Healing

Part 8

Xander woke up to the feel of cool hands rubbing across his chest. It was a very pleasant feeling, one he could get used to, very fast. He only hoped that this... thing... that was happening between them wouldn't ruin the friendship they had formed. He tried to rationalize it as 'friends help each other, right?' but if he were honest, he was interested in more than friendship from Spike. He just didn't want to take advantage of the situation.

"Xan? You awake?"

"Mmm, yeah. Is it starting again?"

"Yeah, it's worse I think. I need... I need..."

"More?"

"Yeah. Christ I'm sorry pet. I just, I can't stop."

While this conversation was taking place Spike had rid Xander of his boxers, and was grinding their cocks together. Xander knew when Spike said he needed more that a simple blowjob wasn't going to do it this time. Still, it was a good place to start.

Xander rolled them both over and without wasting time on pleasantries moved down Spike's body and took him in his mouth. He sucked him hard and fast, kneading his balls as he did so. Spike came quickly, with a fierce howl, but he was hard again almost instantly. Xander took a few seconds to envy him of his recovery time before crawling back up his body and straddling him.

Xander leaned over and reached into his bedside table drawer for the tube of lubricant he kept there. He noticed as Spikes eyes got very large and a panic stricken look crossed his face.

"Shh, it's okay. It's for me. I wouldn't do that to you, I won't hurt you."

"I... I might hurt you."

"Nah, you just lie back, let me do the work. It'll be good, I promise."

"'Kay, just... hurry."

Xander could feel Spike begin to shake in pent up need. He quickly prepared himself and then put a generous amount of lube on Spike's cock. He raised himself up and then began to slowly lower himself down on the vampire.

"Don't thrust. I haven't done this in a while and you move too fast it'll hurt. If I hurt, you hurt."

Spike grit his teeth and tried not to move. He morphed into his demon face and bit into his own arm; the pain taking the edge off just enough to keep him still. He looked up at the man who was slowly sheathing him and gaped in awe. Xander was beautiful, his eyes closed tightly, head thrown back; little panting sounds erupting from him. It was almost enough to make him cum right then and there. Then Xander began to move on him. Up and down, slowly, torturously slow. Spike growled in both pleasure and frustration. Xander opened his eyes and looked at the face of the man - demon - vampire he was riding.

"Faster?"

"Yes!"

Xander picked up the pace a fraction. Spike grabbed his hips and began to thrust up toward him.

"Harder?"

"Fuck yes!"

Xander grinned and began to slam himself down on Spike. Spike thrashed underneath him, growling and snarling.

"Fuck! Xander, please!"

The desperation behind those words was more than Xander could take. He lay himself down on Spikes chest and rolled them so that Spike was on top and in control. Spike didn't hesitate to take control of the situation. He began furiously pounding into Xander, the heat of Xander’s' body driving him closer and closer to the edge. He felt Xander shudder beneath him just before his stomach was coated in hot liquid. Xander’s' muscles began to clench around his shaft and he came hard. It was better than any of the dreams he'd had. It was incredible.

Spike flopped down on Xander’s chest as his cock slipped out of his body. Xander wrapped his arms around him and held him. He realized that Spike had fallen asleep on him and he smiled. He was amazed at how good that had felt. He was glad that he was able to help Spike, it was because of him that this had happened in the first place. Spike had saved him after all, and what's a little mind-blowing sex between friends anyways? Only a good way of ruining a friendship.

Xander sighed and held Spike a little tighter. He hoped that if this was the only time this was going to happen, that they could still be friends without this being a problem. He knew however, that he would never be able to forget what had happened this night. The way Spike looked, the feel of him as he pounded him through the bed, the taste of him, and the sounds - the passionate growling noises. It was definitely something he would remember for as long as he lived. He had no regrets.

When Spike woke the next morning he was feeling a lot better, physically at least. Emotionally? Well he was mess, truth be told. He'd had sex with Xander last night. Sure he'd given it some thought over the past few days. A lot of thought if he were truly honest with himself, but he hadn't planned on actually following through on any of his shower fantasies or dreams, not this soon at least. The poison had left him in a bad place, he couldn't control himself. He'd have likely shagged the watcher if he'd been handy. Spike shuddered at the thought.

That was true, he had no choice in the matter. He would have shagged anything in order to feel release last night. But the way Xander had been with him, so responsive, so warm, so inviting. It was surreal. He just knew that he'd find a way to fuck up the only real friendship he'd ever had. Xander said he hadn't forced him, but he had. The boy had done it out of a sense of obligation. Spike had saved him from the demon, getting a lust poison in the process, and Xander had felt responsible. It made sense. It was the only thing that made sense. There was no way the boy really wanted him, he was useless, undesirable, and dirty. He was ... Beneath him.

Spike slid out of bed and dressed quickly. He new the sun would be up soon and he wanted to be out of the open before hand. He quickly left a note for Xander before heading out into the early morning.

When Xander awoke he was feeling quite good. His whole body was humming in contentment but something was off. He realized it was because he was alone and he wasn't used to waking up alone anymore. He wondered where his... friend? was. He knew things might be a little strange this morning, it was bound to be, but he hadn't expected to wake up alone. Xander pulled on a pair of cargo pants and went in search of Spike, all he found was a hastily scribbled note.

Xander,

I'm sorry about last night. I never meant to take advantage of you or our friendship that way. I should have tried to warn you, but the first effect of the poison was a paralyser. I had hoped the bath would have spared me the second effect. You were wonderful, I thank you for doing what you did, even though you felt you had no choice. Again, I'm sorry. I'm going to leave for a while, you shouldn't have to be around me after last night. I hope we can still be friends. Eventually.

Spike

Xander sat down with a heavy sigh. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. Sure he had expected some weirdness, maybe some guilt on both sides, but not total abandonment. He was supposed to be curled up in bed cuddling with Spike right now, not sitting at the table reading a note and wondering where his vampire was. Hold up! Where did the possessiveness come from? Spike was not his vampire. One night of necessary sex did not give him the right to claim ownership with the vamp.

"Christ this is fucked up!"


Spike managed to get to the sewer entrance before sunrise, he went back to his crypt as he had nowhere else to go. He was glad he had the foresight to occupy a crypt with tunnel access. He flopped down on his bed and tried to sort out how he felt about the previous night. It wasn't easy. He hadn't had any kind of sex with a man since Angelus almost a century ago... Until he had been raped. And now, last night, he had had sex with Xander. The fact that Xander was human just compounded the whole situation. He could understand how Angel lost his soul now, all that warmth? Amazing.

Spike replayed the events in his mind from start to finish, focusing on recalling Xander’s reactions to everything. He realized that maybe he had made a mistake in running away that morning. Xander did seem to enjoy himself, and other than the fact that Spike left him hard and without release after the first blow-job, he couldn't think of anything he might have done to hurt Xander.

He did feel bad about what had happened, it should never have been like that. If he had decided to bed Xander, it should have been because they both wanted it, wanted each other. Not because one of them had uncontrollable urges and the other was there. It was unfair to both of them, their first time together would always be less than perfect, about lust instead of love.

Spike shook his head. When did love come into the equation?

"I don't love the boy, I like him, he's my friend. He makes me feel safe, takes care of me, keeps my secrets. He's a good man, funny, smart, caring, sexy. He has those big brown eyes that bore right into your soul..."

Fuck! He loved him. William the Bloody - Spike - Master vampire, was in love with a mortal, a mortal man at that.

"Bleedin' 'ell! This is a buggered up mess!"