Coo Coo Ca-Choo

A/N: My spell check went all wonky so if you find any glaringly obvious grammatical or spelling mistakes, let me know please. Also, song is Puddle of Mud-She Hates Me used without permission. I'm a naughty girl and need to be disciplined.

Xander approached his dorm room cautiously upon hearing the loud music blaring from down the hall. It wasn’t so much the volume than the content and he figured something big must have happened as he stood outside the door listening to William scream along with the song:

Met a girl,Thought she was grand
Fell in love, Found out first hand
Went well for a week or two, Then it all came unglued

In a trap, Trip I can't grip
Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
Then I started to realize, I was living one big lie
She fuckin' hates me, Trust
She fuckin' hates me, La la la love
I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none
And ripped them away

She was queen for about an hour, After that, shit got sour
She took all I ever had, No sign of guilt
No feeling of bad, no

In a trap, Trip I can't grip
Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
Then I started to realize, I was living one big lie
She fuckin' hates me, Trust
She fuckin' hates me, La la la love
I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none
And ripped them away

That's my story, As you see
Learned my lesson and so did she
Now it's over and I'm glad
Cuz I'm a fool for all I said

She fuckin' hates me, Trust
She fuckin' hates me, La la la love
I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none
And ripped them away

Xander cracked open the door and stuck his head inside just as William finished with one last “SHE FUCKIN HATES ME”. He was sitting on his bed, propped up against the wall and was drinking from what looked to be a whiskey bottle.
“Crap, it’s worse than I thought” Xander thought.

“Hey, man.” Xander said as he came the rest of the way into the room and shut the door.
William just looked at him but didn’t answer, raising the bottle up to his lips to take another swallow.
“So..uhh...How did it go with Buffy?” Xander mentally slapped himself after asking that. Ugh, what was I thinking? Sometimes I shouldn’t say words.

“Don’t even speak that bitch’s name around me” William replied.
“That good, eh?” Xander said in turn.
“She’s a bloody lying bint. Off shagging Captain Cardboard now, I suppose” William offered.
“What? Who the hell is Captain Cardboard?” Xander questioned.
“That stupid git, Riley from the night we ran into each other at the pizza place”

Xander noticed that anytime William got upset or was drinking or both that his usually more proper English accent became more gruff and cockney. He used words like git and bint and bloody among others. Xander didn’t understand half of them.

“She fuckin’ ‘ates me, Xan.” William was wearing the saddest puppy dog face.
“Uhh..yeah..I kinda gathered that...and so did the rest of the building” Xander commented on the loud music that had been playing.
“I mean..she really fuckin ‘ates me. Shagged me right and proper she did. Begged me to punish ‘er. Knows she’s a naughty girl. Then shoves me on my merry way to fly off into the sunset with whitebread. I’ll punish the bitch alright...” William rambled on.
“Uhhhh...O.KKKKK...think you might’ve had a wee too much to drink man” Xander tried to make sense of William’s tirade.
“Did you say she begged you to punish her?” Xander questioned after his brain processed it a second time.
“Spanked her ass good too..nice and rosy” William slurred. “Bitch”.
“Damn, Will...what kind of kinky shit are you two into?” Xander asked wide-eyed.
“None anymore, apparently.” He answered.
“That stupid git ruffled my ‘air and called me kiddo, Xan...down right ‘umiliating is what it was” William went on. “Took all I ‘ad not to deck ‘im”

“Where did you get the liquor?” Xander motioned to the bottle.
“Paid some bloke outside the convenience store to buy it for me. Right nice chap, ‘e was.” William answered.
“Why don’t we put it away for now. You look like you need some rest. Get some sleep and I’ll wake you up later and we can go get some chow.” Xander told him as he gently pried the bottle from William’s fingers.

William scooted down his bed and lay his head down on the pillow.
As he teared up again, he looked up at Xander, “Why does it hurt so bad? Why’d she do it? Why?” he closed his eyes.
“I don’t know, buddy. I don’t know.” Xander sighed as he watched William drift off to sleep.

“Buffy!” Joyce yelled at the terminal gate as she saw her daughter come down the ramp.
“Mommy!!!” Buffy ran into her arms giving her a big hug.
Joyce noted Buffy’s bloodshot eyes.
“Have you been crying, honey?” she questioned. st ast allergies acting up on the plane” Buffy lied.

“Yeah, she spent almost the entire flight in the bathroom” Riley spoke up.
Riley stood off to the side as the women had embraced. After pulling apart, Joyce turned to him.

“You must be Riley. Buffy told me she was bringing a friend. It’s nice to meet you.” Joyce shook his hand.
“The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Summers” Riley smiled widely.
“Oh, please call me Joyce. Mrs. Summers makes me feel so old.” She smiled back.
“You ARE old, mom” Buffy teased.
“You just wait young lady. Your time is coming!” she teased back.

The obvious affrection between mother and daughter could be seen by anyone. Both women had grown even closer in the past few years, ever since Joyce had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Fortunately, the tumor had been operable and Joyce had made a full recovery but during that difficult time, Buffy and her had spent a lot of time together, not knowing if it might be all they had.

“Well, come on kids. Let’s get a move on. I’ll bet you’d like to get cleaned up and rest for a bit before the show tonight.” Joyce led them to her car in the parking garage.
“I made reservations at the Hyatt West, Mom” Buffy informed her.
“I’ll hear of no such thing, dear. You can stay with me. I have plenty of room. And I won’t take no for an answer” she demanded and the deal was sealed.

“Heard from your father, lately?” Joyce inquired on the drive to Buffy’s childhood home.
“Yeah....he called a few weeks ago. He’s in Europe somewhere. I forget. Boinking his new secretary probably.” Buffy rolled her eyes.
“Now, Buffy...” Joyce began.
“I know. I know. He’s still my father even if he is the biggest prick to walk the face of the earth.” Buffy smiled sweetly at her mother.
Joyce smiled back knowingly.

“So, Riley, you work with Buffy?” Joyce glanced in her rearview mirror at him in the backseat.
“Yes, Joyce. I’m a copy editor. I’ve been with the company for 10 years now.” Riley answered somewhat arrogantly.

Buffy rolled her eyes. Like it was a big accomplishment to have the same position 10 years later with no promotions. Riley couldn’t see her disdain from his position in the back seat however, Joyce noticed her daughter’s reaction. Buffy obviously hadn’t been completely honest with her when she called telling her she was coming and bringing a friend. Why on earth would she bring someone home to meet her mother who she clearly disliked though? Joyce was determined to get to the bottom of this.

They pulled up to Joyce’s home. Riley carried their bags inside and Joyce instructed him to put Buffy’s in her old room and his in the other guest bedroom. Buffy silently thanked her mother. She hoped Riley wasn’t planning on sleeping in the same room with her. He acted fine with the arrangements so Buffy figured while still a moron, he did have some gentlemanly manners.

“Why don’t you two get unpacked and rest a bit while I whip us up something to eat.? Then I need to get ready and get to the gallery. I need to be there several hours early to make sure everything is set up properly.” Joyce explained to them. “You two can wait and come later when it actually starts, at 7.”

Riley and Buffy started to go upstairs. Joyce grabbed Buffy to the side for a minute, whispering “You and I need to have a talk, young lady”
Buffy sighed, “I know, Mom. Tomorrow, O.K.? Don’t want to ruin your big night tonight with my stupid problems”
“Your problems are not stupid to me, Buffy. I love you. Tomorrow. I’m holding you to it.” Joyce let her continue on her way when Riley turned back around.
“Coming, Buffy?” he said.
“Yeah...” Buffy left Joyce to follow after him.

William woke up feeling like a cat died in his mouth.
“Arrgg..Guurrg” he groaned.
“Good, you’re still alive. I didn’t know how I was going to explain the dead guy in my room” Xander grinned.
“What time is it?” William squinted his eyes open.
“Around 4” Xander answered. “Was planning on waking you up at 5 if you hadn’t on your own by then”
“I need to brush my teeth. My mouth feels god awful” William swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood.
He walked over to their little sink and grabbed his toothbrush and paste and began vigourously brushing.
“Feel better?” Xander asked him once he had finished.
“Yeah..much. Christ, don’t ever let me drink that stuff again” William pointed at the whiskey bottle sitting on the bedside table.
“Well...you kinda started...and finished without me earlier so didn’t have much of a say.” Xander told him.

“God, I’m starving” William said. “Let’s go get something to eat”
“Whoa..that’s a first..you bringing up food instead of me” Xander joked.

They left their room and walked a few blocks to some fast food taco joint.
As they ate, William sat there thinking. About Buffy. About himself. About everything.
Xander crunched away on his tacos as he observed William who was obviously deep in thought.

“Xander, it’s time for a change. Think I’m gonna go for a new look. New hair, clothes and all. We passed a barbershop on the way here. You mind going with me?” William finally spoke up.
“No problemo. Whatcha gonna do? Get a mohawk?” Xander teased him.
“I want a drastic change, but not quite that drastic” William answered.

An hour later, Xander looked on as William has his longish brown locks chopped off into a short spikey cut, then bleached a bright white blonde and gelled back.DamnDamn..you look different!” Xander exclaimed.
“Is it O.K. though? Does it look good?” William asked nervously.
“Yeah man..you look hot...er well..I mean..if I was a chick...you’d look hot” Xander stammered.
“Thanks, luv” William batted his eyelashes at Xander.
“Please, don’t do that again or I may lose my tacos all over you” Xander warned.
“Right then. Let’s go back to campus so we can get the car and go get me some clothes” William told him.

Several hours later, William stood in his dorm room. “Well, whatdiya think, mate?” he asked Xander who was walking around him pretending like he was a fashion guru.
“Amazing. If it wasn’t for your eyes...your face...you’d look like a completely different person.” Xander told him
“Well, my eyes and face are alright, aren’t they? I don’t need to change them too do I? Cause afraid I used all my money on the clothes and hair. I don’t think I can afford plastic surgery” he joked half-way serious.

“Have you ever looked in a mirror, Will? Speaking as a completely and utter heterosexual man...” Xander began “I believe you’re what most women would refer to as...a hunk a hunk of burning love” Xander grinned.
“I mean..Buffy went after you even before the new look so...” William cut him off.
“Thought I told you not to use that bint’s name in front of me again?” William said roughly.
“Yeah well...forgive me...but..uhh..the new look and all? Isn’t it obvious that you did it because of the B word I’m not allowed to say?” Xander smiled hesitantly.

William ignored him and continued to check himself out in the mirrow. Tight black jeans, skin tight black t-shirt, black leather coat, bleach blonde spiked hair.
“Need a new name, mate. Can’t be looking like this and introducing myself as William...damn sissy name anyway if you ask me...” he began.
“Are you serious? You’re gonna change youre toe too?” Xander stared on in disbelief. Damn, when he said it was time for a change, he meant it.
“Umm...how about...Butch?” William grimaced
“Bulldog?” “Rico Suave?” “Bond, James Bond?” Xander joked.
“Be serious, Xan. Help me out here” William said.
“You know, you kinda have the Billy Idol look going on. You could change William to Billy” Xander suggested.
“Nah...too close to my own ..be..besides I DON’T look like Billy Idol..sheesh...I’m much better looking” William smirked.
“How about....Spike?” William asked.
“Spike? Hmm...cause the hair....I like it!” Xander smiled.
“Really?” William asked again.
“Yep...sounds cool.” Xander assured him.
“Right...from now on then..the name’s Spike. Say goodbye to William, stupid ponce that he was, may he rest in peace”

“Just you wait, Buffy” Spike thought to himself. “I’ll show you”

Joyce’s showing was a huge success. Other than having to listen to Riley’s boring stories, the night had been wonderful. By the time the three of them made their way back home, they were exhausted. Joyce excused herself to bed and Buffy did the same but Riley stopped her and tried to kiss her goodnight. She turned her head and he just got her cheek.

“Goodnight, Riley” she said and went into her bedroom and shut and locked the door.
She wiped her cheek off disgusted. Only yourself to blame, Buffy. You got yourself into this mess, she thought. She changed into pajamas and got into bed. As she drifted off to sleep, all she saw was a pair of sad blue eyes looking back at her.

The next morning, Buffy padded into the kitchen to find Joyce making a big country breakfast.
“Wow, Mom....are you planning on feeding the rest of the free world?” Buffy laughed.
“It’s a bit much, huh? Sorry, honey. I don’t get to cook for anyone but myself much anymore so I went kind of overboard.” She smiled.
“Riley still sleeping?” she asked Buffy.
“Yes, I heard him snoring when I passed by the guest room” Buffy answered.

“Before he gets up, are you going to tell me what is going on?” Joyce questioned her.
Buffy sighed, “Mom...have you ever been in l....er had strong feelings for someone who you shouldn’t have? And so you want to do what’s right and be normike ike everyone else and be with the person they all think you should be and...” Buffy was babbling.

“Buffy..slow down....are you saying that you’re only with Riley because you think he’s the kind of guy that all your friends or family think you should be with?” Joyce inquired.
“Mom..he is so boring. I almost knawed my own arm off last night out of sheer frustration. If I have to hear another high school football story, I’m going to vomit” Buffy blurted out.

Joyce smiled that “mom smile”.
“And....let me guess..from your earlier comments...there is another young man in the picture that you think won’t live up to your friends and family’s ideal for you?” Joyce grilled her.
“You kinda hit it on the nose there with the “young man” part, Mom” Buffy blushed.
“Ahh, I see. How young, dear?”
“18” Buffy squeaked out. “Are you mad at me?” Buffy asked her.

“Why would I be mad at you? I’m a little shocked at his age, yes, I’ll admit it but Buffy, the heart wants what it wants. He IS an adult...” Joyce began
“I know but, God..I’m 10 years older than him. I have a career. He just started college. We have two totally different lives. What if when we get older, he looks at me one day and sees what an old hag I am and leaves me for someone younger?” Buffy spouted out her fears.
“Well, none of us can know what the future holds, Buffy. We just have to live in the here and now. I learned that quickly after the tumor scare.” Joyce told her.

“Does he treat you good, Buffy? This young man of yours.” Joyce inquired.
“Oh, Mom..he is so sweet and charming. His name is William.” Buffy beamed when she talked about him and Joyce definately noticed.
“Does he love you, Buffy?”
“Yes. He told me he did” Buffy said softly. “But I messed up, Mom. He knows I brought Riley here this weekend and he was so angry and hurt. I might have lost him for good.” Buffy explained.

“All my friends think he is my cousin too so that kinda makes the situation a little more complicated” Buffy confided in her mother.
“Why do they think he is your cousin? Ohhh, Buffy! Shame on you. You lied to cover up your relationship with William, didn’t you?” Joyce demanded to know.
“I’m sorry...I didn’t want them to think bad of me. New job, new friends...” Buffy made excuses.
“Buffy Anne Summers. I thought I raised you better than that. That poor boy. No wonder he is so angry and hurt. Who wouldn’t be?” Joyce reprimanded Buffy.

“You made your bed, Buffy. You have to lie in it now. Only you can undo the damage. Youd tod to tell both Riley and William the truth AND your friends before this charade hurts even more people” Joyce continued scolding her.

Buffy teared up “I know, Mom. I only hope it’s not too late. You should’ve seen the look on William’s face when he left. And he called me a whore” she covered her face with her hands. “He thinks I went off to sleep with Riley. I don’t blame him for thinking that of me” Buffy sniffled.
“I take it you and William have been....intimate with each other already?” Joyce pried.
“Yes....I...I.. I deflowered him! I took his innocence...I AM a whore...God..what he must think of me.” Buffy cried.
Joyce came around the counter and hugged her daughter.
“You’re not a whore. You just need to talk to him, Buffy” Joyce soothed her. “I love you Buffy”
“I love you too, Mommy. Thank you.” Buffy pulled back and wiped her eyes.
“I’m starving. Can we eat now?” Buffy smiled, feeling better after getting all that out.
“Of course, dear. I’ve got scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, hashbrowns...” Joyce began reciting a list long enough to be an entire menu.

Mom always made everything better. She couldn’t wait to get back to her sweet William. She would call him tonight as soon as their flight got back and she ditched Riley. Little did she know that William had been put to rest and she would be going back to Spike instead.

Continued in Chapter 7- Leather and Lace