Swan Song

A century of waiting, dreaming and hoping had come bundled in a package of razor wire. Gabriel had watched his sire slowly disintegrate as the days went by. One minute he was... he was William, sane and talkative, joking about this or that, the next he was... someone else. Not Spike. Spike was an offshoot mix of William and facade. This new personality was silent and withdrawn, barely speaking a word for hours, much less, moving from wherever he had perched. Usually the window seat, looking out at the day. In the full sun streaming through the panes he literally glowed, milk and marble.
"At least that seems to make him happy..." Hanako sighed. The sun-ward on the house had been her doing, bending space and casting a very powerful magic, the demoness was able to gift a bit of daylight to her friend as a birthday gift. Now it seemed to be one of the few things keeping his sire and beloved together. The incident in the bathroom had terrified him.
He listened for as long as he could, and when he heard frightened, panicked noises coming from behind the door, he forced it open. Spike was coiled on the floor, nails bloody and broken from digging into the lid of the toilet seat. His pupils were huge, the barest corona of sapphire around onyx.
"William..." Spike screamed then, and bolted blindly, crashing around like a sparrow flown in the window. The only thing Gabriel could to was try to net him before he smashed into something and broke his neck.
It was no easy feat to capture his sire, pinning his arms to his body and holding him still until the fit ended. The demon within him growled its frustration in his ear, telling him to bleed the psychotic vampire, weaken him until he wasn't able to fight anymore. Gabriel swallowed it back down like a bitter pill, accepting the bruises and contusions he knew would heal quickly enough. Held on until his muscles screamed to give. He felt something pull and agony shot up into his shoulder. An hour passed and the struggles ceased, Spike's unseeing eyes closing on whatever horrors had set him into that state, and he slept, limp against Gabriel's battered chest.
Smoothing sweat-limped hair back from his s's f's forehead, Gabriel just rocked him for a long moment before lifting the limp body into his arms, swaying slightly from the pain of it, and walking towards the door. Fingers tightening in his shredded shirt gave him pause, and he looked down, heart further aching at the tears streaming down Spike's face.
That had been the start, he tht aht as he watched Spike watch the world. Just the start. Gabriel didn't know how to breach the subject to his sire. He never seemed to remember the frequenting episodes, just woke from them fresh as if it were merely sleep. He'd always be in good spirits afterwards, smiling, and his old self. For a while, in any event.

Birds. It had been more than a century since Spike was able to sit and watch birds dive and wheel in the sky. Not that he'd wanted to all that time, but now, suddenly, they held some sort of attraction he couldn't place. So free, no worries, no problems. He wanted to be a bird, he realized. He wanted the ability to fly fast and far from the pain that clutched at his still heart. To chase the sun, to stay in it's warm light where shadowed demons couldn't pluck his tailfeathers, clip his wings.
He liked the windows. It had scared the hell out of him; the first time Gabriel pulled back the curtain to let some liontoonto the plants. When he realized the light wouldn't hurt him, he spent the rest of the day staring out at the California sky, finding himself on the verge of tears at the sight of the Bridge and the bay... the bay. A wave of sapphire and diamonparkparkling so beautifully in the bright light.
Now he spent part of every day sunning, watching the birds in the yard, the specks of gulls only a vampire or falcon could possibly see swirling and diving around the spires of the great crimson suspension bridge. It helped him forget that he was often missing parts of his day. Moreover, that his beloved was starting to look at him a touch strangely. Did he know? Did he suspect? Pressing his palm against the glass, he felt the warm without. How easy tnch nch through the pane and...
"Willi--
Startled out of his reverie, Spike started, jumping backwards and cracking his skull against the wall as his shoulder was touched. He looked up at Gabriel with panic growing in his eyes, and he just managed to crush down an ak. k. Barely. Automatically his body tensed up as his Childe stroked over his unkempt hair, feeling the fingers move in a subtle search for injury from the bump even as a casual smile tinged with worry spread over his face.
"I'm going to start lunch if you're hungry. I was thinking maybe..."
"Whatever you like. I'm... not very hungry right now."
"Why don't you go lie down? On the other hand, just rest here. Yook.ook... I know you didn't get much sleep last night. I heard you pacing in the halls."
"Just wasn't that tired, luv. Used to sleeping days. Don't worry about it. And I'll eat a bite later. Catching up on ird ird watching." He offered a soft, sweet smile, which Gabriel accepted, heading back to the kitchen. God, he loved him. He wanted to tell him that he couldn't sleep, and when he did, the nightmares were so bad...
Desperately he wanted to be Spike again. Cool, calm, tougher than nails. Always with a witty comeback. But Spike was almost dead, a thin wraith barely clinging to his heels by ragged stitches. And with Spike's armor gone, William was laid bare to Angelus' tortures. Spike had used the last of his energy escaping. Telling that little red-haired pest-friend of the Slayer what he knew with joy. Even his confrontation with the officer... that had been William with Spike's shroud wrapped around him, trying so hard to be himself again....
And what of William? Who was he now? Was he the same William, the gentle-hearted poet who loved with all his soul and was returned pain for it? Was he stronger now? Weaker? He wasn't even sure he was still WilliaHe fHe felt like someone else... and increasingly often like he was looking down on himself, watching himself move about the house, but it wasn't him.
Then who was he?