Remember Me

Chapter 6 - Word Association

Buffy thought she was in love with him, what was he going to do?
Spike paced in the hallway outside of their rooms trying to mull over
his next step. The doctor had specified that Buffy needed rest and
asked that Spike try not to excite or expose her to any undue stress.
Would the truth about their relationship cause either of those things?
He wasn't sure and with Buffy's health he would never take the
chance. So for now he had to just play along until she regained her
memory.

He stepped into the room they shared, glancing briefly at the bed
where Buffy was napping. God, she was beautiful. He watched her
for a few moments, until she began to stir quietly. Walking quickly
over he took a seat on the mattress beside her. He ran his hands
through her silky hair in an effort to soothe her jerky movements.

"Will?" Buffy asked as she swam back up to consciousness.

"Yes, luv?" Spike asked, still petting her hair softly. His heart skipped
a beat at the smile she graced him with once her eyes had focused
on his face.

"I'm sorry you had to miss the dinner last night." Buffy's bottom lip
protruded in a self-deprecating pout.

"No worries, luv." He kissed her lightly on the cheek. "I've explained
the situation. The director gave me a handout of the events this
week, so I didn't miss much, just the long-winded speeches. So I
really owe you a thanks." Spike smiled down at her.

Buffy felt herself longing to be encircled by Will's strong arms. He
was the most understanding, gentlest, sweetest man she knew.
Shuffling forward she propelled herself onto his lap, wrapping her own
arms around his waist and nuzzling her face into his chest. Spike's
arms went around her automatically, holding her close.

"Mmmm." Buffy sighed in contentment. "I love you." She lifted her
head slightly and placed a swift kiss on the underside of his jaw.

Spike felt a curious sting at the words. Words he'd wanted to hear for
years. How ironically bittersweet were they now? She believed she
loved him only because he fhe few vague memories she still had of
their hastily arranged 'engagement'. Those vague memories coupled
with the feelings she really did have for him as a friend had her
confused and Spike miserable.

"I love you too, Buffy." Spike managed to choke out. "Are you feeling
any better, luv?"

Buffy snuggled herself deeper onto Spike's lap. "Much better now."
She supplied.

Unfortunately for Spike, Buffy's wriggling on his lap was affecting him
in several different ways. He loved the fact that she wanted to cuddle
with him, and that doing so made her feel 'much better'. Her quiet
words and affectionate actions boosted his male ego to new heights.
But the wriggling and rubbing were causing him to reach other more
physical heights as well.

He could already feel his arousal lengthening and hoped that Buffy
didn't feel it as well. When she moved to cuddle closer and pressed
her bottom down against his lap et oet out an involuntary groan.

Buffy smiled to herself. She could feel Will's hard length beneath her,
which caused a pulse of desire to shoot through her entire body. She
pressed her bottom down to rub against his arousal, at the same time
that she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. When he groaned
again, she took the opportunity presented and thrust her tongue into
his open mouth.

Buffy shifted positions, straddling Will's body with her own. She
groher her hips down, pressing her womanhood against the growing
bulge in Will's trousers.

Spike's mind was lost to desire. His hands had reached for her
breasts of their own volition. He kneaded them now, gently, swiping
the hard tips with his thumbs. When Buffy moaned and arched
further into his touch, Spike felt a deep satisfaction. He pulled away
from their kiss to drop his mouth down and suck a firm nipple through
the thin fabric of her nightshirt.

"Yes, Will." Buffy moaned. "Oooh."

What was he doing? Just because Buffy thought they were engaged,
didn't mean they actually were. If he made love to her now, no matter
how much she seemed to want it, he'd be taking advantage of her
condition. And Buffy would never forgive him. With effort, Spike
pulled away from her lusciously aroused body.

"Luv?" He waited until Buffy focused on his face once more. "We
can't."

"What? Why?" Buffy was confused, and feeling decidedly put out.
Did he not want her?

Spike bit his bottom lip, trying to think of a rational explanation. He
could say the doctor had ordered it, but since she had been awake
and conscious during the doctor's big spiel on needing rest, etc. he
didn't think she'd buy it. "Because, you don't remember, but you
wanted to wait until we we're married." He finally decided was the
only acceptable excuse.

"Oh." Buffy thought about that for a moment. "I did?"

Spike only nodded.

"So, it's not because you don't want me?" Buffy asked quietly,
glancing down in embarrassment.

Spike was stunned. How could she think that? "How could you think
that, luv?" He echoed his thoughts aloud. He rolled his hips. "Can't
you feel how much I want you?"

"Yesss." Buffy hissed out her own arousal having yet to abate. "I
just..."

When Buffy didn't elaborate, Spike turned them so that she was once
again sitting on his lap. Her face turned away, her back leaning up
against his hard chest. "You just what, luv?" He kissed the crown of
her head in reassurance.

"I just...have all these memories of us. How cute you looked when we
met. How smart you are. The times we've been out together, our
friends, buying the ring." She shrugged. "But...I don't have any
memories of...you know...*us*."

"Oh." Spike took in her answer. So she remembered almost
everything. Everything except for the fact that their engagement
wasn't real. "Well, that's because you wanted to wait." He reminded
her.

"But..." Buffy chewed on her bottom lip. Her hand came down to
cover the one Will had draped over her stomach. "I don't even have
any memories of us really kissing, except recently at the airport. And
definitely no serious make out sessions." Buffy blushed from her
head down to her toes.

There was nothing for him to do but lie. "Well, Buffy, there definitely
have been several heavy petting sessions. I don't know why you
don't remember." He sighed. He hated to lie to her. He'd hate it
even more when she regained her memory and found out. Would
she resent him for having kept the truth a secret?

Buffy took his sigh to mean something else entirely. "Oh, Will! I'm so
sorry I don't remember. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you. The
doctor said it was normal."

"No worries, Buffy." Spike hastened to cut off her apology. "Maybe
we can do something to help you regain your memory."

"Like what?" Buffy asked, intrigued.

"Well, what about word association?"

"Word association?" Buffy looked doubtful.

"Sure, I'll say a word and you say the first thing that comes to your
mind. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Home." Spike began.

"Sunnydale."

"Good!" Spike praised her. "Friend."

"Willow."

"Work." "Studio."

"Family." "Mom."

"Lorne." "Tara."

"Cordelia." "Queen." Spike raised his eyebrow at that one, but kept s chs chuckle in.

"Trip." "Island."

"Ring." "Ruby."

"Engagement." "Love."

"Love." "You." And then she kissed him.

"Will?"

"Mmm?"

"Instead of trying to regain my old memories..." She ducked her head
shyly. "Can we just make new ones?"

He groaned. Now what was he supposed to do?

***

Thankfully Spike had been able to remember that there was an event
that he ha att attend. He left Buffy laying on the beach with
instructions to head inside the second she felt light-headed or in
anyway other than normal. She nodded, told him he worried too
much then gave him a kiss goodbye.

Spike was currently sitting in an auditorium listening to an author
speak about the different techniques she used to create her own
paper. She was one of those wacky authors who did everything
themselves. She actually made her own paper! Although he had to
admit her books had a definite esoteric appeal, they just weren't for
the masses. The amount of money it took to produce them was way
too high for the average book buyer.

It was interesting though, if he could keep his mind on it. Instead he
had images of an aroused Buffy dancing through his head. He had
known when the fact that they would essentially be engaged for a
week had sunk in, that he would have certain intimate moments with
Buffy. He just hadn't counted on this! His groin tightened at the
remembered feel of her on his lap.

How was he supposed to put her off until her memory returned?
What if it took all week? Or worse even longer? What would their
friends say when they returned to Sunnydale? Maybe that was the
answer. Maybe he needed some advice from friends. Spike slipped
out the back of the room and headed back up toward their suite.

Dialing, he waited impatiently for Wesley to pick up. Of the three
close friends he had, Wesley would be the most levelheaded; the one
who would probably give the most sage advice.

"Hello?"

"Wes." Spike greeted. "I need your help."

Once Spike had finished telling Wesley the details of his problem, he
heard the other Brit whistle in sympathy. "That definitely is a
problem."

"I know. What do you think? Should I just tell her the truth." Spike
asked anxiously.

"Well, I think you might be right in that it could cause some over
excitement. You might be wise to wait it out."

"But how can I?" Spike practically wailed. "Do you understand how
hard this is on me?"

"Oh, I'm sure it's *hard*." Wes chuckled. Spike scowled, though the
other man couldn't see it. "But you'll just have to live through it, my
good man. She'll regain her memory eventually."

"But will she hate me when she does?" Spike asked.

Wes sighed. His friend could be completely blind sometimes. "No, I
don't think she will. You and Buffy have had a very strong
relationship for many years. I don't think she'd throw that away over
something like this. When you clearly only have her own best
interests at heart."

"But it was all my fault she agreed to come on this stupid trip in the
first place." Spike answered.

"Yes, but those things can be forgiven. And I'm sure they will. She
loves you Will." Wesley tried to inform him. Even without having
Willow tell him of the fact, he could see for himself whenever the
wayward couple were together that they were besotted with each
other.

"Yes, I know, as a friend. As I love her." Spike answered by rote.

"Well, good luck then." Wes offered. "I've got to go, I'm already late
picking up Willow."

"Okay. Thanks Wes." Spike hung up the phone dejectedly. Wes
hadn't been much help. All he'd done was reinforce Spike's original
decision to play along with Buffy's incomplete memories. He hadn't
told Spike *how* he was supposed to do that, though.