Crimson Regret

(((Okay, a few things.

Cristina: The thing with Anya will explain itself at one point.
QueerDragon: Sure, lets elope now *winks*

Sorry still about how slow this is going. I have so many chapters written but not typed. I’m a slacker, I know. Sorry)))

[ -- Chapter 7 -- ]

“So you really don’t know anything of why you’re here?” Buffy asked skeptically as we walked into her house.

“All I was told was that some bitch God was after the runt, I don’t know why.” I shrug and flop down on the couch.

“No. You. Up. I’m not putting you on the couch. We have an extra room since... mom died,” she looked down at the floor.

I get up, “I’m really sorry about that Buffy. Joyce was cool.”

She looked up angrily, “Cool enough for you to put a knife to her throat?”

“I’m not going to make excuses, but I wont tell you I’m sorry until you’re ready to listen,” I lock eyes with her.

“I don’t want to hear your apologies,” Buffy spat.

“Of course not, you hate me. Nothing will ever change that. But I’ll do it anyway, when the time comes.”

“What? For your own piece of mind? You’re so selfish Faith, always were.” Buffy started up the stairs but stopped when I started talking.

“You’re only half right. I want to apologize for -you- though. But I -was- selfish back then, wicked selfish. I had a fear of giving someone something of mine because I knew I wouldnt get it back. So I tried to do what made -me- feel better, but instead it just made it worse. But I wasnt the only one who was selfish, Buffy.”

She whipped around, “Me? Faith I gave everyone everything all the time!”

“No you didn’t. After Angel died you isolated yourself from everyone. Your body was there but -you- weren’t. You didn’t give your friendship to anyone. It was all about Buffy. Poor Buffy was suffering. You know what, B? I know suffering too. My whole fucking childhood was like that.” I took a breath and continued, “So I come to town, to find the other slyer. The girl that was like me and would understand. Instead I got a shell. After awhile you got better, went back to your friends. But you still didn’t really notice that I was there. Cordelia was right, you -did- use me as a tool. A convenience, a back up plan. We never hung out as just friends and it was -Joyce- who wanted me there for Christmas. What exactly did I do at the beginning to deserve that?”

“You were unstable!” She yelled.

“News flash B, slayers are unstable. You think you’re not? We see things everyday that people mearly dream about. We’re always teetering on the edge. The only different between you and me is that I jumped.”

“And that’s -my- fault?”

“Who said it was?”

“I don’t want to talk about this!” Buffy yelled as she turned around and stomped up the stairs.

I came after her and stopped her at the top of the stairs, “Well I do!”

“Well this isn’t all about what Faith wants is it?” She said coldly as she turned around to face me, making us only inches apart.

“You’re scared.”

“Scared of what?!” she screamed in my face.

“Everything. Me, you, us, the situation... You have to face this shit at some point, you know.”

Buffy was about to yell something else when realization crossed over her features and she got an evil gleam in her eye, getting closer to me until our bodies were touching full on. “I think you’re the one who’s scared.”

Heat was spreading threw my entire body to my groin from our bodies touching. She was right, I’m scared of -this- right now. “What?” I ask breathlessly.

She leaned in and whispered huskily in my ear, “I know you want me, Faith. I bet you’ve dreamt of me touching you like this...” She ran her hands down my body then up to caress my breasts and I let out a soft moan and close my eyes. “Tell me you want me, Faith.”

My body was reacting in ways I never thought it could. But this is not the way I wanted this to go, and I know she’s probably gonna turn this into a way to hurt me. But that didn’t stop me from saying quietly, “I-I want you...”

“Well guess what?” She whispered, then following with her tongue tracing the outline of my ear. She pulled back and looked at me. “You are NEVER going to have me.” She pushed me back into the wall and turned around. “You’re room is there,” she pointed, then went into hers and shit the door.

“Fuck you!” I yell and run into my room and slam the door. I was screwed.

*B knows I want her. That ruins any chance of actually getting along with her. She’ll tell the others and they’ll hate me too. Fuck, I suck. Why cant I just shut my mouth for once? Oh yeah, cause its Buffy.*

I reach for the phone and call Cordelia.

[“Hello?”]

“Cordy...” I trail off and burst into tears. I’m not one who crys too often too, but B always fucks me over like this. *God I feel weak.*

[“God Faith, what’s wrong?” she sounded concerned]

“Buffy... she...” I couldn’t stop crying *I’m such an idiot*

[“Buffy?! I’ll kick her ass, slayer or no slayer!” Cordelia was pissed, and getting up to come down to do it.]

“No Cordy don’t.” I say as I get control of my tears. “She just fucks with my head. She knows I want her, and that will screw up everything. I’ll never get along with any of them now.”

[“What did she do?”]

“Seduce me then laughed in my face when I said I wanted her.” I close my eyes not to cry again.

[“That bitch! I’ll kill her, I swear.”]

“Cordelia don’t. I’ll get by. I should go now though, I’m hungry and I want to get to bed or something. I’ll call you later, okay?” I started looking at a picture of Buffy and Dawn that was on the bedside table.

[“Okay, bye.”]

“Bye.” I hung up the phone and looked at the picture more before turning around and walking out the door.

TBC...