So Damn Domestic

The Same Night. FPOV


The tension from the other room is starting to spill into here and it fucking sucks. I’m in here trying to ignore the physical pain from that ass kicking and then all the shit that’s going on side of me. That demon has Buffy. Buffy, my wife, best friend, partner in slaying. She has my back when the kids start to drive me a little crazy, and she’s the only one who truly believed that I could change. Ok, so Angel believed it before her, but its different with the scooby gang. I’m grateful for everything he’s done for me, but it’s not his forgiveness I was after. He understood why I wanted to hurt him. I was in love with Buffy and he was the thing in the way. The others just got caught in the crossfire.


Buffy was the one who made the first step in the right direction. She’s the one who admitted her feelings for me. I felt the same way she did, I was just too chicken shit to do anything about it. I was almost too chicken to stick around afterwards. When we got to the Hyperion and we all had our own rooms I almost just left Buffy alone to be taken care of by her friends and family. I’m willing to admit that I was kind of forced into the job. Willow was too exhausted, Dawn was too upset, Xander was grieving, and Giles told me to do it. I’m glad they didn’t give me an excuse to run. If I had known that the scoobs were going to take care of her I would’ve backed off. But they were too wrapped up with their own emotions. I’m not calling them selfish. They all deserved a break. I’m just glad I wasn’t too scared to stay. And she forgave me for everything. I never though she’d do that.


But enough about all that. I don’t want to be thinking about all the good times we had together, like I’m mourning over her or something. She isn’t dead. I know she isn’t. If she died I’d be able to feel it. I don’t know how I know, I just do. Buffy isn’t dead, we’re going to get her back. So why is everyone acting like its hopeless? Why do they keep checking on the kids, and stealing glances from my room? It’s like they’re expecting me to say something, or do something, or freak out or cry some more and it’s fucking irritating. Now that the drugs have worn off I have better control over my emotions so I’m not going to freak out. So they can all just stop. I just want them to stop! I just...I just want Buffy back. I want her back safe and sound so we can go home. Back to the neighborhood with the suburban weirdoes, and my beautiful house with the huge backyard. Tucker’s probably freaking out. He’s not used to being away from us for this long. God, listen to me. All this bad stuff is going on and I’m worried about my dog.


“Where do you think you’re going?” I look up to the doorway and see Kennedy standing there. She’s worried but she’s trying not to show it. I wish she’d just leave me alone. I’m going to find Buffy whether she likes it or not. I can’t just stay here while that demon does God know what to her. I throw her a little glare and try to stand up. I say try because my knee still hurts like a bitch and I have to sit back down. Kennedy walks in and sits next to me. She tries to move the hair out of my face but I pull back. “Stop being a stubborn ass. We’re going to get her back before that thing lays a hand on her.” I don’t say anything for about a minute.


“She hasn’t been happy,” I tell her and let out a little sigh. This is the thing I’ve been avoiding. The one thing I really don’t want to think about. But I have been for a while. “She might die soon and the only thing I can really think about is that I haven’t been able to make her happy. We’ve been arguing lately and ignoring each other. And now I might not get the chance to make it better.” I lick my dry lips with my equally dry tongue and ignore the coppery taste of my blood. I don’t break down like I thought I was going to. I just sit here in silence with the women who used to be my best friend. Lets stop pretending, we haven’t talked to each other enough to be best friends. But right now that doesn’t matter. “Is it weird seein Willow again? Now that she’s with Sky, that’s gotta be weird.” She looks at me with a ‘what the fuck?’ expression and tears come to my eyes. “Everything is so out of control and I need to focus on something that doesn’t seem so large. So, is it weird seeing Willow?” She gives me an understanding look and sighs a little bit.


“Like you wouldn’t believe. It’s so fucked because I want to be happy for her ‘cause she found someone she clicks with and they got a lot in common. But I’m jealous ‘cause I still feel like a part of her is mine. And I’m guilty for being jealous ‘cause I’m the one who walked away.” Wow, that is a fucked up situation. I’m about to say something but she keeps going, which I’m grateful for. “And I feel even guiltier ‘cause I know Cordelia is thinking I’m questioning us, and I’m not. It’s just…Willow’s special, ya know? I’m always gonna be jealous of the woman she’s dating.” I kinda know where she’s coming from. I was mad with jealousy when I walked in on B and that skank. God that seems like such a long time ago. I know that if me and B ever do divorce and she gets with someone else I’ll never be able to be around them without losing control. That would drive me insane…again. Ok so we weren’t together back in SunnyD but it felt like it until Angel came back.


“Man, I don’t even want to imagine what Cordy’s like when she’s jealous. She’s mean enough when she’s normal.” We both chuckle a little but our laughter dies and we both freeze when we hear ‘I heard that!’ from the other room. I give her a little ‘haha you’re in trouble’ smile but I’m really worried about my safety. Cordy’s fuckin scary as hell when she’s mad and I’m in no physical shape to defend myself. So lets get back to the overwhelming stuff, shall we? “So, did you find anything else out?” I know that she knows something she just doesn’t want to tell me. I heard her when she first got here. She was freaking out and kept asking Willow how long ago the demon took Buffy. There’s something all of them aren’t telling me and its really starting to piss me off. I don’t want to be in the dark anymore. I need to be in the know, even if the truth drives me crazy, or makes me pass out or something. There’s a reason why Kennedy is now looking at me with some pity and why Sky is going to check on the kids again. There’s a reason why, and I have to know what it is. I can tell she isn’t going to tell me. She steeling her eyes off from me. So I go for a low blow. “Ken, what if it was Cordelia or Willow? You’d wanna know. Tell me what’s so bad.” Hook, line, and sinker. All I gotta do is reel her in.


“Alright.” Score one for me. “But you gotta promise me not to freak out, ok?” I nod my head a little bit and she sighs. It’s almost like she knows she’s making a huge mistake but she’s going to do it anyway. For a second I think she’s going to back down, but she doesn’t. She holds onto my hand, which is fuckin weird. Even when we were best friends we didn’t do shit like this. She slowly licks her lips and opens her mouth to speak. And right before she can get a word out we hear a blood curdling scream that only my daughter could make. Kennedy jumps up and runs out of the room. I try to stand up but my knees gives out and I fall onto the bed. I hear everyone trying to calm her down, but she’s completely freaking out. She’s calling out for me and Buffy and the sound is breaking my heart. From what I can hear Kennedy’s trying to hold her back and having a hell of a time doing it. Then Kennedy yells out in pain and the next thing I know Addy’s booking it into the room. She jumps on the bed and runs over to me. I wrap my arms around her and ignore the pain it causes.


“Mama, a monster’s got Mommy!” she cries into my ear. How the fuck does she know that? Did she overhear Red and the others talking about it? I realize that it doesn’t matter that she’s a slayer. That she’s going to grow up and probably be one of the greatest. She’s just a three-year-old right now and she shouldn’t be in the know. Little kids belong in the dark where its safe. So I gently rub her back and softly lie to her. I tell her that a monster doesn’t have her mommy, but she won’t listen. She shakes her head no and smacks me on the shoulder. I try not to wince from the pain. “Yes it does. I sawed it.” She’s crying so hard that she starts coughing. She saw it? So she had a slayer dream or something? She saw Buffy and the demon? “It’s gonna hurt Mommy.” Great. She doesn’t fuckin need this. She already has to deal with the tension and seein me beat to hell. She doesn’t need to have a dream about the demon hurting Buffy. I’m going to go ahead and assume that Addy dreamt about the rape. She’s just a little kid. She doesn’t need to be dreaming about that. She shouldn’t have to see her mommy being raped by some big, nasty demon.


“Faith, Matt just woke up and he’s totally freaking out,” Sky says from the doorway. Great, just fucking great. Addy probably won’t remember seeing that shit in a couple of weeks, maybe a month or two, but Mattie will probably develop a complex or something. I tell her to bring him in here and she leaves. Addy’s still freaking out and she’s having trouble breathing. I try rocking her even though all of my muscles and joints are protesting. I hear Mattie running towards the room and I look up just in time to see him fly through the doorway. He jumps up on the bed and looks into my eyes. He isn’t crying but he’s damn close to it. I reach out to run my fingers through his hair but he pulls away. What? Why the hell did he do hat? He looks so pissed off. What the hell is wrong with him? Upset, and scared out of his mind is what I expected. But pissed? This is so fucking blindsiding me. I ask him what’s wrong, and he looks like he’s about to lose it.


“It’s all your fault,” he says and tears well up in his eyes. What the fuck? “It’s your fault. You’re supposed to keep Mom safe. You said you’d keep her safe!” I did say that and I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth. Before me and B went on patrol tonight Mattie was worried ‘cause B hasn’t been slaying much since Joey was born. So when I hugged him goodbye I whispered in his ear that I’d watch her back and keep her safe. I move Addy aside and reach out for Mattie. He fights me a little but he doesn’t keep it up for long. I pull him close to me and he stops fighting. I have one arm wrapped around him and one arm wrapped around Addy and they’re both crying their eyes out. And all I can do is sit here and focus on fighting the physical pain. I can’t think about the words he said to me because they’re true. I’m not strong enough or smart enough to stop that demon and now it has Buffy. I lean back against the headboard and both of them grab onto me tighter. Like they think I’m trying to leave them or something.


“I’m so sorry,” I whisper into Mattie’s ear. He either can’t hear me over the very loud sobs of his sister or he’s ignoring me. “I’m sorry.” I say it a little louder. “I’m so, so sorry. I’ll get her back. I promise I’ll get her back.” I should know better then to say stuff like that but I need to say something that’ll calm him down. And I can feel my heart breaking when Addy sobs out ‘no you can’t’. That’s when I start to come undone. I try to force my tears back but this is a war I’m quickly losing. They feel hot and they’re burning the back of my eyes. I feel one slither its way down my cheek and it lands in Addy’s hair. The first sob that fights its way out of the back of my throat sounds strangled and alien to my ears. I’ve never heard anything like it before. I guess neither have my kids because they both went stock still right after it happened. I let go of Mattie so I can wipe the tears away from my eyes but they just keep coming. I’m supposed to be stronger then this. I’m their mother, I’m supposed to protect them, and comfort them, not cry in front of them.


“Come on guys, your mama needs to rest now,” Red says and I feel her tug on Addy a little bit. My baby girl willingly goes to her. I don’t think she has the energy to fight. I watch Red pick her up and hold my baby against her chest. Addy instantly warps her little arms around Willow’s neck and buries her face in her neck. She’s still crying but it’s not as bad as it was earlier. She’ll probably cry herself to sleep in a few minutes. Red leaves the room with my girl clinging to her like her little life depends on it. I pull my boy closer to me and give him a kiss on his temple. I feel his grip tighten and I can’t hold back the wince. He tenses up a little bit and pulls away from me. Not out of my grasp or anything, just enough so he can look at my face. His eyebrows furrow and he looks worried as he studies my battered face. He looks at my black eyes and cut lip, and bruised cheeks and the lump I have on my forehead. He pulls back even more so he look at my body. I wince again and bite back a scream when he bumps into my hurt knee. He jumps back so he’s sitting about six inches away from me.


“I tried to save her,” I tell him. My voice is so raspy and hoarse from all of the screaming I’ve done tonight. I don’t recognize it and neither does he. But I have to tell him what happened. He saw what’s going to happen to Buffy if we don’t find her in time. He deserves to know what happened. “I was already hurt when the demon grabbed her. He threw me against a tree before he grabbed your mom. I tried to stop him but he’s so strong, Mattie. He was just too strong.” I have to stop or else I’ll start crying again and I really don’t want to do that now that he’s looking at me. I suck in a deep calming breath and keep going, but I’ll have to stop soon because my throat hurts way too bad.


“I chased after him.” I’m going to have to censor this part a little bit. I want him to know what happened but he is only nine. He doesn’t need to hear everything. “When I tried to grab her away from the demon he slammed me against another tree and I couldn’t get up. I had to wait for my slayer healing to work a little bit and I called out to Willow with my mind and some other slayers came and got me.” Now he looks scared. This is what I expected earlier so I’m a little prepared for it. “And Cordelia, and aunt Kennedy, and aunt Willow and grandpa Giles are all here to help find a way to get her back, ok? She’s going to be fine. The big brains are on the case.” I give him a little smile but it doesn’t do much. He still looks freaked.


“What about aunt Dawn? Isn’t she gonna help?” Fuck. I didn’t even think about her. She gets out of the hospital tomorrow. She wants to stay longer because she’s afraid to face the world or some shit like that. She’s going to freak out if she gets released and Buffy isn’t there to take her home. Dammit! Mother fucking son of a bitch! Ok Faith, calm down, take a couple deep breaths and just relax. Fuck!!!!! I know that Buffy being at the hospital to take Dawn home doesn’t seem important right now, but trust me it is. Because if Buffy isn’t here on time or at all then Dawn will throw a shit fit big enough to end the world. Alright I’m calm now. I’m just trying to find something small to focus on so I don’t have to think about all this big stuff. I give Mattie a goodnight kiss when Red comes to take him back to his bedroom. He wants to help find Buffy, but I tell him his job in all of this is to look out for his little sister because things are too crazy for everyone else to worry about her. That’s a mean thing to say but it did the trick. Now we can focus on the real problem: how are we going to get Buffy back?