Nobody's Home

Authors Notes: I have only had this slightly beta'd by a close friend so I'd be really grateful if anyone cares to read it over and check for spelling, grammar and the usual. Feel free to email me at mail@penshaw-pineapple.co.uk if you want to help me out. Thanks :D

I step out into the sunlight, it feels like its been ages without natural sunlight, I stick my appointment card into my pocket and take a cigarette out, I feel for a lighter but to no avail…maybe it’s a sign? I place the cigarette back in my pocket and walk down the street looking for somewhere to go…something to do…I’m stuck in the world, I have nothing, I only have one place left, the one place I didn’t expect to be.

I wait outside for someone to leave the building and quickly catch the security door before it closes, I walk up the 3 flights of stairs to the top floor and stand waiting outside the door I push my hair behind my ears and knock softly on the hard wood. I hear the heavy footsteps inch closer to the door, there’s a small pause before he opens the door. He stands looking at me in anticipation of what I might do. He sighs quietly when I drop my hands by my side showing him I’m defenceless. He smiles at me in a fatherly way and opens the door wider for me to step in.

“Faith” He announces making sure it’s really me. I smile pitifully; can I ever be forgiven for what I did to B?
“Angel…I…” I start. He hushes me sits me down on his settee. He looks me over and lets me continue my explanation of plight.
“I’m in trouble…” I being again, his eyebrows rise as if he knew I was going to say that. Well of course he would know, when am I ever not in trouble or making trouble.
“Oh” he says shortly “What kind?”
“I…err…” I stutter, it seems such an easy thing to say I’m pregnant, see I can say it in my head why is it so hard to say it out loud. Because it makes it final, it makes me realise that I am if I admit it out loud. But I continue to stutter the words, in the end I take the picture from my pocket and pass it to him. He picks it up off his lap and turns it over.
“Oh” he says again “Pregnant” see how easy it was for him to say it!? Why is my life so shitty?
“Yeah…” I confirm to him “I just spent the week in hospital” He looks up quickly with a worried face. “I’m fine now, my own fault, but everything, it, is ok.” I finish before standing up and walking into the kitchen.

He looks at the picture again, and follows me into the kitchen and places it on the worktop.
“Are you hungry?” he asks, I stand against the hardness of the counter and absentmindedly pat my stomach. He notices and smiles to himself.
“I could use something yeah.” I reply before looking through his cupboards.
“I have some potato chips Cordelia bought” He offers, I nod at him and wait for the chips. He goes in a cupboard and passes me the unopened bag. I open it quickly and stuff a handful of chips into my mouth and chew happily. I walk back into his front room and sit in front of the TV. He mooches over to the other chair and sits looking at me. I catch him looking out the corner of my eye.
“What?” I ask curiously and turn my head towards him. He leans forward in a serious fashion, as if he’s about to tell me off, I stop chewing and wait for him to speak.
“Are you keeping it?” he asks in his monotonous way. My eyes drop and I look downwards, nobody has said I had a choice in the matter, I just assumed I had to keep it. But now Angel has brought up the option, and honestly, I really don’t know.
“Umm…I’m not sure” I quietly reply. I mean I know I can’t look after a kid and stuff but it’s like hard, I know this sounds fucking stupid coming from me but, I don’t know if I can kill it… I can’t say that to Angel though, he doesn’t take his long stare off me. I look back into his dark eyes and wait for one of us to break the silence.

“I’m always here when you need me Faith” he cuts into the quiet with a soft yet sharp sentence. I break eye contact and look at the floor.
“Angel…I…Thanks…I do need you.” I look away from him again then my eyes meet his again, the darkness has fallen around us, I blink slowly and place the chips on the floor. He stands up and tells me I look tired and should get some rest. I follow him to the bedroom and he sits me down on the bed and leaves the room. I look around at the small dingy room; I lie backwards on the bed I feel myself drift off to sleep. I wake up several times during the night after having erratic dreams mostly involving Buffy and I fighting. I stand up and walk towards the window. The nightlife of LA is busy and full of neon lights, I turn around and Angel is standing at the door, brooding as he does.
“Hi” I jump back in surprise. Suddenly he pounces towards me making me fall backwards his hands are wrapped around my neck, he starts squeezing at my throat. I gasp for air and try to push him off me, everything goes black.

I sit up gasping for air and knock the glass of water angel is holding in his hand.
“Just a dream!! Oh my god it was just a dream” I pant for air. Angel picks up the glass quickly, its unbroken, he places it on the end table and sits down stroking my hair.
“Are you ok?” he asks me concerned. I catch my breath and look around the room again.
“Yeah I’m fine, just a bad dream” I smile and hold my chest. Angel takes the glass and fetches me a fresh one, I sip the water and place it carefully on the table.

I stay in Angel’s flat for up until my doctors’ appointment, I want him to come with me, but daylight isn’t his best friend so I head off alone.
I let the receptionist know I’m there and I sit in the waiting room, I look at the large stomachs of the other women and wonder what I’ll look like with a bump. Won’t be able to go slaying any time soon that’s for sure… I look at my feet, the sight of them scares me and that’s something for me…a murderer…blood, guts, no problem, but baby bellies just freaks me out no end.

“Faith Winters?” The receptionist calls my name and directs me down the hall. I knock on the doctors’ door and hear her gentle voice invite me inside. I open the door and see a middle aged woman, smiling at me over half moon glasses.
“Nice to meet you Miss Winters” She begins.
“Faith” I interrupt, I’m not used to being treat like an adult. She nods her head.
“Faith, how are you feeling?” she asks me like she actually wants to know. I sit down in the chair opposite her desk.
“I’m five by five” the words just slip out. “I mean I’m good, fine.” I add quickly. She stands up and gets a small cardboard file out.
“This is your new pregnancy file; I’ll keep notes on everything I do, such as your blood pressure checks, the size of the baby when I do ultrasounds.” She continues, I just nod and agree, it’s all new to me, haven’t been to a doctor since I was like 10.
“Can I get you to lie on the bed for me Faith?” She points over to the small foam bed; I stand up and take my denim jacket off before I climb on the bed and lie as she asks. She follows me over and gently lifts my top up exposing my stomach, she turns the scan machine on and squirts the cold gel onto me, I tense up again at the shock of it, and wait to see the screen, she holds the probe on me with pressure and looks up at the screen she types stuff on the keyboard and it places marks on both ends of the blobby bit.
“I’m just checking out how big the baby is Faith, at the moment it is 11mm long” she presses down harder “The baby’s heart beat is absolutely fine too” she finishes before wiping my stomach and telling me I can sit in the chair.

I look around her room as she writes notes into my new pregnancy file.
“Do you smoke Faith?” she asks suddenly. Do I lie or what?!
“I…err….occasionally.” I stutter “But I’ll stop” I try to reason in case she tells me off.
“That’s good and alcohol too?” she enquires.
“Yup all of it sex, drugs and rock and roll…” I start without thinking, shut up Faith; she’ll think you’re a right loony.
“Excellent” she laughs softly at me. “I think it would be beneficial for you to take some vitamins” she looks up from the file and smiles.
“Oh right, where would I get them from?” I worry; I don’t have money for stuff like this.
“I can give you prescriptions to get them from the pharmacist, they’re free of course, just take one a day” she says before taking more notes. I wonder what she’s writing; I wonder if she knows about what happened at the hospital…I wonder if she knows about my murderous past. Oh god what if she’s luring me in to arrest me… Faith calm down, she’s a frigging baby doctor she wants to help me.
“Faith, do you know when your last period was?” She sits back in her chair and bites the end of her pen.
“Err…I don’t really keep note…” I search my brain for a date.
“What about the date of conception?” She searches me for the answer.
“The what?” What the hell is a conception? Is that like condoms? They have a date?
“When did you have sex?” Ah that makes sense…I woke up on 25th so that would be…
“The 27th February” I answer whilst nodding, I’m sure that’s the right date…She types it into her computer and waits a few seconds, tapping her finger on the mouse.
“Alright so you’re due date is 19th November which makes you… 8 weeks pregnant” she beams happily at me. I smile and nod best I can, it feels so close yet so far. She gives me my prescription and tells me to come back in 4 weeks for another scan. She fills my hands with leaflets about pregnancy and the like and gives me her card in case I need to ring her about anything. I leave the building and stand outside and look at the piles of leaflets…a bit of bedtime reading I’m sure…I hope Angel can read.