Kindness, Love, and Acceptance

Part 6

Xander had no idea how he was going to find Connor in a city as big as L.A. He didn't know where he lived, or where he worked - if he worked, or even why he was in the bar last night. He wasn't about to go to Angel and ask after him; that was a one-way ticket to an ass kicking.

Xander decided to start back at the scene of the crime and headed for the bar. Once inside he went to the bar and asked the bartender if he recognised him from the night before. The man looked at him and then nodded. Xander then asked him if he knew the boy that he had been sitting with the night before.

"No, can't say I've seen him here before. He's a bit young for this place; we mostly get serious drinkers in here."
"Damn it. Well, thanks anyway."

Xander left the bar and walked around the neighbourhood for an hour or so before giving up. This was a stupid idea; he had no idea where to even begin to look for him. He had two options, go home and live with the guilt that was gnawing away at him, or try to get the info from Deadboy or Cordy without being obvious about it. He snorted in disgust. There was no way he'd be able to pull off nonchalant with Angel. Damn vampires and their extra senses; he'd know he was lying, or at least be suspicious enough to not tell him anything.

Xander got back in his car and after repeatedly banging his head on the steering wheel for a good two minutes straight drove back toward the highway. With his luck, Connor had gone to Angel and he'd get home only to find a very pissed off vampire waiting to rip him to shreds.

~!~

Connor could hardly believe what he had heard. The vampire across from him was so different from his father it was making him question his entire belief system. He had been raised to believe that all demons were evil - even souled ones such as his father. But Spike had gone out and asked for his soul. No, he had fought for it - like a prized possession - so that he could be good enough for the woman he loved. Angelus was cursed with a soul; Spike had been gifted.

"So, what happened with this Buffy girl?" Connor was genuinely interested in the vampire’s story. He seemed to have led a very interesting life here in Sunnydale. Some of the things he had told him about seemed like the stuff they put in movies - secret government organisations being the top of that list.

"Was never meant to be. I'm not the vampire she wants; I'm not Angel. Tell you the truth, I'm glad about it. I can't be with someone who doesn't want me - who doesn't see me when we're together. I was always just a stand-in, just took a while to realise it." Spike was itching for a drink; all this talk about his past and his relationship with Buffy was making him edgy.

"So, now that you know my story, how about you tell me yours?" Other than the fact that he was Darla and Angel’s kid and he had slept with Xander, Spike knew next to nothing about Connor. He seemed like a nice kid, bit off centre perhaps, but having Angel for a father could do that to you.

"Okay. Well, I was raised by a man named Holtz in Quortoth." Spike raised an eyebrow at that. " I don't remember any other life before that; I was just an infant when I was taken from Angelus. My Dad - Holtz - taught me about demons, how to hunt them, how to kill them. He taught me how to survive. We came back here to this world with one mission - to make Angelus pay for murdering Holtz' family."

Spike held up a hand to interrupt. "This Holtz guy, he was from Angel's past, yeah?" He vaguely remembered hearing stories about Darla and Angelus running from this demon hunter, playing with him and killing his family. He wondered how he had come to be around in this century.

"Yes. He made a deal with a demon, to be frozen in time until the demon released him. He hunted my father, tricked his friend into taking me away and then kidnapped me. He escaped into Quortoth, and that's where I was raised." Connor waited to see if Spike would ask any more questions; when he remained silent he continued.

"When we came here, my father - Holtz - was aided by a woman named Justine. She killed him and made it look like the work of a vampire, the work of Angelus. With her help, I locked him in a metal box and dumped him in the ocean. He remained there for months. Eventually, Wesley found him. That's when they all turned against me."

"Hang on a mo'. You locked him up and tossed in the deep? Bloody hell, you got balls, kid. You want something to drink?" Spike stood and headed for the kitchen. He pulled a beer out of the fridge and then called back over his shoulder. "Got beer, soda, orange juice, milk and lemonade. I wouldn't recommend the lemonade, as Xander puts twice the amount of sugar in as it calls for."

"Soda's fine. Thank you."

Spike returned and handed Connor a can of soda and sat back down. He nodded his head for the boy to continue his story. Connor popped the tab on his beverage and took a drink.

"Cordelia had been missing since the same night Angel disappeared. When they found out I was behind what happened to Angel, they blamed me for her as well. It wasn't me. Turns out she ascended to a higher plane. I don't really understand it, but I think it had something to do with her being a demon."

Spike choked on his beer. "What? You mean to tell me the prom queen's not human anymore? Figures, no one who gets around Angel stays normal. Sorry, go on. It's fascinating, really."

"Things settled down somewhat, Cordy came home but she had amnesia. Lorne did this spell that was supposed to make her remember, instead everyone acted like they did when they younger. Angel thought he was human. After that, Cordy came to live with me. I trained with her; she hunted with me at night. She shared my bed, but only to sleep. I loved her."

Spike snorted. "Let me guess, Angel took her away from you right? Bloody bastard, always stealing other blokes’ women. Took my Dru from me time and again. Took Buffy too, and he wasn't even here."

"He did. But not the way you think. She and I made love one night while the sky rained fire. She got pregnant. It was scary and amazing and it all happened so fast. The sun was unblocked from the sky, the beast was finally destroyed and I delivered our child into the world. My son." Connor trailed off and Spike could see that this was a painful memory for the kid. He waited, knowing that the boy needed time before continuing.

"She died, my Cordy. She made me promise to keep him safe and then she died. I took him, ran from the hotel. I hid, but it's not easy to hide when you have a child to care for. He caught up with us, cornered me. There was nowhere to run - I was trapped. Then I saw her. Cordelia was there, and she came to me and I thought everything would be okay. She took our child from my arms and passed him to Angelus without even looking at him. She told me it wasn't her. That everything was a lie, that my child was evil incarnate - that he would destroy the world. Angel killed him. He took my son and killed him."

"I'm sorry. My God, that must have been horrible."

"It was. I thought it was the worst I would ever feel. Then I saw the way she looked at Angel. It wasn't her, the woman I slept with was someone else - an impostor - but it was Cordelia that I fell in love with, and she was in love with my father. We fought, he won, so I left." Connor drank some more of his soda and wondered if he shouldn't be going now. It would be better if he was gone before Xander came home.

"So how'd you happen to run into Xan?"

"I went to a bar, I was planning to get drunk. I decided against it; L.A. has a lot of demons and I didn't want to be dinner. I heard Xander talking to himself about vampires; I wanted to kill something and thought he might know where I could find something."

"Alright, fair enough. How did you end up in his bed then?" Spike had heard Xander's side of the story, but he wanted to hear Connor’s, as well. He needed to know if this kid was going to be a problem, if he had any intention of trying to get Xander away from him.

"He told me my father would hate it, that Angelus hated him and the very idea that I had gone to bed with him would cause him a lot of grief and anger. I'm ashamed to admit that I did it for revenge. At first, anyway." Connor ducked his head and blushed. He couldn't believe he was sitting here in the home of the man he had slept with talking about it to his vampire lover. Once again, he longed for the simplicity of his life before, in Quortoth he only had to survive; here he had to live. Living meant interacting with other people and he warribrrible at it.

Spike smirked at Connor’s blush. He knew firsthand how good Xander was with his hands; the kid never stood a chance. "Don't fret, told you already I'm not going to kill you or anything. I understand the need for vengeance; bloody hell, I helped the slayer send Angelus to hell for stealing my girl. I'm the last person to judge you. 'Sides, I know how persuasive Xander can be when he wants something."

Connor blushed as he remembered the way Xander had kissed him, how he had touched him and taken him into his mouth. He looked up at the blonde man in front of him and his mind supplied him with images of Xander and Spike together, doing all those things that Xander had done with him just last night. It made him both sad and aroused at the same time. Aroused because the images were very nice; Spike was a sexy man after all, and sad because he knew that while they had each other - he had no one. "I should be going. I shouldn't be here when Xander comes back."

As Connor stood to leave, Spike stepped in front of him. "No. Xander needs to see you, to apologise to you. Otherwise the guilt'll eat him alive. You sit and stay, he'll be back soon enough."

Connor was tempted to try and make a break for it, but it had already been proven to him once tonight that the vampire was faster than he was, and he did want to see Xander, even if it was only to say goodbye. "Alright."

~!~