Blood Ties

Talk

“We shohavehave never gone back to Sunnydale. I’m sure we could have found information somewhere else how to secure my soul. Hell, you could have turned me anyhow, you do okay without a soul. If we didn’t go back we wouldn’t have had all this crap happen to us. I swear to god we have a black cloud following us!”

“I can assure you Love, neither one of us is Joe Btfsplk. Besides I love your soul. Wasn’t going to turn you without it. Tell anyone though, and I’ll tell about that dream you had of that Tom Paris bloke.”

They’d been driving most of the night, just a short stopover in Oxnard to get some food and trade in the stolen jeep for a Ford Sedan with tinted windows that had been magicked. Spike would be able to drive even after the sun came up if he had to, it was just the opening the door and letting the light in that would be a problem.

“First of all I’m glad you love my soul, cause we’ve gone through hell to secure it. Secondly who?”

“Joe Btfsplk. From Lil’ Abner? Had a cloud following him everywhere?”

“I say again: who?”

“Never mind Love, you’re too young. They don’t teach you anything in American schools do they?”

“I may have missed that day due to demon attacks, you never know. I’m sure I missed a day in health class where they went over how males could get knocked up. And god when did our lives become a bad After School Special? I’m nineteen and pregnant. I’m sure there’s a country song out there for just such an occasion.”

“Least you got married first Xan, and please let’s not look for the song. After the stress of the past two months I don’t think I could take it.”

Xander just shook his head and looked out the window, watching the darkness roll by. Spike was speeding, but that wasn’t anything new. In fact Spike wasn’t going as fast as he could on this stretch of highway through the desert, but Xander wasn’t going to ask why. He wasn’t sure he could take the answer right now.

Ten minutes later and Xander can’t stand the silence anymore. He’d glad Spike’s letting him have room to think, but right now he doesn’t want to think.

“So where are we going? Right now I mean, not in the big cosmic sort of deal.”

Spike looked over at him and he can see wheels in his lover’s head turn at how much to tell him or not. “Figure we’d stop in Las Vegas for a while. We’ve got some money, but I need to access our accounts and until then we can stay at one of the casinos. Gamble a bit. Plus it’s big enough to get lost in and it’s not Los Angeles. That’s too close to the Poof for my liking right now.”

“Yeah, if what Dru said was true, Buffy’s called him by now. You know Angel would just love to ‘save’ me from your evil clutches, for my own good of course.”

“Well my clutches are evil. What are clutches by the way?”

“I think they’re little purses. Why aren’t you insisting I talk about this?”

“I really don’t see you as the purse type of person, briefcase yes, a manly messenger bag yes, but not a little purse.”

“You know what I mean.” He turned to look at his lover and he can see Spike’s jaw clench just a little

“Because Love, with the exception of last night you haven’t had a bit of decent sleep in months. Hell we’ve been locked up in a bloody zoo for demons. We’ve got time to make a decision about what we’re gonna do. So we are going to get a decent bit of rest and get some decent food in your tummy because I know you can’t think well without feeding you. Then we will sit down and talk about what’s happening with you and make a decision. Together. Now it’s still a bit before we reach town, and I can tell you’re bored. Go to sleep and wyou you wake up we’ll be there.”

“Kay.” Xander reclined his seat and closed his eyes. After a moment he could feel Spike’s cool hand running through his hair, petting and comforting him.

“Love you Spike.”

“Love you too Xander. Always.”

****

Spike was right, the next night he did feel more like a human. Not that he’d let his husband know that he was right. He didn’t want the blonde to get a swelled head.

They were staying at the Golden Nugget of all places, but it had nice rooms and good food. They’d ordered breakfast when they got up, even though it was dinnertime. Spike had gone out to get his bite to eat literally, finding a mugger on one of the back streets near the hotel and leaving him a few pints short while Xander showered. He’d come back to the room with brochures of things for them to do n and around the casino and Xander was looking at them while eating his breakfast. Eggs, potatoes and a rare steak hit the spot for once.

“Don’t you usually like your steak with a little less red, Love? That looks to be my kind of steak.” Spike reached to snitch a piece off of Xander’s plate and Xander smacked at this hand.

“Mine.”

Spike just rolled his eyes at him, but Xander still protected his plate. Damn vampire, stealing his food. Not like he needed it, Xander thought.

“Come on, hurry and finish Xan. We need to get some shopping done, get us some clothes and things and I want to spend some time in the casino and see if I can cheat the house a bit.”

Xander quickly finished cleaning his plate, all but chasing the leftover juices from the steak with a hash brown. Standing up he stretched and enjoyed watching Spike’s eyes dilate.

“Come on Spike. I know you need more than just a half a mugger and I want dessert.”

“Hell I thought you were supposed to be sick when you first got up not hungry.” Despite his teasing words he pulled Xander in for a kiss. After a few moments Xander pulled away to breathe and he smacked Spike’s arm.

“Watch it buster! I’m eating for two right now.”

****

Of course there was a Wal-Mart in Vegas, Xander thought. Hell, once man moved on to colonize the moon Wal-Mart and Starbucks would probably be the first two things there. At least they were able to get everything they needed, clothes, shaving kits, suitcases to put it all in.

Going around the store Xander found himself stopping at the area where they sold bikes. After a few moments Spike noticed that he wasn’t keeping up and came to stand next to him while he was looking at a blue Huffy.

“You know who taught me to ride a bike? Willow and Jessie. I didn’t even have a bike, well not until Wills got a new one for her tenth birthday and gave me her old one. It was rusted but it was pink with a flowered seat and streamers off the handlebars. Jessie and me put duct tape on the seat and tried to paint it to cover the pink up but it just made it look worse. The kids all used to tease me, but I didn’t care because I finally had a bike. I’d been begging my parents for one for years. They just couldn’t be bothered.”

Spike didn’t say anything, he just wrapped his arms around him and Xander leaned into his touch. It was no secret that Xander’s parents hadn’t given a damn about him, it was only the fact that Xander didn’t want to admit they had any power over him whatsoever that kept them alive. They weren’t even worth killing to him, but given the chance Spike would do it.

“Did your parents bring you things Spike? Did you get whatever the Victorian equivalent of a bike was when you were little?”


Spike dragged him over to the bench that was in-between the toys and the photo shop.

“You’ve got to remember Xan, it was a different time. We were in the Upper Class; okay it was the lower bracket of the Upper Class but still… It wasn’t the thing to raise your children yourself; I had a Nanny till I was old enough to have a Governess, and then was sent off to boarding school till I graduated. When I was young I’d see my parents at Teatime, and some on the weekend if Father wanted to go on an outing. It wasn’t that they didn’t love me, it was that it wasn’t the proper thing to do to show it.”

Xander sighed and held Spike’s hand tight. He knew his husband hated talking about his mortal days, but he needed to hear it right now. He was glad when Spike started again.

“Father would bring home treats sometimes. Blocks or wooden soldiers, or sometimes an orange. At Christmas there were presents and a tree all lit up with candles and nuts and chocolates in my stocking. Still I’d give up so many of the things he bought me, if he’d have just gone down the and taken me through the Museum for once, I loved that place. Or Madame Trousseaus.”

“I get it. I always wanted my Dad to play catch with me, bu was was always tired form working or too busy or…I hated that he didn’t like me enough to spend time with me, you know?”

“Their loss. I like you Xander. Now come on, let’s finish up and get out of here before I run of tof these little buggers down and you withhold sex cause I was too evil. We can finish this up back at the hotel.”

“Spike I hate to tell you but running down annoying kids at Wal-Mart isn’t that evil, hell I’ve done it!”

“Good for you Love, knew I was a good influence on you.”

****

“Do you think we can do it?”

“Do what Love?”

“Be good parents. Neither one of us had stellar examples. Hell Drusilla was a better mother than mine for God’s sake.”

From the bed Xander could hear Spike sigh as he hung up their new clothes. The vampire stopped and came over to sit next to Xander on the bed.

“Well my Mum, she loved me, and I knew it. I hate to say thing but I was a Mother’s Boy. After Father died when I was in my teens she relaxed some of the, the rules on how you interact with your children and I’d spend every holiday away from school with her. I loved her so much I turned her so I wouldn’t lose her to death. Didn’t work though, the demon wasn’t right or something. I ended up having to stake her.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry Spike, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, I want you to know. I was lucky enough to have one parent that loved me very much, even if she didn’t show it. Plus it’s why I didn’t want to you you without your soul, I’d walk in the sun if I turned you and you weren’t right.”

Xander lay down on the bed and pulled Spike with him. They ended up curled around each other in a ball.

“You don’t have to worry about that now Spike, but we’ve got a whole new set of worries. If, and I’m just saying if right now, we kept this baby, well everything would change. If you turned me there would be no one to take the child outside, assuming it could go. Even if we waited we’d eventually have to face burying our child, unless it’s immortal. Do you really want that?”

“I don’t know Xander. I just know when I think of having a child that’s part of both of us I feel almost like I’m alive. I think for all the potential sadness a child could bring us there is a greater chance for happiness. And I think you’d make a great parent, simply by doing the opposite of what your parents did, if that’s what’s bothering you.”


”How do you always know what I’m thinking, no matter how far out in left field I am?”

“Cause you’re mine. Of course I’m gonna know what you’re thinking. Right now part of you wants nothing to do with whatever freak show they’ve put inside of you, and then there’s the other part that wants a famind snd sees this as a chance. It’s up to you Xander, it’s your body.”

“Yeah but it’s your child too.”

Spike laughed and Xander just loved that sound and how it felt to be held in his arms while he was laughing.

“I think Xan that possession is nine tenths of the law, and you’ve got the kid for right now.”

“Do you want it? Do you really to to be the first Master Vampire to change diapers? Carry a diaper bag? I don’t want to bring a child into the world that wasn’t loved. Not after what I went through. I can’t do this, not without you.”

“Yeah Love, I want this. Status doesn’t mean that much to me anymore, you know that. I’ve changed a lot because of you, and I think a little one of our very own would be so great. What do you want?”

“I don’t know. I’m afraid it’s going to be some mutant after what the scientists did. And I know nothing about babies. Hell I don’t even know how to change a fucking diaper. What kind of parent would I make?”

Spike rolled over on top of him and kissed him on the nose. Xander just loved it when Spike was playful.

“ I think you’d make a great parent Xander. You have so much love to give, and such a unique way of looking at life. Of course I’d be wonderful, we both know I’m good at whatever I do.” This was said with a Spike smirk and Xander smacked at him playfully.

“Besides Xandee cae can always buy books that will tell us how to change diapers or give the baby a bath and that sort of thing. We’ve got the love for a child, that’s what matters.”

Xander just lay there under his mate. Spike was a comforting presence and he felt so safe. With Spike he had found that he was complete, at least he thought he had been. But now he wasn’t so sure.

“You know one of the things I didn’t regret when we got together is the fact that I’d never have children. I thought it was a great way to make sure the Harris genes weren’t carried over to another generation. When Faith slept with me that one time I was so scared that I got her knocked up because I couldn’t handle having a kid.”

He rolled them over till Spike was beneath him and kissed his lover, letting his tongue play in Spike’s mouth and doing his best to make the vampire gasp for breath. He pulled away and waited till Spike was focused on his eyes.

“Now all I’m thinking about it how cute you’ll be with a little boy or girl on your back calling you Daddy. How much I want to share this with you.”

“So we’re going to do it Xander? Go ahead and carry the baby to term?” Xander had to laugh, his husband sounded so hopeful.

“I think we need to find some doctor or something to make sure the baby is okay first, but yes, I want to do this. I want to have your child.”