Xander's Fall

Chapter 6
Giles’s House
December 2nd 1998
8:35 a.m

Xander looked up at the ceiling thinking about what had happened, and he knew that he was going to have to talk to Giles about some of it.

*But what do I tell him? All of it or just part of it?* thought Xander as he got out of bed and pulled on a large shirt. He went downstairs; Giles was waiting in the kitchen with food ready.

“Good morning, Xander. How did you sleep last night?” asked Giles as he handed Xander a glass of orange juice, and a plate of eggs.

“Ok. Thanks for letting me stay here Giles.” said Xander as he started eating, they eat in silence. Once they were thru eating they went into the front room. Xander sat down on the couch and Giles sat in a chair close to the couch. Xander pulled his legs up to his chest and looked down at his feet.

“Xander it’s alright, I’m happy to have you here. Now, do you want to talk to me about what happened?” asked Giles as he looked at Xander. Xander had his head down, and was hugging his legs to his chest.

“Yeah.” was all that Xander said, as he nodded his head. He looked up at Giles then, and breathed a long sigh.

“You know that I have been partying, a lot?” asked Xander as he looked at Giles, who just nodded at him.

“Well, I have been drinking and doing drugs, mostly drinking. I’ve been doing drugs mostly at the parties that I have been going to. My father found out about it.” said Xander as he looked down at the floor.

“Xander, your father might be a fool, but I am not one. Now, if you don’t want to tell me that is ok. But if you do want to tell, then tell me the truth.” said Giles as he looked hard at Xander. Xander looked up at Giles, and then he got up and started pacing.

“Uh…uh, three months ago I went to this party at Brad Johnson’s house, he is a Senior over at UC Sunnydale. I went with a few guys that I know, they use to go to school with us, but they dropped out last year. Devon was there, and he is the one that I rode to the party with, but Dylan and Craig are the ones that I was hanging out with, I got wasted at the party. I took some Special K, ketamine, and something else. I was all so drinking real heavily.” said Xander as he paused and looked at Giles, just waiting for him to say something, to lash out at him. Giles just nodded to Xander, and he started pacing once more.

“Brad and Larry Blasdell, you know from the football team?” said Xander, Giles nodded that he knew who Xander was talking about.

“Well, they took me back to this large room; they had a couple of large beds in there. There were all of these people, they were drinking, getting wasted and having sex. I had been to a number of party’s just like it before. Anyway, they took me over to one of the beds, there were three girls on the bed, and…we uh…uh…” said Xander he slowed down and turned to look at Giles, he was blushing.

“Ah, I take it that you had sex with these girls?” said Giles as he looked at Xander.

“No, not really; they… just sort of… well the girls gave me blow jobs, and I only touched them, expect for one that I put my figures into.” said Xander as he looked at the floor.

“Xander, I know what happens at parties like those.” was all that Giles said as he watched Xander start to pace once more.

“Yeah, well we did that. While the girls were doing their thing, Brad and Larry was… you know, having sex with them while they were doing there stuff with me. Any way’s after that went on for a while, the guy’s had the girls get off of the bed. I just thought that they were going to want to do the same; I’ve done it a few times with guys. But they just… I wasn’t really awake, the beer and the drugs I had taken were starting to kick in. I…I said no, but…” said Xander as he started pacing faster, Giles stood up then and gently stopped him.

“Xander, did they force you to have sex with them?” asked Giles as he made Xander look him in the face.

“Yeah.” choked out Xander as he started to cry, Giles gathered him up into a hug and guide him back over to the couch.

Oh, Xander why didn’t you come to me?” said Giles as he started rocking Xander as he cried.

“I didn’t want anyone to know about it. I just wanted to forget that it every happened, great job I did. There’s more, when they got tired of me, they…they… they let the rest of the people at the party have… have me. I was awake for all of it, I just couldn’t stop them. The next morning after Brad and Larry had had another turn at me, they let me leave. By then the beer and the drugs were wearing off.” said Xander as he pulled away from Giles, wiping away the tears from his eyes.

“Oh, Xander. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel that you could come to me about what happened.” said Giles with regret in his voice.

“Giles it wouldn’t have mattered, I didn’t tell anybody. Even if Willow and me had been talking, I wouldn’t have told her. Or if Jesse had still been alive, I wouldn’t have told him either and he was like my brother, almost.” said Xander as he sat on the couch and started looking at the floor. Giles cupped his chin and lifted his face up and looked him in the eyes.

“Xander, you have nothing to be ashamed about, you were the one that was raped, you’re the victim you have done nothing wrong.” said Giles as he looked him in the eyes.

“Yeah. But it happened again. You can’t tell me that being… ra… ra… ra… raped twice that… The second time was four nights ago. I was out at the Bronze, and Buffy and Cordelia showed up with their new boyfriends and two of their friends, who just happened to have been at the party, that night. Some things were said and… they said something about what happened at the party. I bolted, and they caught up to me, they took me to this house here in town, and… they ra…ra…raped me. I was there for about an hour when they stopped, they started doing some drugs, and then the cops showed up. They thought at first that I was one of the guys; it seems that they were drug dealers. Then they realized that I wasn’t. I was taken to the hospital, oh yeah, didn’t I tell you. They shot me up with a mixture of Ecstasy and Xanax, I totally passed out on the cops.” said Xander, as he jumped up and started pacing; he started chewing on his thumb then.

“When I woke up at the hospital the doctor and the nurse, the thought that I was a prostitute. I told them that they guys had rap…ed me. Do you know what the nurse told me? She said “Oh please, you’re a man, men don’t get raped”, I… I couldn’t believe that she had said that to me. Then my dad showed up, and he took me home. I… when we got home, he… he beat me, for getting raped. Ha, he told me that real men don’t get rape, that they rape others. And my mom, she was yelling and hitting me right along side of him. She told me that I was a waste of air and space, and that I deserved to be raped. Great thing to say to your son, huh?” said Xander as he turned around to Giles, with tears in his eyes.

“Oh, Xander. Your parents don’t deserve you. A child is a precious gift, and they were not worthy of such a gift.” said Giles as he got up and gathered Xander in a hug, letting Xander cry on his shoulder. Giles looked over Xander’s body and noticed a bandage around his right wrist.

“Xander, what happened to your wrist?” asked Giles as he took hold of his wrist, lifting it up. Xander bowed his head and turned away from Giles.

“Uh, I… I… I have been cutting, since the guys; throw me out of the gang. After… after this time I… I… I… I just couldn’t handle it, it… it hurt to much. Uh, the reason that my parents kicked me out was that my Dad walked in on me doing this, and we got in to a fight over the dagger that I was using. He… he was stabbed with the dagger, it was an accident, I didn’t mean for it to happen. But they didn’t believe me, but the cops got it, they put me in the hospital, that was were I was.” said Xander as he kept his head bowed and turned from Giles. Giles tightened his hold on Xander and began rocking him every so softly.

“Oh, Xander, it’s ok. I know that you didn’t mean to stab your father. And you don’t have to be ashamed about the other; I have friends that have done the same. And when I was your age, I also cut myself, all that needs to be done is to find you away to get rid of the pain and fear in a healthy way.” said Giles.

“You… you aren’t mad at me?” asked Xander in a small voice, with tears in his eyes, as he looked up at Giles. Giles could see the fear of rejection in his eyes.

“Oh, Xander, no. I’m not mad at you, you did nothing wrong. I’m just glad that it didn’t work then I would have missed you. And I know that Willow would have also missed you; you do know that she misses you right now, right?” said Giles.

“Thanks. And Willow is better off without me, I’m just a drunken junkie, a nothing.” said Xander as he looked at Giles with a sad smile on his face.

“Xander, yes you have a drinking and drug problem, but that doesn’t mean that you are a drunken junkie, and it doesn’t mean that Willow would be better with not you in her life.” said Giles. Then he hugged Xander tightly for a few minutes then he carefully himself away from him; he then got up and walked over to one of the bookcases that he had in the front room. He took down a large book that was on the top shelf, and handed it to Xander.

“Xander, I think that it would be a very good ideal if you would read this book. It has to do with a lot of what your going thru, and I think that it just might help you.” said Giles as Xander took the book out of Giles’s hand and read the title of the book. ‘Teenage Health: Alcohol, drugs, sex, and mental health.’

“What is this for?” asked Xander as he looked at Giles.

“This is a book that I bought a couple of years ago; a friend of mine was going thought some hard times with his son. He was starting to do everything that we used to do, staying out all night long, getting drunk and high, and having sex with a lot of different people. But then my friend’s son started acting out, they were fighting non-stop, then one day Hayden, that is my friend’s son’s name, by the way. Hayden tried to kill himself; my friend found out that at one of the parties that he had gone to he had been raped, by his boyfriend and some of his friends. Hayden had thought that his father would be mad at him if he had told his father about what had happened, and that he was gay. But my friend like me knew that these things happened and also that being gay is nothing to be ashamed of.” said Giles as he looked at Xander with a look in his eyes. Xander’s eyes just widen with fear then surprise.

“How… how did you know?” asked Xander as he looked down at his feet.

“They Hyena incident, it should have gone after a male, not a female, even though it was in your body. They go after what is the most alpha of the potential mates around them. In this case with you being male and the Hyena being female, I figured that you should have been confused, but you went right after Buffy, that got me to thinking. She would have gone after the opposite of herself, not you, because she was in control. But she didn’t, she went after what was the opposite of you, now why would she have done that, unless you were in control just a bit. You were able to make her go after the opposite of what you wanted, not what you thought was a mate, but the opposite of your potential mates. That means that the opposite of what you wanted was female, not male. And like I said it’s not something that you should be ashamed of, Xander.” said Giles as he lifted Xander’s head up and smiled at Xander. Xander just nodded and looked back down at the book.

“Thanks. I guess that I’ll go read this.” said Xander as he turned to go.

“Ok, but you can stay down here if you want to, it doesn’t matter. You are not a guest here, this is your home to now.” said Giles as he went and sat down in one of the chairs in the front room.

“Thanks, but I think that I need to read this book by myself.” said Xander, and then he went up to his room. Xander had only read a little bit by the time that it was lunch, and Giles came upstairs to get him for lunch.

“Xander, you ready to have lunch?” asked Giles as he watched Xander reading. Xander looked up from the book and owlishly blinked at him.

“It’s lunch time already?” asked Xander, as he stomach growled.

“Yes. It’s actually three o’clock, I got lost in some work myself. So what do you want?” asked Giles as Xander got up from his bed, were he had been reading at.

“Whatever you want, I’m not real picky.” said Xander as they walked downstairs.

“Ok, how about pizza?” said Giles as they walked into the kitchen, Xander sat down at the table as Giles walked over to the kitchen phone.

“Ok. Uh, Supreme?” asked Xander hesitantly, as he looked over at Giles.

“Super Supreme?” countered Giles as he grabbed the phone and walked to the table.

“No onions?” countered Xander.

“No onions, right.” agreed Giles as he dialed the phone, he ordered the pizza. It took the pizza thirty minutes to get to the house. They sat down in the front room and started to eat.

“Xander, I have been thinking. You are going to need money to spend.” said Giles.

“I’ll get a job, its ok. You have done more then enough.” said Xander.

“You right, you do need a job, and I think that working for me would be a very good job for you. You know that Buffy is horrible at researching and Cordelia is only a slight bit better. Now, I think that if you were to research here at the house then you would be able to help keep Willow safe.” said Giles as he finished eating, he sat back and watched Xander thinking.

“You’re very sly, you know that?” asked Xander as he looked over at Giles.

“Yeah. I know. I was thinking, twenty dollars an hour, and having the Council paying you for the help that you gave Buffy for the past two years, they, we owe it to you. You have been hurt fighting in a fight that the Council sees as only belonging to them. Now what do you say? Huh?” asked Giles as he watched the look on Xander’s face. Going first to disbelief then to wonder then uncertainty in a matter of moments.

“Are you sure? I mean, you spend all that money on…” Xander trailed off as he looked at Giles.

“Oh, Xander. Buffy and your father did a real number on you self-esteem. Xander you deserve this. You have fought beside Buffy for two years, and if you three hadn’t had the fight I think that you still would have been fighting beside her.” said Giles.

“Ok. I accept. Uh, I don’t have to talk to Buffy, do I?” asked Xander, a little worried.

“No, you don’t.” said Giles, they spent the rest of the day working out how they were going to do this.