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BtVS AU/AR › FemmeSlash - Female/Female › Buffy/Faith
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
68
Views:
4,970
Reviews:
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Category:
BtVS AU/AR › FemmeSlash - Female/Female › Buffy/Faith
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
68
Views:
4,970
Reviews:
17
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
V - Forget
V – Forget
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these things that we too soon forget ~ collecting dust...spider webs that grow and grow till there's nothing left ~ except for shreds that you can't quite call evidence ~ that i had a life before today ~ see i forget things i associate with pain ~ i think it's time that i start to look back on my life ~ sitting around watching things go ~ these things that remind me of my home...
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"Giles! NOW!" Buffy yelled, bursting through the door of the Magic Shop. The door slammed against the wall hard enough to make the items on the shelves shake. "GILES!" she yelled again.
The one customer in the shop looked around at her. The look on her face was frightening. He swore he could see red sparks flashing from her eyes.
"I, ah, ah, changed my mind," he stammered to Anya. He headed for the door and cautiously made his way around the she-demon by the entrance.
Giles came running out of the back of the Magic Shop at the sound of her voice. He saw Anya out of the corner of his eye throw a look that could kill at Buffy. 'Oh no!' He quickly headed over to the counter hoping he would be ato sto stop the confrontation that was sure to come.
Most of the time Anya was indifferent to everything that went on, Giles supposed being over twelve-hundred years old might do that to you. Her weak spot however was MONEY, and Buffy had just ruined a sale. The Ex-Vengeance demon was as enamored by money, as she was obsessed with her Orgasm Buddy Xander.
"You, you, the Money..."
"Not now Anya big problem, like in huge." Buffy said cutting her off.
"Well, what seems to be the problem Buffy?"
"Faith."
"Faith?" Giles asked puzzled.
"You know, as in Faith, Bad Slayer. Evil Slayer. Psycho Slayer. That Faith." Giles hated it when Buffy got like this. He just raised his eyebrow and waited for her to continue.
"She's out!"
"Out?"
"Like N-O-T in jail, like here."
"What, Faith's here in Sunnydale?"
"That would be a yes,aw haw her last night at Angel's apartment."
"You wait until now to tell me!" Irritated Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them.
"Well I only left there an hour or so ago..." 'Ooops!' "Um, I, uh," how the hell was she going to explain this?
"Y-y-y-y-ou uh, ahmm, spent t-t-he night with Faith?" Giles choked out.
"Is Faith your Orgasm Buddy?"
"NO! SO SO SO SO NOT! NO!" Buffy yelled at Anya, a little too loud and a little too vehemently.
"Oh do you want her to be? Is that why you spent the night with her? Because you know, Willow and Tara are and you know it would be OK..." Giles and Buffy just stared at Anya, both wondering how they had even gotten side tracked into this topic.
"Anya, enough! Buffy and Faith are not um, ah, that. What is she doing here?"
"Don't know, I think we need to call a Scooby meeting. Yup a Scooby meeting would be good."
"Perhaps you should call Angel as well. Although I am surprised, he didn't call and let us know she was out of jail. Unless of course, he doesn't know."
"I'll call Angel, you call the Gang."
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"WHAT!... You didn't... Psychotic super... At your word... Right an... Bullshit..."
The Scooby Gang was sitting around the table at the Magic Shop listening to Buffy yell at Angel on the phone. They could only hear bitd pid pieces of the conversation and it didn't sound as if things were going well. They all jumped when they heard Buffy slam down the phone. Giles wondered if it was still in one piece. Apparently, it was because they heard her talking to someone else, all they heard this time though was the word NOW. Buffy stormed back into the main room of the shop in time to hear Xander's question.
"So psycho slut is back?"
"Yes and Buffy spent the night with her. But they aren't Orgasm Buddies. But I told her it would be okay if she wan... hmpf..." The rest was cut off by Xander's hand over Anya's mouth.
Everyone just stared openmouthed at first Anya, and then at Buffy. Buffy threw an exasperated look at Anya.
"You... you... spent the night with her?" Willow gasped. "How, why would you, I mean, she is evil, unless of course she's not anymore which is..."
"Why don't we just let Buffy explain, shall we?" Giles had left out the part about Buffy spending the night with Faith when he had filled the Scooby Gang in. Well, what little information there was, which pretty much consisted of Faith was back and nothing else. He should have known better with Anya around. Everyone looked expectantly at Buffy.
"Well, I ran into her last night and just to be safe I stayed to keep an eye on her." The answer sounded even lame to Buffy.
"Was Angel able to shed any light on Faith being here?"
"He refused to tell me much of anything." Buffy said as she sat down with the rest of them at the round table. "Faith has been out of jail since October. Angel had her stashed in some apartment. He said he has been trying to help her control her dark side."
"Brood-Boy helping Evil-Slayer-Girl, kind of makes sense in a very weird sort of way."
"Wait, what do you mean she's been out since October? What happened to she killed someone, tortured and threatened others, they only give five months for that kind of stuff now. 'Cause I mean usually that's like a life thing and, um, I mean, she was sentenced to eighteen months just for the assault and battery wasn't she? And it hasn't been that long yet has it? And I think..."
"Will, Will, hold on a sec, okay." Buffy held up her hand to get Willow to stop babbling. "Seems the so-called smart people in like the Judge and the D.A. dropped the other charges, and thsaulsault conviction was overturned. 'Cause I mean what's one more psychopath on the streets anyway, right. This is why they make the big bucks, they make the big dumb decisions. Angel says Faith isn't evil anymore. Said she's trying to make up for the past. Be a good little girl. He said to ask her my questions. So I, um, called her. She should be here soon."
"WHAT!?! Should we get weapons or something? Cause, I mean, who knows if she is going to go all psycho on us. I mean, she did threaten Willow with a knife and she tried to strangle me. Who knows what she is going to do now."
Before Buffy could answer Xander, they heard the bell ring on the door signaling someone's entrance.
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Faith had been standing outside of the Magic Shop for ten minutes trying to get up enough nerve to go inside. She had been peeking in the window fervently praying she wasn't caught. She was hoping to get the temperature of the room before she went in and from what she could see there were no happy campers in there. She didn't expect that they would greet her with open arms. She had pretty much destroyed any chance of that, what she was hoping was that they would at least give her a chance.
'Susuresure, I'll just walk in there and explain that I WAS a PSYCHO, but I've seen the light and now I'm notd ofd of course they'll just take me at my word. Then there will be Scooby hugs and kisses all around, and cake and ice cream to follow.'
Faith sighed and leaned her head up against the building. Funny, Soul-boy forgot to tell her about this part. She straightened up and squared her shoulders; she still had a little pride left, and wd ovd over to the door.
Seven heads turned towards her. She moved away from the door and came into the shop out of the bright sunlight. There was a collective gasp from the original Scooby Gang as they saw how her clothes hung off her emaciated body. They saw her large haunted brown eyes stare back at them from her gaunt face. For once, it seemed Faith wasn't hiding behind her usual facade of indifference. There was a second gasp from the group when they noticed the fresh bruises in the shape of a handprint on each of her cheeks. It didn't even enter their minds that there was only one person who could hit the Dark Slayer hard enough to leave such lasting vivid bruises on her face.
The cocky attitude seemed to be gone as well, and in its place, there seemed to be, oddly enough, a calm sort of confidence. This certainly didn't appear to be the Faith they had known.
Faith started walking towards them. When she saw the looks of apprehension wer were giving her, she stopped mid-stride. She knew they were wondering if she was going to attack them.
'Shit I'd be wondering that myself about now too, not a great start.'
So, she veered away from them towards the counter. She hopped up onto the counter top and saw how everyone jumped when she jumped. She saw Giles' look of disapproval and suppressing a sigh she slid off the counter and leaned back against it instead. She shoved her hands into her pockets, and curiously enough, it seemed she was wearing lifting gloves. She tried to make her demeanor as non-threatening as possible.
"Going for that anorexic body-building look now, Faith?"
Anya looked at Xander, she was a little perplexed by the bitterness, and meanness of his tone.
As she had over the last twenty-four hours where it concerned Faith, Buffy chose to ignore what her heart and eyes were desperately trying to tell her; what some of the Scooby Gang seemed to see. This wasn't the same Faith that they all had come to hate. Buffy was still too angry, at Angel, at Faith, at herself, and so she let the anger control her.
"Me, I preferred the sleazy street slut look over the whole waif thing you've got going on Faith. Is this whole wasting away to nothing look part of the twi psy psycho game you're playing this time? Oh look at me! The guilt is eating me alive. I can't eat; I can't sleep, POOR, POOR, PITIFUL ME! Did you think we'd feel sorry for you and just open our arms and let you back in? 'Cause it's not working for me, how about the rest of you guys?"
Faith wasn't the only one to look at Buffy in shock. Well, they thought it was Buffy, she looked like Buffy, sounded like Buffy, but she didn't act like Buffy. At least noe Bue Buffy they knew. They had been noticing, even before her Mom had died little changes in her over the last few weeks. Had been noticing she seemed to be a little distant, only now they were realizing how far away she had actually moved.
"Waiting here!"
"Buffy!"
"Giles!"
"Enough! This is accomplishing nothing." Giles rose to stand in front of Buffy as he spoke.
"Um... I would... ah… like to say something first before... I do that, well I mean if... um, that's okay." Faith stumbled unsure of how to start. Her calm confidence was slowly turning to acute nervousness. This definitely wasn't going as she planned, but then again very few things in her life ever did. Buffy interrupted her before she could continue.
"Giles move," Buffy waved him to the side."You're going to make me miss the start of the performance."
"Look I'm not here to cause trouble."
"Coulda fooled me."
Faith chose to ignored Buffy, getting into a verbal tug of war with her would not help anything.
"I want to say I'm..." Faith shot a nervous look at Buffy before continuing. "Sorry."
"Right and I'm Kate Moss." They heard Buffy snort under her breath. Faith had to stop herself from making a short joke; she doubted it would have gone over well with the Scoobs.
"Buffy, enough! Let Faith speak. You are not helping matters" Giles spoke to her as if she were a wayward four-year-old. Buffy opened her mouth to say something again and Giles gave her that fatherly look of disapproval that always stopped her in her tracks. Buffy turned her cold eyes back to Faith and nodded at her to continue.
"I messed up big, I know that. I was too busy running and feeling sorry for myself to see what was right in front of me. I spit on all of you, your friendship, your trust. I betrayed my calling, all of you and myself. If I could I would go back and change ll.\ll."
"You mean, like actually kill us this time don't you?" Xander mumbled under his breath.
Faith took a shuddering breath and continued, the pain of Xander's words like a knife in her gut again. Her voice trembled a little.
"No! If I had really wanted to kill you, you would be dead right now." That gave them pause, because it suddenly became obvious that what she said was true. It was something none of them had ever really thought about before now.
"I know I can't change what happened. I know you have no reason to believe me when I tell you I am not that Faith anymore. That I never want to be her again, that I never wanted to be her. I am not going to offer any excuses, try to blame it on a bad childhood or some other bullshit. I was out of control, I couldn't... didn't know how to ask for or accept help. I thought my only way out was to become evil enough, do enough damage that... that... that... someone would be forced to kill me to get me to stop. I don't ever want to go down that path again. I have learned a lot from Angel over the last few months. And the guilt like the blood on my hands will be with me for the rest of my life." Faith lost her composure a little and paused to take a shaky breath.
"I am not asking you for your forgiveness or your friendship. I couldn't have that kind of luck a second time. But I am sorry for everything." Again, they saw her look a little nervously at Buffy. "All I'm asking for is a chance to show you. I came here to help." She looked out at the Scoobs and waited for their reaction.
"Yeah, well, I mean, if you're not evil anymore, that's like a good thing, but it's kinda hard to believe, you know, cause it looks like you've already been um, well, I mean, like...... like you've only been here a day and you show up here all, um, bruised face and all..." Willow trailed off at the look the two Slayers' exchanged at the mention of Faith's bruises.
Faith saw as it dawned on them who she had gotten the bruises from. There was a little bit of horror in their eyes when they took note that there didn't seem to be a hair out of place on Buffy. Faith didn't like this. She didn't want them to lose their, well, faith in Buffy. Didn't want them to actually realize how distant Buffy had become. Buffy needed them now more than ever. Needed their continued support. If they started to distance themselves from her as well, it would not help at all. Faith knew what the feeling of being all alone in the world could do to you, could make you do. She wanted them to continue to believe that Their Buffy only used her fists when given no other choice, no matter what the person had done.
Buffy cringed inside when she felt their eyes move to her, she knew what they were thinking. They were looking to her for an answer as to why it looked as if she was the only one who had done any hitting. She didn't have an answer for them, or at least not one she was willing to admit to.
Faith didn't like the speculative looks the Scoobs were giving Buffy. She sure as hell couldn't tell them what had really happened so she did the only thing she could think of: she lied.
\e! Ne! No fighting here. I, ah, had a run-in with a few vamps before dawn this morning and they, ah... kinda caught me by surprise, you know. You can see I'm......um......ah......not exactly in the best of shape, ah, not at, ah full Slayer strength. I, um, kinda bruise easy and don't heal as fast you know."
'Fuck, Faith, channel Willowh?'h?' she thought to herself.
Faith saw the surprise and the brief hint of gratitude in Buffy's eyes. The gratitude didn't last very long and Buffy retreated back behind the wall of ice, the coldness once more clear in her eyes.
"Your kind of help we don't need, it's like no help at all."
"B, I'm not leaving even if you don't let me help. This is where I'm supposed to be."
"Go back to L.A. Faith. Is that clear enough for you, or would you like me to spell it out for you, given that you can read?"
"NO!"
"Don't make me drag you back there."
"I'll only come back; I'm not running anymore, not from slaying, not from my past, not from anything. Something big and bad is coming down and I AM SUPPOSED to be here. I AM NOT leaving. I am going to help whether you like it or not B. I will do whatever it takes, whatever you want, just say the word, everything but leave. You'll have to kill me to keep me away." Her words were wrapped in quiet defiance, there was nothing threatening about them, simply because they were not meant as a threat.
"Faith, perhaps it would help if you told us why you are so certain you are supposed to be here." Giles gave his do-not-interrupt look at Buffy.
"There's this demon that Soul- ah, Angel knows that owns a club and he can, ah, sort of see your soul...... Read your aura...... Point you where you're supposed to be...... Your destiny or some such thing. Angel took me to see him." Suddenly Faith found the tops of her shoes very interesting.
"A demon you say? What kind?"
"A... a... Ana something, I don't know, he's green, red eyes, horns; a demon demon. Ya know?" Faith said still fascinated by the tops of her shoes.
"Oh I know that, it is an ANAGOGIC demon. They're connected to the mystics. You have to sin..."
"Ahyeahthat'sitsothat'swhyI'mhere," Faith rushed out before Anya could finish.
"Anya did yay yay you have to sin for this demon to read your Aura?" Giles asked, puzzled.
"No. If she wasn't such a rude human and did not interrupt me, I would have said: You have to sing in order for them to read your aura."
"I know about this Cordy told me about it. Angel sang Barry Manilow!"
Right about now Faith was hoping a hole would open up and swallow her into the ground. If she were the old Faith, which she wasn't, she would be seriously considering hurting and and Willow. Instead, she just kept looking at her shoes, hoping no one would notice the blush creeping up her neck. She knew they wouldn't let her off that easy though.
"You sang Faith?" Buffy asked sweetly. Oh, this was way too good! So much to play with! Buffy couldn't resist the urge to make the Rogue Slayer squirm just a little. She had heard Faith sing, well, if you could call it that. If Buffy remembered correctly, Faith sang in the key of O-F-F.
"Yes," Faith mumbled and looked pleadingly at Buffy.
'Pleaseohpleasedon'taskdon'task!'
But Faith knew she would.
"So what did you sing F?"
"B..."
"F, it could be important." Just for a brief moment in time, it was like none of the bad blood had happened between them. It was just the Chosen Two teasing each other again.
Faith mumbled into her feet. "Bl.mmmm S..."
"What? I couldn't hear you. Could you guys?" Buffy asked followed by a chorus of No's.
'OK, so where is that hole? 'Cause I could re, re, really, use it now. I am so gonna umph.... Soul-boy you better run the next time you see me!'
"Blue Sun by Darling Violetta." Faith looked at Buffy, wondering if she would remember.
"Hey that was the..."
'Don'tsayitRedpleasedon'tohdon'tRed!'
"...song the band was playing the night Buffy met you and brought you over to our table at the Bronze."
'AHHHfuckRedyousaidityouandyourfuckingcomputerforabrainremembereveryfuckinglittlethingfuckfuck!'
Faith was back to inspecting her shoes again, but not before she saw the surprise in Buffy's eyes. She couldn't help it she had to grin, but the grin didn't last very long when what Buffy was saying started to sink in.
"Hmm, I'm thinkin' it would be a good thing, yup a really, really, good thing if Faith sang it for us now." Faith's head snapped up, she knew her face had to be scarlet by now. She gave her best please-please-don't-make-me-do-this look at Buffy who was just sitting there smiling like the cat that just ate the canary.
"Beeeeeee?" She begged.
'OHnoshe'sreallynotgonnamakemepleasegodi'llneverswearagain!'
"You said you'd do whatever it takes F." She shrugged and gave Faith an innocent look, but there was an impish grin playing around the corners of her lips.
'Wow, she remembered the song that was playing when we met. Why? And she picked that song out of all the songs she could have picked. Hmm just another of her games probably.'
There was a little part of Buffy that was secretly thrilled, but a bigger part of her vehemently denied it.
Faith stared into Buffy's eyes, and caught a glimpse of, was it, delight, over the song she had picked? For just that second, Faith could have sworn that she heard the distinct sound of a wall beginning to crumble.
'Oh Fuck me I had to go and say whatever it takes B, I'm getting stupid from all those fucking hits to my head!'
With a sheepish grin, Faith shook her head and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, What-the-Fuck. Buffy let her sweat it out a few seconds longer; this was way too much fun.
Buffy raised her hand and stopped Faith just before she started to sing.
'ThankyouBthankyouthankyouthankyou!'
"OK, OK you don't have to sing. Torturing the Scoobs won't help prove you've changed... I am going to give you your chance Faith. But you will be on probation. Angel wants you to move into the mansion. Do it tonight, and I expect you here at 10 a.m. tomorrow to tr and and don't even think about being late."
"Thank you B... B...uffy. I won't let you down, I won't let any of you down, I swear." Faith tried to keep herself from smiling as she turned to leave but a little bit of the smile escaped anyway.
"And Faith..." Buffy said just as the Rogue Slayer opened the door to leave. Faith turned around to look at the Slayer.
"You better not let any of us down. If I even see a hint that you are going back to your old ways, you'll be lucky if all I do to you is kick your ass all the way back to L.A." The temperature in the room plummeted about fifty degrees before Faith turned around and left. The connection between the Slayers' once again broken.
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As each of the Chosen Two drifted off to sleep that night, it was with thoughts of the other. They would have been surprised at just how similar those thoughts were.
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The Slayer woke from her slumber, and was not in her own bed. Where was she? She hated these damn Slayer dreams. She looked around, and saw she was standing in a very large room. Over in the corner was a young woman spinning threads with a staff. A distaff, a voice in her head told her. The Slayer watched as she carefully selected, and prepared the thread. The young woman walked over to an older woman who was sitting at a very large Loom in the center of the room. The Slayer always hated it when people, things wojustjust suddenly be there when they weren't before, these damn Slayer dreams were enough to give someone a heart attack.
The middle-aged woman at the loom was weaving a tapestry so expansive, so intricate it stretched beyond the scope of the Slayer's vision. Even had she been able to see the whole of it, it was doubtful that the Slayer's mind could have comprehended its magnitude.
The Slayer watched as the woman slipped the new thread into the loom through the shuttle. She watched, as the thread seemed to slip smoothly into its allotted place within the tapestry, winding into even braids, crossing and touching other threads as if by plan.
The young woman returned with another thread and gave it to the weaver; only this one was unruly, and wild. The Slayer saw as the weaver took the thread and began to weave it into the tapestry by hand. She wove the thread with careful, loving fingers. As the Slayer looked, she saw other similar threads in the tapestry. Saw how some had frayed in places, tangled in others, they seemed almost unpredictable, and they seem to disrupt the planned design.
The Slayer turned towards a sound that had just sent a shiver up her spine. She saw an ancient woman emerge from the darkness beyond, a pair of shears in her hands. She watched as the weaver held a thread tight and the ancient woman snipped WithWith the snipping of the thread came a sense of sorrow to the Slayer, and with an unbelieving hand she wiped away the single tear that had escaped from her eye.
"Child, come here," beckoned the ancient woman.
The Slayer walked towards the three women who now stood together. She stopped a foot or two from them.
"Who are you?" Did she actually speak the words or were they only in her mind?
"We are known by many names my sisters and I."
The ancient woman pointed to the youngest of them and said, "She is known as The Maiden, Clotho, or The Spinner."
She then pointed at the middle-aged woman, "She is know as The Mother, Lachesis or the The Weaver, and I am known as The Crone, Atropos, or The Harvester. We are also known together as the Aspects of Fate."
"Where am I?"
"You are in the room where the Tapestry of Life is woven. Clotho spins the Threads of Life. While Lachesis measures and weaves the Threads of Life into the tapestry, and I child, am the one who finally snips them."
"Why did you bring me here?"
"For now, all you need to know is that each person, whether human, god, or immortal, is given an equal share of good and evil at birth. The choices they make during the course of their lives can change the destiny that has been planned in the tapestry for them, as well as the lives of the others they have touched. There are times when these choices can tip the balance of the world causing chaos where none should be. There would be no balance in life, in the world, if there was only one without the other."
"Okay.... I think?"
"How would you know what Cold is if you have never known Hot? How would you know what Love is if you have never known Hate? How would you know what Pleasure is if you have never known Pain? How would you know what Joy is if you have never known Sorrow? How would you know what Good is if you have never known Evil? How would you know what Light is if you have never known Darkness?"
"OK! OK, I GET IT!!"
'Yup, took those smart Slayer pills today, 'cause it would probably be a good thing to get snotty, and annoyed with the Fates and pthemthem off,' the Slayer chided herself.
"What is it that you want from me?"
"For now this is all you need to know. Now you must return, until the next time we meet Child." The Fates smiled at the Slayer and faded back into the darkness and she was once more in her own bed.
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i think it's time that i start to look back on my life ~ cuz i don't want to be in doubt ~ and i don't need to know what this life's all about ~ i just wanna to know right now, right now are you gonna be around ~ when i need to find what i'm missing ~ and i can't recall what it was i believed in ~ take me home, surround me with friends ~ take me home...home – 8Stops7
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Continued in Chapter VI – I Can't Explain
these things that we too soon forget ~ collecting dust...spider webs that grow and grow till there's nothing left ~ except for shreds that you can't quite call evidence ~ that i had a life before today ~ see i forget things i associate with pain ~ i think it's time that i start to look back on my life ~ sitting around watching things go ~ these things that remind me of my home...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Giles! NOW!" Buffy yelled, bursting through the door of the Magic Shop. The door slammed against the wall hard enough to make the items on the shelves shake. "GILES!" she yelled again.
The one customer in the shop looked around at her. The look on her face was frightening. He swore he could see red sparks flashing from her eyes.
"I, ah, ah, changed my mind," he stammered to Anya. He headed for the door and cautiously made his way around the she-demon by the entrance.
Giles came running out of the back of the Magic Shop at the sound of her voice. He saw Anya out of the corner of his eye throw a look that could kill at Buffy. 'Oh no!' He quickly headed over to the counter hoping he would be ato sto stop the confrontation that was sure to come.
Most of the time Anya was indifferent to everything that went on, Giles supposed being over twelve-hundred years old might do that to you. Her weak spot however was MONEY, and Buffy had just ruined a sale. The Ex-Vengeance demon was as enamored by money, as she was obsessed with her Orgasm Buddy Xander.
"You, you, the Money..."
"Not now Anya big problem, like in huge." Buffy said cutting her off.
"Well, what seems to be the problem Buffy?"
"Faith."
"Faith?" Giles asked puzzled.
"You know, as in Faith, Bad Slayer. Evil Slayer. Psycho Slayer. That Faith." Giles hated it when Buffy got like this. He just raised his eyebrow and waited for her to continue.
"She's out!"
"Out?"
"Like N-O-T in jail, like here."
"What, Faith's here in Sunnydale?"
"That would be a yes,aw haw her last night at Angel's apartment."
"You wait until now to tell me!" Irritated Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them.
"Well I only left there an hour or so ago..." 'Ooops!' "Um, I, uh," how the hell was she going to explain this?
"Y-y-y-y-ou uh, ahmm, spent t-t-he night with Faith?" Giles choked out.
"Is Faith your Orgasm Buddy?"
"NO! SO SO SO SO NOT! NO!" Buffy yelled at Anya, a little too loud and a little too vehemently.
"Oh do you want her to be? Is that why you spent the night with her? Because you know, Willow and Tara are and you know it would be OK..." Giles and Buffy just stared at Anya, both wondering how they had even gotten side tracked into this topic.
"Anya, enough! Buffy and Faith are not um, ah, that. What is she doing here?"
"Don't know, I think we need to call a Scooby meeting. Yup a Scooby meeting would be good."
"Perhaps you should call Angel as well. Although I am surprised, he didn't call and let us know she was out of jail. Unless of course, he doesn't know."
"I'll call Angel, you call the Gang."
"WHAT!... You didn't... Psychotic super... At your word... Right an... Bullshit..."
The Scooby Gang was sitting around the table at the Magic Shop listening to Buffy yell at Angel on the phone. They could only hear bitd pid pieces of the conversation and it didn't sound as if things were going well. They all jumped when they heard Buffy slam down the phone. Giles wondered if it was still in one piece. Apparently, it was because they heard her talking to someone else, all they heard this time though was the word NOW. Buffy stormed back into the main room of the shop in time to hear Xander's question.
"So psycho slut is back?"
"Yes and Buffy spent the night with her. But they aren't Orgasm Buddies. But I told her it would be okay if she wan... hmpf..." The rest was cut off by Xander's hand over Anya's mouth.
Everyone just stared openmouthed at first Anya, and then at Buffy. Buffy threw an exasperated look at Anya.
"You... you... spent the night with her?" Willow gasped. "How, why would you, I mean, she is evil, unless of course she's not anymore which is..."
"Why don't we just let Buffy explain, shall we?" Giles had left out the part about Buffy spending the night with Faith when he had filled the Scooby Gang in. Well, what little information there was, which pretty much consisted of Faith was back and nothing else. He should have known better with Anya around. Everyone looked expectantly at Buffy.
"Well, I ran into her last night and just to be safe I stayed to keep an eye on her." The answer sounded even lame to Buffy.
"Was Angel able to shed any light on Faith being here?"
"He refused to tell me much of anything." Buffy said as she sat down with the rest of them at the round table. "Faith has been out of jail since October. Angel had her stashed in some apartment. He said he has been trying to help her control her dark side."
"Brood-Boy helping Evil-Slayer-Girl, kind of makes sense in a very weird sort of way."
"Wait, what do you mean she's been out since October? What happened to she killed someone, tortured and threatened others, they only give five months for that kind of stuff now. 'Cause I mean usually that's like a life thing and, um, I mean, she was sentenced to eighteen months just for the assault and battery wasn't she? And it hasn't been that long yet has it? And I think..."
"Will, Will, hold on a sec, okay." Buffy held up her hand to get Willow to stop babbling. "Seems the so-called smart people in like the Judge and the D.A. dropped the other charges, and thsaulsault conviction was overturned. 'Cause I mean what's one more psychopath on the streets anyway, right. This is why they make the big bucks, they make the big dumb decisions. Angel says Faith isn't evil anymore. Said she's trying to make up for the past. Be a good little girl. He said to ask her my questions. So I, um, called her. She should be here soon."
"WHAT!?! Should we get weapons or something? Cause, I mean, who knows if she is going to go all psycho on us. I mean, she did threaten Willow with a knife and she tried to strangle me. Who knows what she is going to do now."
Before Buffy could answer Xander, they heard the bell ring on the door signaling someone's entrance.
Faith had been standing outside of the Magic Shop for ten minutes trying to get up enough nerve to go inside. She had been peeking in the window fervently praying she wasn't caught. She was hoping to get the temperature of the room before she went in and from what she could see there were no happy campers in there. She didn't expect that they would greet her with open arms. She had pretty much destroyed any chance of that, what she was hoping was that they would at least give her a chance.
'Susuresure, I'll just walk in there and explain that I WAS a PSYCHO, but I've seen the light and now I'm notd ofd of course they'll just take me at my word. Then there will be Scooby hugs and kisses all around, and cake and ice cream to follow.'
Faith sighed and leaned her head up against the building. Funny, Soul-boy forgot to tell her about this part. She straightened up and squared her shoulders; she still had a little pride left, and wd ovd over to the door.
Seven heads turned towards her. She moved away from the door and came into the shop out of the bright sunlight. There was a collective gasp from the original Scooby Gang as they saw how her clothes hung off her emaciated body. They saw her large haunted brown eyes stare back at them from her gaunt face. For once, it seemed Faith wasn't hiding behind her usual facade of indifference. There was a second gasp from the group when they noticed the fresh bruises in the shape of a handprint on each of her cheeks. It didn't even enter their minds that there was only one person who could hit the Dark Slayer hard enough to leave such lasting vivid bruises on her face.
The cocky attitude seemed to be gone as well, and in its place, there seemed to be, oddly enough, a calm sort of confidence. This certainly didn't appear to be the Faith they had known.
Faith started walking towards them. When she saw the looks of apprehension wer were giving her, she stopped mid-stride. She knew they were wondering if she was going to attack them.
'Shit I'd be wondering that myself about now too, not a great start.'
So, she veered away from them towards the counter. She hopped up onto the counter top and saw how everyone jumped when she jumped. She saw Giles' look of disapproval and suppressing a sigh she slid off the counter and leaned back against it instead. She shoved her hands into her pockets, and curiously enough, it seemed she was wearing lifting gloves. She tried to make her demeanor as non-threatening as possible.
"Going for that anorexic body-building look now, Faith?"
Anya looked at Xander, she was a little perplexed by the bitterness, and meanness of his tone.
As she had over the last twenty-four hours where it concerned Faith, Buffy chose to ignore what her heart and eyes were desperately trying to tell her; what some of the Scooby Gang seemed to see. This wasn't the same Faith that they all had come to hate. Buffy was still too angry, at Angel, at Faith, at herself, and so she let the anger control her.
"Me, I preferred the sleazy street slut look over the whole waif thing you've got going on Faith. Is this whole wasting away to nothing look part of the twi psy psycho game you're playing this time? Oh look at me! The guilt is eating me alive. I can't eat; I can't sleep, POOR, POOR, PITIFUL ME! Did you think we'd feel sorry for you and just open our arms and let you back in? 'Cause it's not working for me, how about the rest of you guys?"
Faith wasn't the only one to look at Buffy in shock. Well, they thought it was Buffy, she looked like Buffy, sounded like Buffy, but she didn't act like Buffy. At least noe Bue Buffy they knew. They had been noticing, even before her Mom had died little changes in her over the last few weeks. Had been noticing she seemed to be a little distant, only now they were realizing how far away she had actually moved.
"Waiting here!"
"Buffy!"
"Giles!"
"Enough! This is accomplishing nothing." Giles rose to stand in front of Buffy as he spoke.
"Um... I would... ah… like to say something first before... I do that, well I mean if... um, that's okay." Faith stumbled unsure of how to start. Her calm confidence was slowly turning to acute nervousness. This definitely wasn't going as she planned, but then again very few things in her life ever did. Buffy interrupted her before she could continue.
"Giles move," Buffy waved him to the side."You're going to make me miss the start of the performance."
"Look I'm not here to cause trouble."
"Coulda fooled me."
Faith chose to ignored Buffy, getting into a verbal tug of war with her would not help anything.
"I want to say I'm..." Faith shot a nervous look at Buffy before continuing. "Sorry."
"Right and I'm Kate Moss." They heard Buffy snort under her breath. Faith had to stop herself from making a short joke; she doubted it would have gone over well with the Scoobs.
"Buffy, enough! Let Faith speak. You are not helping matters" Giles spoke to her as if she were a wayward four-year-old. Buffy opened her mouth to say something again and Giles gave her that fatherly look of disapproval that always stopped her in her tracks. Buffy turned her cold eyes back to Faith and nodded at her to continue.
"I messed up big, I know that. I was too busy running and feeling sorry for myself to see what was right in front of me. I spit on all of you, your friendship, your trust. I betrayed my calling, all of you and myself. If I could I would go back and change ll.\ll."
"You mean, like actually kill us this time don't you?" Xander mumbled under his breath.
Faith took a shuddering breath and continued, the pain of Xander's words like a knife in her gut again. Her voice trembled a little.
"No! If I had really wanted to kill you, you would be dead right now." That gave them pause, because it suddenly became obvious that what she said was true. It was something none of them had ever really thought about before now.
"I know I can't change what happened. I know you have no reason to believe me when I tell you I am not that Faith anymore. That I never want to be her again, that I never wanted to be her. I am not going to offer any excuses, try to blame it on a bad childhood or some other bullshit. I was out of control, I couldn't... didn't know how to ask for or accept help. I thought my only way out was to become evil enough, do enough damage that... that... that... someone would be forced to kill me to get me to stop. I don't ever want to go down that path again. I have learned a lot from Angel over the last few months. And the guilt like the blood on my hands will be with me for the rest of my life." Faith lost her composure a little and paused to take a shaky breath.
"I am not asking you for your forgiveness or your friendship. I couldn't have that kind of luck a second time. But I am sorry for everything." Again, they saw her look a little nervously at Buffy. "All I'm asking for is a chance to show you. I came here to help." She looked out at the Scoobs and waited for their reaction.
"Yeah, well, I mean, if you're not evil anymore, that's like a good thing, but it's kinda hard to believe, you know, cause it looks like you've already been um, well, I mean, like...... like you've only been here a day and you show up here all, um, bruised face and all..." Willow trailed off at the look the two Slayers' exchanged at the mention of Faith's bruises.
Faith saw as it dawned on them who she had gotten the bruises from. There was a little bit of horror in their eyes when they took note that there didn't seem to be a hair out of place on Buffy. Faith didn't like this. She didn't want them to lose their, well, faith in Buffy. Didn't want them to actually realize how distant Buffy had become. Buffy needed them now more than ever. Needed their continued support. If they started to distance themselves from her as well, it would not help at all. Faith knew what the feeling of being all alone in the world could do to you, could make you do. She wanted them to continue to believe that Their Buffy only used her fists when given no other choice, no matter what the person had done.
Buffy cringed inside when she felt their eyes move to her, she knew what they were thinking. They were looking to her for an answer as to why it looked as if she was the only one who had done any hitting. She didn't have an answer for them, or at least not one she was willing to admit to.
Faith didn't like the speculative looks the Scoobs were giving Buffy. She sure as hell couldn't tell them what had really happened so she did the only thing she could think of: she lied.
\e! Ne! No fighting here. I, ah, had a run-in with a few vamps before dawn this morning and they, ah... kinda caught me by surprise, you know. You can see I'm......um......ah......not exactly in the best of shape, ah, not at, ah full Slayer strength. I, um, kinda bruise easy and don't heal as fast you know."
'Fuck, Faith, channel Willowh?'h?' she thought to herself.
Faith saw the surprise and the brief hint of gratitude in Buffy's eyes. The gratitude didn't last very long and Buffy retreated back behind the wall of ice, the coldness once more clear in her eyes.
"Your kind of help we don't need, it's like no help at all."
"B, I'm not leaving even if you don't let me help. This is where I'm supposed to be."
"Go back to L.A. Faith. Is that clear enough for you, or would you like me to spell it out for you, given that you can read?"
"NO!"
"Don't make me drag you back there."
"I'll only come back; I'm not running anymore, not from slaying, not from my past, not from anything. Something big and bad is coming down and I AM SUPPOSED to be here. I AM NOT leaving. I am going to help whether you like it or not B. I will do whatever it takes, whatever you want, just say the word, everything but leave. You'll have to kill me to keep me away." Her words were wrapped in quiet defiance, there was nothing threatening about them, simply because they were not meant as a threat.
"Faith, perhaps it would help if you told us why you are so certain you are supposed to be here." Giles gave his do-not-interrupt look at Buffy.
"There's this demon that Soul- ah, Angel knows that owns a club and he can, ah, sort of see your soul...... Read your aura...... Point you where you're supposed to be...... Your destiny or some such thing. Angel took me to see him." Suddenly Faith found the tops of her shoes very interesting.
"A demon you say? What kind?"
"A... a... Ana something, I don't know, he's green, red eyes, horns; a demon demon. Ya know?" Faith said still fascinated by the tops of her shoes.
"Oh I know that, it is an ANAGOGIC demon. They're connected to the mystics. You have to sin..."
"Ahyeahthat'sitsothat'swhyI'mhere," Faith rushed out before Anya could finish.
"Anya did yay yay you have to sin for this demon to read your Aura?" Giles asked, puzzled.
"No. If she wasn't such a rude human and did not interrupt me, I would have said: You have to sing in order for them to read your aura."
"I know about this Cordy told me about it. Angel sang Barry Manilow!"
Right about now Faith was hoping a hole would open up and swallow her into the ground. If she were the old Faith, which she wasn't, she would be seriously considering hurting and and Willow. Instead, she just kept looking at her shoes, hoping no one would notice the blush creeping up her neck. She knew they wouldn't let her off that easy though.
"You sang Faith?" Buffy asked sweetly. Oh, this was way too good! So much to play with! Buffy couldn't resist the urge to make the Rogue Slayer squirm just a little. She had heard Faith sing, well, if you could call it that. If Buffy remembered correctly, Faith sang in the key of O-F-F.
"Yes," Faith mumbled and looked pleadingly at Buffy.
'Pleaseohpleasedon'taskdon'task!'
But Faith knew she would.
"So what did you sing F?"
"B..."
"F, it could be important." Just for a brief moment in time, it was like none of the bad blood had happened between them. It was just the Chosen Two teasing each other again.
Faith mumbled into her feet. "Bl.mmmm S..."
"What? I couldn't hear you. Could you guys?" Buffy asked followed by a chorus of No's.
'OK, so where is that hole? 'Cause I could re, re, really, use it now. I am so gonna umph.... Soul-boy you better run the next time you see me!'
"Blue Sun by Darling Violetta." Faith looked at Buffy, wondering if she would remember.
"Hey that was the..."
'Don'tsayitRedpleasedon'tohdon'tRed!'
"...song the band was playing the night Buffy met you and brought you over to our table at the Bronze."
'AHHHfuckRedyousaidityouandyourfuckingcomputerforabrainremembereveryfuckinglittlethingfuckfuck!'
Faith was back to inspecting her shoes again, but not before she saw the surprise in Buffy's eyes. She couldn't help it she had to grin, but the grin didn't last very long when what Buffy was saying started to sink in.
"Hmm, I'm thinkin' it would be a good thing, yup a really, really, good thing if Faith sang it for us now." Faith's head snapped up, she knew her face had to be scarlet by now. She gave her best please-please-don't-make-me-do-this look at Buffy who was just sitting there smiling like the cat that just ate the canary.
"Beeeeeee?" She begged.
'OHnoshe'sreallynotgonnamakemepleasegodi'llneverswearagain!'
"You said you'd do whatever it takes F." She shrugged and gave Faith an innocent look, but there was an impish grin playing around the corners of her lips.
'Wow, she remembered the song that was playing when we met. Why? And she picked that song out of all the songs she could have picked. Hmm just another of her games probably.'
There was a little part of Buffy that was secretly thrilled, but a bigger part of her vehemently denied it.
Faith stared into Buffy's eyes, and caught a glimpse of, was it, delight, over the song she had picked? For just that second, Faith could have sworn that she heard the distinct sound of a wall beginning to crumble.
'Oh Fuck me I had to go and say whatever it takes B, I'm getting stupid from all those fucking hits to my head!'
With a sheepish grin, Faith shook her head and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, What-the-Fuck. Buffy let her sweat it out a few seconds longer; this was way too much fun.
Buffy raised her hand and stopped Faith just before she started to sing.
'ThankyouBthankyouthankyouthankyou!'
"OK, OK you don't have to sing. Torturing the Scoobs won't help prove you've changed... I am going to give you your chance Faith. But you will be on probation. Angel wants you to move into the mansion. Do it tonight, and I expect you here at 10 a.m. tomorrow to tr and and don't even think about being late."
"Thank you B... B...uffy. I won't let you down, I won't let any of you down, I swear." Faith tried to keep herself from smiling as she turned to leave but a little bit of the smile escaped anyway.
"And Faith..." Buffy said just as the Rogue Slayer opened the door to leave. Faith turned around to look at the Slayer.
"You better not let any of us down. If I even see a hint that you are going back to your old ways, you'll be lucky if all I do to you is kick your ass all the way back to L.A." The temperature in the room plummeted about fifty degrees before Faith turned around and left. The connection between the Slayers' once again broken.
As each of the Chosen Two drifted off to sleep that night, it was with thoughts of the other. They would have been surprised at just how similar those thoughts were.
The Slayer woke from her slumber, and was not in her own bed. Where was she? She hated these damn Slayer dreams. She looked around, and saw she was standing in a very large room. Over in the corner was a young woman spinning threads with a staff. A distaff, a voice in her head told her. The Slayer watched as she carefully selected, and prepared the thread. The young woman walked over to an older woman who was sitting at a very large Loom in the center of the room. The Slayer always hated it when people, things wojustjust suddenly be there when they weren't before, these damn Slayer dreams were enough to give someone a heart attack.
The middle-aged woman at the loom was weaving a tapestry so expansive, so intricate it stretched beyond the scope of the Slayer's vision. Even had she been able to see the whole of it, it was doubtful that the Slayer's mind could have comprehended its magnitude.
The Slayer watched as the woman slipped the new thread into the loom through the shuttle. She watched, as the thread seemed to slip smoothly into its allotted place within the tapestry, winding into even braids, crossing and touching other threads as if by plan.
The young woman returned with another thread and gave it to the weaver; only this one was unruly, and wild. The Slayer saw as the weaver took the thread and began to weave it into the tapestry by hand. She wove the thread with careful, loving fingers. As the Slayer looked, she saw other similar threads in the tapestry. Saw how some had frayed in places, tangled in others, they seemed almost unpredictable, and they seem to disrupt the planned design.
The Slayer turned towards a sound that had just sent a shiver up her spine. She saw an ancient woman emerge from the darkness beyond, a pair of shears in her hands. She watched as the weaver held a thread tight and the ancient woman snipped WithWith the snipping of the thread came a sense of sorrow to the Slayer, and with an unbelieving hand she wiped away the single tear that had escaped from her eye.
"Child, come here," beckoned the ancient woman.
The Slayer walked towards the three women who now stood together. She stopped a foot or two from them.
"Who are you?" Did she actually speak the words or were they only in her mind?
"We are known by many names my sisters and I."
The ancient woman pointed to the youngest of them and said, "She is known as The Maiden, Clotho, or The Spinner."
She then pointed at the middle-aged woman, "She is know as The Mother, Lachesis or the The Weaver, and I am known as The Crone, Atropos, or The Harvester. We are also known together as the Aspects of Fate."
"Where am I?"
"You are in the room where the Tapestry of Life is woven. Clotho spins the Threads of Life. While Lachesis measures and weaves the Threads of Life into the tapestry, and I child, am the one who finally snips them."
"Why did you bring me here?"
"For now, all you need to know is that each person, whether human, god, or immortal, is given an equal share of good and evil at birth. The choices they make during the course of their lives can change the destiny that has been planned in the tapestry for them, as well as the lives of the others they have touched. There are times when these choices can tip the balance of the world causing chaos where none should be. There would be no balance in life, in the world, if there was only one without the other."
"Okay.... I think?"
"How would you know what Cold is if you have never known Hot? How would you know what Love is if you have never known Hate? How would you know what Pleasure is if you have never known Pain? How would you know what Joy is if you have never known Sorrow? How would you know what Good is if you have never known Evil? How would you know what Light is if you have never known Darkness?"
"OK! OK, I GET IT!!"
'Yup, took those smart Slayer pills today, 'cause it would probably be a good thing to get snotty, and annoyed with the Fates and pthemthem off,' the Slayer chided herself.
"What is it that you want from me?"
"For now this is all you need to know. Now you must return, until the next time we meet Child." The Fates smiled at the Slayer and faded back into the darkness and she was once more in her own bed.
i think it's time that i start to look back on my life ~ cuz i don't want to be in doubt ~ and i don't need to know what this life's all about ~ i just wanna to know right now, right now are you gonna be around ~ when i need to find what i'm missing ~ and i can't recall what it was i believed in ~ take me home, surround me with friends ~ take me home...home – 8Stops7
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Continued in Chapter VI – I Can't Explain