Complement

IV – Return To Innocence

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If you want, then start to laugh ~ If you must, then start to cry ~ Be yourself don't hide ~ Just believe in destiny ~ Don't care what people say ~ Just follow your own way ~ Don't give up and use the chance ~ To return to innocence ~ That's not the beginning of the end ~ That's the return to yourself ~ The return to innocence - Enigma
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Faith closed her eyes and let herself remember the feeling of Buffy in her arms. She couldn't remember how many times she had dreamed of just such a moment. It didn't matter to her that it hadn't happened the way she had pictured it, all that mattered was how it felt. God it felt, shit she couldn't even think of a word to describe it.

Liar! Her heart of hearts whispered to her. She knew exactly how it felt, she was just afraid to admit it to herself. Once she did there was no going back. No more excuses. Admitting it would make it one hundred times harder to keep it to herself. The fact that Faith was determined that Buffy learn from her mistakes added to that fear. She knew there was a real possibility that when all was said and done Buffy might hate her.

But oh shit, it had felt so good! It made her feel a little giddy, which was ridiculous. But damn it felt like, like...

'NO can't go there!'

'Coward!!!'

'HUH?'

'You're a coward, just another thing you can run away from, too hard is it?'

'Shut up!'

'Fuck you!'

Oh great now she was having an argument with her own self. Her head definitely must have hit the ground harder than she thought. She was starting to feel like she was caught up in a 'Twilight Zone' episode gone bad.

If she was honest with herself she would admit that she didn't really believe for one minute that she and Buffy would ever be more than friends, 'Friends, oh but I want so much more,' she sighed in her mind. Or was it that she didn't want to believe it because it scared her? Hell, she barely knew how to be a friend to someone, let alone someone's lover.

'Whoa lover...'

Hell, she wouldn't even know where to start.

Still and all Buffy hadn't killed her this morning that had to count for something, didn't it? In fact, other than the slap she really hadn't hurt her at all. Well, her words had hurt, but it wasn't like she hadn't done all of those things. In fact, Buffy had thrown her own words back at her, the same words she had screamed at herself when she was in Buffy's body. There was still the undeniable fact that Buffy had spent the night in her arms! Had let Faith hold her, comfort her, keep her safe. Then this morning, before the world came crashing down, Buffy had been tenderly - lovingly? - caressing her cheek.

After all, maybe it wasn't so ridiculous to have hope. Maybe, just maybe they could get past, well the past. Forgive each other. Maybe they could be the Chosen Two again. Maybe Faith could show her that she had changed, that she was really sorry. She would take whatever Buffy had to offer, she wanted, needed to be a part of her life. Maybe they could start over, clear the air, be honest with each other.

'How are you going to be honest with her if you can't even be honest with yourself?'

'You again, go away!'

'Not gonna happen. You're a coward, always have been, always will be!'

'Fuck you OK. FUCK YOU!'

'Coward!!/b>

'OK, OK, you want to know how it felt. How it felt to hold her in my arms! I'll tell you, it felt, it felt it felt like...'

"Home." With that simple whispered word, Faith felt another of her well-built walls crumble. A freeing of a part of herself that had been caged for so very long. The beautiful smile that grew on her face, even god couldn't have stopped if she tried.

'Um, not to interrupt the moment or anything, but aren't you forgetting something?'

The fucking voice in her head was starting to annoy her. But it was right she was forgetting something, so with a sigh, Faith got up from the floor and almost fell.

'Holy shit, how long have I been sitting?'

She felt the pins and needles start to stab her up and down her legs.

'Hate these, hate these, oh I so hate these!!!'

She started doing that weird little dance that every single person who ever had their limbs fall asleep on them did. She caught sight of herself in the mirror...

'Soul-boy had a mirror? Weird.'

She started giggling at the image of herself like a two-year-old who suddenly discovered he had toes, and thought it was the funniest thing he had ever seen.

'Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,' she thought with each gingerly taken step she took towards the phone. Which of course, was on the other side of the room.

'Oh thank god,' she thought when she finally reached it and started giggling all over again. She picked up the phone and dialed the number she had come to know by heart.

"Hello?" The sound of the voice at the other end immediately sobered Faith up.

"Yeah it's me she knows I'm here..."
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Continued in Chapter V – Forget