The Harsh Light of Day

Note: I know it is sad, but we have to move
on don’t we. Spike will, probably, this can’t be the first time the vamp has a
lost a loved one because they could die, and he can’t.

 

The Harsh Light of Day

Xander thoughts={{
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Spike thoughts=[[
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Chapter 8

 

Spike was in the house. He had made it there fine.
He was just now getting grips on what had happened. Xander had been kidnapped,
and then killed, drained, by someone who he had trusted, and became friends
with. Xander was dead. Dead because of Spike. Spike didn’t know how he made it.
How, or why he even wanted to. He knew he had to tell the others. He just
didn’t know how. How did you tell your friends that a stupid mistake had gotten
their best friend killed, and that the mistake had been your fault? God he
should have just slept with the bloody Slayer. At least no one would have died,
and he could have cleared everything up at least half decently. He decided to
call the witch first. It was 2:00 in the morning.

Willow answered and he said simply
that he needed to talk to everyone the next day as early as she could get
everyone at his house. She was sleepy, but agreed to have everyone there by 11:00
am at the latest.

He hung up. He had no energy. He didn’t even have energy enough to
think. His Xander was gone. The man he lived for, or didn’t whatever way you
thought about it, gave for, and gave up for, was dead. And then Spike did
something he hadn’t done in years. He fell face down on the bed and cried. He
cried until he fell sleep. He was pretty sure he cried in his sleep. He would
wake up to Xander’s wet pillow; remember what happened, and then cry himself to
slell oll over again.

And when the group showed up the
next day panicked because Spike never called a meeting at 2 in the morning for
11:00 the next day, he woke up crying.

The group was hysterical, and so
was he. He couldn’t get out much. He locked himself up in the bathroom like a
common mortal, and cried some more till he calmed down enough to go out there.

“Are we all here?” he asked
shakily.

“Yeah everyone but Angel. We
couldn’t get a hold of him.” Willow answered.

“Ok. Yeah that’s good.” Spike was
numb to the thought of Angel.

“I know this isn’t normal. I’m
weird, and I’m all mushy, and crying, and very girly, but. I don’t know how
bloody else to act.”

“Spike. Something is wrong with
you. Now spit it out.” Buffy ushered. He looked around. Everyone was indeed
there. Buffy, Willow, Tara, Giles, Riley, even Dawn and Jamie. So he told them.
He told them of the debt, and what he had to do and how he wouldn’t do it. He
told how Angel had taken Xander to the hotel, and about the girl, and the talk.
He told Buffy of Angel’s betrayal. The group, owed, and awed, at eh right
times, they got made, and sad and worried just the same. Then he got to the
end, and he cried again. When the rest caught o hio his foreshadowing they too
began to cry because they knew what he was going to say next.

“And he said he was really sorry he
had to do this. He said it twice actually. Then…then he just bit him, and drank
him, and sucked him dry till there was nothin’ left, and he threw him at some
girl who toted him off somewhere. I don’t even know where.” They were all
crying. Hating to think Xander was gone, and horrified that Spike had to stand
there helpless and watch.

“What did you do then?” Dawn asked
softly.

“I got in me car, drove home,
called Willow, laid down, cried my eyes, and that is how you found me.

“I’ll kill him.” She murmured
softly.

“What was that Slayer?”

“I’ll fucking kill him.” Buffy
stood up ready to stomp out the door, and run off to her broody ex-boyfriend,
and kill him into a million dust particles. She would probably scoop him up,
and keep it as a trophy. Giles topped her on the way there. She pd hid him away
so hard he landed flat on his ass in shock. Spike was next. Her strength was a
clear match for hi. It was e. Sh. She pounded at him and punched at him, he
took it, but didn’t let her pass. He pounded at his chest until she broke down,
and he had to catch her on the way down to the ground. He followed her down,
and they were all crying again. Like a bunch of babies, but they didn’t care.
He hugged her close, and the others all found a spot to break down into their
own little world. Their lives would never be the same. It was all clear now.
Xander was gone

 

3 days later

They had never found a body. Yet
they gave him what could have resembled a funeral. It wasn’t one really, more
of a memorial. It had a note of finality to it. Everyone had stopped crying,
save Willow, and Spike. Buffy had fallen into herself, and was capable of
pretty much nothing. Giles was quiet. He had cried the first day like everyone
else. He did his work, but he never said a word. Now you have to understand,
after spike had helped the group when needed, but when he became an all out
ally, demons and vamps a like left for fear of death. The hell mouth was no
more of a danger anymore than any other city. But Giles went about his work.
Tara had once asked if he was okay, because he was so quiet. She knew he wasn’t
though. All he had said was,

“It just doesn’t seem worth it
anymore.” And he shut his book, dropping it to the ground.

Jamie didn’t know what was going on.
She was a small 5-year-old girl, and everywhere around her all she found was
sadness. She didn’t know why, but every time her uncle Xander was brought up
everyone got quiet or cried. And every time she wanted to see him she couldn’t
and then she would cry too.

They had all however taken to
watching Spike. Every that is but, Buffy. She was shut up in her room, and
would do nothing, but stare into space. She wouldn’t even eat unless Willow was
there to feed her. And it had to be Willow. Not even Giles could get near her.
So they all took turns staying with Spike. Most of the time it was the whole
group with him, except every day at certain times when Willow was with Buffy.
It was the same time everyday. The group fell into a soon familiar routine.
They all seemed to live for Spike and Buffy now.

2 weeks later

“Bloody hell! Let me go.” The whole
group was trying to pull the vampire into the darkness of his curtained living
room. They had his arms, and waist. He was till a pretty good match for them
though. They didn’t have Buffy there to back them up. Spike, during the night,
had decided he couldn’t handle the pain, and decided to put an end to it. It
was the first and only time he had ever loved someone so much. Compared to the
last 3 weeks, a walk in the sun sounded like good peachy fun.

“Spike. Get your ass back in here.”
Willow groaned while yanking on an arm. “This is no way to go.”

“It’s a perfectly jolly way to go.”


“Buffy. Now would be a good time to
come back to the real world.” They slightly glanced in her direction. She had
been moved into the mansion a few days earlier to be watched better. Spike had
been a living hell. He stopped eating, and he retreated into himself a little
more each day. In the past 2 days he had gone into the same state as Buffy,
staring off into space, and refusing any blood offered to him, human or not.
Then he had woken up this morning being perfectly chipper. He had woken up,
gotten a cup f hot human blood, said good morning, and walked into the living
room with everyone else. He sat for about 30 minutes to watch a show; he washed
out his cup, and then calmly as could be just sauntered up to the front door
and opened it. Tara who had been by the window pulled him down to the ground
where she was sitting just after the first rays burnt his arms and chest. Then
he got back up. Giles had immediately slammed the door and locked it. That’s
when the fun began. Spike started to struggle against Giles, and everyone got
in on it. So here they were trying to keep what seemed to be a perfectly sane
vampire 30 minutes ago from committing suicide. Surprisingly Buffy did come to
. Bu. But she took her grand old time doing it. She didn’t snap out of it like
a trance. She simply lifted her head sadly, and got up. She didn’t help the
group hold him back. She simply sat on the floor at Spike’s feet, and started
talking. Her voice was low, and sad, yet understanding, almost prophetic. It
was very Dru like.

“I saw you earlier Spike. You were
calm. You were normal. It was like he was here again. That was why you were so
calm wasn’t it. You knew you were going to do this to yourself, and you were at
peace with the idea. You just wanted to do it with a bit of dignity.” Spike
stopped struggling. He pulled away from everyone. He fell down beside Buffy.

“I just can’t see how things can
get better.” He whispered. And she hugged him. She pulled him close to her
chest and held him there while stroking his hair. She whispered soothing things
in his ear and she held herself together. She was back. She had pulled herself
out of that dark place. She had known what was around her. She just didn’t
care. Xander made her care, and so she cared for Spike.

 

They bonded that day. The Slayer,
and the vampire. It was more than a relationship like that of hers and Angel’s.
It was so much more. They had connected on so many levels.

It would be cliché to say that
things got better after that. That one moment of emotion spurred renewed life,
but it didn’t. It was a bright spot in their few days. It didn’t get better. It
did get worse. Everyone broke down all over again. But things had changed.
Buffy wasn’t zoning out. Neither was Spike. They both had their moments, but
that was what they were, moments. The two clung to each other like they should
have continued to do after the incident when Buffy wanted to kill Angel. They
found that the worst thing they could do was stay alone. They were inseparable.
They slept in the same bed; they did everything you would do with someone that
you were afraid to leave. They held onto each other as though if they let go
they would spiral into darkness. Things got back onto routine a bit, but Buffy
was still with Spike. The others would simply come by every few hours, and one
would stay the night. They didn’t pull away from each other, but they first
time in about a month they were not afraid to open the door, and go outside.

 

Which is what they did. Buffy made
patrols again, going out every few nights. It took time before Spike would go
with her, but eventually he did. Yet they felt they were missing something
other than Xander. It just didn’t feel right.

 

“I have brought you a gift Spike.
Buffy said before bed one night.

“Oh really Slayer? What would that
be?”

“You’ll have to wait.” She got up
and wento tto the living room. Spike nearly fell off of the bed trying to
follow with his eyes. She came back into the room with several things, a small
closed, box with a lock on it. She also held two crystal wine glasses and a
bottle of champagne. She had a large smile on her face. She did seem unusually
happy this past week.

“I just go the lock today. I didn’t
want to spoil the surprise. I finally found what we were looking for.” She said
referring to the something that had been bothering them, and had seemed off for
the past while. She set the glasses down and opened the bottle.

“Well. Open she said.”

“I think it requires a key of some
sort pet.” Spike said.

“Oh yeah silly me.” She pulled a
shiny silver key from her bra.

“How cliché.” He said

“Couldn’t think of a better spot.” She
smiled. He placed the key in the lock and turned. He lifted it up slowly, and
was surprised to find hardly anything.

“Don’t you like it? I thought there
would singing and dancing. Or at least cursing of some form.” Buffy was
puzzled.

“What is it Buffy. It’s just a bit
of dust and ashes mixed with bits of metal chains.”

“Not just any dust. Au de Angel.
And the bits of chains are from the cross I put around his neck before I shoved
a nice piece of wood through his gut, and liver, and lungs, and a nice strike
to his manly bits before a quick stab through the ole blood ticker.”

“You killed Angel?”

“Quite slowly actually. I would
have done you proud my dear Spike.

“Well then I think we should
celebrate, and then put his little beauty,” he was referring to the box. “On
the mantle.” He grabbed a glass that was now full, and they toasted to the
painful stabbing of his grand-sire’s manly bits.

 

The celebrated for hours. Then they
went to sleep, with each other like always. The high would be over by morning.
They would feel better, but still irreversibly depressed. There was still the
fact of the matter that no body had been found, and probably never would be,
and that was the closure they needed, just as much as a dead Angel. But they
would feel better. There was only one thing for Spike to say now.

“Buffy. Where the bloody hell was I
when this happened, and why couldn’t I come with?”

 

Note: don’t you
just love how I keep killing off all of your favorite people. I’ll pay for it
sooner or later I know. Everyone loves Xander, Spike, and Angel. Now I’ve
killed Xander and Angel. What do you think I’ll do with our precious Spike?
I’ve already tried to kill him once. Do you dare me to do it again? Huh? Come
on. Do ya?