How To Date A Vampire
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
9
Views:
3,114
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
9
Views:
3,114
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 6
Bowling: This is a good activity and quite suitable for anybody who is undertaking a first date. It’s fun. It fills up gaps where the conversation curls up and dies. In fact, it can even promote conversation.
Or an argument.
“I got that strike fair and square.”
“Spike, you cheated. There is nothing fair and square about that. In fact, it’s much more along the lines of not so much with the fair and totally…triangle.”
“I didn’t cheat!”
“Yes. You did.”
“No. I didn’t.”
“You so did, you un-dead, cheating guy.”
“I did not. I bowled the ball, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but…”
“And I hit all the skittle wotsits, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but…”
“So the strike counts.”
“Spike,” Xander said through gritted teeth. “A strike does not count when you use your vampiric speed to chase after the badly bowled ball then re-bowl it from halfway down the lane.”
Spike folded his arms and turned his head away. “Does count,” he muttered. “Not my fault the stupid lane is on a slope.”
Reluctantly, Xander had to admit that Spike was right about that. In fact, the whole bowling alley was built on a slope. It was a design flaw that no-one ever wanted to admit to and therefore never bothered to fix. And besides, it added a certain angle – pardon the pun – to bowling in Sunnydale. People came from miles around to experience the thrill of the famous sloping lanes.
“Okay, look. I’ll admit that bowling in Sunnydale is a little…specialised. And if you’re not used to it then it can be…” Xander picked his words carefully, “…tricky.”
“So…the strike counts?” Spike asked.
“Yeah,” Xander sighed as he picked up a ball. “It counts. So long as I can bowl this one from halfway down, too.”
“’Course, pet. After all, you need every advantage. Seeing as you’re losing.”
“I… Hey! I’m only losing ‘cause I just let you ch…” Xander stopped and sighed again. There really was no point in arguing. Spike had his pride and woe betide anyone that tried to steal it away by winning at bowling.
Yup, if this date was going to go well then it was best that Xander let Spike have his way and win the game. And besides, he was going to get a double dessert in an hour or two.
“Fine. You’re winning. I’m losing.” Xander looked down at the ball that was resting between the palm of one hand and the fingers of the other. I’ll just bowl this last one really well and clock up another strike. Then I’ll start losing gracefully, but with itty bitty token protests.
“That’s right, pet. You’re losing. I bet those zombies Buffy chopped up could bowl better than you.”
“Are you trying to get in my bed or in the dog house? Because I am so about to buy you a water bowl and a dog collar.”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “Kinky.”
“The dog collar?”
“Water bowl.”
“You’re sick.”
“Yup. You gonna bowl that thing or hug it ‘til it wants to breast feed?”
Xander scowled and silently vowed to never go bowling with Spike again. Pool was a much better idea. Spike always won at that, anyway, and didn’t feel the need to taunt and tease.
“Fine. Watch me bowl. Watch a master bowler at work.” Xander stomped over to the lane. “Watch and observe, my bowling-challenged friend. This is how it should be done.” And, of course, the moment he said it he knew it was a mistake. Boasting and being cocky never ever paid off for the Xan-man. In fact, it normally landed him in a whole heap of trouble. Oh, well. Too late now. Fate – do your worst.
And it did.
Spike watched with an equal mixture of amusement and horror as Xander pulled back his arm, ran halfway down the lane, bowled the ball, and then sailed the rest of the way down the lane with it.
Strike.
“Ow.”
Spike cupped his hand over the side of his mouth and called down the lane. “You alright, luv?”
“Ow.”
“You got a strike,” Spike helpfully informed.
“Ow.”
“Need a hand?”
“Ow.”
Spike decided that Xander probably did need a hand and, now that he was certain that he could keep a straight face, he quickly strolled to Xander’s side and lifted him from the floor, setting him on his feet again. “You alright?” he asked again. “You look a little dazed.”
Xander looked down at the ball that was still in his hands. “I can’t believe I just did that. How stupid am I? No, don’t answer that. I can answer that. I am so stupid. That was such a rookie mistake. I haven’t done that in years. Well, I just had to do it tonight, didn’t I? Couldn’t have done it on league night. Oh, no. Had to do it in front of you. Had to look like the Zeppo just one more time…this week.”
“Xan…”
“No, don’t. I know what I am. I’m a clumsy, stupid, useless, bumbling, hapless idiot. I’m…”
“Xan, stop! Don’t you see?”
“See what?” Xander asked suspiciously.
“I adore those things about you.”
“That I’m a clumsy, stupid, useless, bumbling, hapless idiot?”
“Yeah. It makes you, you. It makes you special. It makes you someone that I wanna be with.”
“Really? What about my tactless humour?”
“It’s your crowning quality,” Spike whispered, gently kissing his date all better. “Come on, luv. Let’s go to dinner, yeah? We can bowl another time.”
Xander nodded and smiled. Suddenly, acting like a total idiot didn’t seem quite so bad.
Spike frowned as he tried to ease the ball from Xander’s hand. “Xan, pet. Let go of the ball, luv. Come on. You don’t need to prove anything.”
“Um, I know.”
Spike tugged harder. “Then let go of the ball.”
“Okay.”
“Xan,” Spike tried again. “Please let go of the ball. It doesn’t matter. You are not a complete idiot.”
“I know that. I’m trying to let go of the ball,” Xander said with depleting patience.
“Then just let go.”
“I’m trying!”
“Well, you’re not trying very hard, are you?!” Spike gave a hard tug on the ball.
“Ow! Uh – Spike? I think we might have a problem.”
TBC…
Or an argument.
“I got that strike fair and square.”
“Spike, you cheated. There is nothing fair and square about that. In fact, it’s much more along the lines of not so much with the fair and totally…triangle.”
“I didn’t cheat!”
“Yes. You did.”
“No. I didn’t.”
“You so did, you un-dead, cheating guy.”
“I did not. I bowled the ball, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but…”
“And I hit all the skittle wotsits, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but…”
“So the strike counts.”
“Spike,” Xander said through gritted teeth. “A strike does not count when you use your vampiric speed to chase after the badly bowled ball then re-bowl it from halfway down the lane.”
Spike folded his arms and turned his head away. “Does count,” he muttered. “Not my fault the stupid lane is on a slope.”
Reluctantly, Xander had to admit that Spike was right about that. In fact, the whole bowling alley was built on a slope. It was a design flaw that no-one ever wanted to admit to and therefore never bothered to fix. And besides, it added a certain angle – pardon the pun – to bowling in Sunnydale. People came from miles around to experience the thrill of the famous sloping lanes.
“Okay, look. I’ll admit that bowling in Sunnydale is a little…specialised. And if you’re not used to it then it can be…” Xander picked his words carefully, “…tricky.”
“So…the strike counts?” Spike asked.
“Yeah,” Xander sighed as he picked up a ball. “It counts. So long as I can bowl this one from halfway down, too.”
“’Course, pet. After all, you need every advantage. Seeing as you’re losing.”
“I… Hey! I’m only losing ‘cause I just let you ch…” Xander stopped and sighed again. There really was no point in arguing. Spike had his pride and woe betide anyone that tried to steal it away by winning at bowling.
Yup, if this date was going to go well then it was best that Xander let Spike have his way and win the game. And besides, he was going to get a double dessert in an hour or two.
“Fine. You’re winning. I’m losing.” Xander looked down at the ball that was resting between the palm of one hand and the fingers of the other. I’ll just bowl this last one really well and clock up another strike. Then I’ll start losing gracefully, but with itty bitty token protests.
“That’s right, pet. You’re losing. I bet those zombies Buffy chopped up could bowl better than you.”
“Are you trying to get in my bed or in the dog house? Because I am so about to buy you a water bowl and a dog collar.”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “Kinky.”
“The dog collar?”
“Water bowl.”
“You’re sick.”
“Yup. You gonna bowl that thing or hug it ‘til it wants to breast feed?”
Xander scowled and silently vowed to never go bowling with Spike again. Pool was a much better idea. Spike always won at that, anyway, and didn’t feel the need to taunt and tease.
“Fine. Watch me bowl. Watch a master bowler at work.” Xander stomped over to the lane. “Watch and observe, my bowling-challenged friend. This is how it should be done.” And, of course, the moment he said it he knew it was a mistake. Boasting and being cocky never ever paid off for the Xan-man. In fact, it normally landed him in a whole heap of trouble. Oh, well. Too late now. Fate – do your worst.
And it did.
Spike watched with an equal mixture of amusement and horror as Xander pulled back his arm, ran halfway down the lane, bowled the ball, and then sailed the rest of the way down the lane with it.
Strike.
“Ow.”
Spike cupped his hand over the side of his mouth and called down the lane. “You alright, luv?”
“Ow.”
“You got a strike,” Spike helpfully informed.
“Ow.”
“Need a hand?”
“Ow.”
Spike decided that Xander probably did need a hand and, now that he was certain that he could keep a straight face, he quickly strolled to Xander’s side and lifted him from the floor, setting him on his feet again. “You alright?” he asked again. “You look a little dazed.”
Xander looked down at the ball that was still in his hands. “I can’t believe I just did that. How stupid am I? No, don’t answer that. I can answer that. I am so stupid. That was such a rookie mistake. I haven’t done that in years. Well, I just had to do it tonight, didn’t I? Couldn’t have done it on league night. Oh, no. Had to do it in front of you. Had to look like the Zeppo just one more time…this week.”
“Xan…”
“No, don’t. I know what I am. I’m a clumsy, stupid, useless, bumbling, hapless idiot. I’m…”
“Xan, stop! Don’t you see?”
“See what?” Xander asked suspiciously.
“I adore those things about you.”
“That I’m a clumsy, stupid, useless, bumbling, hapless idiot?”
“Yeah. It makes you, you. It makes you special. It makes you someone that I wanna be with.”
“Really? What about my tactless humour?”
“It’s your crowning quality,” Spike whispered, gently kissing his date all better. “Come on, luv. Let’s go to dinner, yeah? We can bowl another time.”
Xander nodded and smiled. Suddenly, acting like a total idiot didn’t seem quite so bad.
Spike frowned as he tried to ease the ball from Xander’s hand. “Xan, pet. Let go of the ball, luv. Come on. You don’t need to prove anything.”
“Um, I know.”
Spike tugged harder. “Then let go of the ball.”
“Okay.”
“Xan,” Spike tried again. “Please let go of the ball. It doesn’t matter. You are not a complete idiot.”
“I know that. I’m trying to let go of the ball,” Xander said with depleting patience.
“Then just let go.”
“I’m trying!”
“Well, you’re not trying very hard, are you?!” Spike gave a hard tug on the ball.
“Ow! Uh – Spike? I think we might have a problem.”
TBC…