ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES

CHAPTER 58 – FROM BEAUTIFUL TO UGLY IN NOTHING FLAT

They had awoken many times during the night, to once again make love. Each time flesh came in contact with naked flesh; desire had overcome sleep and wouldn't be denied.

The first time she’d awoken the next morning was to find him staring at her. She smiled at his look, so serious, so devoted. ”What is it?” she asked, questioningly.

“Last night,” he said, his voice filled with emotion, “was the best night of my life. I just didn’t want to close my eyes, just wanted to hold you, watch you sleep.”

Her heart nearly collapsed onto itself. Those words, Spike’s words, almost exact almost the same. At least this time, it wasn’t that he’d only just held her. She reached up and pulled his mouth hungrily toward hers, until, once again, they were ld ind in an embrace, his warmth, his passion filling her up. Him lost inside her heat.


A couple of hours later, Buffy awoke again, this time feeling sore, in a good kind of way. She could hear his even breathing behind her. Just thinking about William, his arms wrapped around her, his cock, even in his sleep, pushing gently between her backside, made her wet, made her clit pulse in anticipation.

As if reading her thoughts, he nuzzled her neck, as his hand started kneading her nipple, and his cock strained against her.

Buffy pushed back against him in response, and he pulled her over, so she was facing him. They found each other's mouths and hungrily kissed each other, as if it had been years, rather than just hours that they'd been away from each other. His strong arm around her, he pulled her on top him, as his cock pushed upwards, trying to find her. Without taking her mouth from his, she scooted up into a kneeling position, and spread her legs around him, guiding him inside. She sat back on her knees, eyes glazed over from the feeling of having him inside her once again, buried as deep as he could be, she rocked on him, building up momentum, as he reached forward, grabbing a nipple with his mouth.

He pulled her down on him, kissing her hard, "Love you, love you, Elizabeth," he said, as his hands pulled on her hips to meet his thrusts. They kept this up for a few minutes, until she could feel him hardening even more, as seconds later they both came, moans of pleasure, along with the sound of the bed hitting the wall mingled.

"Can't get enough of you," he whispered to her, as her head la his his chest.

"Me either, William, never enough," she said, kissing him.

"All I want; all I've ever wanted, Elizabeth. To love and be loved."

"I know, William. I always knew," she said, kissing him, feeling guilty for having known it so long ago, having ignored it, having used him so badly at times.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"About what?" he asked, all of a sudden, concern in his eyes.

"I wasn't always...I did know, but I didn't always....nevnd.\nd."

"Whatever it was, it can't be so bad, can it? This is all that matters, right now. I love you, Elizabeth, that's all I know, all I care about," he said, kissing her.

She kissed him back. He was so innocent about himself, about her. She felt guilty knowing all she knew about both of them. She wished she could have a big dose of memory loss herself, allowed only, to be swept away and in love with William, without all the baggage. Wished she could be back in 1880 with him and just have lived that life, not the one that she’d had. Oh, they could have been so happy!

Stop it, Buffy, what the hell are you doing? She asked herself, isn't this what you wanted? If not, why all the skimpy pajamas and heavy make-out sessions? Why every thought you’ve had concerning him in the past months? These past years? He’s back now, here! Why can't you just accept his love, without second guessing yourself or him?

Aloud, to him she murmured, "I know, I know. Me, too, William, love you, too!"

She hugged him, while her eyes unintentionally glanced down at the floor. Underneath the dresser stuck out the Wal-Mart bag, with the personal stuff she’d bought in the pharmacy. Oops. Good thing she wasn’t in the middle of her cycle. Or was it? She’d had a thought, to just ignore buying those things yesterday. What if…what if something happened to him? Something she couldn’t foresee? The thought had occurred to her that if…just if she were to become pregnant, then she would have a part of him with her always.

Sanity won out, however, and she’d made the purchases. No use tempting the unbelievable good fortune that had befallen them both at this moment, by adding complications to the equation.

“Marry me!” he said, looking her in the eyes.

“Wh? What?” she stammered, brought out of her reverie by his words.

“I love you and you love me. And now that we’ve…made love. I want to make an honest woman of you,” he said, then seeing her expression, he laughed, “I know…today, you’re considered honest even if you have a lover, right?”

She nodded, dumbstruck.

“But I’m an old-fashioned sort of chap, and besides, you’ve already taken my name, and from what you said, some people already think you were married to me. And we do have the nice picture. Make me the happiest man in the world, Elizabeth, say you’ll marry me for real,” he said, kissing her.

“I…I…it’s…I…it’s just. I think we should wait until we get back to California to…discuss this, don’t you?”

He looked at her. It wasn’t just the talk about getting married, once they were back home that made her hesitate, but something else he sensed.

“Don’t you want to marry me?” he asked, his eyes looking into hers, imploring.

She looked back at William, looking more than Spike than ever with the new haircut, looking at her like Spike, or was it Spike’s William used to do? All soulful, hopeful, usually before she bashed his hopes in. All that had been between them, love, hate, pain, pleasure, death, rebirth...how could it be such a simple answer to such a complicated question?

“William,” she said, as she put her hand on his face, trying to find the right words. “I do. Want to marry you. More importantly still, I want us to be together, to never be apart again. It’s just…I just…think that we should wait…to see if after we get back to California, if your memory comes back, then you can think about what you’ve asked…”

“Don’t you think I’d still would want to marry you? Didn’t you say we were together already? Lovers, even? I don’t know why it should depend on my memory coming back or not. And what if it doesn’t? Are you telling me that you won’t…?”

“No, no! It’s not that at all. I…it’s just…all so sudden. I mean, it’s not exactly, but we haven’t been with each other for over 5 years, last night was the first time we…were together that way. I just think that it’s too soon,” Buffy added lamely.

William smarted from the, ‘it’s so sudden,’ remark. Seems he’d heard that from another young lady a long time ago, before she’d shot him down.

“I see,” he said, turning away from her, “well maybe in your time things like this are sudden, but I don’t consider what we did as casual at all. I asked you! Asked you if you were sure.”

Now she smarted from the remark, but tried to keep her anger in, “I said yes, didn’t I? And no, I didn’t consider it casual, as you put it. But now that you bring it up, you weren’t always the virgin you are now,” she said, and instantly regretted her words.

“That may be so,” he said, coldly, “but I am who I am now. And it’s this man who has asked you to be his wife. Nobody else here, Elizabeth, just me.”

She’d been afraid of that; afraid she’d hurt him. How did it get from beautiful to ugly in nothing flat? Leave it to her. Leave it to Buffy to fuck up her life and everyone’s around her. Especially Spike’s and now, apparently, William’s as well.

She got up from the bed, putting on her clothes, “William, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted you to be, us to be…I’m sorry!” she said, and went out to into the kitchen.

Willow and Dawn were there, “Hey Buffy, how was your night?” Dawn asked, in a voice that Buffy knew that she knew something was up.

“Fine, just fine,” she answered, distractedly. “You have the car keys?”

“Yeah, sure, why? What’s wrong Buffy?” Dawn asked, suddenly seeing that Buffy was not in the mood she’d expected her to be in after, what she’d assumed had been a great night for her.

“Here,” Willow said, handing her the keys, “where are you going? You want to talk about it?”

“What? Talk? No. I’m fine. Really. Buffy is just fine. Fine at making a mess of everyone’s lives, including her own. Hey, I fucked up Spike’s pretty good, and now I’ve got a second chance at William’s, too.”

“Buffy, you’re not!” Willow said.

“I can’t talk about this right now,” Buffy said, and ran out the door, “take care of him, I’ll be back later. I don’t know when.

Willow and Dawn stood there with their mouths open, as they heard the crunch of the gravel as the car pulled out.


Buffy wanted to speed off, put the pedal to the metal and all that. If she couldn’t literally run, at least she wanted to drive fast. Unfortunately, she was faced for now with a gravel road and the fact that she had somebody else’s car in her care.

Instead, she turned on the radio and punched the buttons. Half wouldn’t come in and when she finally got station, the song she heard was none other than Theonesones, “I Wanna Be Sedated.”

“You have got to be kidding me!” she said, furiously, punching the next button.

“And next, we have Bette Midler’s, “Wind Beneath My Wings,” said the announcer.

“What the…? Christ on a Cross, what is this? Music-to-constantly-remind-Buffy-of-what-a-fuck-up-she-is-music-request-day?” Once again, she pushed a button, and sighed in relief when it was the Temptations. Whew. Of course, it was followed by The Supremes, “Where Did Our Love Go?” Buffy turned off the radio. “The hell with it!”


Willow and Dawn had breakfast in silence.

“Do you think we should check on William?” Dawn asked.

“Let’s give him a little more time,” Willow answered.

They were reluctant to leave the cabin, and so for the next couple of hours, they just cleaned, watched some morning show and puttered about.

“I’m going to check on him,” Dawn said, finally.

Willow nodded her agreement.

“William?” Dawn said, through the door. “Don’t you want to come out and have some breakfast? It’s a lovely day.”

He didn’t answer.

Dawn opened the door. William lay there with his eyes closed, feigning sleep.

“William, come on out. I know you’re not asleep. Come on, I’ll make you something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry. I…I just want to be alone.”

“Look, William, I don’t know what happened between you and Buf…Elizabeth, but I do know my sister. She’s afraid. She always has been, especially when things get intense, emotional. As much as she needs this…” she drifted off in her own thoughts, “as much as she needs you, she’s just terribly afraid, William. Afraid she’ll lose you again. She’ll come around, you’ll see.”

She hesitated, “She loves you, she has for such a long time, I just think that now that she’s actually faced with the possibilities, the reality of you being here again, that she can’t handle it all at once. Okay? Just remember; she does love you. Just give it some time. She’ll be back before long.”

Dawn started to close the door, “Oh, and William? If you feel like talking…?”

“Thank you,” he said to her.

Elizabeth scared? Hadn’t Dr.Turner told him that, the day she first came to see him, too?

Stupid ponce! He berated himself. Things were going so well, and you have to go and muck them all up. Always getting yourself in trouble with your big mouth! Scared her away with all your yammering. Probably’ll never touch you again, make you sleep on the couch. Stupid git!

And so it went, for the rest of the day, as William, horrified at what he’d said to her, berating himself. Expectant at every time the door opened or closed, and sinking into a deeper and deeper depression as the day turned into evening.


Buffy had intentions of just going into Niles or South Bend and doing some shopping, but when she crossed over the highway, she impulsively turned the car, taking the entry ramp that said, “Holland.”

“Always wanted to go to ‘Holland’, okay, really didn’t, but it sounds nice and hey, highway driving,” she said, as accelerated to 80mph.

An hour later, she exited at the Holland sign and drove around town. She stopped at a Dutch wooden shoe, tourist-y shop and looked around. Then she paid $6.00 to go and tour Windmill Island, although there were hardly any tulips to see now. The brochure stated they had a huge festival every May, with 100,000 tulips, originally imported from the real Holland. She sighed, “Day late, dollar short, what’s new?” Still, it was an interesting place. Annuals abounded, and she even went inside the Little Netherlands Museum.

After grabbing a sandwich at the local Subway, she headed to Holland State Park, on the shores of Lake Michigan. She sat for the rest of the day on the beach, looking out at the water and the historic red lighthouse.

“Why the hell did he have to go and start talking marriage to me? Now? So soon…?” she said, to herself over and over again.

But slowly it came to dawn on her, that it was only her own insecurities that had made her take such a hasty retreat. It was her fear, not just about how he would handle the memories, if and when they came, but about her own lack of deservedness, she felt about herself.

The more she thought about it all, the worse she felt. He’d reached out to her and she’d run off. Same old Buffy! Scared to let him in. Hell, she’d let him in, alright, but not in the way he wanted, not into her heart. Not really.

She always knew the real truth. It wasn’t that Spike had been beneath her, it was the other way around. And now, still, she was beneath William, as well.

Hot tears spilled down her eyes, as she made her way back to the car. She’d make it up to him, somehow. She felt awful, having left him there all day. It was the first time she’d been apart from him in a week for more than a few minutes, and her heart was already breaking into a million pieces. If she felt this way, what must he be feeling? Then again, was he? Maybe he was furious at her, maybe he ran off, too. Her heart was pounding, as she got on the highway, and this time, doing 90mph, hurried back to the cabin.

Neither Dawn nor Willow could convince William to come out and take his meals with them. Willow insisted that Dawn bring him a sandwich around 2pm and later, a steak they’d cooked.

He thanked Dawn, but said he truly wasn’t hungry. He hadn’t touched the sandwich or drink she’d brought him earlier.

Finally, about 9pm, after he heard them go out to the little store for ice cream, he got up and left the cabin. They’d come back and were sitting on the swing, when they saw him standing alone on the beach.

Dawn had bought him some Mackinaw Island Fudge, and she went down to the beach to give it to him.

“Here, William, I brought you this.”

“Thanks, but I really don’t…”

“I don’t care if you really don’t. You’d better eat something, or I’m going to be the one whose ass gets chewed out by Buffy, if you don’t!”

“Why isn’t she back?” he asked, in a small voice that betrayed his pain.

Dawn really didn’t know. She was beginning to get concerned herself. It really wasn’t like Buffy to run off in a strange place and lose herself, was it?

“She’ll be back real soon,” Dawn said, patting William on his back, to reassure him, “I feel it!”

Dawn had left him with the cone and gone back up to the wooden swing, where Willow was waiting for her “Ho “How is he?”

“Concerned that Buffy’s not back, and hey, I am, too. Ungrateful bitch!”

“Dawn!” Willow said, shocked.

“Well, damn it! She is. You, me, we all came on this joyride because we love her and want her to be happy, right?”

Willow just nodded.

“So what does she do? Seduces the poor sap all week long, until finally last night…then runs offvingving us to watch him fall apart. You know what? I hated her when Spike went away to get his soul.”

She looked over to see Willow’s look of surprise.

“Yeah, that’s right, and nobody knew. I know what he tried to do, but you know what? She drove him right over the edge. I went to see him that afternoon. Didn’t know that, did you? I told him how much he’d hurt her…by sleeping with Anya, so the whole thing…it was my fault. I mean not what he did, that was horrible, but why he was even there that night. If he hadn’t come over right then, hadn’t tried…” she said, as angry tears from years of holding it in squeezed themselves out of her long lashes.

“Oh, honey, it wasn’t your fault. He was wrong no matter why he was there, and he knew it, even if she’d ping-ponged him around,” Willow said, putting an arm around her.

Dawn continued, as if she hadn’t heard her, “He’d just come to apologize, because of me. Me. Oh, Willow…and when he came back, after what I found out, I just couldn’t look him in the eyes. Not because of what he’d done so much, because, honestly, I don’t think it was like he planned to hurt her, but because of what I’d done, I’d gone over to his crypt, read him the riot act, told him how much he’d hurt her. All he’d done is try to come to apologize,” she said, her voice breaking, as she let out the years of guilt.

“It’s all over Dawn, it’s not your fault. Oh, and lest you forget, got a whole bunch of my own guilt over that whole time period. Murder, mayhem, black magic, just to name a few.”

“Look, if Spike hadn’t gone to get his soul back, well, then, Buffy probably really wouldn’t have fallen in love with him. He probably wouldn’t have saved the world and we’d all be dead. And, see that,” she said, pointing to he lone figure on the beach, “that man, William, wouldn’t be here now, back in Buffy’s life, back in ours, too.”

Dawn sniffed, “Is he going to stay, though?” she asked. “Forever I mean? Buffy told me that there was a part of the prophecy that you couldn’t read.”

Willow hesitated a moment, “Sure, I don’t see why not, Dawnie. Of course he is!”

“Not if Buffy fucks, I mean, mucks it up!”

“Well, we’re just going to have to save her from her old stupid self, then aren’t we?” Willow asked, grinning.

“Yeah, you got that right! Stupid bitch!”

“Nice girl, not so smart,” Willow added, “don’t tell her I said so, okay?”

“Not unless you tell her I called her a stupid bitch,” Dawn said, as she went back to licking her drippy ice-cream cone.

“Deal!”

END CHAPTER 58