Complement

XXXIII - Heal Me
(Part C)

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They were greeted by tight hugs, kisses and Mars' version of a hello, which was more of a battle cry than anything else. They couldn't understand why all the muss and fuss, the Immortals were acting like it had been forever since they had been here at the lake or seen each other. When in reality they had all seen Sla Slayers just last week, but they always seemed to act this way. In the last year, they had seen each one of Immortals at least once a month, sometimes more. What they had forgotten though, was that while it might be merely weeks between the visits of the Immortals in Earth's realm, for the Immortals it had been months within their realm. So in this convoluted, alternate-dimension, warped time zone between them, while it was just a few days shy of full year in Earth's time since the Slayers had visited the lake, for the Immortals it was almost eight years. Undoubtedly, the Slayers' didn't realize it simply because the Immortals didn't looked like they had aged a day since the first time they met them, let alone eight years.

The inevitable argument over who was going to cook over the open fire-pit sprang up an hour or so after they arrived. It was comical to watch the reenent ent of the same argument that Faith and Buffy had seen many times over the course of their first stay here. Mars as usual had commandeered the cooking pit, arguing with Lily. "Who?" - he said, just like he had every other time this happened - "Would have more experience cooking over an open fire than I? I am, after all, the Incarnate of War and have spent many a century cooking in the camps." Eventually, just as every other Immortal always did, Lily gave in. Who could argue against eons of experience? 'Sides when it came to BBQ'ing no one was better than Mars', not even Lilith, who could put Wolfgang Puck to shame in the kitchen.

It wasn't until they had sat down to eat that Faith got the opportunity to spend more than five minutes with Buffy since their arrival at the BBQ. It had seemed like every few minutes or so, one or another of the Immortals would pull her away from Buffy. It hadn't escaped Faith's attention either, that almost the second they had stepped onto Lily's property Buffy had gone back into that weird full-scale babble mode she had been in for the last few weeks. Nor had it escaped her attention that Buffy seemed to be spending a lot of time whispering with Lily too. She was beginning to have thoughts that she really didn't want and they confused her because they were completely opposite of what she truly believed. Those knots in her stomach were making themselves known again. Right on the virtual tail of the knots were the insecurities, fears and anxiety she thought she had buried quite some time ago and had squished under her mental boot heel earlier today.

As Buffy sat down next to Faith, she gave many a silent thanks to the Creator – as all the Immortals referred to the ultimate power in all of the dimensions – for their family. Neither Slayer had been able to get more than scattered bits of information out of the Immortals when it came to the mysterious Creator. Both Slayers had a sneaky suspicion it was because the Immortals didn't know anything more than anyone else did. All they had managed to piece together was that the Creator was, as some of the myths told, everywhere, all seeing and a part of everyone, good, bad, demon, human, mortal and Immortal alike. Like Atropos had explained to them, their destinies or fates were not set in stone. There was a loose plan, like an outline, but the choices were their own and no one could force them, not even the Creator down a path they didn't want to go. They had and always would have, freewill. That was the way it was and had always been.

She shook her head to clear them of such deep thoughts and leaned over giving Faith a quick kiss on the cheek. She received a weak smile in response. She looked at her mate puzzled by the reaction then got sidetracked when Mars' plopped down a tray full of very enticing smelling food. She was starving! Big surprise that was - not! She piled up a plate with food and handed it to Faith, assuming that Faith would be starving too after their activities in the woods earlier. She nodded her head at the murmured thanks and then concentrated on making a plate for herself.

At best, Faith picked at her food, she wasn't really hungry anymore. She kept seeing out of the corner of her eye the secretive glances that Buffy and Lily were exchanging far too frequently. The knots in her stomach were now a chokehold. As hard as she tried to push them down, the thoughts she didn't want to give a voice to pushed back even harder. There was a buzzing in her head and she couldn’t' seem to concentrate on anything that was going on around her.

Her mind, eyes, hearing, all of her focus was only on Buffy and Lily. The fucking thoughts she didn't want to have were making their bac back up to the surface, their voices growing in volume. Their voices sounding almost childlike; as if they were insecurities and fears from when she was a kid. But she had banished all of them, hadn't she? She and Buffy together had dismantled them one by one, taking away their power over her. Hadn't they? Her mind was in complete conflict with what her heart, her soul knew was true. How was that possible? She felt Buffy's hand upon her thigh and the childlike voices of her thoughts scurried back, quieting for now.

"You okay, baby?" Buffy nodded her head towards Faith's plate, which was almost full still. Everyone else, including her, had finished eating ten minutes ago. She gnawed a little on her lower lip, a worried look crossing her face. Since they had sat down at the table, Faith had barely said more then ten words. Not eating and not talking or at the very least making sarcastic comments, weren't at all like Faith.

"Huh?" Faith turned her attention to Buffy, catching just the nod at her plate, not the question. "Just not hungry Buffy..." seeing her mate gnawing at her lip with worry, Faith pushed her own worries aside. She planted one of those cocky-lopsided grins on her face that she knew Buffy loved and leaned closer to her. Consciously lowering her voice so it would come out husky she said, "Maybe I'll have some dessert later, right now I'm still full from what I had to eat earlier in the woods, B..." She leaned even closer and gave Buffy a soft, wet kiss on the side of her neck so she wouldn't mistake her meaning, not that she really thought she would. It was an excuse to kiss her mate, she knew it and she knew Buffy knew it too.

Her lopsided-cocky grin became genuine when she saw the flush creep up Buffy's neck and pink tint Buffy's cheeks as she blushed.

"Yummmm, dessert sounds good right now," Buffy paused and then spoke in the barest of whispers so the Immortals couldn't hear her, only Faith. "Can I have you for dessert later, Fai? Maybe pretend that you're ice-cream in a cone, so that I have to carefully, slowly lick you all over to keep you from melting all over my hand. Mmmmm, liken' the idea of you melting all over - under and on my hands - in my mouth - on my tongue..." Buffy groaned inside, not the best analogy or description but from the look on Faith's face it didn't seem to matter, she had gotten her point across quite effectively.

All the blood in Faith's body rushed to her crotch. No, scratch that! Every single drop of moisture in her body rushed right to her crotch! She started verbally to reply and then quickly decided to nod instead. She could feel the Brain-Turned-To-Mush-Dark-Slayer part of her just waiting in the wings for her to open her mouth.

The moment was broken when Lily got up and started clearing the picnic table of dirty dishes and platters. Everyone stood up intending to help, including Faith, and Lily shushed them all away with the exception of Buffy. Faith's eyes tracked her mate as she made her way into the cottage with the Green Mother. Those childlike voices of her fears and insecurities started screaming in her head again. She fought with them, but was losing, she started repeating in her head that Buffy loved her, was in love with HER and NO ONE else over and over again. Her internal clock kept time, counting off the minutes as they went by as she waited for Buffy to come back out of the cottage.

Why did it always seem that when her life was good, when she was making her dreams, her wishes come true, something always happened to spoil the moment, mar the memory?

Why?
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Lilith had been watching the Slayers covertly, but mostly Faith, since they had arrived at Lily's. She had been all too aware ow Bow Buffy had been acting over the last few weeks. A Chicken-without-a-head didn't even comese tse to describing it. It was just now though that she was noticing the effect Buffy's bizarre behavior was having on Faith. She knew, just like they all knew, Immortals, vampires, witches, seer, ex-demon, the Key, mortals, hell even the animals knew or so Lily said they did, why Buffy was acting the way she was. Lilith was surprised that Faith hadn't found out too. Then again, they were all a little afraid of what the petite blond-haired Slayer might do to them if Faith did find out, thus they all managed to keep the secrets from Faith.

She watched as Faith's eyes narrowed as she followed Buffy's movements. She turned her head slightly to see what it was that was causing that almost hurt look in the Dark Slayer's eyes and sudden understanding came to her. Oh shit! This wasn't good at all! She knew that look; she knew it all too well. She had seen that look on her own face quite a few times a very long time ago and it caused many problems between her and Clotho. The very last time it had almost destroyed her relationship with Clotho permanently. Thanks to Mars' that hadn't happened.

Lilith could understand why Faith would be thinking what she was, feeling what she was. Because the last time she had worn that same look, had those same thoughts, Clotho had been acting very much like Buffy was. Coincidentally enough too, Clotho had acted that way for one out of the two exact same reasons. Like Faith, Lilith had jumped to the same conclusions, had the same suspicions, even though she knew or should have known better. Only for her, it hadn't been because of Lily, but a woman named Amarynthia, who was better known as Artemis, Greek goddess of the hunt, wilderness, wild animals, fertility and protector of the Amazons. In the end, she supposed sometimes it didn't matter what you knew to be true, mortal or Immortal alike, there were times you were just plain old human, with all the baggage that came along with it.

Without a second thought, Lilith decided that she would be to Faith, what Mars had been to her when she had come terrifyingly close to losing her soul-mate. Only she wasn't going to wait for the shit to hit the fan, she was going to act now. The problem though, was how to do it without Faith knowing she was doing it? She knew as well as she knew her own name, that if Faith even thought that she had figured out what was going on in her head, she would put up a wall of denial as thick as, well, she didn't think there was anything as thick as the wall the Dark Slayer would put up in any dimension. Lilith had, when Mars had approached her, and she and Faith were a lot alike. They were so much alike; it scared the living shit out of her sometimes. Because like her, she knew Faith would deny it. Because to Faith - like it had been to her - even having these thoughts felt in some way like they were betraying their soul-mate, betraying all they shared together.

Unlike her though, she knew Faith's fears, insecurities, came from a much deeper, much darker place than hers had. While on the surface it may appear, or even feel as if Faith had conquered all those fears that had dominated her earlier life. Had conquered them with her own strong will and with the help and tender loving care of fam family and Buffy, Lilith knew that in reality it wasn't quite that easy.

No, she could never, not truly, understand the depths of those fears, insecurities, those horrible lessons Faith had been forced to learn throughout her young life, and had been ingrained into her psyche deeply, carelessly and painstakingly through the years. But she did know from her own struggles with the insecurities, fears and memories of her own painful past that they took much more time, no matter how strong willed or well loved you were to ever be completely conquered, banished and unlearned.

Sadly, she also knew that some, while faded would remain with you forever. Just as sadly too, Lilith knew, they would make themselves known from time to time. Take hold of you and override what you knew in your heart and soul. Usually these weren't the big nasty nightmares or the flashbacks that hit you squarely in the face. No they rarely were those, these were the small fears, terrors, that slowly crept to the surface in unexpected ways, they were the shadows that you saw out of the corner of your eye, the passing thought, that slowly became a niggling doubt, the knots in your stomach that day by day grew tighter until they were a chokehold. The key, Lilith knew, to sending them back into exile was to recognize them for what they were: untruths. And in doing so, you once again took away their power over you. Time may heal all wounds, but some wounds will always leave scars.

Now, how did she get Faith to recognize the difference between what was real and what was just a faded scar?

Lilith continued to stare at the Dark Slayer and she could almost see the little Green-Eyed monster doing a tap dance across her shoulders, as he cackled with glee. It wasn't so unusual for people to experience jealousy once or twice in their lives, Lilith knew, after all jealousy had been around since before man had learned to walk upright. Yes, there were times when it was irrational and out of control, but that kind of jealousy always came from some other place, a very non-healthy type place.

She could see the conflict that was going on in Faith, it had written itself in big bold letters across her face, in her eyes and she knew that Faith's mind was at war with her heart and soul. This was one or many of those old faded scars creeping their way out and into Faith's consciousness. Buffy's bizarre behavior as the weeks passed giving them the tiny crack they needed to come out and create havoc. his was different from when Buffy had been the psycho-student from hell. There had been a reason for her acting that way and Faith was well aware of that. This time however, there wasn't a reason, at least not one that Faith knew about, for Buffy's bizarre behavior and the only thing she was seeing that came close to a reason was appearing in the beautiful, delicate, tiny form of the Green Mother and Lilith was seriously contemplating telling Faith what was really going on. First though she would try another way, try to draw Faith out, try to get her to talk and put a voice to those fears and insecurities, thus taking away their power over her.

Now if that were only as easily said as done, Lilith would be in great shape.
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She drummed her fingers against the wooden tabletop, her brow furrowed in thought; she was drawing a complete blank on where or how to start. She felt the warmth of her mate invade her as she gently caressed her through their bond. She blinked once or twice, a soft smile gracing her face and everything came back into focus. She noticed that they were alone at the table and now would be the perfect time for her to say something to the Dark Slayer. She decided to just go with her gut, appease her own curiosity at the same time and see where she could lead the conversation without arousing Faith's suspicions.

"So, Faith did you..." She stopped when she realized Faith wasn't paying one ounce of attention to her. "Faith... Yoo-hoo earth to Faith." She snapped her fingers and waved her hand in front of the Dark Slayer's face. She let out a whoosh of frustrated air, then snapped her fingers and waved again, almost hitting Faith in the nose, 'cause she knew Faith was blatantly ignoring her. "Oh Faaaaaiiiiiithhhhhh. Heeeelllllooooooo!!!"

"WHAT?" Faith slapped Lilith's hand away from her face, snarling, practically baring her teeth. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Hey! Easy there! What the hell crawled up your ass and died?" Lilith snapped her errant mouth closed, oh yeah, they were a lot alike, and after seeing the look Faith was giving her right now, she decided to change tactics. Faith looked like she was ready to rip her face off and at the same time she looked confused, vulnerable, scared, sad and right on the edge of losing it and exploding. So Lilith with her eons worth of wisdom decided to push her buttons. Knowing again because of how alike they were, that it was the best way to get Faith talking, maybe not the safest certainly, but the best. She knew she had a fifty-fifty chance of either getting Faith pissed, in which case she would probably get her ass handed to her on a silver Slayer platter or getting Faith to laugh and thus lightening a little of the burden weighing the Dark Slayer down. "What happened did something crawl up there and die when you and Buffy were p ---laaayyyin' in the forest today?"

Faith's mouth opened and closed repeatedly like a fish gasping for air because it had been yanked out of the water and thrown upon the shore. She stared at the Immortal, wondering if Lilith had lost her fucking mind. She was ready to snap, ready to rip Lilith a new one, that was when she noticed the twinkle in Lilith's eyes and the smirk she was trying to keep from showing. Lilith was jerking her chain. "You're an ass. You do know that, don't you, Gran?"

"Yes Grasshopper, I do. But you're such an easy mark! I well... I just can't control myself around you sometimes." Lilith waved herself with an invisible fan as she batted her eyelashes coquettishly at Faith in perfect compliment to the southern drawl she had affected. She started to smile when she saw Faith trying to fight both the grin growing on her face and the laughter that was trying to sneak out. "Come on I know you want to laugh. So just do it already!" With her Immortal speed, shechedched out and pinched the Dark Slayer's cheek before she even had a chance to think about trying to stop her.

"HEY!" Faith swatted playfully at Lilith's hand, "Don't EVER pinch my cheek again, Grandma!"

"But – but – I just can't help myself. You're just so darn cute..." Before Faith could stop her, Lilith had pinched her cheek again.

"You really are an ass. You do know that, don't you?" The laugh found its way out in total conflict with the childlike voices causing havoc in her head. They weren't to happy about this turn of events.

"I think we already covered that, it 'tis one of my many charms, after all. A charm, in fact, that both you and I share. Along with our rapier wit, our sultry good looks and the fact that we bot both hopelessly head over heels in love with - lucky us – the two most beautiful women to ever grace any dimension. Even luckier for us, they absolutely, positively feel the same way about us as we do them. How did we both get so lucky?"

"Yeah... how did we?" Faith's eyes flickered away from Lilith and back to the front door of the cottage again.

She was unaware that her eyes had grown sad and confused again, and that a soft sigh of something almost akin to self-loathing had slipped from her. Unaware, because she had yet to realize how far that mask, that shield of indifference, boredom she had worn for most of her life had begun to slip, to slowly dissolve away over the last year. Right now, it was a blessing in disguise that she didn't realize it. She was already feeling raw, exposed and vulnerable. If she had known how easy it was for Lilith to read her, it might have made all of her carefully dismantled, smashed walls re-erect with a force that would have made the earth itself tremble. Her attention, her eyes went back to Lilith as she felt Lilith put her hand gently on her arm.

"Look I know what yo..."

"Lilith..." Mars growled, clamping a strong hand down on her shoulder so hard it jarred her teeth. "I need to talk to you for a second. Excuse us for a minute, Leanaban."

"Can't it wait Mars?" Lilith tried prying Mars' hand from her shoulder to avail.

"No!"

"But..."

"No! I need to speak with you right now!"

"So talk already Mars!"

Faith watched them bicker back and forth with amusement forgetting for the moment her own depressing, confusing thoughts. They were acting like two ten-year-olds, which was funny considering you could probably add a few zeros to the ten and still not be close to their true age. Well, at least she thought that anyway.

"Privately Lilith. Faith, you don't mind if I steal Lilith for a few minutes, do you?" Mars grounded out from between his teeth. Christ, Lilith could be so dense sometimes.

"Nah go on. I'll be fine, thinkin' I'm old enough to sit here by myself." Faith waved them both away, her eyes involuntarily drifting back to the cottage.

"I'll be right back Faith, don't go anywhere."

"Whatever Gran."

Keeping her anger in check for the moment or at least until she was out of Faith's Slayer hearing, Lilith let Mars' drag her away from the table. Mars had just ruined everything, Faith had given her the perfect opening with her lackluster response to the, How did we both get so lucky? question.

"Didn't they teach manners in Warlord school?" Snarling, she planted her hands on her hips and gave Mars the evil eye. "What the hell is so important that you had to drag me away? Well? I'm waiting Mars."

"I asked him to Lil." Clotho whispered as she walked up behind Lilith her footsteps just as quiet. She moved until she was sing ing next to Lilith.

"You? But why? What's going on Clo?" Lilith was truly puzzled; subterfuge was not Clotho's normal stock in trade.

"Well, I knew if I came over there to get you, you would just humor me, yes'ing me to death 'til I left. So I sent Mars, he's not so easy to ignore."

"So what the hell is so damn important?" Now Lilith was not only puzzled but also a little pissed. She felt her window of opportunity with Faith slipping away.

"I needed to stop you before you did something stupid." Clotho arched an eyebrow at Lilith and touched her arm gently to both offset her harsh words and to stop Lilith from interrupting her. "I know you're just trying to help, Lil. But if you had just blurted out that you knew what she was feeling, you would've just made her shut down and run." Clotho smiled softly at Lilith when she adamantly shook her head no at her.

"You know I'm right Lil. It's exactly what you would've done, in fact, what you did do in the past when we all approached you. You're right about one thing, you two are a lot alike. But she's not ready to hear what you have to say. She's not ready to talk about this and I know that you want to save her some of the same pain that you went through. But you can't, not right now." Clotho didn't need to tell Lilith that she knew all of this because of their bond. She knew exactly how her mate felt. She too wanted to help the Slayers, but now was not the time.

"But I only wanted to do what Mars did for me. He helped me to open my eyes and see what was really going on with us, with me. He helped me to see what it was I was doing and where my unfounded suspicions were really coming from. I just want to do the same for Faith."

"Lilith it wasn't until the last time I approached you that you listened to what I had to say. So did I really open your eyes or did I just confirm what you already knew inside and helped you work through it?" Mars kept his voice just as quiet as Lilith and Clotho had. None of them wanted to be overheard, which given that both Immortals and Slayers alike had extraordinary hearing was a distinct possibility.

Luc and Atropos walked over to join the three Immortals and came in on the middle of the conversation. They had been watching them since Mars had pulled Lilith away from Faith. It had taken only a few minutes for them to figure out what or rather whom they were discussing. They stood quietly, all of them seeing the pained expression on Lilith's face as she thought back to that awful time in both hers and Clotho's life.
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They weren't the only ones that were watching the three Immortals, Faith was too. She knew they were talking about her and Buffy. They weren't as subtle as they thought though, she kept catching the covert looks all three were throwing her way, then towards the cottage and all it did was start to confirm her worst fears. Those childlike voices rose up stronger in her mind and all she wanted to do was run. Run as fast and as far away as possible.

Now that she was really thinking about it, she realized that Buffy had been spending a lot of time with Lily these last few weeks, it wasn't just her imagination. The convoluted logic that had dominated her for most of her life added its voice to the childlike whispers in her head. It twisted her thinking and once again placed the blame for what was happening, including Buffy's bizarre behavior and the reasons for why she was even having these suspicions on her own shoulders.

This was her fault! It had to be! She had to have done something to make Buffy even think about doing this. Somehow, she didn't know how, it didn't really matter how, because somehow, someway she had fucked up again. She knew Buffy was in love her, even now she didn't doubt that. So it had to be her that was doing something to cause this, something that was pushing Buffy away, making Buffy doubt her, doubt her love for her. Maybe she wasn't giving Buffy something that she needed. Because otherwise there would be no reason – at least not one that she could see – to cause Buffy to be acting this way. Was there?

She pressed her balled up fists into her thighs as she fought down the urge to run. She had stopped running three years ago; she wasn't going to start again now. She watched as Luc and Atropos joined in the conversation and distracted the other three. She had to hear what they were saying! She had to know if her fears were a reality. She consciously loosened up her rigid muscles and casually rose from the table. She wandered aimlessly away from them until she was out of their sight and then circled back. Slowly making her way along the edge of the woods to move closer to them, keeping her footsteps light so they wouldn't give her away.
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Lilith forced herself to think back to that time in her life. Clotho had tried to talk to her repeatedly, but Lilith refused to listen to anything her mate had to say. Convinced that whatever Clotho had to say was a lie. The voices of her past, the fears and insecurities making her see things that weren't there and blinding her to what her own heart and soul knew was the real truth. All of the Immortals had tried talking to her but she refused to listen to any of them either, believing since she wasn't an Incarnate like them that they were lying for Clotho, because she was one of them. She had secluded herself away from Clotho, from all of them, screaming at them through the door to leave her alone. Mars of course, since he was the most bullheaded, had known Lilith the longest and because he absolutely knew they belonged together was the most persistent of them all. She had spent endless nights going over and over in her head what she had seen, what she had heard and little by little she had begun to realize where these thoughts were coming from, what they truly were.

"You're right Mars. I just wish that... Why does this have to be so hard? Why can't we save her from this pain? Why the hell can't we just tell her the truth?" She was frustrated; she looked at Clotho hoping her mate would have the answers for her. Hoping that she would hear something other then what she knew one of them was going to say.

"Sometimes the best thing to do for someone is to step back. Give them the chance to figure out on their own what is happening." Atropos stopped, it wasn't coming out the way she wanted. She looked to Luc for help; they too had gone through something similar.

"She is blaming herself for this. This is coming from somewhere deep inside of her; it is her onsecnsecurities, her old fears unveiling themselves again. She needs to figure this out on her own, or she might never believe in herself again. She needs to recognize these fears, insecurities for what they are, understand where they come from, so that if she ever hears their voices again she will know them for what they are. Lies, untruths, false emotions, guilt, that had been told, force upon, placed on her shoulders and beaten into her repeatedly, when she was young. And those same lies, untruths, guilt, false emotions were reinforced, told and beaten into her once more in Glory's hell, making her feel and believe them all again." Luc ran his hand through his hair, wondering himself if he had made any sense. He felt the guilt for his own part in all of this rise up in the back of his throat like it had been everyday since Atropos had summoned him to the Tapestry of Life room all that time ago.

None of them had noticed that Buffy had walked up next to them, nor did they know that she had heard the last part of what Luc had said. Nor did anyone notice Faith hiding behind the tree, though she had arrived after Luc had finished speaking.

Buffy was pissed they were talking about Faith and about that hell they had existed in. She was fuming that Luc had the nerve to even speak about that hell, let alone speak about Faith, speak about what had happened, about what it had done to Faith. After all, it was his fault that Johnny had even been there in the first place. If it hadn't been for him, Glory would have never pulled Faith into the portal. In her anger, Buffy completely forgot that Glory had pulled Faith into the portal before she had Johnny. She had never confronted Luc about his part in all of it, there had been too many other things going on, nor had she ever told Faith about the part he had played. Once again, that rage she had thought she had conquered for the two degenerates that held them captive found life and it was directing itself right at Luc.

"And all the thanks goes to you for Faith getting to experience again all that shit, doesn't it Lucifer?" She snarled, her eyes glinting dark-amber. This Buffy was very quickly becoming the one that had been chained up in the cage with him in Glory's hell.

No one noticed as all the other Immortals joined their small group.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Mars demanded of Buffy.

"Elizabeth, now is not the..."

Buffy rounded on Atropos, waving her hands wildly cutting her off, "Why not Atropos, don't want anyone to know that if it wasn't because of dear old hubby in the first place that Glory would never have had – had – that piece of shit who had called himself Faith's Daddy?!!?"

Everyone froze as the implications of Buffy words whirled around in their heads. Up until now Buffy, the Fates, Lilith and Luc, had been the only ones who knew that Luc had given Johnny to Glory. Only the Fates, Lilith and Luc himself had known the reasons why he had done what he did.

At the first mention of Glory, Faith dug her fingers into the tree she was hiding behind to eavesdrop on their conversation. She dug them in harder, not noticing the blood dripping from them when in an echo the anger, the rage Buffy was feeling rolled over her, then she dug her fingers in harder still, at the mention of Johnny. Her chest felt tight, she was finding it hard to breathe. She was paralyzed by what Buffy had just revealed and she didn't want to believe it. Didn't want to believe that someone whom she considered family could have done this to her, to Buffy, to them.

Buffy turned back to Luc snarling under her breath, "If you had kept that fucking scumbag in hell with you where he belonged in the first place instead of giving him to that demented Demon-Goddess som..."

A bellow of pure rage drowned out the rest of what Buffy was saying and before anyone could move Mars grabbed Luc by the throat and tossed him clear across the backyard. He was across the yard and pummeling Luc before anyone even had the chance to react or move.

Luc didn't even try to defend himself. He had been waiting for this, waiting for this to finally come out. He had never approached either Slayer, never had found the opportunity, the right time to apologize for his part in what had happened to them. He had not wanted to add this on top of everything else they were going through just to assuage his own guilty conscience. And if he was truly honest with himself, he was afraid of losing them once it all came out in the open. They were his family; he felt like Atropos, they were like his grandchildren; loved, cherished, precious, adored, admired and irreplaceable. He didn't want to risk losing them.

Atropos reached them first, panicking as she saw her mate wasn't even defending himself. Mars couldn't kill Luc, but he could seriously hurt him, only another Immortals had that ability. The hurts, bruises, cuts, broken bones they inflicted on each other couldn't be healed by magic, they had to heal on their own. It had always been that way, the Creator wanted them to understand what it was like so they thought twice before inflicting any type of physical harm on those that weren't like them and on each other.

Atropos tried futilely to grab the Incarnate of War's flailing fists, as she yelled at him to stop. "Mars please stop! He didn't know! He didn't know when he gave him to her! He didn't know she had the Slayers! Please, please, please stop Mars!"

Her words, her pleas, fell on deaf ears, Mars was beyond listening to anyone. If he couldn't take his rage out on the two people that were responsible for the abuse that had been inflicted upon the Slayers, upon the daughter of his heart, then he would inflict it upon the man who was responsible for placing his daughter and her mate within that monster's reach. He flung Zane, Crow and Chris from him with one hand as they tried to pull him off Luc, while he kept beating on him with the other.

"Oh god what have I done?" Buffy whispered to herself, the rage draining completely out of her. Her hands clenched and unclenched helplessly at her side. She had thought she had control of her rage, but the words had fallen so easily from her lips and she had let the rage take her over without the slightest hesitation, without the slightest fight. She knew in her heart that Luc would have never given Johnny to Glory had he known. It wasn't him, it wasn't the type of man he was, it wasn't the role he played in their world, their dimension, even if he was Satan. She ran over to them, she jumped into the fray helping the others to try to pull the enraged Incarnate of War off the bleeding Incarnate of Evil. Everyone, including her, had forgotten about Faith.
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Overload! There were so many confusing thoughts going through her head she felt like she might have a meltdown. She was frozen, still clutching, digging her fingers into the tree, it was her only anchor right now. She watched the scene unfold in front of her and felt like her world was falling apart. Why was it that this shit always happened when everything felt right, felt good? Why did it always happen just before she was ready to take that next step on the road to redemption, forgiveness, to realizing her dreams? Why did it always fall apart? Was this always going to be her life? But more importantly was she just going to sit back and just let it happen, let her family rip each other apart or was she going to do something about it?

She released her death grip on the tree, ignoring the blood, wiping it off almost absentmindedly on her cutoffs. She moved towards them using her Slayer speed. She stood beside them within seconds.

Softly she whispered, somehow knowing that they would hear her despite the shouting, "Stop it! Stop it all of you right now! Mars, let Luc go!"
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They all stilled at her softly spoken words, all but Mars who couldn't see past his rage or hear anything beyond the pounding of the blood in his ears. Faith knelt down next to them, putting her hand on Mars' shoulder.

Softly, soothingly she whispered, "Please, Athair mo cridhe, please stop. Please, Athair stop."

His fist halted mid-flight when the sound of her voice, so sad, so soft, so full of forgiveness and compassion found its way past his rage. His heart hammered against his chest when the words she had spoken in Gaelic to him seeped in. She had called him, Athair and Athair mo cridhe, Father and Father of my heart.

Ashamed of himself, he hastily lifted himself off Luc. He looked first at Faith, who just reached up and gently brushed the side of his face, then down at the bloody mess he had made out of the man whom he thought of as a brother. He hesitantly reached down a hand, expecting it to be rejected and no one was more surprised than him when Luc accepted his offer of help. He pulled the Devil himself up to his feet and was surprised once again when Luc wrapped him in a bear hug.

"It's okay Mars; I would have done no less." Luc whispered for Mars' ears only.

Luc untangled himself from Mars, gave him a small smile, wincing slightly from the tear in his lip. He turned to look at Faith and silently watched as Buffy moved next to her. Watched, as the Slayers unconsciously reached for and clasped each other's hand. "I'm sorr..." He trailed off when Faith shook her head no at him.

"No Luc. There's no need for you to apologize. I know you would never have done anything to hurt either of us. Not before... and not now. All the blame, the guilt belongs solely to those other two. Not to you, or me or Buffy, not to anyone in our family."

Faith smiled tenderly at him and he could see, she not only meant, but also believed every word she had just spoken and he felt as if the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted from his shoulders. He shifted from foot to foot, wincing in pain, amazed by the generosity of the woman in front of him and awed by her capacity to love and forgive. Still though, he felt guilty, then he saw a twinkle in her eyes and so he waited for what was to come.

"Why don't the three of us take a walk to your cottage so you can clean yourself up. We can talk, since I know you're gonna feel guilty anyway until you say whatever it is you need to say or tell us and we tell you we forgive you a billion or so times." She waited for his answer which was given in a nod, "You know Scamp, next time m' Athair decides to kick the shit out of you, you might want to fight back or defend yourself... at least a little bit."

Luc, Buffy and Faith walked away towards his cottage leaving a group of stunned Immortals behind. Though none more stunned than Mars, when Faith once again called him, m' Athair, my Father.
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Luc faded them back to his and Atropos' cottage after they reached the path that ran between all the cottages. He excused himself to go take a quick shower and change, leaving both Slayers alone for the moment in the kitchen. They turned to face each other.

Buffy gave Faith a sheepish grin, which swiftly turned to one of concern when she realized that the wetness she felt holding Faith's hand wasn't from her own sweaty palms. Sweat dried, it didn't turn sticky. She grasped Faith's other hand with hers and before she even raised them up to eye level, she knew what she would see.

"Oh my god Faith, what happened to your hands?" She dragged Faith over to the sink, dropping one hand so she could turn the water on.

It was Faith's turn to give Buffy a sheepish look, "I guess I was holding on to the tree I was standing by a little tighter then I thought."

She really didn't remember doing it and she was ashamed to tell Buffy that she had been hiding behind the tree so she could spy on the Immortals and listen in on their conversation. Ashamed of the thoughts she had been having about Buffy and ashamed because she believed that all of this was her fault. She untangled her hands from Buffy's and turned towards the sink, unable to look her in the eyes. Those goddamn childlike whispers returned. They wanted her to confront Buffy, she screamed so loud at them to shut the fuck up in her head, her body actually jerked in reaction. Now was not the time. She needed time to figure things out, time so she didn't go off halfcocked and make things worse. Besides, there was still Luc to worry about and helping him get past the guilt she knew he was feeling. Not to mention the guilt and horror that she could feel Buffy was struggling with because of her actions, her rage at what she had let slip and the aftermath it had caused. So, she forced down her own fears, her own needs and put Luc and Buffy's before her own, just like she always did.

She put her hands under the lukewarm water and sucked in a breath at the stinging pain. She really had done a number on her fingers. She could feel Buffy staring at her with concerned, worried eyes and was comforted when she felt Buffy's hand tracing light circles on her lower back. She stared at her hands almost curiously, her fingertips, the pads of her fingers and the skin down to the middle knuckles torn, almost shredded. She felt a little out of it, distracted, almost numb, as if the overload she had felt earlier had shut down all the synapses in her brain. She shook her head trying to force herself out of the murky, hazy place she was in.

Buffy leaned her head against Faith's shoulder, slipping one hand under her arm and the other around the outside. She gently cupped both of Faith's hands with her own. Tenderly she helped Faith wash the blood off and clean out the cuts on her fingers.

"Oh baby..." Buffy moaned softly in sympathy.

"It's okay B... they'll heal up in a day or two." She med aed absently. She hissed as Buffy started to clean out the cuts with soap, then was grateful for the burning pain which threw everything back into sharp focus.

Buffy turned off the water and grabbed the towel beside the sink. She carefully dried Faith's hands, then raised each one up to her mouth and kissed the backs of them softly. She let them go, knelt down to check under the sink for a first aid kit and was relieved to see there was one. She found gauze and tape in the kit and led Faith over to the table to sit. She knelt down in front of her and with care wrapped each of Faith's fingers after first applying antiseptic cream.

"That should help, along with our Slayer healing. I'm not sure what else to do, what else I can do?" She gnawed her bottom lip worriedly; innately knowing that somehow she was the catalyst that had caused this. She stared up into the dark-chocolate eyes of her mate, seeing a hint of sadness in them. Instinctively knowing, not the how or the why, but that she was the cause of the sadness in Faith's eyes and that it went deeper then what had just happened at Lily's cottage. "Baby, what else can I do for you?"

"Just love me," Faith whispered ever so softly.

Upon hearing those almost silent words Buffy's eyes grew wide. She rose up to her feet and lifted Faith from the chair. She sat down with Faith in her lap pulling her into an impossibly tight one-arm embrace. Her other hand came up to rest on Faith's cheek and gently urged her to look at her. She let out an almost inaudible sigh of relief when she felt Faith lean into her touch as she turned her head. "I do. I will always love you Faith."

She let herseall all into Buffy's embrace, let herself feel those words. She rested her head on Buffy's shoulder, one arm going around to hold Buffy, the other coming up to stroke the nape of her neck with the back of her hand.

"I know. I love you too, always will B." There was something almost wistful about her words as if she knew this was just the calm before the storm and somehow knew too that it was an internal storm. One that she could not outrun, could not avoid. A storm she would need to conquer on her own, in essence, a storm that had been brewing for a very long time. It was a battle she was determined to win.

A peaceful feeling washed over her and for now her fears and insecurities faded awa vag vague sense of understanding of this internal storm began floating around the edges of her mind and when she heard the almost howl of fear come from those childlike voices of her thoughts, she knew she was on the right track.

They sat quietly holding each other while they waited for Luc and basked in the warmth, in the comfort, in the love they found in each other's arms.
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Continued in Chapter XXXIII – Heal Me (Part D)