Days Like These Keep Me Warm

Okay here once again and this time with two chapters! Your reviews do me too much justice, I feel really humbled by them. I try my best to make each chapter keep up the previous standards.

Oh and I would like to blatantly plug my new stories, so I have another one called Juxtaposed With U, it's a full on William and Buffy love fest, read it if you like.

Chapter Six: You Want It Badly, You Want It So Complete.

She shouldn't have stared; she didn't have that right to look at him, to cast her eye over to where he sat with his friend. Evidence she had left his flat, she had been punishing herself for helping him on Saturday night, but if she found reasons to justify her having contact with him when he fell over, such as he could have been seriously hurt. Truthfully she couldn't justify taking his offer of a place to stay, even if she was homeless, that was the whole problem. She lied, she fucking lied to gain his confidence and no friendship or relationship could be based upon decent.

Yet Buffy hadn't been able to stop herself from watching him for the last five minutes as she sat down on the familiar bench that resided near the café which she had just seen his female companion walk over to as he sat looking deep in thought.

//He looks really concerned about something// she considered still focussing on him with such intensity that she felt as though she was burning a hole in the back of his head.

She realised that she probably hadn't blinked since she noticed the man who dominated her thoughts was sat so close by. She had been trying to cleanse her memory of William and that afternoon she had been doing pretty well, in fact if anything she was thinking not of the man who she wanted to spend eternity with but instead of past once again. Buffy had been seriously wondering why she chose this little seaside town, when she knew it would be impossible to find a job. She knew why though, she needed to keep as far away from her family as possible and even if she was jobless and homeless since leaving prison she had kept herself out of trouble. A place like this allowed her to merge into the background, the students didn't have time for her, didn't even bother taunting her and the locals turned a blind eye to the issue of the homeless, simply because they struggled to survive themselves.

Yet despite her desire to be forgotten about, sometimes Buffy wished she hadn't chose her current location. Sure she wanted to punish herself for what she had done and by being unemployed, by living on the streets she was certainly suffering. However, just occasionally like today she wondered if she could allow herself some happiness, whether that would be okay.

//I only want one little thing and that's William, I would take care of him so well, I would love him completely, I would make sure he was never in pain//

"Damn" she muttered aloud, Buffy had allowed William to enter her thoughts again and as soon as she did that it was when she saw him so near to her.

Now she continued sitting and yes she wished she hadn't stared because there he was and now his friend was walking over to her smiling.

//Shit what if that's his girlfriend, fuck she is going to tell me to leave her man alone, I knew he had someone, knew it, his too beautiful not to have anyone, shit, fuck, oh god she's getting nearer//

Buffy's mind went into overload, she wanted to get up and run for eternity away from her stupid make believe land, away from this town that didn't do her any good. In fact for the first time in years she wanted to go back to America, back to her childhood, back when her mother and father were still together and her and Dawn were little girls, happy and content. She couldn't move though, frozen to her spot much like she had been when the sirens of the police cars had wailed ever nearer and Angel laid on the floor blood pouring from his stomach. She had been frozen in fear then and perhaps it was fear that was getting her now.

"Hiya" the girl said stopping in front of Buffy, she looked to the ground and then up to her "This is going to sound a little weird but is your name Buffy by chance?"

"I, what?" Buffy frowned as she stood up and greeted the woman anxiously. How had she known who she was? And how come she was being so polite? More importantly shouldn't Buffy be in the midst of a catfight by now for ogling over her boyfriend?

"Didn't mean to confuse you, my name is Tara McClay" Tara extended her arm out for a handshake "I'm a friend of William Johnstone, you are Buffy right?"

"I am, look sorry for staring" Buffy blushed, she caught a glimpse of William, he was gnawing at his fingernails looking terrified. Yet something else clicked in Buffy's memory, wasn't Willow who was in the record shop on Saturday, wasn't her girlfriend called Tara, yes she was pretty sure.

//Like it makes any difference, so what if she isn't with William, not like I am going to be, look at him he doesn't want me to see him again, this Tara is just being sweet//

"He has been looking for you all over, come on he'll be please to see you" Tara continued unabated in her efforts to convince Buffy to talk to William.

"I don't know" Buffy responded sighing heavily. Shit how could she say yes? She had to stop this fanatical behaviour towards him, it wasn't healthy. But then again had she just heard Tara correctly, William had been searching for her, why would he do that?

//I know he wants me to give him money for stealing his food, for spending the night and then fucking off without saying thank you//

Before Buffy had a chance to wallow in further self pity and spend the rest of the day failing in her attempts to erase the man from her life, Tara took her by the arm and walked across the promenade and back onto the beach. Buffy was seriously shocked by what was occurring especially as she became closer to him and all her body was screaming at her that she was in love with that man.

"Really, don't tell him I told you but he likes you a lot" Tara whispered as she went to help William up from the ground and brought him in for a hug.

Buffy gazed at the situation confused, straining to hear what Tara was saying to William and then finding herself alone with him as the young woman walked off.

"Buffy?" he asked.

"Hiya your friend, erm she invited me over, but I, I should really be... going" Buffy stammered, tapping her foot nervously on the ground. She knew she couldn't back out of this now, it wouldn't be polite just running away from him, plus she knew she would regret it if she didn't get to have one final conversation with him.

"Do you have to?" she heard him reply; he was looking around, unable to figure out where she was.

She rested her hand on his arm and moved him so he was facing her, she stared down at his dog who was shaking the sand of its fur and looking at Buffy with watchful eyes

"I should, I can't speak with you" she began, she planned to finally tell him the truth, to reveal to him who she was because her lies had gone on for to long but he interrupted her by running his fingers across her arm and slowly towards her face.

"Did I scare you away the other night? I'm sorry pet if I came across as a fuck up, or like I would take fucking advantage of you but I wouldn't" William said sweetly, he was letting his previous inhibitions about touching her drift away. Tara had described her as beautiful he wanted to find out for himself and as he couldn't see, her trailed his index finger down her cheekbones instead.

"I know that, I have a seminar soon, I should start leaving to make it in time" Buffy tightly shut her eyes, she felt as though she was in heaven as he continued caressing her skin with his soft touch. She hadn't meant to lie again, telling him she had a seminar but she was caught up in the moment of his kindness and saying she had to go because she was a liar and deceitful would ruin the flow of her current circumstances.


"I waited outside your Contemporary American Literature class before, where were you?" William asked, reaching his hand up towards her forehead and brushing strands of hair tenderly.

//She is going to think I'm obsessed, but she hasn't pulled away, and Tara did say she was watching us, so does she like me? This is getting way to complicated, I need her to talk to me, to tell me if she has any feelings for me, even if there just ones of hate//

Buffy eyes shot open at his admission of where he had been, of course he wasn't going to find her at the university seeing as she had damn well lied about taking History and English. Yet his hand didn't stop with its gentle stroking of her hair and she decided to give into this sensation of happiness as she closed her eyes once more.

// How perfect is this, how wonderful. I am dreaming this time; if Saturday night happened, this can't be, his touching me, I can hear him breathing, smell the coffee on his breath//

"I missed that, kinda got up too late, can't miss my seminar" Buffy said distractedly, like she was off in her own little world and she was, she didn't have any conviction in her words. Even if she did have a seminar she would have missed it, how could she stop this, this perfect moment? She would be a fool to break their contact, in fact as Strummer sat down again on the sand, Buffy moved herself closer to William, taking his hand that held onto his guide dog led. She knew that Strummer wouldn't go off anywhere, he was trained to stay by his owner and she needed to hold William's hand, to make the dream more intense.

"It was weird, when I woke up and I could hear the washing machine and you weren't there" Williams voce began to crack, he was remembering how low he felt when he had realised she had gone. How he spent the whole of Sunday depressed, curled up on his sofa, wishing she would come back. "I shouted for you over and over again and you didn't reply, I missed you"

"William" Buffy whispered, why was he acting like this, as if he really cared for her?. She forced herself to look at him and reality began to hit her again, she couldn't go through with her charade, of pretending to be someone instead of a nobody. No matter how much she found this truly a perfect meeting, even though she loved every inch of his persona and though she would die if he removed his hand from her face, she had to stop it now.

//Snap out of it Buffy, go now, he is speaking like this because he thinks your someone your not//

She released their entwined hands and took a step back, her breathing rapid from his little activities, if she felt this excited by just this little moment of contact she couldn't begin to think how an actual kiss would make her feel.

William felt his heart drop as she backed away, he knew it, came on to fucking strong. He began to feel like a fool for showing her how much she meant to him when in the end she was just teasing him, in the end she wouldn't want him and he knows why, because he is blind and this makes him anger and he voice started to rise in a forming rage. The same kind of rage that made him lash out her the other night, it was about trust and it was about his past, his former girlfriend Drusilla had made him wary about woman. Even though he had convinced himself he could trust Buffy, he was getting confused and consequently angry at why she gave him mixed signals.

//Is she just fucking up my emotions for her own screwed up sense of amusement? //

"Call me a stupid prick but I, well, I thought on Saturday, I fucking hell." William tried expressing his mixed emotions and took a break before starting again. He wasn't even sure if she was even there, he could be speaking to himself for all he knew "I opened up to you and you waltzed off after I told you things I haven't spoken to my friends about, why, its all I want to ask why?"

Buffy was listening to him attentively, she was concerned about how he was acting but she understood why he was angry. She had allowed him to confess his problems to her and then she had left him, like she was ashamed at hearing all his issues. She wasn't though, she was intrigued by his true self, what made him who he was, his past, she wanted to know more about his past. Yet still her own past caused obstacles for her, he had asked why she had left and it was because of her own shame for what had shaped her.

"I can't be your friend" Unlike William, she spoke gently still, those five words hurt her considerably but for once she knew they were the truth, heartbreaking as it was. She wanted to turn away and stopping staring at his face, she had to finally break away from her need for William, she couldn't think straight without him but still life wasn't that simple.

"You're not answering my question!" He snapped lashing out at her, he caught her arm and held on tight, he wanted answers from her, why the sweet and kind act if she didn't mean it?

"I know, William" Buffy grimaced, he had a strong grip on her and though it hurt she didn't want to let go, she couldn't. She looked around fleetingly and saw how people watched their exchange, members of the public loved to watch public display of fighting, both verbal and physical because it gave them something to gossip about. Buffy knew all about people speaking about her behind her back, whispering words about her and Angel but now this wasn't the issue, William was. "I don't want an argument in front of a bunch of strangers!"

William loosened his grip, if acting like the tough guy wasn't going to work then he was desperate enough to plead with her "Well then we can go back to my place, or yours. Speak to me Buffy, I'm not some fucked up, strange stalker, I just want to be your friend. Why are you laughing?"

"This isn't real" Buffy exclaimed. She was indeed laughing at how ironic William's words were. He was afraid as coming across as a stalker, when this was the very same fear that Buffy had been dealing with since she first started following him around. She finally began to realise what she needed to do.

//I have to tell him the truth, really this time actually come out and tell him some stuff. Not everything because I need to ease him see see if he can handle it, cope with who I am. For some reason he genuinely seems to want to be my friend and this is the only way we can work//

She had decided that was it, the truth was her only way to gain any chance of a friendship with William. She knew it wouldn't necessarily go well, he could get angry again at her lying, he mibe abe ashamed to even speak to her when she told him she wasn't intelligent, she didn't go to university. But her shame about her past had been stopping her for too long. She couldn't give up on the fact that she could really get somewhere with him, that despite the fact that she thought she had made up everything about this afternoon, he really had been touching her face, he really was upset about her not being their on Sunday morning. It wasn't a dream.

"Buffy, pet are you okay?" William asked, he was getting worried at her silence. Had he made a bigger fool of himself? Was that even possible?

"You wanna talk still?" Buffy questioned, she picked up the led of his dog and handed it to him. She felt relieved already, like she had shed a heavy load from her mind, even though she hadn't even began to speak any truth to him.

"Yes, its what I've been trying to say" William laughed wearily, it had taken what seemed like hours but was in reality ten minutes for his message to Buffy to get through, he just wanted to speak to her. She began to guide him off the beach and back onto concrete "Where you taking me love?"

"The castle, its quiet there and beautiful" she decided walking forwards towards their destination.

"What about your seminar?"

"I miss it, doesn't matter, I don't think I really had one today anyway" Buffy shrugged, she looked at William, who gave her an impression of bewilderment. Yes she would show him who she really was but not until they had a bit of privacy.

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