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Summary: Buffy comes to her senses after a year in Rome.
Rating: NC-17 (mostly for explicit sexual descriptions, and some language)
Pairings: Buffy/Xander. Or should I say Xander/Buffy, since it’s really about Xan? There might be some Dawn/Spike implied, not sure how long this one will go.
Feedback: Yes, please. I just started posting my fic, so try to be gentle, please.
Betas: I could use one!
Archive? Ask me first.
Disclaimer: I don’t own them…I’m just borrowing them, since Joss isn’t using them anymore. If I were making money from this, I would have a much better laptop!

Chapter 6

Several minutes later, just as Xander was hanging up after his last, nearly ear-splitting, phone call (to Willow, of course), Buffy crept quietly into the room, closing the door behind her. “Are they coming?” She asked as she carried the bowl and medical supplies back to her bathroom. When she came back she sat down on the bed beside him, reached out, and caressed the left side of his face, frowning when he flinched away slightly.

“Yeah…Dawnie should be here any minute. I called her first. Willow and Giles are catching a flight in a few hours. They should be here tomorrow morning,” he replied. Catching Buffy’s hand, he squeezed it gently. “So, he’s back. I bet you’re happy.” He commented, trying and failing to keep the bitterness from his voice.

“Well, yeah. He’s one of my best friends,” Buffy shrugged. “Of course I’m glad he’s not dead.”

“So, what happened anyway?” Xander asked, slowly sitting up to lean against her padded headboard.

“Apparently he got stuck in the amulet, which someone mailed to Angel a few weeks after the fight. Spike popped out as a ghost, and stayed that way for a few months. After a while, another package came, and when they opened it he turned all solid-like again. About a month ago Angel picked a fight with the Senior Partners of Wolfram and Hart, who pretty much unleashed an army of demons on them. They just barely survived the fight.” She sighed wearily, then mumbled. “Wesley, Gunn and Fred are all dead.”

“God!” Xander exclaimed, horrified.

“Yeah,” Buffy nodded sadly. “Well, Fred actually died a few months ago. That’s why Angel called Giles that time. Some kind of hell god was taking over her body. He just wanted h-help.” She sniffled, remembering the sweet brunette they’d befriended during their brief stay in LA after their battle with the First.

“Fuck!” Xander gasped. “Giles is gonna feel like shit when he finds out,”

Buffy nodded again, “Spike says there was nothing anyone could have done, but still…” Rubbing her eyes wearily, she continued. “Apparently, the hell god used her body as a host so it could take physical form, and Fred was killed in the process…her body…all that was left was a shell. Illyria…the hell god…helped when they killed off all of the Senior Partner’s representatives in LA. She saved Spike and Angel when they struck back.”

“Is she here too?” Xander asked curiously.

“No,” Buffy shook her head. “Spike said he found her body laying with Wes’s when he came to. She killed herself! He thinks some of Fred’s emotions must have stayed with her, because she kind of fell in love with Wes, too.”

“Fred and Wes finally got together?” Xander smiled sadly.

Buffy shook her head. “No. Well, yes, but she died before they ever had a real chance.” Tears began flowing down her cheeks again, and Xander began to wonder if she’d ever be able to stop again, as much as she’d cried that night. Wiping her eyes, she suddenly moved over to straddle Xander’s legs, staring down at him thoughtfully.

“Do you want your bed back now?” Xander asked teasingly, wanting to break the too-long silence. Buffy shook her head, and he lightly rested his left hand on her knee. “Um, then what’s with the staring?” He asked, ducking his head nervously away from her gaze.

“I’m trying to figure out why you’re so convinced you’re ugly,” She murmured, reaching out to stroke his cheek.

“Well, that’s an abrupt change of subject,” he snorted uncomfortably. Why couldn’t she just drop it already? It wasn’t like he meant to break the window, or hurt himself in the process.

“No, it’s a change back to the really important subject,” Buffy corrected him.

“Your dead boyfriend just turned up not dead, and you think my vanity is the important subject?” He let out a bark of sarcastic laughter and rolled his eye.

“I hurt you earlier, and I didn’t mean to. I think…I think you misunderstood where I was going with the whole ‘Buffy’s life before the Hellmouth’ story,” Buffy began, chewing his lip. “I never meant to hurt you, I just got a little freaked and pulled a Buffy…ran away again.” She smiled sheepishly at him, and his stomach lurched with sudden, gut wrenching anxiety. Or possibly excitement. Probably both, he realized somewhat hysterically.

“You saw what’s under the patch, and you realized you’d almost made a move on an ugly freak!” Xander mumbled, once again squelching the feeling before it could get out of hand. “I get it, I understand! I wouldn’t want to look at this either.” He angrily flipped the patch out of the way and glared defiantly at her. That should get her to stop yanking his chain like this.

Buffy, however, looked calmly at his empty eyelid. To Xander’s horror, she began to giggle helplessly, holding her sides and shaking slightly.

“What’s so funny?” Xander growled, flipping the patch back in place.

“That’s it? That’s the big hideous deformity you’ve been so worried about?” Buffy snickered.

“What?” Xander stared at Buffy in disbelief. “Are you kidding me?”

“Xan, baby…I didn’t run off earlier because I got a little glimpse of your eye. Well, I did, but not because I was grossed out or anything...” Buffy leaned forward and slid the patch off his head completely, ignoring his attempts to stop her. “You. Are. Gorgeous.” She said, lightly kissing around the sunken lid with each word. “I ran off because I was about to tell you how I feel about you and when I saw your eye it reminded me how willing you are to put your life in danger for me. You lost your eye for me. So, I panicked again. I started thinking how you could die, just like…him. I’m so sorry I made you think your eye grossed me out. It never could; it just reminds me what a good, brave, loyal, stubborn man you are.” She finished at last, and smiled down at him affectionately.

“What-huh?” Xander cocked his head to the side and stared at her dazedly, knowing that a slow, doofy smile was beginning to spread across his face; although his brain was still frantically trying to rationalize away what it seemed she had just said. He tried to remember if he had hit his head on anything when he broke the window. “What are you saying?” He whispered finally, part of his brain silently willing her to please confirm what he thought he just heard, while the other part berated himself for getting his hopes up higher than ever before.

“I’ve been trying not to fall in love with you for years, Xan. I’m tired of fighting it. I’m still afraid something could happen to you, or to me. I mean, really, who here has actually died? Twice, even!” She giggled, and he allowed his smile to become full blown. “But I realized earlier, when you mentioned Oxford, how much of my not wanting to go there is just because I can’t stand to leave you. And it suddenly hit me why I don’t ever want to leave you. I guess after living together all this time, you got under my defenses. The ice cream thing was the final straw.” She shrugged casually, apparently unaware that he was possibly suffering from major head trauma. “I’m in love with you Xander. I don’t want to hide from it anymore. I don’t want to pass this by and end up realizing way too late…” She moved forward slightly, nearly straddling his groin. “I love you.” She declared earnestly, looking him in the eye, her own eyes shining with tears.

Trying to ignore the sudden stirring in his pants, Xander quietly reached up and cupped Buffy’s face in both hands. She bit her lip nervously, and he smiled wonderingly at her, feeling like his heart was going to shoot out of the top of his head, it was beating so hard. As a slow smile spread across her lips, he gently tugged on her head, wincing at the slight pain in his right hand. Just before their lips met, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, Buffy.” He whispered.

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If you can't figure out where this is going next, you don't deserve to read it. ;-)