Remember Me

Chapter Twenty- Eight

Giles came bounding in the room in time to see Angel and Spike ripping the restraints off Buffy as quickly as they could.

"What in the world?"

They ignored him. Buffy bolted up, rubbing at her wrists for a quick moment before opening her arms. Both vampires rushed to her and the three enveloped themselves in such a tight, entangled embrace, Giles couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

This time, tears that were shed were ones of happiness and relief. Murmured words that no one but each other could understand were exchanged. It was as if the three had developed a language of their own. Giles studied them, amazed by the incredible love they felt for each other and after some time, he felt that he might be intruding. Striding out of the room, he shut the door quietly and went to check on their captive.

"How do you feel sweetheart, hmm? Do you need anything? Are you all right?" Angel asked as he studied her. He held onto her, not letting go and Buffy had no intention of letting either of them go. She clutched them to her, feeling that she needed to hold on to them as tight as she could before she found out that this was all a dream and that she'd wake up and not be able to find them again.

Spike purred soothingly against her as he nuzzled her neck. "Kitten."

"I—I'm. . . I'm okay. Physically anyway," she finally spoke. She felt so overwhelmed by it all she found she didn't know what to say. All she wanted to do was bask. She burst into tears instead. "I tried to kill you both!"
She burst out. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. . . I didn't know. . ." She whimpered as they caressed her, calmed her; loved her.

"It's okay now sweetheart," Angel murmured, burying his face in her hair.

"You're back and that's all that matters now kitten," Spike said, planting kisses on her face.

"Are you guys okay? Did I hurt you badly?" Buffy whispered as she moved her hands along their body,
checking for injury.

Angel stopped her roaming hands and kissed her palms. "We're all right sweetheart. We're made of tough
stuff, remember?"

She nodded, tears in her eyes. "I miss home. I want to go home." She looked at Spike sadly. "No offense
Spike, but I really hate London right now."

Spike laughed heartily and smothered her in a kiss. "Baby, I hate it right now too."

"You remember everything from the day. . . " Angel trailed off.

"The day I was taken?" Buffy asked and then nodded. "I was at Willow's and I was rushing to get home
before dark. I was so close to home when this guy started talking to me about high school. Then I was in
darkness. There was a lot of darkness and I was tied up. I was drugged, I know I was. Nothing ever seemed
clear, it was all hazy. . . I remember a voice. It was. . . It was Lindsey's voice," she finished softly. "Strangely,
he made me feel safe. After that, I remember waking up and remembering these awful things about you and
mom that never happened."

"Did he hurt you Buffy?" Spike asked.

"Who? Lindsey? No. He never did. Not directly anyway."

"And Quentin?" Spike pressed.

"He liked to run tests on me. He seemed very fond of taking my blood once a week. He was always testing
my response to things, poking and prodding at me. I didn't even question it. I just felt so dead inside. I was
full of hatred and pain and Quentin just fed into it. He MADE me that way, he lived off it, took joy in it.
Lindsey. . . Lindsey tried to keep me from him a lot. I never realized. . . until now how much he tried to keep
me from him. He was always worried about me. He didn't want me to be angry and in pain. He wanted to heal
me. Which is why he took me to Giles." She looked at her vampires. "That's how you found me. Giles called
you once he figured it out?"

They nodded.

"I felt you. . . I started feeling you one night in a club. I felt the marks. They were driving me crazy. I never
saw you. Where were you?"

"Invisibility spell," Spike explained, and kissed her shoulder as he trailed his finger up and down her arm.

"And here, when I came to see Giles after I started to remember. I felt the marks then too. You were here?"

They nodded, smiling warily, remembering what it had been like to be so close and not be able to reach out
to her.

She reached out to them, caressing Spike's face with one hand, and Angel's with the other. "I'm so sorry,"
she whispered. "I thought what I was remembering were lies. I thought it was just some kind of mojo that you
worked on me. God the things he made me think were true! I can't even conceive of anyone being so
diabolical they would fabricate something so horrific!"

"We're going to make everything okay again, baby," Spike promised her.

"And no one is ever going to hurt you again," Angel vowed.

"And no one is going to hurt either of you either," she told them firmly.

"How do you feel about bubbles, pet?"

"She's back," Lindsey whispered to Giles as the older man sat across from him, studying him.

"Yes," Giles said simply. "How do you feel about that?"

"What I felt when I found her here. Relief."

"Relief. You felt relief? Why?"

"She was back where she belonged," Lindsey said honestly, giving a slight shrug.

"You're not. . ."

"Secretly hoping that she could love me instead? I'm not going to lie, I do wish that she could love me too. I
do know, however, how futile that idea is."


Giles nodded. "They have a bond unlike anything I've ever seen before."

"She's an amazing woman. It's easy to love her," Lindsey said quietly. "All I can ask for now is for her to
forgive me for what I've done."

"Do you think she will?"

"I don't know. I can't say I wouldn't blame her if she couldn't. All I can do is hope."

Snuggling deeper into Spike's chest, she was trying to fend off wakefulness. She wasn't ready to deal with
reality yet. The night before she had felt safe and complete once again and with the uncertainty of what was
to come, she couldn't deny that she was a little bit terrified. Okay, a lot terrified. Having first hand knowledge
of what Quentin was capable of, it was only a matter of time before he found them. What would he do to
them? She reached behind her, grabbing Angel's hand and urging him closer to her. She didn't want to leave
the sanctuary of their arms ever again. The night before they'd fallen asleep a tangle of limbs; they hadn't
been willing to let go at all.

"Kitten, you're trembling," Spike said, his voice hoarse from sleep.

She looked up at him and he smiled tenderly. "What's up?"

"I'm afraid," she told him honestly and simply.

"Don't be afraid, sweetheart. We'll fight him all together," Angel said, leaving a kiss on her shoulder. She
hadn't realized he'd awoken.

"He's a monster. Look what he did to me. . . I don't want to even imagine what he'd do to you both. He
hates me and look what he did to me. Can you imagine what he'd do to you?" She hid her face in Spike's
chest.

"What do you propose then kitten?"

"I should face him. Maybe pretend that I don't remember. Catch him off guard—"

"Absolutely not," Spike said firmly, tensing.

"I don't know, Buffy," Angel said thoughtfully, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Then what do you propose? Storming in there, fangs bared into the Council? In case you didn't know, you've
made names for yourselves. Your pasts are quite colorful and they all know you. You're in the goddamned
books, you know that. You step one toe in that place and you'll be staked quicker than you could say. . .
Buffy. It'd come out, ‘Bu—‘ and poof! Dust."

Silence fell and then she felt Angel start to laugh behind her, he was trying not to, she could tell, but then
she heard the snicker. Spike followed a second later.

"'Bu'" Angel laughed loudly. Buffy giggled.

"Oh pet, I missed you," Spike said fondly and placed a kiss on her forehead.

There was a knock on the door. "Can I come in?" Giles asked through the door.

Buffy sat up immediately and started to climb out of bed, only to be grabbed and pulled back. She found
herself brought back against Angels hard chest and encircled in his arms. "Not just yet, sweetheart," he
rumbled in her ear, sending shivers straight through her.

"Come on in, Rupert!" Spike called out, sitting up next to Angel against the headboard.

Giles opened the door slowly and smiled. "Anyone hungry?" he asked.

Buffy knew she was blushing profusely. She had to be beat red. She could feel the heat on her face. She felt
as if this were the first time she was actually meeting Giles. Before she hadn't been herself and didn't care
about making impressions, now she did. This man helped save her and she wanted to ‘meet' him properly.
Instead she was hauled up against Angel, in bed, with only a tank top and shorts on. She knew Giles had to
know about their ‘situation' but that didn't make the color of embarrassment any less.

"I imagine our girl would like a whopper of a breakfast there Rupes. Considering she ate next to nothing
since she came to stay with us," Spike answered, lighting up a cigarette.

"Any special request?" Giles asked, pointedly looking at her with a wide smile.

She felt herself relax against Angel and smiling back. "Pancakes, bacon and orange juice please," she told Giles shyly.

"Coming right up," and he started to close the door.

"I'll help you," and she started to detangle herself from Angels arms.

"No, please. You've been parted from your mates for quite some time Buffy. I'm sure you have," he cleared
his throat, "a lot of time to make up for." With that, Giles closed the door.

"I think my face is on fire," Buffy moaned and threw her head back against Angel's chest.

Buffy didn't care if Giles thought she was a pig for the way she wolfed down her food. She was more than
hungry, she was ravenous. She even ignored Spike and Angels amused smirks as she shoveled the food in.
The drawback to eating so fast however, were the hiccups that followed shortly thereafter.

They were laughing at her as she helped to clean up the mess from breakfast.

"If you take a teaspoon of sugar and ice water, they'll go away," a voice said from the living room.

Buffy froze.

Lindsey.


How had she forgotten about him so quickly?

She turned to the source of the voice and out of the corner of her eye saw Spike start for the living room as
Angel let out a low growl. She put her hand on Spike's arm, stopping him. He looked at her, surprised.

Pointing to the left over pancakes and bacon, she looked over at Giles. "May I?"

Giles nodded, understanding what she intended to do.

"Buffy," Angel started.

"It's okay Angel. I want to talk to him." Quickly preparing Lindsey's food, she made her way into the living
room.

As with Giles, she felt as if she were seeing Lindsey for the first time.

He looked up at her, his eyes wide with shock at seeing her there. She placed the food down on the coffee
table between them and sat on the edge of the couch, studying him.

Lindsey watched her every moment and Buffy knew he was unsure as to how to proceed. She looked down at
the food, trying to gather her thoughts before looking up at him.

"Why?" she asked simply.

"I didn't have a choice, Buffy. I'm sorry, I'm so sor—"

"Stop with the apologies," she told him, holding up her hand.

He nodded.

"I bet you didn't know that I really did trust you."

"I thought you didn't trust anyone," he murmured.

"You were the only one. I think it was your voice."

His head shot up, he gazed at her.

"I heard you when I was drugged and bound. I didn't know it at the time of course, but I remember
everything now and I remember your voice. You kept telling me that I was going to be okay and that nothing
bad was going to happen to me. That you'd take care of me."

"I meant it. I tried my best to protect you from Quentin. I hated what he wanted to do to you—"

"Then. Why. Didn't. You. Let. Me. Go?" she asked, her voice dripping with barely concealed anger. She hadn't
realized until she heard his pleas for forgiveness just how angry she was. Her rage over the injustice and
cruelty of what they did to her boiled to the surface.

Lindsey looked at her desperately. "I wanted to Buffy—"

"Liar!" She yelled, jumping up. "Don't lie to me anymore. If you really wanted to, you could have let me go.
You could have found a way."

Lindsey's eyes welled up and he shook his head. "I couldn't Buffy," he whispered. "I didn't want to at first,
okay? Is that what you want to hear? That I wanted you for me? Do you want to know that?"

"Yes! It's the truth, isn't it?"

He nodded. "It is. But that wasn't all, Buffy."

"Then tell me because I want to know. No, I need to know why you let me believe such awful things? Why you
let me think them and. . . didn't you know how much I wanted to die?"

"Don't say that," Lindsey whispered, tears spilling down his cheeks.

"Well it's true. How would it have felt Lindsey to know that you would have had part in my suicide?" Her voice
was even and bland, betraying no emotion. It sounded so much like the Buffy that had left her that it caused
Lindsey's head to snap back and stare at her, pleading.

"If I didn't go along with what he wanted, there was no telling what he would have done to you. I didn't make
the right decision, but I acted the only way I knew how with the choices I had in front of me. At least I was
there to at least buffer some of what Quentin could have done to you. I wouldn't have let you kill Angel and
Spike, Buffy. I wouldn't have let you done anything you would have regretted."

"No, but you kept them from me." Her eyes welled up then. "Do you know what a wonderful mom I had? What great memories I have of her? Did you know that most of those memories with her involve Spike and Angel? Did you know how much my mother loved them? Did you know that they would have done ANYTHING for her? I had a great life with them. You gave Quentin the ability to make me forget that. You let him think they killed my mother!" She finished on a shout, her whole body trembling.

"I'm sorry Buffy, I'm so sorry," Lindsey murmured, hanging his head. "I was afraid of him," he said after a while. The stark honesty in his voice threw Buffy and she, this time, was surprised.

"I was afraid of what he'd do to me, of what he'd do to you. I'm not proud of my actions and I'm sorry. All of what he did. . . it's why I wanted you to get help. I wanted to make you whole again. I wanted to erase it all and give you back. Yes, I did want you for myself, but I knew that even with your memories gone, you still belonged to them. It was all a matter of time. I tried my best Buffy, and yes, I fucked up. I've never been in love before and I know I didn't show it the right way. I couldn't have stood up to him. . . I had to stay by your side and try to protect you as much as I could from that monster. I know that by not saying anything, by allowing you to believe what he wanted you to believe, by going along with him makes me a monster too, but I will do anything to make it better, Buffy. If you want to kill me, if you want to sick Angel and Spike on me, I will do it. For you. To prove to you how sorry I am for everything. To prove to you that I am so happy to see you standing here in front of me, healthy, whole and with your mates. I'm so relived you're back where you belong and no matter how much I wish you could love me, I know that you can't and I'm okay with that. I don't deserve your love. I deserve all your anger and hatred. Let me help you now, let me help you in the way that I failed to before. Let me help you conquer Quentin and then you can decide my fate."

The impassioned plea that was brought forth in his speech gave Buffy pause. She stared down at him with wide eyes. She was having a war with herself. On the one hand, all that he'd aided Quentin to do for so long. . . on the other hand. . . the truth in his words and the trust she still strangely felt with him. How was that possible? She knew Spike and Angel would gladly tear him apart, soul or no. But, gazing down at Lindsey, at the man she remembered bugging Quentin not to do any more tests on her, on the man who spoke to her of love and peace and being healthy. The way he'd followed her all around—she'd thought he was a love sick puppy, when the truth was, he was more than that. He was so afraid for her, so afraid of what Quentin would do to her—of what she'd do to herself-- that he was afraid to let her out of his sight. She recalled his voice telling her he'd take care of her, telling her he'd keep her safe.

She sat down, moving the plate away, and faced him. She studied him and let her gut guide her as Angel had taught her to do. She was so focused, she didn't even notice Giles had entered the room until she heard him.

"Everything all right, Buffy?" He asked her.

She nodded, not taking her eyes off Lindsey.

"What have you decided then?" Giles asked quietly.

Buffy looked at him and then back at Lindsey. She reached over and started to untie Lindsey's hands.

"What are you doing?" Giles exclaimed.

Buffy continued to keep her eyes on Lindsey who was watching her in amazement, tenderness and hope. "He won't do anything. Will you Lindsey?"

Lindsey shook his head slowly, his eyes welling up again.

Taking the plate of food after his hands were loose, she placed it on his lap. "Eat. You're going to need your strength."

She stood up and faced Giles who nodded slowly.

Trying her best not to fall apart right then, Buffy strode to the door and let herself out. Sliding down to the ground, she let herself cry.

A/N: Your reviews are so kind. You make me want to write more, more and more! Please continue letting me know what you think...