Complement

XXXIII - Heal Me
(Part G)

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She clung to Buffy like she was her lifeline and in some ways she was right now. She felt almost nauseous from the rollercoaster ride her emotions were taking her on. Everything, not just the last few weeks was flashing through her mind. From the very first time her mother had hit her, to accidentally staking A Fin Finch, to trying to claw the blood off her hands, to finding love with Buffy, to being in Glory's hell, to their night at the waterfall, to earlier today. The voices in her head were screaming, scratching, clawing, all trying to be heard. From her mother's to Johnny's, to the scared, abused, small child that lived inside of her, to the voice that had always been her, to Angel's, to Buffy's, everyone she had ever known, all of them, all at once and she just wanted them all to, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

And surprisingly enough they did and when they did, the rollercoaster ride her emotions had been on came to a screeching halt. She snuggled in deeper to Buffy, loosening her death hold, her tears slowing and then finally stopping.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to ruin everything." She mumbled jaggedly into Buffy's neck.

"You didn't ruin anything baby... You couldn't..." Buffy softly told her, "Are you ready to talk about it?"

Faith just shook her head no against Buffy's neck. She needed a few minutes to try to process all of it. Make some semblance out of it, figure out what the hell just happened.

"Okay... that's okay... I'll be right here ready, you know when you're ready. I'll be ready to listen, when you're ready... To talk and I'll... Did umm... that make sense?"

Faith didn't have to look to know that Buffy's face had that cute scrunched up look she got when she was confused. "Yeah B, it did..." she half chuckled and while she was still feeling vulnerable, exposed, raw, being held by Buffy right now made her feel peaceful, sheltered and protected too. She wanted to keep that feeling so she whispered softly, "Just hold me for a while..."

"Always... always Fai..."
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She rested against Buffy trying to gather her thoughts together now that the carnival ride in her head had stopped. Talking about her feelings, asking for help, expressing her fears still didn't come easily for her. She wondered if it ever would. She was tired of always being a hairsbreadth away from losing everything she worked so hard to achieve, of always being a fraction of an inch away from losing the life she had struggled, suffered untold pain to build before she opened her mouth or reached out. She was tired of the part of herself that lived in fear and let that fear control her. And she was tired of always fighting for everyone else but herself, of always putting everyone else's needs, wants, dreams, all of it, above her own. There was nothing that said at times she couldn't come first or at least what she wanted, needed for herself couldn't be equal with those she loved.

All those years of feeling worthless, second best, no good, hating herself and a host of other emotions that pushed, helped her to drag herself down into the gutter and turn herself into exactly what she had been told she was her whole life were over. She had no intention of living up or down as it were to their expectations of her anymore, the only person's expectations she was going to live up to from now on were her own. She had been allowing herself to fall into old habits, had been following that downward spiral again, listening to those subtle sly voices from her past, instead of listening to the voice in her head that was her and listening to her heart and soul. And that was going to end right here, right now, she could still feel them, the voices of her past in there waiting for their chance and she knew if she remained silent they would get that chance. She was still a little confused, still worried, still felt raw, exposed and vulnerable, but she wasn't going to let that stop her.

She sat up, gently detangling herself from Buffy. She reached out and pulled Buffy up until she sat facing her. She almost started to cry again, when Buffy reached out and softly, tenderly brushed the wet tracks of her tears from her face.

"Over the last few weeks I've felt like I was losing you B. At first, I thought it was kinda cute, you babbling all the time and just thought you were feeling stressed out. Since you always babble when you're stressed, like you did during finals.The first week or so it didn't really bother me – bother me – in a bad way - that we weren't spending a lot of time together, I just figured you were busy with the dojo and other stuff. I mean, I know we can't be together twenty-four hours a day like we are here but... As the days went on, I realized that you were avoiding me and not just being alone or in the same room with me, but avoiding actually talking to me about anything. I walked into a room and you practically ran out of it. If I asked you a question about us or started to talk about things we've planned together, you either found a reason to not talk then or started babbling about everything but that and never answering me. And you started looking at me in this sad, worried sort of way. And I couldn't quite figure out what it meant." She stopped and gnawed on her bottom lip in frustration, none of this was coming out right.

"I could feel all different types of things from you through our bond. Fear, confusion, sadness and I didn't have a clue where it was coming from. I just knew that you were hiding something from me and that you were afraid. I should have said something then but I didn't. I started to get scared, worried and I pulled away. And... and it just kept getting worse, my stomach was in constant knots and these thoughts I didn't want to be having about us, about our relationship started to creep in. I was terrified of what you were going to tell me and ashamed of what I was beginning to think. By the time the day arrived for us to leave to come here, I thought you were going to leave me, I thought that even though you still loved me, what we had just wasn't enough or right for you. I could feel you pulling away from me and not just physically, but inside too. But I pushed it down that day, I tried to ignore it, I tried not to let the fear own me. I wanted to believe that you would come to me, tell me what was going on, I wanted to trust what I knew in my heart, soul about you, about us and not what my head was trying to tell me." She stopped again and ran a trembling hand through her hair thinking how odd it was to be having this conversation right now. Most people would have had this conversation prior to spending the last few hours fucking and making love, more passionately, more intensely then they ever had before, not after.

Would they ever do things in any remotely normal way?

"I thought I had beaten them back too B. I mean it seemed like it, it seemed like things were a little more normal when we got back to the cottage. But then we went to the barbeque at Lily's and it was there again. The fear, the doubt, the insecurities and it got all confusing. I started to blame myself; convince myself that it was me. That somehow I was pushing you away, doing something wrong, forcing you to not want to be with me. Thinking I wasn't good enough, wondering why you'd ever want to be with someone like me. It was confusing, I couldn't figure out how it was I knew you loved me, were in love with me and at the same time, I was having these thoughts, these feelings and I overloaded. And I put it all on my shoulders, it was all my fault, it was me that was pushing you into doing something that I couldn't even bear to think about. I had fucked up again, I wasn't good enough, just like I always had been and I felt like I was betraying you, betraying us and all we are together." She took a shaky breath, she wasn't done yet, she had yet to admit to Buffy what she had thought was going on between her and Lily. She was ashamed of those thoughts and she dropped her eyes from Buffy's.
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Buffy reached out and grasped both of Faith's hands with her own. It was amazing how they could share this deep bond, share their feelings, see images of what the other was thinking and yet still be both so insecure as to doubt what was there. She had those same thoughts, feeling, had been going through something very similar over the last few weeks as Faith, though for different reasons. She took her own shaky breath realizing how very close they had come to pushing each other away, but thanks to the Immortals, they hadn't. She couldn't help wonder how they had gotten to that point in the first place. She let go of one of Faith's hands. She reached up, tucked a stray piece of hair behind Faith's ear, then gently cupped her face, her thumb brushing softly against her cheekbone. A small sigh of relief escaped her when Faith leaned into her touch and slowly raised her eyes back up to her own.

Their eyes locked, Faith's words echoed through both of their minds and in that brief second they shared a sort of epiphany, it wasn't on any real conscious level, it was just simply an innate ing.ing. Not only about themselves, but about each other. Earlier today they both had an inkling, a beginning, a start at understanding what had happened, not only right now, but the last few weeks, over the last year and what they had been deluding themselves into thinking.

And they drifted together into that space, into that place they shared because of their bond. Only this was the first time they had ever gone there while completely awake and not while they were meditating, like they had when Glory had them. Here in this place between waking and sleeping they could see, feel each other and hear without actual words what the other was saying and thinking. It was a concept that neither could grasp in a tangible way, it just simply was.
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They had been naïve to think that a year was enough time to heal all the wounds they had both suffered, more so for Faith, than Buffy. After all that had happened to Faith in her short lifetime, they realized that a very small part of Faith would always carry the fear of being rejected, of not being good enough, worthy enough to be loved, of being abused, and of being once more left broken and all alone.

And Buffy was old enough, despite her age and even wise enough to realize now, that the lessons taught during childhood are the hardest ones to overcome. Realized just now in this in-between place, how naïve that belief had been to think that one year filled with love, happiness and so much more, could change, fade, eliminate all the years of abuse, pain and mental torture that Faith had endured.

And Faith in her desperation, in her need to put the past behind her as quickly as possible, as far as possible away from her and move on, had convinced herself, made herself believe that they were dead, they were gone, that they had become unlearned. It wasn't until today and right now in this in-between place, she realized just how naïve that belief had been.

Childhood lessons are the ones that shaped a person, who they became, how they not only saw themselves but how others saw them. They are lessons carried throughout a person's lifetime. And Faith had been taught the same lessons over and over again during her childhood and then yet again in Glory's hell. Taught, she was no good, was disgusting, worthless, unlovable, trash, a whore, a plaything, taught them cruelly, harshly, callously, sadistically with brutal words, blows and in other ways that neither of them could bear to think about. But the images, the lessons came to them anyway. She had been taught those lessons... and taught them... and taught them... time after time, until she believed them, until she became them, until they had become constant whispers in her ears, in her head, and until they had become permanent scars etched upon her soul.

Scars they both foolishly thought had faded away into nothing. Scars, they both now realized might fade, but might also never fade completely away. Not even with the most tender loving care, not even with years filled with love and laughter. They were scars, memories, lessons etched in the deepest, remotest part of Faith's soul and they might always own a piece of her soul. They would rear their hideous heads from time to time, perhaps in a nightmare or a chill down the spine or an ingrained flinch from a known loving hand or an irrational reaction to a seemly perfectly normal situation. And rear their heads they had, over the last few weeks.

And they both knew they should have seen it, they should have felt it, but they hadn't. In their foolishness, in their need to heal, they had thought they had laid the last of those fears to rest.

But they knew better now and the knowing could only make them stronger, wiser.
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And Buffy knew it wasn't a burden, nor a chore this knowledge, it was a blessing that only strengthened her love for Faith even more. A blessing that would open her eyes just that much wider, allow her to see things that she had failed to notice before. She would gladly spend every day; every minute if need be, of her life reassuring, proving with actions and words to her Dark Slayer, her soul-mate that she was none of those thing. Show her instead all the beautiful things she was and show her that she was very loved and that Buffy loved her, unconditionally, the good, the bad, all of her and would throughout eternity. That she would do everything and anything within her power to help Faith keep the scars and the fears that lived inside of her, might live there for the rest of her life, at bay.
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And Faith knew that she had been afraid to admit that the scars, the hurt, even the fear was there still, not always, but sometimes. Afraid perhaps because she might be seen as weak, if she had a nightmare, or a flashback – daymare, or flinched in fear from a loving touch or that for no reason at all she couldn't bear the thought of being touched by anyone after all this time had past. As if there were a timetable on how long it took to heal from the things that had been inflicted, forced upon her and she had long since passed the expiration date.

Faith knew just how stupid that was. Another knowing came to her, it was never others who saw her as weak, it was only herself who saw her that way. In one of those rare moments of clarity she saw exactly how strong inside she really was, finally getting a glimpse of the inner strength that others saw and that had helped her survive all that had happened to her. It empowered her and in doing so it took away a little of the power her fears held. Admitting to it, to her fears, didn't make her weak, it made her human. As she drifted in this in-between place she KNEW that she wasn't alone, that she never would be and if she needed to she could always turn to Buffy and Buffy would do everything in her power to help her keep those fears at bay. And that too, just made her stronger and made her love Buffy even more.
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There were common scars that they both shared now too and not just the ones they shared because of what had happened to them in Glory's hell. It seemed for both of them happiness wasn't in the cards. Seemed as if when they found it, it was always taken away. As if being Slayers meant there could be no true, no real happiness or love, no real life. The Watchers Council had tried many times to make them see that, tried many times to keep them isolated from the rest of the world. There was always something to disrupt the happiness, to pull it away, to change it into something else. So many secrets came with being a Slayer, secrets that, it seemed, when revealed, made other's turn away. And it had happened to them, time and time again.

Yet, together they had found that happiness, that love, with the only other person in the world who could understand them completely, another Slayer. And they clung to that with determination, with their sheer inner strength of will and the love they had for each other. Managing in the face of what would have destroyed others, in the bowels of Glory's hell to find an even greater respect, trust and love for each other. They had categorically beaten the odds hands down, they had defied everything the Watchers Council had tried to teach, to tell them and they both knew it was why they were still alive and did what no Slayer before them had ever done. They had lived longer, had a family, friends and had found love, happiness, joy and so much more.

But still and all, they both had come to accept there would always be a teeny-tiny part of themselves that would be listening for the other shoe to fall.

And while accepting that small facet of their lives as Slayers wasn't the problem, they knew that they were allowing that jaded view of life to affect them as a couple. Forcing in a way to make the other shoe fall, creating problems where there was none, closing themselves off from each other instead of reaching for the other and admitting to their fears. Perhaps it was because of all that had happened to them, between them, perhaps because for so long they never beli tha that they could have all they had. But the time for perhaps and the time for disbelief had long since passed and belonged firmly in the past.

And yes, they both knew they would still be listening for that other shoe to fall, but from now on it would be The Slayers listening, not Faith and Buffy.
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In those brief flashing seconds within the in-between place, they absorbed, processed and felt what the other had thought and felt. And knew that just knowing all of it didn't solve the problems, didn't make them suddenly disappear, didn't mean that from time to time they both might slip back into old habits and it didn't mean that the healing process had magically completed itself. There wasn't any time limit on healing and some scars they both now knew might never heal completely. But what this knowing did do was make them aware. They both knew now, that silence gave power to those hidden fears, scars and that speaking aloud about all of them, bringing them out into the open, into the light would take away a little more power from those hidden fears and scars.
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"Since we've been here these feelings, thoughts grew, gained control and I started... started..." Faith kept her eyes locked with Buffy's. Something had passed between them in the seconds between her stopping then starting to speak again. There was a clarity in her mind about the thoughts and feelings she had been having over the last few weeks and more acutely since they had been here. While she didn't want to tell Buffy what she had been thinking happened or might happen, she knew she had to speak even those fears aloud.

"I started to feel, or rather, I felt unworthy of you, of my life, our life together. And, over the last few days here, those little voices kept reminding me of how much time you were or had been spending with Lily over the last few weeks. I got jealous of how easy it was for you to be with her and how you seemed to be avoiding me even more, pulling away, turning to her instead of me. And I... I thought you were trying to spare my feelings, not hurt me and trying to find a way to tell me you didn't want to be lovers anymore. That it wasn't me you wanted butLilyandIthoughtyouandshethatyouwereorhadalreadybeentogether." Faith rushed out the last few words, took a quick deep breath and started again. "I was angry, scared, jealous, and I shut down and pulled away. I thought I had lost you, believed that I deserved it and it wasn't until this afternoon that Lilith and Clotho made me realize how wrong I was. How I was letting my old insecurities, those fucking voices from my past cloud what I knew was true."

"I'm sorry... I never meant to make you feel that way." Buffy whispered softly. She had royally fucked up and caused a lot of needless pain for both of them. "I was too caught up in my own insecurities, my own fears. I was acting like, as Mars told me so succinctly, a goddamn babbling, brainless, stereotypical, blonde twit." She paused when Faith gave her a little smile at Mars' description of her. She gave a small smile in return.

She felt responsible for all that had happened, for making Faith feel once again all those things she had while she was growing up. She had been so caught up in her own little world full of ridiculously stupid insecurities and fears she hadn't noticed what it was doing to Faith, to them. She should have known better, everyone but Faith had known what she was planning and if she had been truly making a mistake or any of her fears, insecurities had a just reason one of them would have told her. Instead, they had all encouraged her, tried to tell her that she was being silly. Not one of them would have stood idly by and let her set herself up to be hurt or rejected. She had let her past relationships, the fall out from them, dictate, impose themselves on her relationship with Faith.

She brushed her thumb along Faith's cheek one last time and then got up off the bed. She started pacing back and forth, watching Faith out of the corner of her eye as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"It's funny you know - not in a ha-ha funny way - how we both were feeling the same things only for different reasons. Granted you would have never even begun to feel that way if I hadn't been acting like such an ass. I never meant any of this to happen, I let my own past make me feel insecure, fearful, not that you didn't love me but that you would reject me, leave me. Like Angel, like Riley, like Giles, like my Mom. I guess in a way we both, at least a little bit, are slaves to our pasts. Conditioned by what has happened to us." Her voice was soft, reflective and she too realized that something had passed between them earlier. There was a clarity in her own mind about her actions and reactions over the last few weeks. But just like Faith, she knew she had to speak them aloud, after what happened or almost happened, Faith deserved that, they both deserved it.

"And you're right; I was avoiding you, hiding something from you. But not for the reasons you thought. I should have come and talked to you, told you what I was feeling, instead I let my own little voices control my actions. It hurts me that I made you feel that way about yourself again; I never want you to feel that way ever again. And what was making me act so secretive, so nervous, so fearful was supposed to show you just how much I do love you, believe in you, trust in you, in us and instead it just did the opposite." She stopped pacing and moved to stand in front of Faith.

"I would never, not ever – Hell!!! The thought never even crossed my fucking mind! - Cheat on you!" Her voice rose in volume, slightly indignant, slightly angry, but full of love. She was angry with herself and she was angry at Faith for even thinking she would cheat on her. She had never cheated on anyone in her life and she could have if she had wanted to, but she never had and never would. But she understood why or where Faith's thoughts had come from and so she let that anger die a quick death. Though she tried to stop it, she felt one of her babbling episodes sneaking up on her.

"I love you, you are everything to me. Why would I want anyone else? My world begins and ends with you Faith. Why would I need anyone else, when I have you? Why the fuck would I even think about cheating on you or actually be cheating on you when all I've been trying to do is figure out how the fuck to ask you to marry me?!!? And being terrified you would laugh at me or say no or who the hell knows what...." When her brain finally caught up with her fast moving, babbling mouth she snapped it shut so hard her jaw actually hurt.

Goddamn it! She couldn't believe, especially after all that had happened in the last few weeks, that she just blew it all to friggin' hell! Then she went off into one of Faith's own famous tirades. Mumbling to herself, pacing and throwing her hands around like a lunatic.

"Oh that was just beautiful Summers! All that planning, all that anguish, all those days of stomach cramps, babbling like an idiot, acting like an dip-shit! Making Faith feel like shit, hurting her and for what?!!? So that you could just babble your stupid head off and fucking blow it!!! Gonna get the fucking genius award, I am! Real romantic I am... Idiot, stupid ass I am, oh Christ. I just fucked everything up!" She stopped suddenly, twirled around and pointed her finger at Faith. "Just stay there, don't move, don't say a word I'll be right back!" She turned around again and ran at full Slayer speed to the front door, stopped abruptly and almost slammed into it, turned around yet again and yelled, "AND FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID!!!" Then she spun on her heels and ran right out the fronor bor buck-naked.
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Faith couldn't have moved or spoken if she tried. She was in shock, in a big way. She was positive she had just imagined the whole day. She had to be dreaming. She didn't even blink when Buffy ran out the front door in all her glory. She heard Buffy talking outside but none of it registered, all she kept hearing were Buffy's words from seconds before. She was still rooted to her spot on the bed, eyes wide, unblinking, gape-mouthed like a fish out of water when Buffy came tearing back into the cottage, Dusk and Cinder hot on her heels with the ever present stuffed panthers hanging out of their mouths.
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Buffy skidded to a halt in front of Faith, dropped down to one knee and flipped open the box in her right hand with her thumb. She clasped their left hands together, gulped a few times to push down the boulder in the middle of her throat, then tried to get her erratic breathing and her thundering heart under control. While wishing the whole time there was something she could do about the zillion butterflies that had taken up residence in her stomach too.

"I wish I had a pretty speech planned or a poem memorized but I don't. I'm not much better at expressing what it is that I feel inside than you are and so I'm going to take my own advice for once and just say what's in my heart. I've said it before. I love you doesn't even come close, is inadequate to express what it is that I feel for you. All I have to give you is what I feel for yo my my heart. We balance each other... we just fit together. Like two jigsaw puzzles that are separate, whole puzzles by themselves, but together are a bigger picture, are just simply more whole when side-by-side, when connected together. All I know is that with you I am just simply more. You've always told me I was the light in the darkness that was your life and what I don't think you know or realize is that you are that same light for me. Without you in my life, Faith, there would be no light, only darkness. When I close my eyes at night, it's always of you I dream, of us. When I see myself years from now, it is always with you by my side, as my equal, my lover, my best friend, my wife, my partner, my spouse. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, by your side, as your equal, your lover, your best friend, your wife, your partner, your spouse. Will you marry me; join with me, hand-fast, whatever you want to call it? Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife and allowing me to become yours, Faith?"

She kept her eyes locked with Faith's as she waited for her to answer. As the seconds ticked by, she could feel each and every single drop of sweat slowly, tortuously dripping down the nape of her neck. Theterfterflies in her stomach kept right on multiplying like sex-crazed bunnies. Her left hand grew cold and clammy and she felt herself starting to panic when Faith still didn't answer her and just stared at her not even blinking. After what felt like a few eternities, she caught a glimpse of movement out of the corners of her eyes. She moved her head just slightly so she could see what Faith was doing and she broke out into an ear-splitting grin at what she saw.

"Faith... baby..." She said gently and waited for some sort of recognition to reach Faith's eyes. "Baby you can stop pinching yourself, you're awake, you're not dreaming." After blinking a few times, Faith gave Buffy a look of such soul-searing love that Buffy forgot her own name. "So will you Faith?"

'Yes...' Faith mouthed silently, still dazed, still pinching herself, not yet quite convinced she wasn't dreaming, that was until Buffy decided to pinch her once to prove she wasn't dreaming. The pinch broke her out of her act-like-a-silent-marble-statue mode and she launched herself at Buffy, raining kisses all over Buffy's face between ecstatically whispered yeses as they tumbled back onto the floor.
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Buffy rolled them over after returning Faith's kisses with just as much enthusiasm for a few minutes. She sat up pulling Faith with her; once again, she knelt on one knee. She knew it was corny, but she could have cared less. Her brows furrowed when she realized she had lost the ring-box during their kissing session. She jumped when she felt a cold wet nose poke her side. She looked over and saw Dusk sitting next to her holding the ring-box delicately between his teeth grinning at her. She took the ring out of the box, whispered her thanks to him, and turned back towards Faith.

She lifted up the madly grinning Faith's left hand with her right. She slipped the simple, but eloquent black Leacann Celtic knotwork ring onto Faith's ring finger. The design of the ring while plain, was powerful in its own way, it was simply two strands intricately woven together giving the appearance of being only one unbroken strand, but in fact, was actually two separate, but equal strands, like the Slayers' themselves, one but two. The ring was also one of the traditional Celtic wedding bands. Only this particular ring and its mate, which Buffy didn't have, were special.

"The two strands woven together symbolize eternal love and or faith." Buffy smiled at the irony, a smile that Faith quickly returned. "Only this ring and its mate are special. When I told Lilith and Clotho that I was going to ask you to join with me, they not only suggested a store to go to, but also came with me to pick out a ring. I picked out a silver Leacann ring, something about the design called to me, but when I told the little old woman that owned the shop I wanted it, she wouldn't sell it to me. Instead, she told me that she would specially make the ring for me to give to you, herself. She said our rings wouldn't be made out of silver and then refused to tell me anything else, which I didn't like and I um... kinda freaked on her a little. Demanding that she tell me what kind of game she was playing and stamping my foot like a two-year-old insisting that the rings be made from silver like I wanted and not out of whatever it was that she wanted. But the old woman didn't say anything she just gave me this knowing smile as if she had some kind of secret knowledge. Then she shooed the two Immortals - who were finding the whole thing funny - and me out of the shop. She shouted after us to come back in a week to pick up the ring. Had I not been so nervous, pissed and stressed out, I probably would have figured out right then that there was a reason that Lilith and Clotho took me to that shop, but I didn't. It wasn't until after they dragged me outside that they told me the old woman was a Wicca of the highest order, a sort of seer, and that they had their rings made there too. Then they told me the symbolism of the rings and why they would be custom-made for us and what it was that made them special. Do you like it? Do you like the ring, Faith?"

Faith smiled up at Buffy, it fit perfectly, but then she knew that it would. So perfect in fact, it was almost as if the Wicca had made it right on her finger. The second Buffy had slipped it on her, it had felt, just simply put, right. Had felt familiar, like it had always been there, was meant to be there. As if it was connected to her, but not just to her, but to Buffy too. "I like B. I like it a lot, more than a lot." She gave Buffy a toothy grin; she jumped up from the floor startling Buffy, mumbling under her breath, "Damn witches, they're too sneaky for their own good."

"Faith?" Buffy looked at her confused, wondering what the comment meant and where she was going.

"Stay right here. I'll be right back, I'm thirsty, I'll get you something too, 'K. Why don't you get up off the floor and back on the bed?" She smirked at Buffy, "Hmmm... maybe the chaise lounge would be better, considering what someone did to the bed..."

"Smart ass!" Buffy yelled after Faith's sexy, retreating back.
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"Tell me why the rings are special B." Faith said, distracting Buffy before she noticed she had only brought back one glass of sun-tea instead of two. She sat down next to Buffy on the chaise lounge and snuggled up close.

"Well, they're modeled after the Leacann Celtic wedding band. But unlike the original the ring isn't made from silver, which is obvious, as you can see, since your ring is black and mine is supposed to be white. Sort of like the yin and yang. Both rings were made from some kind of precious metal that's magical and we're supposed to wear our rings before we join. The reason you get the black ring and I get the white are probably not for what you might think. I know they weren't for me. The black ring symbolizes inner strength, courage, empowerment and pure love. All the things you have, the things that enabled you to survive all you did, the things that make you who you are. The white ring symbolizes serenity, nurturing, inner peace and pure love. All things they said I learned from my Mom, my family, my friends, things that I now possess and make up who I am. They said what each of those rings symbolize are things we've learned from each other and have given to each other. That each ring will absorb a part of our essence while we wear it before we're joined. The woven strands are a physical symbol, representation of our soul-thread, of us. The night before the ceremony, we give the rings to Atropos for safekeeping. On the day we join, the rings are placed in our left hands, then we clasp our hands and they are bound together with the cord we make. After the cord is removed, when we open our joined hands instead of a black ring and a white ring, each ring will have one black strand and one white strand woven together, making them a physical, spiritual representation of us, of our souls, which are woven together, separate, but one."

"So where is the white ring, your ring B?" Faith questioned a twinkle in her eyes.

"Um... well, they said you have to get it for me."

"Hmmmm well, I think I can manage that." Faith rasped. She leaned down, capturing Buffy's mouth in a kiss that spoke of promises, trust and never-ending love. When their kissed ended, she whispered softly, "Don't open your eyes. Keep them closed for me B. Please." She gently picked up Buffy's left hand with her right. "I love you B," she whispered huskily, tenderly as she slipped the white Leacann Celtic knotwork ring on Buffy's finger.

Buffy's eyes shot open and she looked down at her hand stunned. Like Faith, she had instantly felt like the ring belonged there, was meant to be there, felt familiar and was somehow connected not just to her, but to Faith as well. "How did you... how did you know?"

"I didn't. I got this a few weeks ago, it's your anniversary present. I asked Red and Blondie where I should go to find a ring and they told me to ask Lilith and Clotho, so I did. They took me to this obscure little jewelry shop in a small town about two hours away from Sunnydale. It was strange; I walked into the store and right over to the ring, almost as if it were calling to me. The black one was right next to the white one in the display case. Me being me, I liked the black one, but... but it was the white one I wanted, that felt right to get for you. At least now, I know why those two were snickering like three-year-olds. Not to mention how the witches acted after I showed it to them when I picked it up a week later. I guess the old woman at the shop either knew, 'cause she was a witch or the Immortals told her I was coming, in either case I'm guessing she made the white ring when she made my black one. And even more I'm gonna take a leap of faith and say the black one on my finger was the one in the case that day next to the white one that's on your finger now." Faith paused, took a deep breath, smiled softly, "The day I went there and picked out the ring... I... I... I was getting it B, hoping I would find the courage to ask you to marry me when I finally gave it to you."

"You would have found it too; I know you would have Faith. Just like I know I would have said yes. For me that would have been, is the only answer."

They leaned towards each other at the same time, their hearts filled with something that went beyond just simply love. Their mouths met softly, with the utmost care, they kissed tenderly, sharing their breath, sharing their souls and at peace within themselves and with each other.
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...Ain't it crazy ~ For a moment there I just gave up trying ~ But now I see ~ You can let the light in ~ You can begin again ~ Ain't it crazy ~ I lay me down in this sweet perfection ~ I am a witness to my resurrection...
...Heal me lift me ~ Take me to the waterside ~ Drop me in let me swim ~ Let everyone know I'll be coming home again...
...Make no mistake ~ I'm wide-awake ~ Ain't it crazy...
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They stayed cuddling on the chaise lounge relishing the giddy feeling that was running under both their skins. Faith resting on top of y, hy, her face nestled in her neck, one of her favorite places, Buffy's arms around her, stroking her back, tickling along her sides. She had one arm tucked underneath Buffy's shoulder, her fingertips traced their own delicate pattern on the nape of Buffy's neck, stopping every once in a while to rub silken strands of golden hair between her fingertips. Her other hand took its own lightly tickling route over the contours of her Light Slayer's body. The giddy feeling started to turn into an entirely different type of feeling and she decided since she was already there that she would taste the sweetness of Buffy's neck.

She got rudely distracted from her suckling when Buffy's chin clipped her on the top of the head. Then was clipped again when Buffy turned her head and then yet again. "B," she mumbled, "what are you doin'?"

"Lookin'"

"For what?" Faith asked then went back to her taste test of Buffy's neck.

"The other shoe... It usually drops about right now..." Buffy chuckled, then wondered if she had just jinxed them. No, not possible, nothing could ruin this for them, she wouldn't let it happened!

"D.n't .orr. I'. go.n. g.t an .n...ible .il..w." Faith mumbled unintelligible refusing to give up the sweet flesh she was currently suckling.

"Don't or I go and get Ann I be... what?"

"H.h? Wha. .r. ..u .alk.ng .bou.?" Faith asked still refusing to give up the sweet flesh she was adoring with her mouth.

"Me?" Buffy said and then started giggling when Faith once again mumbled something that came out half-assed backwards. "What are you talking about?"

Faith reluctantly lifted her head, smirking at the huge hickey she had made with her suckling. Buffy was going to kick her ass when she saw the number of little gifts she had left, especially when she realized that even with their Slayer healing most of them weren't going to fade away too fast.

"I said, don't worry I'm gonna get an invisible pillow." Faith told Buffy matter-of-factly.

"I'll take - What the hell are you talking about? – for five-hundred Alec..." Buffy gave Faith her best humor-me look.

"Ha – ha, B. You're real funny. Well, you said you were waitin' for the other shoe to fall, it seems like we're always waitin' on it. You know?"

"Aaaahhhh – haaaa." Buffy said slowly.

"See, the way I figure it is, if I have this invisible pillow, I can carry it with me all the time and the next time that fuckin' other shoe starts to fall, I can put the invisible pillow under it and this way that damn shoe will never hit the ground. And if it never hits the ground, well, the the shit can't hit the fan." She gave Buffy a sheepish-lopsided-half-cocky grin, "So what ya think, B?"

"I think you're beautiful, wonderful and I want one of those invisible pillows too." She leaned up and gave Faith a soft, tender kiss. Her hands gently cupped her face, her thumbs lightly brushing along the faint tear tracks that still remained. "And now that we don't have to worry about that other shoe, I think we should celebrate being engaged."

"'K, sounds good to me. So what do you want to do to celebrate, B?"

The wicked, downright evil grin that Buffy gave Faith left her without a single, solitary doubt as to exactly how Buffy wanted them to celebrate their engagement.
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She was sleeping like the dead when the scream sadistically ripped her out of her much needed slumber. She bolted upright, her stomach in the back of her throat, her heart trying to hammer its way out of her chest in fear. She scrambled on her hands and knees across the bed. Her body already covered in cold sweat, every inch of her filled with dread. A second shriek filled the air just as she was pushing off from the bed intending to vault over the edge. She only succeeded in flying face first into the hard, cold, wooden floor, thanks to her legs and feet being impossibly tangled up and trapped in both the sheets and comforter. With a savage growl, she stretched a hand out behind her trying to reach the tangled mess around her legs. That was how Buffy found her.

The second screech died on her lips as she felt a wave of terror wash over her in an echo. She turned and charged out of the bathroom, thinking that Faith was having a nightmare. She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of her mate hanging off the edge of the bed by her feet. Like a panther snared in a hunter's net, her Dark Slayer was hissing fiercely, swatting at the sheets as if she had claws and could shred them.

"You okay?" They both rushed out, realizing at the same time they had misread each other.

"I'm okay, but you don't look so okay."

Faith looked up at Buffy sheepishly from her undignified position, "Um... I'm okay, though I think I might have popped my boobs when I hit the floor."

Buffy moved a step or two closer, the relief and the amusement she was feeling making for a very odd mix. "Now that would be a cryin' shame. I would miss them dearly." Buffy leered, an impish grin playing around the corners of her mouth. She had some payback to dole out and she figured now was as good a time as any to start.

Faith just snorted at Buffy's answer not seeing the evil twinkle in her eyes. "Think maybe you could stop worrying 'bout my boobs long enough to help me out B?"

She made herself a little more comfortable by propping her upper body up on her forearms and resting her forehead against her hands. She tried to kick her feet and legs loose again, but they were hopelessly tangled up and trapped. She chuckled at herself, it was totally ridiculous that she couldn't free herself, she had gotten out of a lot worse; tougher things than mere cotton and feather down.

"How did you end up on the floor Faith?" Buffy squatted down next to Faith's shoulder. She began idly to trace her nails along one of Faith's flexed biceps.

"Your shrieking woke me up and I um... panickedandtriedtojumpoutofthebedtocomeandhelpyou." Faith mumbled out quickly, embarrassed now. She risked a peek up at Buffy and at the same time noticed all the little gifts that still adorned her body and knew three things. One, after three days Buffy had finally gotten a good look at herself in the full-length mirror in the bathroom, thus the shrieks. Two, it was payback time and three she was in deep shit. "I um... I didn't... er...I..." The soft touch of Buffy's index finger against her mouth silenced her fumbling words.

"How romantic! My own Knightress in Shiny - albeit slightly battered - Armor. At a moment's notice ready to leap to my defense, ready to rescue me, keep me safe. Something you've done time and time again. And it makes me love you even more." She gave Faith a silly, quirky smile, her words she knew where corny, sappy, goofy, even slightly mocking, but she meant them. Faith had saved, defended, come to her rescue and certainly had kept her safe on more than one occasion.

Faith stared up at Buffy, knowing despite how sentimental, silly, sarcastic her words sounded, were, she meant them. It made her inordinately shy; she dropped her eyes, cursing silently at the blush creeping up her neck and face. "You think maybe you could untangle me sometime today B?" She asked gruffly trying to cover up what she was feeling, but she knew Buffy wouldn't buy it for a minute, nor would it get her out of payback time.

"All in due time my ever graceful warrior." Buffy smirked, letting her fingers trace down the length of Faith's spine. A chuckle escaped her at how odd this was, though her evil mind was busy planning how she could take advantage of Faith's awkward though somewhat erotic position. "Seems as though I've been neglecting you over the last few days... I mean you've given me so many little presents, while I, on the other hand, have given you only a few."

"Yeah, well, you don't have to worry 'bout it B. I mean it's oka..."

"Oh no, Faith! I never want you to feel like I'm neglecting you." Buffy insisted huskily, mischievously. She leaned down and started to nibble along Faith's shoulder, smiling as she felt the shudder ripple under Faith's .
.

"Um... maybe you should help me out here first B?" Faith asked hopefully, her body already responding to Buffy's touch, her voice, her teeth. Hell... just Buffy herself!

"Nah, you're fine just where you are Faith."

"Ya sure? 'Cause you know B... you can't reach any of the good parts with me this way." Faith smirked, thinking to herself that Buffy would have to help her now.

"Really, is that a fact?" Buffy let her lone index finger whisper down Faith's spine and she kept going until it slid into her mate's wet pool of desire. Her mouth left a warm moist trail as it followed the path of her finger, her teeth biting down lightly at the hollow at the base of Faith's spine. It was a spot on Faith's body that Buffy knew drove her crazy with desire and got her instantly, intensely aroused.

Faith arched like a cat. She didn't know what it was about that small spot on her lower back, but when it was touched it drove her insane with need and made her fully, painfully aroused. It was almost like a direct link to her clit. Whenever Buffy spent more then a few seconds lavishing it with attention, it propelled her right to the edge of release, hotly, heavily and quickly. And that single finger teasing her certainly wasn't doing anything to pull her back from it.

Faith lost it as Buffy alternated between sucking and biting at the spot, while her lone finger relentlessly teased and tormented her throbbing center. Within minutes she came, fast, fiercely and extremely hard, the floor muffling her surprised yell. Her body was still pulsing with the orgasm when she felt, rather than saw, Buffy climb up onto the bed behind her. Before she even had a second to catch her breath, Buffy had untangled the bedding from around her legs and was pulling her up onto the bed. Her insides trembled when Buffy slid up the length of her back, finally coming to rest with her mouth pressed close to her ear. Buffy's breasts burned into her back, making her writhe with pleasure. The intimate pressure of Buffy's outer thighs against her inner thighs slowly spread her legs wide.

"I want you..." Buffy growled throatily into Faith's ear, throwing Faith's words from a few days ago back at her. She let her tongue tickle the shell of Faith's ear, then find that ultra sensitive spot behind it, knowing that it too, had the same effect on Faith as the one on her lower back. "Oh, and before I forget, Faith..."

"Yeah..." Faith managed to get out, her whole being focused on Buffy's hot body on her and the fact that she was completely, utterly, painfully aroused again.

"Those rules from the other day, well..."

Faith groaned low and long, Buffy's words from a few days ago coming back to haunt her. Just remember S.O., paybacks are a bitch.

"...they apply to you now..." Buffy finished huskily.

...And Faith knew that her payback was going to be at the hands and in the form of one petite, sexy, sensual bitch named, B.
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Continued in Chapter XXXIII – Heal Me (Part H)