Wounded Hearts

It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Its hard to know when to give up the fight
Two things you want will just never be right
Its never rained like it has tonight before
Now I don't wanna beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm still alive underneath this shroud
Rain Rain Rain
--Patty Griffin, "Rain"

It had been raining for hours now as Buffy and Spike continued their trek across country. They had been on the road for a few days now and we’re about half-way to California. Spike was starting to get tired and suggested they stop for some dinner and to rest a bit. Buffy agreed and he exited at the next exit, pulling into a little truck stop style diner and gas station.

“You go on in and get us a table and I’ll gas up the car.” Spike said.

“O.K., do you want me to order your drink? Coffee or anything?” Buffy inquired.

“Sure, pet. Coffee sounds good.” Spike replied.

Spike filled up the tank and then after paying for the gas, joined Buffy at the corner booth by the window she had chosen.
The waitress on duty brought two cups of steaming hot coffee and handed them two menus, telling them she would be back in a few minutes to take their order. Buffy watched Spike open the sugar canister and pour and pour and pour heaps of sugar into his coffee.

“You want some coffee with your sugar?” she teased.

“Yeah, you caught me. I’m a sugar addict.” Spike replied.

“Hmm, I never would have known by your calm, subtle, and subdued personality.” Buffy joked again.

“Har de har har.” Spike grinned. “Are you trying to tell me I am hyper, pet?”

“As if you didn’t know.” Buffy responded.

The waitress interrupted their banter to take their order. Fifteen minutes later, she was back with their food. The moment of lightheartedness had passed and each felt a twinge of guilt for actually enjoying each other’s company, considering the circumstances that brought them to this roadside diner.

They ate in silence until Buffy excused herself to go to the ladies room. On her way coming out of the restroom, she ran into their waitress.

“I don’t mean to pry, Miss, but I just wanted to tell you that you’ve got yourself a good man out there. I’ve seen a lot of people come through these doors and I’m a pretty good judge of character. Don’t let this one get away.” She told Buffy, mistakenly thinking they were a couple.

Buffy didn’t realize that Spike had come over to the restroom area to use the facilities himself and was just walking up as she replied to the waitress, “Oh no, you have it all wrong. We aren’t a couple. He’s just some guy. He doesn’t mean anything to me...”

The waitress coughed and Buffy turned her head to see Spike’s stricken expression at her somewhat harsh words but he recovered quickly, “Excuse me but ‘some meaningless guy’ would like to take a piss so if you don’t mind moving out of the way of the door.” Spike said crassly, pushing past Buffy roughly and entering the men’s room.

“I’m sorry. We’ll leave now.” Buffy said softly to the waitress and then returned to their table and taking out her wallet, paid the bill.

She went outside and waited by the car until Spike finally came out. He unlocked the door for her in silence and then went and got in on his side. Buffy slid into the seat and fastened her belt around her. Spike started the ignition and pulled away from the diner.

“I’m sorry, Spike. I didn’t know you were standing there.” Buffy said quietly.

“Oh so you’re sorry I overheard it, not that you said it? I see.” Spike retorted angrily.

“No, Spike. I am sorry…you interrupted us before I could finish. She thought we were a couple. I was just trying to correct her.” Buffy tried to explain.

“So you corrected her by telling her I am a meaningless git? Not so meaningless that I can’t cart your little arse across the country though, am I?” Spike was raising his voice now to yelling.

“I didn’t mean it that way, Spike. I don’t even know what a git is so I did not say that! You’re twisting my words around! I’m sorry a thousand times over. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” Buffy screamed and then busted into sobs that wracked her small shoulders.

Spike pulled over to the side of the road and parked the car.

“Buffy, luv, please don’t cry.” Spike said reaching over to wipe the tears off her cheek.

“You yelled at me.” Buffy looked at him accusingly.

Spike looked at her tear stained face.

“Bloody hell. I’m sorry baby. I’m a bad rude, man.”

“I’m sorry too, Spike. I never meant to hurt your feelings. You do mean something. You’re not just some guy and I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

Spike looked out the window and the rain had stopped. “Hey, you want to try driving for a bit?” he asked not aware of the danger he was putting himself in yet.

“Uhhh...O.K. I guess I can try.” Buffy said.

“You do have a license, right?” Spike questioned.

“Yes, of course.” Buffy huffed and got out of the car and walked around to the driver’s side.

After switching places, Buffy put the car in gear and pulled back onto the road.

A few hours later….

Spike’s hands gripped the dashboard in front of him, knuckles and face white as a ghost as Buffy screeched to a stop in the motel parking lot.

“There! I did it. We made it!” Buffy smiled, pleased with herself.

“Thank God!” Spike muttered loosening his grip on the dashboard.

Buffy turned and glared at him, “You are the one who wanted me to drive, just remember that. I told you that Buffy and driving were unmixy things.”

“I believe you now.” Spike said, getting out of the car and lighting a much needed cigarette.

They both walked to the office. Upon reaching the front desk, Spike asked for two rooms but Buffy interrupted him.

“Spike? Maybe, in the interest of economics, we should just get one room? I mean, we really don’t NEED two and I’ve been sleeping with you the last couple nights anyway so...” Buffy blushed bright red as she realized what she had just said, and looking at the desk clerk tried to explain, “I mean. Just sleeping. Next to each other. But nothing other than sleeping. Nothing.”

“It’s O.K., pet. I think he gets the picture.” Spike smiled at her obvious fluster.

“So, one room or two, folks?” the clerk asked impatiently.

“One it is, mate.” Spike said.

After signing the required sheet and paying for the room, Buffy and Spike went back out to the car to get their suitcases. The sky groaned and a huge crack of thunder boomed, causing Buffy to jump. The heavens opened up and a torrential downpour was upon them.

“I thought it had stopped raining for today” Buffy said as they ran with their bags to their room.

“I guess not, luv. It’s coming down pretty hard. Damn. The hardest I think I may have ever seen.” Spike replied.

Getting the door unlocked, they rushed into the room, both of them soaking wet already. Their clothes were plastered to them like second skins.

“We better take off our clothes.” Spike said, starting to pull his shirt over his head.

“Wait! When I said one room, I didn’t mean we were going to do naked things together!” Buffy said getting all flustered again.

Spike looked at her with annoyance, “Wet clothes, Buffy? Huge thunderstorm outside? Any of this ring a bell? Believe me, even if I hadn’t have just lost my wife, you’re the last person, I’d want to, how did you put it, do ‘naked things’ with.” Spike said coldly.

“You’re a pig, Spike!” Buffy said and ran into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

“Shit”, Spike swore. He went over to the door and knocked, “Buffy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I’m just getting right annoyed with you always thinking I’m trying to jump your bones.” Spike sighed.

The door opened and Buffy stepped out to grab her bag before returning to the bathroom. Right before she closed the door she said, “I’m sorry. I don’t think sometimes. Must be the blonde in me. Of course, you don’t want to...well you know. Drusilla just died and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. I’m so stupid. Stupid, naïve little Buffy. I’ve never been around another man...you know...man man...not like my dad or something but a real guy, other than Angel and I don’t know how to behave. I mean, we’re with each other 24 hours a day. We’re sleeping in the same bed. I’m sorry for insinuating anything. You’ve been a perfect gentleman. I’m sorry.” Buffy closed the door before Spike could even respond.

Spike sighed and finished removing the rest of his clothing before donning a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He sat on the end of the bed, feeling and looking around guiltily. The truth of the matter was, he HAD thought of naked thoughts about Buffy. In fact, this morning, he had woken up with quite the morning glory, Buffy all wrapped around him. He felt so guilty about it and had prayed to Drusilla to forgive him for being such a weak man. He had known Buffy just over a week, thus his wife had been dead only that long. He should not be having thoughts about another woman, let alone one who just lost her spouse as well.

He reasoned with himself. It’s just comfort, Spike. You’re hurting. She’s here. It’s nothing more. Can’t be. Just forget it, mate. He sighed and lay back on the bed, closing his eyes, “I loved you so much, Drusilla. I’m so sorry.” He said out loud softly.

Buffy came out of the bathroom, having changed into some dry pajamas. She heard Spike whispering his love to Drusilla and felt a horrible guilt for even thinking he was trying to put the moves on her. Spike felt the bed move as Buffy got in and lay down on her side.

“I’m sorry, pet.” Spike murmured.

“Me too, Spike.” Buffy replied then jumped when another loud crack of thunder hit and a beam of lightening shone through the sheer curtains on the window.

“I don’t like storms, much.” Buffy admitted.

“Come here, pet.” Spike motioned for her to come to his side.

Buffy hesitated briefly looking at him with questioning eyes and when he nodded, she scooted over into his embrace.
They were silent after that. Only the sounds of their beating hearts and the rain outside could be heard.

Continued in Chapter 6- Back To Good