Lost Letters

Title: Lost Letters

Author: Jennifer

Copyright (c) 2002 - 2003 by Jennifer Johnson

Distribution: If you would like to archive this somewhere, please ask my permission first!

Feedback: jennpurr@yahoo.com or willowtaralove@netzero.com Please, give me feedback. Good or bad. Feel free to tell me what you think. Or just post it here.

Disclaimers: All characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy/UPN/FOX and whoever else owns the rights. This is solely for my entertainment. Please do not copyright this story. All original characters belong to me.

F/F romance: If the idea and depiction of a same sex relationship bothers you, please do not read this story.

Pairings: W/T, X, B

Spoilers: None

Summary: Someone in Willow's family has died and she discovers a painful secret.

Rating: PG to NC-17. This part is R, for nudity and sexual content

Angst Level: Um... none really, unless you can't the cliffhanger.

My Thanks: To Danie. Thanks for being my beta/friend and for helping me out with all the suggestions. You truly are gifted for writing. I hope you continue to do so. And D, don't forget the catnip.

Dedication: To all the W/T fans. May we always keep Tara alive in our hearts.

Author's Notes: The timeline of this fic takes place 8 years after Tara left Willow in, "Tabula Rasa." She left Sunnydale and moved to LA. They have not spoken since that time. Willow moved out of Buffy's house and in with her parents until she graduated from College. Now, she has her own house and owns her own business.

Story Note: Guys, this is very angsty, but if you will hang in there through the whole story, I promise you it will be well worth it. If I make anyone cry, I am very sorry. Again, I'm sorry for the angst. Hang in there.



FIC: Lost Letters, Chapter 6
By: Jennifer



After sitting there, for about the last seven or ten minutes debating what to do, Tara finally made a decision. She wasn't sure if it would turn out in the end to have been the right one, but nonetheless, she was following her heart and this is what it told her to do.

She was weak when it came to matters of the heart, always had been.

Now, instead of debating any longer, she went for it; jumping in feet first and hoping that she would land smoothly. Every fiber of her being was scared that she would be rejected, or turned down, but she felt that she HAD to do this.

The blonde wanted Willow back in her life, completely, on every level, in every aspect of the word.

So, this was it. Tara got up from the swing and walked quietly back into the house, as silently as she could, making her way towards Willow's bedroom. When she reached the room, the door was open. It seemed to know that she would come.

Leaning against the door frame, the Wicca peered in at the other girl, who at the moment was just pulling on a pair of sweat pants. Tara watched as the gray material slipped up over the hacker's naked backside. She knew she shouldn't be spying on her soul-mate like this, but she couldn't seem to pull her eyes away.

A bra was the only thing covering the redhead's upper body. Her hair was now dry, having been blow-dried just a few minutes prior. She was however, reaching for her t-shirt, on the bed, when she heard a soft voice from the doorway.

Spinning around, she turned to face the voice, covering her chest with her shirt.

"No underwear? That's kind of risky, isn't it?" The blonde grinned, cheekily and crossed her arms over her stomach, her eyes locking with the other girl's across the room.

Willow looked slightly horrified. "Tara! What are you doing?" She frantically tried to cover her chest even more.

"Watching you," Tara replied, nonchalantly. She looked down at her feet and then tilted her head as she looked back up, giving Willow a sideways glance, letting her hair fall in her face somewhat.

"...But, but... I..." Willow sputtered. She was very shocked at the moment.

The blonde witch smiled briefly, but it started to fade away when the other girl began to try and put her shirt on.

Pushing off the doorway, she took a few steps towards her. "No, Willow."

With Tara approaching her, her cheeks started to warm themselves from within. Pausing her movements, she caught the blue eyes with her own. "Why?" she asked, in a small voice.

"Can I look at you?" Tara finally came to a stop, right in front of her. Searching the other girl's gaze, she cautiously reached forward and closed her hand around the redhead's lower arm. Pulling it towards her body, she let her own hand snake down the silky flesh, until it gripped the hand attached.

Breathing calmly, she brought the hand up to her own chest and rested the palm over her heart.

"Feel that?"

Willow nodded when she felt the heart pounding wildly against her palm. "I did that?"

Caressing the back of the appendage with her thumb, Tara nodded. "You always have." Keeping her eyes locked on the emerald green orbs, she continued to hold the hand over her heart, but with her other hand, she gripped the shirt in Willow's hand and gingerly started to pull it away.

The hacker didn't protest. She was still stunned, but also happy and maybe a little turned on, that the blonde wanted to look at her.

Once her shirt was fully pulled away, Tara let it drop to the floor beside their feet. All the while, she kept her eyes on the woman's she loved, but soon they started a downward journey.

They traveled over the redhead's nose and down to her lips, re-memorizing every detail - every line and curve, watching as the tip of a pink tongue poked through, wetting them.

As her vision lowered over the girl's chin and trickled down her neck, she looked up one more time, catching the green eyes with hers. Tara wanted permission, reassurance. When she found it reflected there, she diverted her eyes again and they traveled down her neck and to the start of Willow's chest.

From her neckline to the beginning of the white silky fabric of the girl's bra, her eyes bathed in the fawn goodness, wading from one side of flesh to the other.

They paused their swim, to take in the sight of the necklace that was proudly hanging from Willow's neck. It was the locket she-had given to the redhead. Her eyes traced the lettering of the word Always, and her heart fluttered. Tara was amazed that the other girl had kept it all this time.

Finally, her eyes traveled even lower, tracing the round globes of flesh, concealed in fabric. They were lovely, so gorgeous.

"You're so beautiful, Willow. Just like I remembered." Taking a step closer, she caught the girl's eyes up again. "May I?" she whispered.

Gulping, the hacker's pupils enlarged. This woman was standing so close to her, so close and she was asking permission to touch her. She would be crazy not to say yes.

Right now though, her voice was somewhere other than in her vocal cords. Nodding, she answered the blonde silently.

Tara squeezed Willow's hand that was still resting over her heart and lifted it off her skin, bringing it down and dropping it. Lifting her hands, she brought them up to the redhead's face and cupped her cheeks.

Caressing flesh with her thumbs, her digits glided softly over the surface. As they explored, she leaned in and pressed her lips to a warm forehead, lingering briefly. Trailing her lips down, she kissed the tip of Willow's nose.

She kept her left hand on the girl's face, but un-cupping her right from the cheek it occupied, her index finger came to rest on the bridge of the redhead's nose. Starting to move down the plane of skin, she watched her love close her eyes.

When Willow breathed out, she whimpered, "Tara."

"What?" Tara replied, her finger now leaving the nose and coming down to the ruby red lips below it. She glided the pad over the sensitive flesh.

The hacker kissed the digit as it played on her mouth. Her tongue slid forward and licked the surface.

Letting her girl's tongue play for a few gentle licks before she moved her hand again, the finger now snuck down Willow's chin.

Sighing in frustration, Willow whispered, "Tara, I want..."

The blonde moved lower, her flesh tickling under the girl's chin and descending down her neck. Going steeper still, down and down she went. Passing the collar bones, breastbone, and over the locket, coming to a stop in between the redhead's breasts.

"What do you want?" Her voice was deep. She loved this game.

"I, I want to kiss you." Willow shivered with anticipation.

Smiling, Tara wet her own lips. "Patience, sweetie. Now... open your eyes."

Doing what was asked of her, the hacker opened her eyes. Her arms moving forward as she lightly gripped the waist in front of her.

The blonde searched the green eyes before her, looking as deeply as she could. Slowly and gingerly, her finger played with the front clasp of her girl's bra. Bending the right side in a bit, she then lifted it up with her index finger and thumb.

Still keeping their eyes locked, she let the front flaps fall open, letting the breasts escape their confines.

Moving her hands to Willow's shoulders, she fingered the straps on each side before gently pulling them over her shoulders and letting them fall down the other girl's arms.

Willow let go of Tara's waist and let her bra fall the rest of the way to the floor, kicking it to side. Now, standing exposed, her upper body naked besides the necklace around her throat, she still held the blonde's eyes.

Tara's palms moved over the hacker's shoulders, massaging the flesh. "Can I touch you, my sweet, Willow?"

"Only you," the redhead said, without hesitation. Her eyes smiled into the blonde Wicca's, before the blue eyes looked away and down.

Palming her way down the front of Willow's torso, she stopped when she reached the smaller breasts. Her thumbs brushed over the nipples, which instantly hardened at the touch, before lightly cupping them fully and squeezing them.

"Mmmm..." Willow moaned, her arms shooting forward and gripping the blonde's waist again.

"Like that?" Tara squeezed again, a little more pressure this time.

"Yess..." the hacker's skin hummed where her girl touched her.

Palming down even further, the blonde witch's hands circled around and held Willow's waist. She pulled her close and embraced her love. Her hands ran up and down the naked back, trying to pull her even closer.

Twisting her head slightly, Willow kissed Tara's lower cheek.

The blonde's eyes fluttered shut and she breathed in and out deeply, through her nose. She was finally happy, safe and in the arms of the woman she would always love. They had a lot to talk about, but for now, they just co-existed, happy to be together.

Tara was starting to realize though, that this wasn't enough. She ached for more. Willow was like a drug and she wanted to get high.

*****

"Do you trust me, Willow?" Tara squeezed her girl's waist, searching her gaze.

"My whole life." That was about as honest as Willow could be, never had she not trusted this woman.

Looking from one green eye to the other, Tara smiled. Her own trust was reflected back to the other girl. Despite everything they had been through in the past, she did still trust the redhead. They had both grown and matured over the years, molding into the women they were meant to be.

"I want to touch you again, but this time I want to taste you." Her mouth watered at just that prospect.

Willow grinned her acceptance of that statement, nodding her head for more emphasis. "You know... I just had a thought."

Raising her left eyebrow in question, the blonde whispered. "Care to share?"

After letting go of her waist, the hacker's right hand smoothed its way up Tara's front, coming up to cup her chin, her thumb whispering over the lush, full lips. "Well..." she drew out the word, her tone playful. "I believe, if I remember correctly, that it was the same thought that you had yesterday and just a little while ago."

"Is it?" Tara locked her eyes with Willow's.

"I'm pretty sure it is." She pulled the blonde witch even closer, her thumb still caressing.

"Why don't you show me?" Her voice was but a mere, whisper - husky with need.

"I would love to." Willow moved her hand and sifted it through the blonde hair, to the back of her head. Pulling her face forward, their lips not even an inch apart. "I love you," her features were suddenly serious.

"I love you," Tara's voice held the same tone.

Closing the distance between them, the hacker brought their lips together. Brushing them softly, Willow sighed. As her mouth moved on Tara's, she stilled her movement, letting herself linger on the other girl.

When she pulled away, she pressed her forehead to the blonde's, closing her eyes. Willow forcibly held them shut, trying her hardest to hold back the tears that wanted to fall.

The Wicca's lips were haunted now, with the memory of that kiss; so soft and tender - it was perfect. She licked her lips and pulled her forehead back when she felt something wet slip down her cheek.

Looking at the other girl's face, she found her crying silently. "You're crying."

Willow pulled her hand back down to Tara's waist, encircled it and hugged her close. "I missed you, so much. Kissing you... that's all I've wanted for so long, Tara."

Tara sighed and treaded her right hand up into the red tresses, holding the back of the hacker's head. "You can kiss me anytime you want to, now." She half smiled as she said those words.

Willow turned her head, burying it in the right side of the blonde's neck. "What happens when you leave?"

"The only place I will be going is back to my house." Tara kneaded the back of her love's scalp.

"In LA," the redhead whimpered, wiping her eyes on the skin under it.

"No, in Sunnydale." There, she said it. Now she waited for the response.

Willow's body froze and she moved back, looking the blonde witch in the eyes, searching them, and checking to see if she had heard correctly. "What?"

Pulling her hand from her hair and reaching up, Tara cupped her girl's face, wiping away the last tell tale signs of tears with the pads of her thumbs. She smiled. "I moved back to Sunnydale, three days ago, sweetie."

"Oh," Willow stood stunned. She hadn't expected this. It made her inexplicably happy, but it was still a shock. A good shock, though. "Oh! So, you're here to stay?" Her eyebrows rose, her lips tickling with a smile.

The blonde nodded and watched the other girl's lips form a goofy smile. "Is that okay?"

"Yes, definitely good; much with the good. I can't tell you how good that is. It's perfect, in fact. Very perfect."

"Goddess, I've missed you." Tara's heart soared at the familiar babble.

Willow leaned in and softly kissed the blonde. "That goes both ways, baby."

Tara's heart leapt at that word; "Say that again."

"Baby?" The hacker questioned; the other girl's nod was her cue. "You still are, right? I mean... if you don't wanna be, that's fine. I'll understand. I just thought..."

Lips pressing firmly against her own shut her up. That's all the answer she needed, to calm her worries. Returning the gesture, she breathed out deeply through her nose.

Tara deepened the kiss, slightly, holding Willow as close as she could. Her tongue ached to slide into the girl's mouth, but she held it back. She ended the kiss, but then left another short lip hug on Willow's lips before pulling away, completely.

Now, looking at the redhead's face, she waited for her to open her eyes. When she did, they both grinned at each other. "Hi."

"Hi, baby." Willow's toothy grin attempted to consume her whole face; she was so happy to say that word again.

Tara couldn't hold her own grin at bay, as it played across her lips.

The redhead's smile slowly faded away and she now looked confused. "Wait... how did you find me yesterday? How did you know where I would be?"

Taking Willow's hands in her own, the blonde led them over to the bed. She sat down on the edge and patted the space beside her. Once the hacker sat down, she started to explain. "Dawnie e-mailed me about your mom. I went to your parents house, looking for you, to give you my respects and your dad told me where you were."

Willow just nodded and then smiled, softly. "Thank you for coming." She squeezed the hands in hers.

"Of course, sweetie." Tugging at her right hand, she locked eyes with the other girl. "How are you, doing?"

Sighing, the redhead nodded. "I'm okay." Squeezing her hands again, she added, "Better... now that you're here." She leaned her brow into Tara's forehead. "Baby... I want to ask you something and I'll understand if you say no. I just need to do this."

The blonde pulled back to look at the other girl's face, her features taking on a curious and concerned form, once she saw how much Willow was concentrating. "What, what is it?" She asked, hesitantly.

"Tara... can you ever forgive me, for what I did to you... to, us..." her voice trailed off at the end, shame plaguing her abilities to speak any longer.

"Willow, sweetie... look at me." When their eyes met, she looked at her seriously. "I forgive you. I did a long time ago. Um..." She paused, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath, steeling herself for her own question. "Can you ever forgive, ME? For leaving you, when you needed me most?"

Leaning forward, the redhead kissed her. It was a firm embrace, her mouth holding Tara's, not moving. After several seconds, she pulled back, searching out the other girl's eyes once again. "I'll be honest. I don't think I need to forgive you for anything. I don't blame you for leaving me. You did what you had to, baby and I thank you... for that. I thank you 'cause, if you hadn't left, I don't know if I ever would have been able to give up the magic."

Gently, she smiled. "... But, yes... I do forgive you," her voice was breaking and a strong urge, the need to cry, was boiling to the surface. "Please, don't ever leave me again, Tara. I can't... I couldn't take it... if you ever did."

There it was. That was all the more she could say, as her damn burst open, tears flooding her cheeks. She lunged forward, grabbing Tara and pulling her in as close as she could. Her hands crawled up into the blonde hair and she suddenly pulled away from the bone crushing hug, melting her mouth onto the blonde's, and kissing her hard.

Tara sat stunned for a brief heartbeat, before her brain processed what was happening. When it did, is when she answered back. Lifting her hands away from the hacker's back, she pushed them up into the red hair, mirroring the hands that were in her own and she kissed the lips on hers back, with a vengeance.

She drank from them, milking them of every ounce of need that she could find. She took Willow's need and fed her back, her own.

The redhead's hands tightened in the blonde strands and her tongue plunged into the other girl's mouth, stroking and probing at Tara's and then finally she sucked the blonde's tongue into her mouth - hungrily. She couldn't get enough of this woman. She was like honey, that sweet nectar that made your mouth water and yearn for more, needing something to drink it down.

Tara's hands pulled out of the hacker's hair and she grabbed onto the sides of her face, pushing her back gently. She needed air. Her lungs were demanding it. She let their foreheads fall together, once their lips parted.

Willow was in about the same state, almost gasping for air. "W...wow..." she stammered, pulling the air in, taking as deep of breaths that she could, her hands still buried in soft blonde hair.

Her breathing was becoming more controlled now, her heart calming down to normal beats. It was still pumping a little bit wildly, but not as much as before. "Tell me... tell me about, LA?" Willow asked, trying to strike up some kind of conversation while they recuperated.

Tara smiled seductively and looked at the redhead. "I will... but later. Right now... there are other things I want to do."

"Do you, now. Wanna tell me?" She kissed the corner of Tara's lips and shivered, when she saw the look on her girl's face. She took in another lungful of air, her heart and breathing mostly calmed now. Hers matched the blonde's.

"No. I want to show you," the Wicca whispered.

"You know how much I love a, show and tell presentation." She grinned.

Tara did know that. She remembered many of those presentations, in fact. "Will you do something for me?"

"Anything," Willow answered, without hesitation.

The blonde caressed the other girl's cheeks with her fingers. "You said yesterday, that you felt lost. I want to find you. Will you let me?"

"Anytime you want to," Willow replied, looking into Tara's gaze.

Leaning over, she pressed her lips to the hackers, tasting them very slowly. This kiss was torturous compared to the one they had shared moments ago. When she pulled away, she spoke. Her voice was husky, barely recognizable. "I need you, Willow."

"You have me," the redhead kissed her again.

"I want you," Tara corrected.

"Then take me. I'm yours." Willow moaned when her lips were covered with the blonde's.

*****


TBC...