look I gave her.

“Yes, I must admit that was the word I was searching for. It was very astute of you Buffy.”

“You know you sound very Gilesy, I mean in a good way. He always had that dignified British thing going for him too. Well more stuffy than dignified, oh but not you, you’re just so much….more…interesting.”

Swallowing nervously, I broke eye contact with her in favour of looking around the crowded room. Young people of both sexes amassed on the dance floor, swaying and twirling hypnotically to the heavy beat. Strobe lights flashed though the darkness, illuminating small glimpses of scantily clad girls and boys. Throughout the crowds I noticed some obvious couples, arms twined around each other as they danced. My mouth dropped open in surprise as I spied one couple, both male, engaged in a heated kiss on the dance floor. Buffy looked puzzled by my dumbfounded expression, following my gaze to where the pair still kissed oblivious to their surroundings.

“They make a cute couple don’t they?”

I closed my mouth with a snap. Though both Maggie and Alex had told me that such behaviour was accepted in these times, I had not really believed them. But now seeing the way the two men acted and the easy reception of the crowd made it even more astonishing. Could it be that what I’d begun to feel for Alex was not a sin, that it would be tolerated. Would I have the chance to find out, to let myself feel more than mere attraction? A shiver coursed through my body, I felt so confused that I could do no more than weakly agree with Buffy’s observation.

“Umm yes I suppose they do.”

“They’re friends of Willow’s, from the gay and lesbian support group on campus.”

The duo wove their way through the throng towards the bar. As their route allowed them to pass close by, Buffy called out to them.

“Hey Mark, Jamie how are you guys, it’s been ages since I’ve seen you”

The two young men veered towards us, one leaning down to brush a kiss over Buffy’s cheek. They were both quite tall; Mark had dark blonde hair, cut short around his handsome face. His green eyes sparkled with happiness as he mock pulled his boyfriend away from Buffy.

“Buffy, great to see you. Jamie leave the poor girl alone, she already has company.”

Jamie grinned at Mark, shaking his long dark hair out of his bright blue eyes.

“Jealous are you?”

Mark wrapped his arms around Jamie’s waist pulling him back against his chest. He whispered something into the dark haired man’s ear that made the smile on his face grow even wider.

“I’ll hold you to that, you know.”

The blonde just smiled contentedly, before turning his attention back to us. Buffy giggled and half turned towards me placing her hand on my arm.

“Mark, Jamie this is William. He’s umm new in town.”

I stood and offered my hand, which first Jamie then Mark took and shook warmly.

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Jamie tilted his head, obviously puzzled by something.

“You know you look very familiar. Do you have a twin here or something? I’m sure I’ve seen you before.”

Buffy looked a little alarmed as she tried to steer the conversation in a new direction.

“Hey did you guys know Willow had gone to England?”

“Yeah we’d heard that, how is she doing now?”

Buffy’s smile faded for a moment, but she quickly covered it by answering brightly.

“She’s fine. I spoke to her a few days ago. She’ll be coming home soon.”

“That’s great, let us know when and we’ll come see her.”

The two men smiled and took their leave continuing on to the bar. I watched them leave with a mixture of envy and relief before turning my attention back to Buffy.

“So Miss Willow will be returning soon?”

“Yeah so Giles says. She’s all renewed and ready to face the world again.”

“I shall look forward to meeting her.”

“You know she might be a little freaked out by you. Not that you should worry about that. It’s just that you’re really different now from how she remembers you.”

“Oh I see, I shall be as sensitive to her needs as possible.”

“That’s great, I’m sure she’ll be fine with you though. Willow bounces back….what I mean is that she’ll be happy to see you.”

I fell silent wondering about the red haired girl I’d seen in the photograph. She’d seemed to be so happy. It was a terrible tragedy that she’d lost her lover, I hoped that she’d have the strength to recover. Buffy placed her glass on the table and leaned casually towards me.

“Are you having a good time?”

“Oh umm, yes I am, thank you.”

“Oh by the way William, I just wanted to say thank you for coming out with me tonight.”

She moved closer as she spoke, her breast brushing lightly against my upper arm. The perfume she wore drifting to me in a scented cloud. I hastily took another large gulp of wine trying to forestall any advance she might make. Unfortunately she chose that moment to slide her hand seductively up my thigh to my groin squeezing hard. The shock of her action caught me off guard and I unceremoniously spat my wine out over her. Equal parts embarrassment and vexation poured through me, as I stared in horrified silence at her. She fussed rather ineffectually at the wine, which ran in rivulets down her chest and arm. Her eyes were wide and rather annoyed as she flicked some of the wine away.

“Oh my god, William….. ewwww”

“I do beg your pardon Buffy, I’m really must apologise. You caught me unawares. Oh dear, here let me help you with that”

“No. Really you’ve done enough. What’s your problem anyway? All I did was touch your leg. It’s not like I’ve never done it before.”


#Flash of Buffy; fists flying as she attacks me viciously, her slight body shoving me hard up against the wall. The scattering of fine dust that falls on us from the harsh impact is ignored. Shock and pleasure coursing through my body as her hand reaches between us to unzip my pants and wrap her hot fingers around my hard cock. Shudders rack my body as her wet heat envelops me in a single thrust. Her clenching muscles tightening around me as we fall through the floor. #


“Oh…..my……God.”

“William what’s wrong with you?”

“We…we…we….had relations!”

My breath pushed through my lips on a whisper, denial screaming in my soul. I could not, would not have done such a thing. It was scandalous, to behave in such a way, like animals.

“Well if having relations is sex then…duh, we had sex, lots of it. What’s the matter, I’m pretty sure you enjoyed it.”

Scandalous gave way to inordinately horrified at Buffy’s blunt words. The thought must have shown in my expression, because she had the grace to look appalled by what she had said. She fumbled slightly for words as the scattered droplets of wine seeped further into the sheer fabric of her shirt.

“William….I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.” She paused uncomfortably, “I didn’t have sex with you, I had it with Spike.”

A blush rose on her cheeks as she stumbled through her statement.

“Am I some kind of escaped mental patient? I’d assume that Spike was another person, but I seem to have these vile memories of his which clearly do not belong to me.”

Buffy sighed and she brushed again at the wine that was slowly soaking into her clothes.

“I’m sorry, I can’t explain it to you. We don’t know ourselves, but Willow will be home soon and hopefully she can help you find out.”

I offered her my handkerchief, which she gratefully accepted dabbing it against the rapidly spreading stains. Perhaps she was right, and Miss Willow would be able to help me unravelling the memories that had invaded my mind. Buffy stood to leave and I followed, keeping my own counsel. I felt it best if we tried to forget what had happened. We made our way to Alex’s apartment, and Buffy didn’t come in. She said goodnight to me in the car and watched as I entered the building. I let myself into the apartment, seeing Alex still sitting on the couch raised my spirits considerably.

“So that was a pretty short date. What happened? Buffy have to go pa…sleep, um go home to sleep? She must have a big day tomorrow.”

Alex babbled on until my confusion became evident to him and silence fell upon us for a moment.

“No I…er..accidentally spilled my drink on her and she decided to go home.”

Alex frowned, “Why would she go home because of that, it must have been a pretty big spill”

I turned away placing my keys on the table beside the front door. My hand drifted to the vase of flowers I’d put there after my first day of work. The blue blooms of the periwinkle and the bell shaped campanula only slightly fading now. I purposely bruised the sage leaves, noting that the unopened blossoms were falling to the tabletop.

“William, hey Will you still with me here?”

I breathed deeply letting the scent of the plants settle nerves that had been jarred by the night’s revelations. I felt Alex draw nearer, his hand settled on my shoulder briefly and I turned to face him.


#Flash of Jamie and Mark arms wrapped around each other, swaying as one to the hypnotic beat. Lips locked in a passionate kiss oblivious to the crowds around them.#


“William?”


# Jamie and Mark became Alex, and myself, lips gliding over lips, tongues tangling as passion spirals higher. Heat and want making us grind against each other in time to the throbbing pulse of the music.#


Alex shook me slightly, pulling me from the fantasy, my breath coming in quick, violent bursts, my body hard and wanting. I looked up at him, startled by his closeness, and watched as his pupils dilated in response to the heat in my own. He dropped his hand and reared back a step, swallowing nervously as I trailed after him.

“Uh I think it’s time for bed. I mean for me to go to bed. To my own bed, on my own that is, umm goodnight.”

He disappeared quickly into his room, shutting the door loudly behind him in his haste. I forced down the emotions that thundered through my body, and took myself off to my own lonely bed, and dreams of Alex. It was going to be a long night.


tbc