Who, What, Why, Where, When?

CHAPTER 6

Buffy decided to have one more try at persuading Willow on her theories about Giles' unusual behaviour. She met up with her for lunch and suggested they take sandwiches to the park. Willow agreed and didn't mention the subtext of returning to the locus of her picnic with Giles.

Buffy found a park bench near to the "scene of the crime" and nonchalantly set out their sandwiches between them.

They talked about classes and the last band they had heard at the Bronze. After about fifteen minutes Willow crumpled her lunch bag and tossed it into the nearest bin. "OK" she said "Enough with the soft soap, what did you bring me here for?"

Buffy tried to look hurt "Willow, we can’t have a nice picnic lunch without you suspecting my motives?"

Willow just stared at her with a look of 'not buying the line'.

Buffy sighed. "OK" she looked a little sheepishly at their surroundings. "Maybe I thought this would bring back happy memories for you?"

Willow smiled a little sadly. "You know that it isn't exactly a 100% happy memory?"

"I know, but perhaps we can do something to make the good stuff come right?" Buffy asked and put her hand on Willow's arm.

Willow shook her head. "Buffy there are some things even the slayer can’t make happen". She continued to shake her head "No, really, Giles and I have agreed that we need to keep our friendship as it was before his accident"

Buffy finally managed to interrupt her "But you were pretty much at the face sucking stage then!" Willow just looked sadly at their surroundings. Buffy was getting exasperated "I mean you guys were made for each other, anyone can see that and now you won't even sit in the same room as him"

Willow looked abruptly back at Buffy "I'm just giving him some space!" but Buffy wasn't buying it.

"You may even believe that yourself but I know both of you well enough to see you both backing off fast enough to get speeding tickets!"


Willow was getting angry now. "Once and for all Giles and I are just friends and I don't want us to be anything else, not now, not ever!" Buffy tried to interrupt. "How many different ways do I have to say this?" Willow was shouting. "I don't love Giles and if he had all of his memories he would remember that he didn’t love me!"

Buffy stared in amazement at her retreating back. She was still sitting there trying to work out what just happened when Xander sat next to her. Her concentration was so intense that he had to cough to get her attention. "Hey, Buffster, what's up?"

She shook her head and turned to look at him. "Willow just told me she will never love Giles and he didn't love her?" she said slowly.

Xander frowned "I think you're just going to have to let this one sort itself out".

"No, you don’t understand" Buffy said distractedly "She said she doesn’t love him now or ever and he didn't love her". Xander looked completely confused at the distinction she was trying to make.

"Tense!" Buffyuteduted at him and he dropped off the bench and rolled to the side, ready to defend himself from attack.

"Not like that" she said and put her hand out to help him up. "I mean she said, in tast ast tense, that he didn't love her" He still wasn't getting it. "She meant that she knew, for definite, that he had no feelings for her before the accident, how could she know that?"

Xander finally got to the same page. "The only way would be if they had already been hend bnd broken up before the accident". Buffy shook her head in amazement "We couldn't have missed something like that could we, after all, we were spending nearly every waking moment with them right up to the fight at the sawmill"

Xander nodded "Well yeah, except for the last few days they weren't out of our sight for weeks before". They both looked at each other and arrived at the same conclusion at the same moment. Both returned to sit on the park bench and remd thd there for the next half hour without speaking.

Giles was sitting in an armchair, surrounded by books, when Xander knocked and entered. "Hi Xander" he said "I was looking for an excuse for a break and you're it!"


Xander laughed and helped him remove some of the books to the table. "So" Xander started while following him to the kitchen "How we doing with the memory thing?" has asked nonchalantly.

Giles looked a little bemused and held up a coffee mug, Xander nodded. "If you mean how much have I remembered, Doctor Alexander thinks I'm OK up until about eighteen months ago". Xander looked a little disappointed and Giles smiled "Is there something in partir yor you need me to remember in a hurry?" he asked.

"No, no, no" Xander replied and took his coffee from Giles. "Just keeping track of which jokes you remember and which ones will be new to you still!"

Giles laughed "Since all of your jokes are several decades old I think you're fighting a losing battle over that one" Xander laughed as well but it was obvious his heart wasn't in it.

"How you doing with the research stuff?" Xander asked, as much to keep the conversation going as for any other reason.

"Everything's going fine, Xander" Giles replied but he knew that the young man was there for a specific reason and decided to have some fun with him while he waited for the reason to make an appearance. "I alwayant ant to ask you" Giles started. "As the only other man in the company of so many women, I guess we had quite a special relationship?" Xander nodded and looked a little confused at the turn the conversation was taking.

Giles was enjoying himself and settled onto the sofa with his legs stretched out in front of him. Xander nervously sat in the armchair opposite. "I would guess that we shared confidences and would even 'hang out' together regularly, just us guys?" it was all he could do to keep a straight face at the panicked look Xander gave him.

Xander wasn't sure where this was going but he decided to head it off at the pass before it got there. "Not really" he started "We were both pretty busy with researching and patrolling".

Giles nodded sagely "I understand that but I was meaning our free time, when we were off duty, so to speak" he raised an eyebrow in Xander's direction.

Xander had started to sweat "Well that time was mostly taken up with our female companions" he stressed the last two words.


Giles shook his head "You see that's where I'm having a problem as I can't remember anyone other than Jenny and I know we never had time to get to know each other very well". Giles decided to go in for the kill "I was wondering if perhaps, you were all being coy about my love life because I was gay?"

Xander jumped up from the chair as if he had received an electric shock. "No way" he shouted and spilled coffee on the carpet as he gestured with his mug. "You were a babe magnet and there was never anything else between us but good, honest, manly death and mayhem"

Giles couldn't keep a straight face any longer and managed to put his coffee cup down before he collapsed back onto the sofa in hysterics. Every time he looked at Xander standing scandalised in the middle of his living room he would start laughing again. Eventually the light dawned in Xander's eyes and he started to chuckle as well.

"Jeez" he finally said as he threw a cushion in Giles’ direction "You're British sense of humour will get you in trouble some day"

Giles eventually stopped laughing long enough to wipe his glasses and apologise to the young man. 'm s'm sorry Xander" he held out his hand for Xander to shake. "I just couldn’t resist it when you started on about my memory again and got that 'he's forgotten something really important' look on your face"

Xander smiled and shook his hand. "It's OK, I guess, although that conversation goes no further than these four walls!" he finished on a strident note.

Giles smiled at him "It's not exactly a rumour I want spread abroad either! What was it you came to see me about?" Giles asked as he moved back towards the books around his chair.

"I was just wondering if you could remember anything that happened around the time of the last battle" he asked and looked expectantly.

Giles shook his head sadly. "Sorry, still drawing a blank there, was there any reason in particular?" he asked.

Xander shook his head "No, nothing important". He looked around at the books strewn all over the floor. "Do you need a hand with any of this" he gestured at the books on the floor.


"Yes, that would certainly be a help " Giles smiled at him "I seem to be on the right track for that book I wouldn't let any of you see". He gestured to one book in particular. "I think I would probably have followed up a couple of leads in this as part of the research pattern we were undertaking about the prophecy, but it takes a lot more time when you're doing this on your own". Heked ked around a little sadly and Xander realised he was missing his favourite research partner. He took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.

"All right" he said, rubbing his hands together. "Second pair of hands and eyes ready and raring to go, where do I start?"

Giles smiled at him and handed him a large book. "This has pictures right?" Xander asked and looked from the book to Giles.

"Of course" Giles said with a serious look on his face "Even has some nymphs I seem to remember". He laughed as Xander whooped and threw himself onto the sofa to start reading.

After four hours had passed Xander finally admitted defeat and slammed shut the book he was reading. Giles gave him a questioning look.

"Either they invented animated boin tin the fourteenth century or those words really are dancing in front of my eyes!" with this he stood up and stretched, wincing as his back and shoulders made ominous creaking noises.

Giles took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "I know what you mean, why don't you put the kettle on and we'll have a break?" Xander nodded and headed for the kitchen.

Giles stifled a yawn "I just need to finish this chapter, it seems quite promising, then perhaps ouldould organise some food"

Xander leaned against the counter "You just said the magic word G-Man, I'll get the menu's" he moved to a drawer in the kitchen. "What do you fancy tonight, Chinese, Mexican, Italian?" he ran through the United Nations of food options available take away.

Willow sighed as she packed her books away. The library was empty and she hadn't realised how late it had become. She sighed again, this was harder than she had ever imagined. Keeping away from Giles was easier said than done. She hefted her bag onto her shoulder and waved to the librarian who was clearing the stack of returned books.


During her time watching over him in hospital she had made a lot of promises to herself and, at the time, had genuinely believed they were achievable. Most had revolved around him returning to full health so she could apologise for the things she had said to him. She couldn’t stand the thought of their last words being bitter and angry. She also made some promises about trying to talk to him more rationally about their ‘friendship’. She chuckled to herself, she had never envisaged him losing his memory. Now she was left with all of the guilt and no one to share it with. It was ironic really as under normal circumstances she would probably have asked his advice about this moral dilemma.

Recently, even being in the University library had reminded her of their past. Despite the fact that he had never worked there, he would always be linked to the smell of old books in her mind. She smiled to herself, and promised to tell him of this strange olfactory memory trigger. He would probably take it as a compliment, or, she corrected herself, ‘before’ Giles certainly would have but she wasn’t so sure about the new improved version.

She hadn’t realised that she had company behind her until she heard the faint whoosh and Buffy shouted her name. “What the hell are you doing walking alone around here at night!” Willow looked a little bewildered until she recalled leaving the library and being deep in thought. She looked around and saw a small pile of ashes being distributed by the slight evening breeze. “Oh my God, Buffy” she looked at the angry girl with a large stake in her hand “I’m sorry I didn’t realise the time and then I was thinking about stuff and..” her bottom lip trembled and she realised, with horror, that she was going to start crying.

Buffy put the stake back into her pocket and moved to hold Willow as she started to cry in earnest. “Willow” she said softly, stroking her hair “I didn’t mean to frighten you, are you OK”. A couple of students passing by gave them a strange look and she glared back at them. “Uhmmm, Willow” she put her arm round the girl’s shoulder and turned to face her “We should probably get back to the dorm?” The crying had turned to sobs but a small nod told Buffy that she agreed about the relocation.

After a warm shower and a large mug of tea Willow sat on the edge of her bed and looked a little embarrassed. “I’m really sorry that I worried you and then got your jacket all wet”.

Buffy made a dismissive motion with her hand “I’m sorry I shouted at you but normally you’re a bit more aware than tonight, what was so engrossing in the library that you tuned out?”


“Nothing really” Willow took a sip of her tea. “It’s just the strain of the last few weeks and then shouting at you the other day and being in the library just kind of reminded me…” she trailed off.

“Of the good old days?” Buffy asked gently

“Yeah, and how weird is that?” Willow asked “I mean the old library was kind of a second home but I was one of the main movers and shakers in the whole blowing it sky high thing”.

Buffy nodded “I understand, but we had some good times there as well, after all, it was the gang hut for quite a while and we all grew attached to the old place”

Willow took another sip of her tea “Not just the place” she murmured quietly. Buffy remained silent, giving her the opportunity to get it out of her system if she chose to.

The silence stretched for what seemed like minutes until Buffy thought that Willow had lost the courage to talk further. Just as she was about to suggest an early night Willow appeared to give herself a ‘shake’ and she started talking in a low tone.

“I can’t keep this to myself anymore” she looked up at Buffy and moved to a more comfortable position, lying on her side on the bed. “You were right the other day, about Giles and me”.

She smiled at the slightly satisfied look that flashed across the slayers face, but to her credit she didn’t do the ‘I told you so’ celebration dance.

“Over the last year I’ve grown more and more aware of Giles as, …something other than a librarian” she checked that this was making sense and Buffy nodded while she also lay down on her bed facing Willow.

“I know that I had a crush on him when we first met but that had grown into a genuine friendship and I didn’t really recognise the other feelings for quite a while. Eventually, at Thanksgiving, I realised that the people I wanted to spend my time with were you and Xander and Giles.” She looked a little sad “After years of having other people intrude on our little world, it had finally come back down to just us again”

Buffy scrunched further down the bed and smiled to herself, she knew exactly what Willow meant, these three people meant more to her than anything else in the world.


“You remember that Giles went back to England to attend that family funeral? Well, it was like one of my arms had been amputated! I had no idea what was wrong with me but I felt something vital was missing from everything I did” Willow’s voice had dropped even lower than before and Buffy leaned forward a little to make sure she heard everything.

“The day after Thanksgiving, when we were all together at your house, eating turkey sandwiches and watching bad movies, well that was the only time I was truly happy and even then, it just wasn’t quite right”. Willow shook her head, still able to feel, even after all this time, the sense of ‘wrongness’ she hadn’t been able to shake.

“It was late afternoon and we were all snuggled under a duvet on your sofa when your Mum announced that we had a visitor. We all groaned a little at having to tidy up and be sociable, but when Giles walked in with that huge suitcase and smiled at all of us I suddenly realised that the ‘wrongness’ had turned to ‘perfect rightness’. Does this make any sense?” she asked plaintively.

Buffy nodded. “At the time I was glad to see him as well and for a while everyone was hugging and asking about his trip and stuff, but eventually I noticed you were a little quiet and I thought you were just tired and too stuffed with turkey to move!”

Willow laughed “Well there was that as well, but mostly it was like shock. You know, when everything that’s been kind of ‘off’ for a while finally clicks into place and all is right with the world again?”

Buffy nodded and took a couple of moments to remember a similar situation.

Willow looked at her friend and smiled as she realised that Buffy knew exactly what she was talking about.

Buffy eventually roused herself and asked “So, what did you do about it?”

“DO!” Willow laughed. “This is me we’re talking about, I don’t do stuff, no siree, I think about things, cogitate, ponder, mull them over even, but I definitely don’t do!”

Buffy smiled “You mean you suddenly realised you were madly in love with him, then continued as if nothing had happened?” Willow nodded. sho should definitely sign up for that drama class, you had all of us completely fooled!”

“It was difficult at first, but we were busy and, well, when we both get our heads stuck in books the time just passes”


Willow smiled apologetically as Buffy laughed. “Only you could find someone like that sexy”. Buffy stopped laughing and sat up on the edge of her bed again. “So what happened to change all that?”

Willow turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling. “I honestly don’t know. I thought I picked up some signals from him, that he may have similar feelings for me, you know the kind of thing” Buffy nodded. “Anyway I was going to say something to him when all hell broke loose with the demon and suddenly two weeks had passed and we were facing the whole demon army thing, again”. Willow made it sound like an inconvenient interruption in her life but Buffy knew how scared they had all been at the time.

“We were all together for the s bes before the attack, but you and Xander had to resupply the weapons so Giles and I were finishing up the book stuff the night before” Willow lifted her hands to rub her eyes. “I really thought this might be ‘it’ and decided I couldn’t take much more of the ‘not knowing’ thing so I asked Giles if he felt the same as I did”

Willow took a deep breath and turned to face Buffy again “He flatly denied that I was ever anything more than a friend to him and, well, I didn’t tahat hat too well. The next thing I know we’re having a stand up argument and he’s being old and pig headed and I’m being young and pig headed. Then I’m telling him he’s old and pig headed and he’s telling me I’m young and pig headed and things kind of went down hill from there”.

Buffy shook her head “I never thoughtouldould say this but Xander was right, you are the smartest, stupidest people I know”

Willow looked a little bemused but continued “The last thing I said to him was, well, pretty awful and we were both really angry” she felt herself tearing up again but wiped her eyes with her pyjama sleeve and kept going. “The next thing I remember we were in the middle of the fight and I end up surrounded by five of the biggest vampires I have ever seen!” she shuddered a little at the memory. “Just when I think it’s all over, Giles throws himself on top of two of them and knocks over a third one as they all fall. The other two are so surprised that I managed to stake one and push the other one onto the conveyor belt. When I look round Giles had dusted two of them and is facing off the third with the scariest Ripper look on his face that I have ever seen”. Buffy leaned forward, intrigued to find out what happened next.


“I shouted out his name, I’m not sure why really. Anyway, he suddenly looked at me and turned back into Giles, which was when the vampire picked up the piece of tree trunk and hit him” Willow was crying again but the tears were rolling down her face unnoticed as she pictured the scene in her mind agai“I h“I honestly thought he had taken his head off!” she gulped a little. “I don’t even remember picking up the stake but I’ve never wanted to kill anything as completely as I wanted that vampire to turn to dust. When the red mist had finally cleared I heard you yelling that they were all gone and saw him lying there and all I could think was that the last thing we had done together was argue. I thought he was dead and I couldn’t even go near him to check”

Buffy moved over to her and held her as the sobs overtook her again. “Willow, you should have told me, you shouldn’t have kept this to yourself”.

Between the gulps and sobs Willow mumbled “I know, but I thought Giles and I could sort it out between us when he recovered.” A shuddering sigh escaped her as she tried to pull herself together. “Then, he wakes up as a mixture between Cary Grant and James Bond and I’m in seventh heaven” more sobs as she remembered her feelings at the time.

Buffy stroked her hair “Then the picnic happened and you realised that he wasn’t Cary, James or even Rupert?” Willow nodded her head against Buffy’s shoulder.

“Oh God Willow I’m sorry” Buffy squeezed her friend even more tightly “I’ve just spent the last two weeks trying to get you both together and it must have been tearing you apart every time I mentioned it!”

They were both crying now and it took another ten minutes before they were able to wash their faces and return to some semblance of normality.

“So” Buffy said, returning to business mode “What do we do about this?”

“Again with the doing!” Willow said, but smiled to show she was only teasing. “He’s everything I’ve ever wanted but I can’t have him like this” this was said quite calmly and Willow seemed to think it was the end of the matter, she should have known better.

“Come on Willow” Buffy went to the freezer to recover the emergency tub of ice cream and two spoons. “I don’t think you were mistaken about the signals he was sending out before the accident, even I kind of picked up on them, although I didn’t realise it at the time” Willow looked a little uncertain as she sat next to Buffy and claimed her spoon.


“But he was quite emphatic that he hadn’t been doing anything of the kind”.

Buffy shook her head “But perhaps his true feelings are what he’s been channelling since he woke up and there was some reason for him to lie about his feelings before the accident?”

Willow looked bemused “I can’t think of any reason he would have done that, after all, he must have realised that we may not have survived the coming battle and I can’t believe he would put himself through that again”. As she got to the end of the sentence she suddenly realised what Buffy had been hinting at. “Oh my god, you think he was trying to avoid me becoming his next Jenny?”

“I think he may not have realised that was what he was doing” Buffy looked a little unsure of the logic behind this but seemed reassured that Willow was considering this as likely.

Willow considered the new idea for several minutes, polishing off her share of the ice cream, before she turned to Buffy again “It just doesn’t feel like something he would have done” she announced. “I mean, even if he didn’t admit his true feelings to me, in this scenario he would simply have lost someone he did love but had never ‘come out’ to”. Buffy laughed at the image this presented and then looked a little unsure “I’m not sure either” she admitted “But what other reason could he have had?”

Both girls thought seriously for a further twenty minutes, starting sentences before shaking their heads and rejecting ideas. Eventually Buffy yawned and Willow smiled at her “I’m sorry I didn’t realise the time, lets sleep on this and see if we can come up with anything tomorrow”

Buffy hugged her and snuggled under her duvet “Sleep well” she mumbled before putting her light out.

“You too” sighed Willow, although she knew she wouldn’t sleep until this had been resolved.