ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES
folder
BtVS AU/AR › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
210
Views:
10,599
Reviews:
182
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
BtVS AU/AR › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
210
Views:
10,599
Reviews:
182
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
YOU HAVE TO LIVE
CHAPTER 5 – YOU HAVE TO LIVE
After a while, Buffy turned onto Hwy. 79, South. About 55 minutes later, she came to the exit for Santa Ysabel, looking at the signs, then turned left toward Julian. As soon as she came to a gas station, she stopped, filled the car up, then pulled it over toward the side and opened up her purse. Hands shaking, she took out Spike's hand drawn map and looked at it and read his directions.
“From the exit, it's 4.2 miles to the driveway, (north side of the road – right side) there are two birch trees on the left side of the entrance, and an oak and a birch on the right side. The oak tree has a 2-foot gash about 3 feet from the bottom. This will be the easiest for you to spot.”
Buffy turned the car around and headed back to the highway. Turning around again, she reset the trip-meter on zero, and watched the numbers. Just as she got to 4.1 she slowed down. The road was pitch dark and she was having trouble seeing. Finally, she saw the white bark of some birch trees and slowed down. Stopping the car, Buffy got out and walked along the road. She had gone about 20 yards when she saw the oak tree with the gash, and the entrance. She hurried back to the car and turned onto the gravel road. She remembered the bumpy ride lasted about 5 minutes.
As she drove, she realized that she'd passed the point where the gate of trees should have been and was getting nearer the house.
All of a sudden it came into view and she saw light glowing from the front windows.
She pulled up and jumped from the car, heart in her throat and ran up to the house, throwing open the door.
The fireplace was going and candlere lre lit.
"Oh, God!" she said, heart pounding in her chest. Could Spike...?
"Spike!" she yelled running through the house, "Spike!"
She went to the bedrooms, bathroom, even upstairs to the annex calling his name.
She'd just come down when she heard someone coming in the back door; happiness flushed her face, as she ran through the dining room into the kitchen, "Spike!"
"Buffy?" the voice said.
She came into the kitchen and stopped suddenly, looking at Clem. Her face crumpled as she gripped the edge of the table, falling into the nearest chair.
Clem looked scared, "What's wrong Buffy? Where's Spike? I heard you calling him," he asked.
Buffy looked up at Clem, her eyes filling with tears; "He's gone Clem, he's, he's...dead. I thought...when I saw the light coming from the window, the gate open, I don't know what I was thinking, maybe that a miracle had happened..."
"Oh, Buffy!" Clem said, his eyes filling with tears too.
"I was afraid of this. He told me that if he survived he'd call me and I hadn't heard from him," he sniffed and put his arms around Buffy.
Still sitting, she let herself be comforted by him, crying into his stomach.
Finally, she stood up and walked over to the sink. She turned to look at Clem, a question occurring to her, "Why is the house lit up?" she asked.
Clem wiped his eyes on his checkered shirt, "Spike called me about a month ago and told me things were going down the next day. He said that if you made it and he didn't, he figured you'd eventually make it up here. He said probably within a month or two. He asked me to leave the gate open and the fireplace going everynight; for as long as I could. He asked me to stay up here for that time, do that for him," Clem said, looking at Buffy.
"Oh, Clem!" she said, going over and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"You've done this vigil every night, since...?"
Clem nodded.
"Thank you," Buffy said.
"It's ok. I'm just sorry that you thought it was Spike," Clem replied, a bit sheepishly.
"No. That's my fault. I knew he wasn't...but it was him, wasn't it? Making it better for me, even now that he's..."
Clem nodded, "Yeah, that Spike was a good..."
"Man. He was a good man!" Buffy finished.
Buffy and Clem talked a while longer, before Clem took his leave. He promised to come over the next day, toward late afternoon and start showing her the things she would need to know, in order to keep the house running smoothly. Things like firewood, and generators, oil, kerosene, hidden gate latches, and the like.
"Thanks Clem, see you tomorrow," Buffy said, letting him out the front door.
"Have a good night, Buffy," Clem said, as he walked down the road.
Buffy closed the door, turning around toward the fireplace.
She walked over to the couch and sat down in front of it, staring at the fire, "You're still looking out for me, aren't you, Spike?" she asked into the air.
"You're all around me here, I can feel you, I can..." she laid her head on her knees and gave into the pain.
"I miss you, I want to feel your arms around me, I need you!" her voice rose, hysteria all of a sudden threatening to overtake her.
"How dare you die and leave me here? I don't care about a normal life, damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! I'll never have what I had with you with anyone else. Never! Why did you leave me?"
She got up and started pacing, "I don't want this house, you stupid bastard! I want you! Not your house, you! You! Please, please, please, please, come back, you can't be gone! Stupid, self-sacrificing bastard!" she screamed throwing an ashtray into the fireplace as hard as she could.
The ashtray made a satisfying crash, as wood, ash, and glass exploded together, showering the floor and rug with flying sparks.
Buffy quickly stomped out the burning cinders, tears running down her face, she paced angrily back and forth pulling at the sleeves of her arms.
An idea occurred to her and she ran into the kitchen grabbing a kitchen knife, then ran into ‘her’ room and opening the door to the annex ran upstairs. She felt along the walls until she came to the blinds, and threw them open, bathing the room in moonlight.
“You think you built this ‘suicide annex’ only for you?” Buffy asked, hysteria in her voice, “I’ll show you,” she said taking the knife and placing it against her heart, starting to push.
Just then, the room was awash in a swirling white light, as the knife was thrown across her room by a powerful force, as she was thrown back onto the couch.
“YOU WILL NOT DO THIS!” his voice said, within and outside her.
“Why not?” she screamed at him, “Why not?”
“You think I died so you could kill yourself?”
She didn’t answer.
“You have to live,” it said, gentler this time.
“Why? Everyone has their own lives now, I have nothing. Nothing,” Buffy said, looking into the light, trying to find him.
“You have you. YOU! You have your whole life ahead of you.”
She snorted.
All of a sudden she saw his form in the light, she jumped up, going up to him, “Spike,” she reached for his cheek, but her hand went through him.
“Buffy, I’ll always love you, but I can’t live for you, pet. That’s something you have to do for yourself. For me,” he started to fade.
“No, don’t leave me!” she cried out to him.
“Go downstairs now. There’s something you forgot, something for you. Go Buffy. Go and live!”
And then the light was gone.
“Spike!” Buffy said, crumpling to the ground, head in her hands.
She woke up a few hours later, to the sound of rain against the windows. She sat up, startled until she remembered where she was. Shivering against the cold, she closed the slats of the windows, made her way along the wall and went down the stairs.
It was dark downstairs; the fireplace was just about out. Buffy found some matches in the kitchen and lit a lantern that she found.
Wearily, she made her way to ‘their’ bedroom. She put the lantern on the night table and sat on the edge of the bed, then lay back. As she did her head hit something and she bolted up. She turned around to find out what it was, and then she saw it. The purple velvet box containing her lovebird necklace and the Shakespeare book that she’d given Spike. Tears fell anew, as she opened the box. She touched the lovebirds gently, then took it out, looking at it in the light. She remembered Spike putting it around her neck, more than once. His gentle hands…his hands.
Hands that fought her, punched her, caressed her, saved her, loved her, their hands catching fire, together.
She took the necklace in her hands and put it on. She would never take it off again. Never.
She lay down; clutching the book she’d given him to her, and cried herself to sleep.
END CHAPTER 5
After a while, Buffy turned onto Hwy. 79, South. About 55 minutes later, she came to the exit for Santa Ysabel, looking at the signs, then turned left toward Julian. As soon as she came to a gas station, she stopped, filled the car up, then pulled it over toward the side and opened up her purse. Hands shaking, she took out Spike's hand drawn map and looked at it and read his directions.
“From the exit, it's 4.2 miles to the driveway, (north side of the road – right side) there are two birch trees on the left side of the entrance, and an oak and a birch on the right side. The oak tree has a 2-foot gash about 3 feet from the bottom. This will be the easiest for you to spot.”
Buffy turned the car around and headed back to the highway. Turning around again, she reset the trip-meter on zero, and watched the numbers. Just as she got to 4.1 she slowed down. The road was pitch dark and she was having trouble seeing. Finally, she saw the white bark of some birch trees and slowed down. Stopping the car, Buffy got out and walked along the road. She had gone about 20 yards when she saw the oak tree with the gash, and the entrance. She hurried back to the car and turned onto the gravel road. She remembered the bumpy ride lasted about 5 minutes.
As she drove, she realized that she'd passed the point where the gate of trees should have been and was getting nearer the house.
All of a sudden it came into view and she saw light glowing from the front windows.
She pulled up and jumped from the car, heart in her throat and ran up to the house, throwing open the door.
The fireplace was going and candlere lre lit.
"Oh, God!" she said, heart pounding in her chest. Could Spike...?
"Spike!" she yelled running through the house, "Spike!"
She went to the bedrooms, bathroom, even upstairs to the annex calling his name.
She'd just come down when she heard someone coming in the back door; happiness flushed her face, as she ran through the dining room into the kitchen, "Spike!"
"Buffy?" the voice said.
She came into the kitchen and stopped suddenly, looking at Clem. Her face crumpled as she gripped the edge of the table, falling into the nearest chair.
Clem looked scared, "What's wrong Buffy? Where's Spike? I heard you calling him," he asked.
Buffy looked up at Clem, her eyes filling with tears; "He's gone Clem, he's, he's...dead. I thought...when I saw the light coming from the window, the gate open, I don't know what I was thinking, maybe that a miracle had happened..."
"Oh, Buffy!" Clem said, his eyes filling with tears too.
"I was afraid of this. He told me that if he survived he'd call me and I hadn't heard from him," he sniffed and put his arms around Buffy.
Still sitting, she let herself be comforted by him, crying into his stomach.
Finally, she stood up and walked over to the sink. She turned to look at Clem, a question occurring to her, "Why is the house lit up?" she asked.
Clem wiped his eyes on his checkered shirt, "Spike called me about a month ago and told me things were going down the next day. He said that if you made it and he didn't, he figured you'd eventually make it up here. He said probably within a month or two. He asked me to leave the gate open and the fireplace going everynight; for as long as I could. He asked me to stay up here for that time, do that for him," Clem said, looking at Buffy.
"Oh, Clem!" she said, going over and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"You've done this vigil every night, since...?"
Clem nodded.
"Thank you," Buffy said.
"It's ok. I'm just sorry that you thought it was Spike," Clem replied, a bit sheepishly.
"No. That's my fault. I knew he wasn't...but it was him, wasn't it? Making it better for me, even now that he's..."
Clem nodded, "Yeah, that Spike was a good..."
"Man. He was a good man!" Buffy finished.
Buffy and Clem talked a while longer, before Clem took his leave. He promised to come over the next day, toward late afternoon and start showing her the things she would need to know, in order to keep the house running smoothly. Things like firewood, and generators, oil, kerosene, hidden gate latches, and the like.
"Thanks Clem, see you tomorrow," Buffy said, letting him out the front door.
"Have a good night, Buffy," Clem said, as he walked down the road.
Buffy closed the door, turning around toward the fireplace.
She walked over to the couch and sat down in front of it, staring at the fire, "You're still looking out for me, aren't you, Spike?" she asked into the air.
"You're all around me here, I can feel you, I can..." she laid her head on her knees and gave into the pain.
"I miss you, I want to feel your arms around me, I need you!" her voice rose, hysteria all of a sudden threatening to overtake her.
"How dare you die and leave me here? I don't care about a normal life, damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! I'll never have what I had with you with anyone else. Never! Why did you leave me?"
She got up and started pacing, "I don't want this house, you stupid bastard! I want you! Not your house, you! You! Please, please, please, please, come back, you can't be gone! Stupid, self-sacrificing bastard!" she screamed throwing an ashtray into the fireplace as hard as she could.
The ashtray made a satisfying crash, as wood, ash, and glass exploded together, showering the floor and rug with flying sparks.
Buffy quickly stomped out the burning cinders, tears running down her face, she paced angrily back and forth pulling at the sleeves of her arms.
An idea occurred to her and she ran into the kitchen grabbing a kitchen knife, then ran into ‘her’ room and opening the door to the annex ran upstairs. She felt along the walls until she came to the blinds, and threw them open, bathing the room in moonlight.
“You think you built this ‘suicide annex’ only for you?” Buffy asked, hysteria in her voice, “I’ll show you,” she said taking the knife and placing it against her heart, starting to push.
Just then, the room was awash in a swirling white light, as the knife was thrown across her room by a powerful force, as she was thrown back onto the couch.
“YOU WILL NOT DO THIS!” his voice said, within and outside her.
“Why not?” she screamed at him, “Why not?”
“You think I died so you could kill yourself?”
She didn’t answer.
“You have to live,” it said, gentler this time.
“Why? Everyone has their own lives now, I have nothing. Nothing,” Buffy said, looking into the light, trying to find him.
“You have you. YOU! You have your whole life ahead of you.”
She snorted.
All of a sudden she saw his form in the light, she jumped up, going up to him, “Spike,” she reached for his cheek, but her hand went through him.
“Buffy, I’ll always love you, but I can’t live for you, pet. That’s something you have to do for yourself. For me,” he started to fade.
“No, don’t leave me!” she cried out to him.
“Go downstairs now. There’s something you forgot, something for you. Go Buffy. Go and live!”
And then the light was gone.
“Spike!” Buffy said, crumpling to the ground, head in her hands.
She woke up a few hours later, to the sound of rain against the windows. She sat up, startled until she remembered where she was. Shivering against the cold, she closed the slats of the windows, made her way along the wall and went down the stairs.
It was dark downstairs; the fireplace was just about out. Buffy found some matches in the kitchen and lit a lantern that she found.
Wearily, she made her way to ‘their’ bedroom. She put the lantern on the night table and sat on the edge of the bed, then lay back. As she did her head hit something and she bolted up. She turned around to find out what it was, and then she saw it. The purple velvet box containing her lovebird necklace and the Shakespeare book that she’d given Spike. Tears fell anew, as she opened the box. She touched the lovebirds gently, then took it out, looking at it in the light. She remembered Spike putting it around her neck, more than once. His gentle hands…his hands.
Hands that fought her, punched her, caressed her, saved her, loved her, their hands catching fire, together.
She took the necklace in her hands and put it on. She would never take it off again. Never.
She lay down; clutching the book she’d given him to her, and cried herself to sleep.
END CHAPTER 5