Truth Denied

Spike closed the door behind them and Xander sat on the bed, covering his face with his hands with a groan. He rested his elbows on his knees and just rested there, trying hard not to cry.

Spike sat beside him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in close for a hug, whispering, “You know the thing about hugs, yeah? Perfect excuse to hide your face.” He hugged Xander, a hand in his shaggy brown waves, the other stroking his back calmingly.

Eventually Xander’s tears subsided and he just clung to Spike, breathing in his scent, feeling his heart beat. “I like your heart… it’s strong.” He snuggled and nuzzled more. “The powers that be gave you a good strong heart.” He went quiet again, just holding Spike.

Spike just held him and kissed his hair, his head dizzy with Xander’s scent. Even as a human his scent was overwhelming, he couldn’t imagine what he’d feel if he’d been a vampire. Xander said he loved him, loved him and wasn’t ashamed, he was just unable to be physical right now.

But that’s not right, he can kiss, can cuddle, can hold and be held, he can be physical, just not intimate… but even that… I don’t know… something about the way he acts, the way he looks at me…. Something… I just don’t know what.

Xander finally let go and cleared his throat. “This is all I wanted, when I was captured, to be rescued so I could be in your arms, tell you I love you, tell you I could love you now, could accept loving you now…. Ethan thought he was pulling a mean prank, that I was going to hate him for what he did, but he showed me who I was meant to be: carefree, loving, responsible, and never ever hesitant to show my love.”

“Xander, I don't... I've never...” He choked up, unsure if words were even possible. He wiped his eyes with some tissue from a box. He finally looked up and cleared his throat. “No one's ever said that to me, not like that. I mean, Dru? Buffy? Hardly. Keiran... I loved Keiran and Keiran loved me, but it was new love. Ours? Ours feels like something ancient, something that's always been meant to be, something that will always happen, no matter how you fight it... Oh Xander, we're right, as no other love in the universe is right, we're right, and we're going to find a way for this to work.” Spike took Xander's hands in his and kissed his hair again, rocking, peacefully.

They heard the doorbell ring and Ben's voice, then his voice at the door, “Spike? I have a package for you... it's... it's from Chad.”

Spike froze, he hadn't been expecting anything from Chad. “What is it?” He helped Xander stand up.

“A picture and an envelope, all in plain brown wrapping paper. Come out, I want to see. This is going to be the last thing Chad Evermoore painted, I want to see what inspired him. Hurry up!” Ben called to them.

Xander and Spike got to the door and Xander opened it, letting Spike go through; he looked like he'd seen a ghost. It must be the one he'd posed for. Dried, and delivered on a time delay to keep it pristine. He wasn't sure he wanted to see himself as Chad had seen him, and Chad had seen him as some kind of sex symbol, so this was going to be embarrassing.

Spike was standing in front of a frame on the ground, and he was taking off a brown envelope with his name and address on the front; the boys had forwarded it here. He tore the end off like a parakeet would, then blew in, and pulled out the single sheet.

Spike,

I painted this largely out of memory and fantasy, don't worry, your boy was never undressed in front of me. I got the “I'm taken” vibe almost as soon as I poured the wine, and he seemed nervous about what he might say. I know he's not sleeping with you for a job, you'd never be that crass, but I also know that's why he can't say anything. Just know you two will always have a friend in confidence in me. 

I thought you might enjoy this painting in your boudoir just to add a little spice. And sorry for hitting on Xander and making him uncomfortable, but he's just so cute when he's flustered! Besides, I'm free to look and flirt, doesn't mean I'll actually let him do anything, I'm not that cruel. I'm no home wrecker.

So, enjoy the painting. Yes, there is only one copy, no I took no photographs, no I made no other additional poses for my own enjoyment. You got it all, these things take time man! Enjoy!

Chad

Spike read it allowed and looked to Xander who wiped away tears. They looked at the large wrapped canvass and hesitated, not sure if they should unwrap it or leave it hidden. The artist was dead, they had no one they had to thank, they could let their grief hide the picture.

Ben would have none of it. “Oh come ON. I have to see!” And he ripped the paper off, the paper fell away, revealing Xander leaning against a red wall, nude, arms crossed.

As Xander stared flabbergasted. Ben just had to ask, “Are you uncircumcised in real life too?”

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