California

My day at the library was endless. Actually, before Jenny called it was going smoothly, at least smoother than usual. After she called, I was left with an uneasy feeling about our talk tonight. I'm not sure why I even care what she thinks, but I do. If she was mad I'm sure she would have told me. But why am I scared? What is she going to do, send me back to prison?

"Faith!" Jenny runs up to me and hugs me when I come through the door.

"Hi, Jenny. See, kid? I told you I'd be back for work!"

"Shhhhhhh, don't say anything. You can't let anybody know where you've been."

"Does this mean you've finally come to your senses?"

She breaks the hug and gives me one of her looks of forgiveness. No words accompany, but I know that things are five by five with us again.

"That's what I want to talk to you about, Faith, can we sit down here at the table?"

The table is set like it's some kind of romantic dinner. A big bowl of tossed salad, three kinds of dressing in those fancy glass dispensers, a basket of bread, big casserole dish with the lasagna, and two lighted candles as the center piece.

"Well, ok, Jenny, let's spill it. Get this over with, because I'm starving."

"Faith, it's cool, this isn't some kind of important talk, we can talk while we eat."

I grab a few slices of bread, not really minding my table manners. It's so funny how proper Jenny is, acting all delicate when putting lettuce and tomatoes into her salad bowl. Even pouring ranch dressing over it is some kind of action that requires the utmost concern of detail. Me? I just pour the motherfucker all over my salad to help mask the vegetable taste. Lots of salt and pepper too, which Jenny seems to think is gross.

"I've been thinking a lot about this whole Jack incident. About why it happened, and how you handled it."

She cuts such baby sized slices of lasagna. I just grab a huge chunk of it and put it on my plate. If I don't eat it all now, I can always heat it up later. Jenny keeps cutting tiny pieces that wouldn't choke a bird.

"Why do you think I handled it?" I ask with a mouth full of bread, lettuce and noodles.

"Faith, I know you did this. I found my Anthropology syllabus in your room, with Jack's name and office number circled!"

"Got me, I admit it."

There goes Jenny, cutting another microscopic piece of lasagna.

"But, Faith, what I'm trying to say is it's okay. I forgive you, in fact, no, let me start again."

In my hunger, I didn't even realize what a hot outfit Jenny was wearing, I can totally see through her shirt.

"Faith, I want to thank you. I freaked out on you, I mean, I should have, but the thing you did to Jack is what I was dreaming of since the first day he propositioned me. I only if it were me, I'd really have cut off his... you know what."

I take another drink of my Dr Pepper, acting as though I didn't hear her the first time.

"FAITH!"

"Yeah, Jenny? You'll have to repeat that again, couldn't hear you over my chewing."

"Silly girl, I said THANKS!"

I smile at her, taking hold of her hand, fingers intertwining. I notice her nipples pucker as our fingers make contact. She gives me a nervous laugh and breaks the contact. She kind of crosses her arms as much as she can while still eating, but I know she knows that I know. She so wants me. I smile internally as my own nipples pucker.

"Jenny, its ok, I would have done this for any friend. Besides, it's the least I can do. After all, you are part of the reason why I'm here and not rotting away in the big house."

"I never said I approve of your means, only that I would have done the same thing. Well, same thing if only I could have grown a spine as strong as yours."

"Hey, we girls have to look out for each other. To hell with all that girl power, feminist bullshit, it's all about having your buddy's back."

"You make it sound like we're in some kind of war, Faith."

"Oh, but Jenny, when it comes to assholes like Jack, we are."

Jenny actually laughs at my comment. When she can laugh at me calling Jack a nasty name, I know she's finally came around. And maybe, just maybe, she's growing a spine as strong as mine.

I wish I could tell you later that night Jenny and I made beautiful love to each other for hours on end. But that would be a lie. In my head, I keep replaying my encounter with Fred, only with Jenny in her place. I go to bed each night with a warm feeling in my heart. Used to be my thoughts of her would only produce a tickle between my legs, but this new feeling is even better in many ways.

--

Fred calls me at home one night; kind of surprised me, but not really. Even as shy as she is, I was sure she would be interested in getting in touch with me. After the night we had, I'd be more shocked if she didn't. Jenny answered it for me, at first wondering why Fred sounded so much like a girl. Jenny is such a peach sometimes.

"Hi Faith! I just realized you lived in Sunnydale! I've heard so much about that place from Angel and Cordy."

"Hi baby. I fancy you."

"Um, Faith..."

"I can still feel your kisses on my breasts. So soft and delicate."

"Faith! This is Fred, is that you?"

"I know who you are, sweetie. My nipples are aching to feel your mouth again."

"Faith, this is quite discommodious. I'm not used to being talked to in this manner."

"What? Well, you should get used to it. You could really make Cordelia happy. Who knows, it might just be the thing to get that stick out of her ass."

Fred laughs, "But I want you, not her."

"I tingle when I think of your touch."

Fred is still silent, though I can hear her breathing on the line, or I think it's her breathing.

"I'm hungry to taste your body again. If you were with me right now, I'd lick you all over. Frontward and back."

"Faith! I'm blushing; I don't know what to say. I mean, I don't usually talk about this sort of thing. I think I'm too nervous to talk."

"Didn't you enjoy our evening?"

"I wish I could relive it again. I would visit you, if I knew your address."

"What do you want to do to me?"

She makes a faint scoffing sound, "I, I, I really don't think I can say those words, Faith."

"Come on, Fred. You weren't shy when you were grinding your cunt into my face."

She gasps, "Faith! What if somebody hears? I have a reputation to uphold," she says, laughing.

"It was a really beautiful sight. I've seen things that nobody else has. It's a shame to keep that hidden for so long."

"Well, a girl like me doesn't get much attention."

"You just aren't looking hard enough."

"C'mon, Faith. Why me? You could have had any girl you wanted."

I swear I can hear breathing while Fred talks.

"Why ask? Being with you was so soft and delicate. Like I was floating on air. Is it everything you hoped it would be?"

"It leaves me wanting more. I wish I could be there with you."

"What would you do to me?"

She lets out a long sigh, "Faith, what wouldn't I do?"

"Do you want to kiss me?"

"Of course, Faith."

"But where do you want to kiss me?" I put a little extra sass in my voice.

She gives another nervous laugh. "I don't think I can say this."

"Close your eyes and imagine I'm naked with you."

"I can do that."

"My body is a temple, waiting to be worshipped."

"God, Faith, do all girls taste as good as you when they..." she clears her throat.

"Come?"

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

"My nipples are aching for your mouth. I can feel your tongue."

I hear some heavy breathing again, but it isn't coming from Fred. I take the portable phone over to the railing and look over and see Jenny! Oh my god, the little minx is pleasuring herself to our conversation! I can't ever let Fred know this, or she'd go even more silent than she already is.

"Can't you taste my nipple in your mouth?"

"Oh, Faith. I don't think I can do this much longer."

"Can't you see my legs are spread for you? Wanting and waiting."

"Oh... Faith."

"Tell me what you'd do. I'm open for you and you alone."

"I... think I might have to... kiss you."

"Where would you want to kiss me?"

"I would kiss you..."

"Yeah?"

"Between... your...," her voice is cracking, and getting lower. "legs."

"Can you feel my hand? It's softly caressing your thighs."

"Oh god, Faith!"

"I can feel my hand moving between your legs. Can you feel it? Gently stroking you, feeling you getting wetter and hotter. I can feel you breathing heavy into me while I part your lips."

Now the heavy breathing sounds in stereo. I think our little geek girl might finally be getting into it, that, or Jenny has invited a friend to listen in too.

"Oh Faith... I love this."

But before I can say anything more, Jenny has to go and come. I can tell a split second after her gasp of ecstasy that she wishes she could take it back.

Of course now Fred is freaking out?

"Who, who is that? Is somebody listening to us?"

Jenny slams the phone down, and for a second I think I'm busted.

"It must have been a crossed wire."

"How could that happen? Did somebody else hear us?"

I spend a good five minutes calming her down, assuring her that nobody else knows.

Jenny locked herself in her room for the rest of the day, not even coming out for supper.

I feel almost bad. I have only love for Jenny, but I still want one more night with Fred. I'm half tempted to go up to Los Angeles again, but think better of it. After the conversation tonight, Fred might not want to see me so soon.

The next morning Jenny tries to act cool, but I'm still teasing her. I don't understand why she's embarrassed that I know. Doesn't she know I'd tell her if I was pissed off?

Before I leave for work, I give her a hug and tell her, "Don't."

--

It's a couple of weeks later when the subject finally comes up, actually brought to a head by Jenny. The way we look at each other, talk to each other, it feels like we could end up kissing at any moment. That tension is so delicious, yet so frustrating as well.

"Faith," she says her voice trembling. It's 10 at night, and she's sitting on my bed. I'm halfway through Sandman collection three. I usually hate to be interrupted, but for her I'd put anything on hold.

"Yeah, Jenny?"

"There is something I've been meaning to talk to yo about for a long time, but I never know how to say it."

"So, just say it! If either of us die in our sleep, it's too late then."

"Faith! Don't talk like that, that's so morbid. But, you are right."

"So, what's on your mind, Jenny?" I softly touch her face, but rather than flinch and try to push it away, she presses her hand softly against it.

"Faith, I don't know how to say this exactly, but I think I'm falling for you."

I smile a knowing smile, she knows I've read her face and reactions before.

"I feel so bad sometimes. My parents are liberal, but still taught me that homosexuality is wrong. I've rejected that so often, but yet a little bit of that outdated belief still lives in my heart."

I break out into song for her. "It ain't necessarily so; The things that you're liable to read in the Bible; It ain't necessarily so"

She chuckles, but still with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"The big reason I stay here during the summertime, and not on campus, is I couldn't control myself last semester. I mean, I did, but had I not left then, I would have probably been thrown out of college!"

"So you're a bad girl after all, eh, Jenny?"

"My roommate stirred in my feelings I've tried to suppress since I was 12. There was no way I was going to get through the semester without telling her how I felt. I even..."

She whispers in my ear a confession I promise to not reveal. Though it is something I've done myself, I won't repeat it here.

"And now you are stirring those same feelings in me again."

She wipes a tear from her eye, but then bursts out into a laugh.

"Oh god, I finally said it, I think I feel free now."

I hold her in my arms, she feels so much more powerful than the time I hugged her on the event of my homecoming. I'm not sure what to say, so I just blurt out what's on my mind.

"Do you want me to fuck you?"

"I don't think I'm ready yet, Faith. I'm sorry."

"Shhhhh, it's okay, I'm willing to wait."

"I can't sleep alone anymore, Faith. Will you sleep with me?"

I nod my head. She leads me to her room. This big bed would be depressing to sleep alone in.

"Hold me, Faith."

I get her in the spoon position, pulling her close to my body. I can feel her shiver and quake as my hands touch her tummy. It feels so soft and warm to the touch. My hands are close enough that I can feel heat rising from below, but instead of putting my hands lower, I keep them where they are.

She sighs contently before falling to sleep. The warm feeling in my heart spreads all over my body. Though I've said it before, now I know it's true. I'm really in love. How can this be?