Flesh Into Gear

Title: Flesh Into Gear
Author: claudia6913
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Aus/S/W
Summary: Drusilla has been killed by none other then Willow. What will Angelus and Spike do when they find out?
Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, own none of the characters; they belong to Joss and Co. I’m just borrowing them for my sick and twisted pleasure. The title was taken from the song ‘Flesh Into Gear’ by CKY (Camp Kill Yourself), along with the lyrics.
Distribution: If I posted it to your list…well then I guess you can have it. Otherwise, just drop me a line…I’m sure to say yes.
Feedback: But of course. I tend to really, really like the stuff. It’s almost an obsession. Claudia_6913@hotmail.com

A/N: Thanks to Gabrielle for yet another wonderful challenge and for all of the input for this fic. You are the best! The title was taken from the song ‘Flesh Into Gear’ by CKY (Camp Kill Yourself), along with the lyrics.

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Chapter 6

Waking up slowly, Willow was amazed to find herself lying atop her bedcovers in the clothes she had worn yesterday. The events of last night, coupled with everything else, had worn her down to the point where she had crashed…and hard. Thankfully, no nightmares were visited on her while she slept and because of that, she felt better that morning then she had in a while.

Willow made her way out of bed and went to the bathroom to get ready for school. Removing her shirt, Willow saw the angry discolored bruises that had formed on her upper arms from where Spike had grabbed her last night. Willow decided then and there to stop keeping secrets and just tell everyone about spike stalking her. She could no longer safely walk home alone after dark, and she knew her friends would help her. Willow was still unsure, however, if she should tell them about Angel’s ghost. It wasn’t as if they could, or would, do anything to help him. The taunting and death Angelus had bestowed upon them were etched in their minds and Willow doubted they would forgive him, let alone help his wandering spirit. In addition, honestly, she couldn’t blame them. Therefore, Angel’s ghost would remain a secret…for now, but she had to do something about Spike – and soon. The bruises on her arms reminded her once again of just how close she had come to death.

Finally, Willow was ready for school and headed out. Along the way, she met up with Xander and they walked together. This was what she needed, this normalcy after such a long period of stress and unease.

“You feeling alright, Wills?” Xander asked. He was worried about his best friend. Willow smiled at him and was glad he showed concern. “Giles said he took you home last night because you weren’t feeling well.”

“I’m fine, Xander,” Willow said, reassuring him. “I finally got a decent night’s sleep and now I’m back to my normal Willow-y self.”

“Good,” Xander said, smiling.

They continued their walk to school, chatting idly about classes and up coming tests. Xander asked for help, as always, on his homework and Willow agreed. She felt better now that she’d decided to tell them, as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

flesh into gear
myself appears dissected and pretentious
a simple sound a heavy side

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Everyone was gathered in the library, chatting and waiting for patrol assignments. Willow had decided to tell everyone about Spike after they had been handed out. Sitting at the computer going through the different demon websites, Willow was preoccupied. While, during the school day, she had planned to inform everyone of Spike’s new interest…her; she now felt uneasy about it. Willow thought the worst now. That they would condemn her for not saying something sooner or that they would say that it was her fault somehow. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if that were to happen. Her nerves were getting the better of her and the more she thought about it, the more she didn’t want to tell them about her nightly visitor.

Finally, Giles handed out their night patrol areas and asked Willow to stay behind and help with research since he, and everyone else, felt she could use one more night off.

Willow was torn. She was glad not to be going out where Spike could follow her, but the library was where Angel’s ghost had appeared twice already. She couldn’t decide, but thought seeing a ghost would be preferable to her life being threatened by a very real and very dangerous vampire.

“You be careful,” Willow said, as she walked up to Oz and gave him a hug. He nodded, smiling, and kissed her sweetly on the lips before walking out with Xander and Cordelia.

“Willow,” Giles said, walking up to her, “have you found anything on that demon you saw a few days ago?”

“What? Oh, uh, not much,” Willow said. She felt a little guilty for having forgotten all about the demon. That had been the night she’d first seen Angel’s ghost and so many things had happened since then that it had just slipped her mind. Sitting down at the computer, she ran a search, retrieving the same useless results as last time. A picture of a yellowish-green demon came on the screen, and Willow read off what little information the site contained.

“It’s a L’tuck demon, not usually found in the Western Hemisphere,” Willow said, reading from the screen. “Apparently they specialize in illusions, and that makes them hard to kill.”

“Well, I’m actually more interested in why it was here in the first place,” Giles said, looking over Willow’s shoulder. “Does it say anything about what type of illusions?”

Reading further, Willow said, “No, it doesn’t.”

“Well, cross reference this L’tuck demon with any recent anomalies in the past few weeks, and let me know what you come up with,” Giles said, standing up and cleaning his glasses. “I’ll be in my office if you come across anything of importance.”

“Giles,” Willow said, turning in her chair to look at him. “She’ll come back.”

Giles just nodded. They looked at each other for a long moment before he walked off.

Willow wished she had something better to say to Giles about Buffy, but there really was nothing to say. They all knew that Buffy would come back when she had worked through all of her issues…at least they hoped so. Until then, however, Giles, Willow, Xander, Oz, and Cordelia would risk their lives to keep Sunnydale safe…for the most part. The longer Buffy was gone, the more her absence was felt by the entire group.

The search for the L’tuck demon was not going well. There had been no significant events in the last few weeks, that Willow could think of, nothing at least that suggested the need for a L’tuck demon’s presence. ‘Well,’ she had to admit to herself, ‘Buffy’s disappearance is a significant event.’ Entering the parameters, the search was turning up nothing and Willow was becoming dismayed. She wanted some other reason for Buffy to have left. That would make it easier on them then thinking she left of her own free will, left them knowing what she was leaving them to deal with.

Hours ticked by slowly as Willow grew weary. She may have slept well the night before, but now sleep was calling her once more. Willow looked longingly at the clock noticing that is was close to midnight. Oz, Xander, and Cordelia would be back soon from their pat the then she could go home.

Willow mentally kicked herself. She had forgotten that Oz was going to leave for home directly after the patrol and upon looking in on Giles, she found he was fast asleep with an open bottle of Scotch sitting on his desk. Willow debated waking him up, but decided against it. Giles was too intoxicated to drive home, and besides, he looked almost peaceful lying with his head atop his books. Silently she backed out of the room, closing the door behind her, and went to get ready to leave. She figured she could ask Xander to walk her home. It wasn’t an unusual request and she would feel better. While packing her bag, Willow added a stake and grabbed a vial of holy water from the weapons closet, putting it in her pocket. Willow didn’t want to be caught unprepared again.

“Did you see that?” Xander’s voice echoed excitedly through the hall, making its way to Willow. She smiled thinking she would get to hear all about it…whatever it was. Her friends’ chatter continued when they walked into the library.

“It was great,” Xander said smiling, and then turned to Willow. “You missed it. I dusted two vamps!”

“Yes, we know already,” Cordelia said with a huff.

“You’re just jealous I got to yours before you could,” Xander said to her, teasing.

“Yescauscause having dust flung all over me from a dead vamp was exactly what I wanted to do tonight,” Cordelia said, rolling her eyes.

“Hey, Xander,” Willow said. “Would you mind walking me home?”

“Well,” Xander said, looking between Willow and Cordelia, “Cordy was going to give me a ride…,”

“Fine,” Cordelia said. “Let’s go. I’m not staying around here any longer then I have to. There is just something wrong about hanging out at the school after the day is over.”

Smiling, Willow followed them out of the library. Getting a ride was much better then walking. Hopefully Spike wouldn’t have a chance tonight to get to her. Willow watched as Cordelia’s hand sed ied into Xander’s. Willow missed Oz at that moment. She hadn’t spent much time with him lately and she was regretting it. She decided to see what he was doing this weekend. Maybe they could plan something away from the school, the library, and cemeteries.

“Crap,” Cordelia said. “Be right back, I forgot my purse.” She walked back to the library, leaving Willow and Xander in the hallway.

“So,” Willow said, “tell me all about the two vamps you dusted. I can’t believe you got two.”

Xander smiled and proudly told Willow about his ferocious battle for his life, using extravagant sounds and making sure Willow knew every move he made. He was enthusiastic and it infected Willow as well, so that by the end of the story, Willow felt as if she had been there. The tale had taken some time to tell, what with Xander going into every detail about every heartbeat.

“She’s taking a long time,” Willow said nervously. She remembered vividly the haunting by Angel and worried that Cordelia had encountered him. “Maybe we should go check on her.”

“Yeah,” Xander said distractedly, already making his way to the library.

‘Please don’t let anything have happened to her,’ Willow thought. ‘Angel is supposed to be haunting me, not Cordelia. Maybe she’s just putting on makeup or something. I hope.’

Willow followed Xander who had already made his way into the library. It was empty, though Cordelia’s purse lay on the floor open with the contents spilled out. That sight alone chilled Willow to the bone. Quickly she went to Giles’ office to check on him. He lay slumped over his desk, just as she’d left him.

“Xander?” Willow called, looking around. She found him just inside the shadows of the ss, hs, hunched over something.

“Xander, what is it?” Willow asked, coming up behind him.

Slowly, Xander stood up and faced her. His skin had turned a sickly white and he held a yellowed piece of paper in his shaking hands. Willow looked around Xander to see what he had been kneeling over.

At first, nothing registered. It looked like a life-sized doll. The eyes were huge and black, and she thought they looked like glass. Brown ringlets of hair framed the porcelain-like face, the rest of the hair having been gathered up so that it formed an intricate waterfall of curls down the back of the neck. The dress looked vintage, almost Victorian, with crushed black velvet and highlights of blood red satin. The doll had been set down so that the legs stretched out in front of it and the feet, which were adorned in the older style slipper and matched the dress, were pointing at opposite angles. The hands laid neatly folded in her lap, as if it were sitting there patiently waiting for something…or someone. The doll looked familiar, but not. It almost looked like a life size version of Drusilla, but it couldn’t have been her, Willow had dusted her over a week ago.

Finally, Willow took in the whole of the picture. It was Cordelia. It was her cold, dead eyes staring into nothingness, not the glass eyes of a doll.

could win the whole world over
you live in fear of being someone that you didn't want to
i realize your insecurity will get the best of you

Bile rose in Willow’s throat, choking her. She had to turn quickly and retch next to a bookcase. Tears formed quickly, and spilled over in a rush, overwhelming her. This was so much worse then any other dead body she had ever seen. She knew this dead body; it had been a friend of her’s, her best friend’s girlfriend. Willow gagged again, but hel held ba She She couldn’t believe it was Cordelia sitting there, dressed up like some Victorian doll…or Drusilla.

Xander stared maliciously at Willow, clutching the paper in his hands. Tears brimmed his eyes, his mouth set in a thin firm line.

“Xander?” Willow asked quietly and indicated the paper he was holding.

“It’s for you,” Xander said scathingly, shoving the old yellowed paper into her hands. She’d seen this type of paper before…with a sketch of Buffy’s sleeping face on it.

The note was addressed to her in heavy black ink. The words were extravagantly written, full of loops and elongated letters. The word elegant came to Willow’s mind before she read it.


For my Willow:

”Miss Cordelia”
-A

Willow had to re-read the note three times to comprehend what it said. Everything clicked at once. Cordelia had purposely been dressed up to look like Drusilla…and like one of her dolls.

“No, it can’t be,” Willow whispered.

“You knew about this? About him?” Xander asked hotly. He felt betrayed somehow and he wanted answers. His girlfriend lay dead on the floor behind him and his best friend knew about Angelus.

“I – I,” Willow said, floundering. “I didn’t know. I thought. I…Angel’s ghost. I thought I was seeing Angel’s ghost. I had no idea…”

“Ghost? What ghost?” Xander asked, his voice tight with emotion.

“I saw Angel’s ghost, or what I thought to be his ghost twice…here in the library. I didn’t think he was real, I mean the blood was real. And I thought that since Spike was around, and following me that if Angelus was here, he’d say something…I guess,” Willow said softly. She knew how this looked to Xander and she deeply regretted not telling him sooner.

“Spike’s been following you? How could you not tell us? Not tell me?” Xander asked his voice rising with his temper.

“I wanted to! Really, I was going to tonight, but…I was afraid, afraid of how you would take it…,” Willow said trailing off.

“Not only should we have know for our own safety, but for yours as well!” He took a deep breath and said in softer tones, “I can’t do this, just…just leave me alone Willow.”

“But-,” Willow tried to protest, but he cut her off.

“No, just go…out of my sight.” Xander’s voice had dropped to barely a whisper, breaking Willow’s heart.

Turning, Willow ran. She ran past a confused and barely awake Giles. She ran out of the library, through the front doors and into the night. Willow ran from it all, from the dead body of Cordelia made up to look like Drusilla, from the hauntingly real ghost of Angel that she now knew to be Angelus, from Spike’s piercing eyes and echoing footsteps, and most of all, from herself. Nowhere seemed far enough. This had been her fault. She may not have killed Cordelia with her bare hands, but she had killed her all the same with her silence. If she had said something, even if it was just about Spike, they would have been more cautious. Cordelia wouldn’t have gone back alone to get her purse and she would still be alive right now.

Finally, Willow came to rest on a park bench, somewhere, she didn’t know where. At that point, she didn’t care.

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“Should we go up and say hi?” Spike asked, watching Willow weep from the cover of darkness just a few paces away. Angelus’ plan had worked better then expected. Spike wanted to take her now, while she was alone and in pain.

“Patience,” Angelus said, never taking his eyes off Willow.

The two vampires watched as Willow made her way home slowly. They followed her, making sure to protect what was theirs.