Lost Memories

Goddess, what was she doing? Kissing someone who wasn’t Tara? Kissing someone who was sleeping with her best friend? Kissing Spike? The answer was D of course, all of the above. She couldn’t have Tara, so what? She’d settle for the first person to hold his hand out? HIS!? What was that about anyway? She was gay now. GAY! No boys allowed, besides Spike was a vampire. Not really evil though. He couldn’t even hurt a human now.

That was only because of the chip though, right? She wasn’t so sure about that, Spike had changed a lot after Buffy had died. He’d stuck around when he could’ve easily left them to their fate, and the way he looked after Dawn, well that was something. Really, she could do worse she supposed. Spike was sweet once you got past all the vampiry “grrr wanna rip your throat out” stuff. And for real, he was sexy as hell. Whoa, where did that come from?

She was pacing the sidewalk outside. He was sure she was going to walk a trench right in the middle of it. She was deep in thought with a very puzzled looked on her face. He’d thought she’d run all the way home. He’d only followed to see that she got there safely, he’d surely get up close and personal with Mr. Pointy if anything happened to Red on his watch. That’s what he told himself as he watched the redhead stalk back and forth.

Again, he found himself wondering what was going on in her head. Was she more upset with herself or him? They’d really done nothing wrong, but she wouldn’t see it that way. She was probably thinking about the slayer and Glenda right now.

“Spike, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what that was, but it shouldn’t have happened. I’m such an idiot. You’re being so nice, confiding in me, treating me like a real friend. But, here I am, throwing myself at you like…… like Slutty McSlut.”

Slutty McSlut? “’S alright luv, we’re both guilty. Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

“No, you should make me walk home by myself. Let me be dinner for the first hungry baddie that comes along.”

“Whatever you say, pet.”

“No, Spike, wait. Please walk me home?”

He grinned and took her hand. He wasn’t planning to let her go alone anyway. He’d have circled around and followed her without her realizing it. But, it was nice to hear her ask, and so politely too. Yeah, this was turning out to be a right fine night.

She walked with her arm through his, to the unaware observer she probably looked very relaxed. Truth be told, she was strung so tight she could hardly breathe. She didn’t know why she’d kissed him, but at the time it’s been the only thing she could do. That worried her, but not nearly as much as the fact that she wanted to do it again.

It felt good to walk with her like this. Felt better than being with Buffy, even better than being with his Dark Goddess. Honestly, no woman had stirred such human emotion in him since Cecily. Of course, he’d been human then, but now? Bloody hell, he didn’t love the chit did he? No, but the way it had felt to kiss her? He’d better be careful with this one, feeling like that could be hazardous to his sanity. Still…. It wouldn’t be so bad to kiss her just one more time.

As they neared the house on Revello Dr. his vamp senses were in overdrive looking for any clue that the slayer might be around. He didn’t want to see her tonight anyway, but possibly the last thing he needed was for her to catch him with Red. He didn’t smell her anywhere nearby outside, and the only heartbeats inside the house belonged to a few rodents.

“OK, well thanks for walking me home.” Willow stopped walking and turned to face him. “You’d better go. If Buffy’s home she won’t exactly be thrilled by our… togetherness. Well, I mean….. not together together, but as in here, in the same place, at the same time and not by accident- together.”

She was nervous, he liked that, and for the first time in a very long time, he was thrilled that it wasn’t fear making her feel that way.

“Not home pet, no one is. Think that means I can walk you all the way to the door.” Maybe even a little farther…..

“Oh, sure, ok, yeah, all the way to the door.” Goddess please help me behave myself.

He propped himself on the front of the house as she fumbled looking for her keys and unlocking the door. Would she run inside without a backward glance? Would she thank him for a lovely evening and slam the door in his face? Or could he possibly hope there might be more? He heard the lock click open, the moment of truth had arrived.

What should she do? On the sidewalk, she’d had it all figured out. Thank him for walking her home and say goodbye. Simple, but now? Standing in front of the door with him looking at her almost expectantly? Did he want to come in, or was he just waiting for her to get safely inside? Even more important, what did she want? She knew the answer to that one, even if it wasn’t sensible.

“Do you want to come in” She looked uncertain. About her offer, or about his reply?

“You sure pet? What about the slayer?”

Of course, how could she be so dense? He didn’t want to come in with her, he had Buffy.
He’d probably changed his mind about avoiding her tonight. He wanted to get back to his crypt in case she came looking for him.

“Oh right. She might be waiting for you. You’d better get back.”

What? She though he was worried about missing his slayer shag-fest?

“No, told you luv, don’t want to see her tonight. Though, I could probably deal with that little inconvenience if it means you might accidentally kiss me again.”

“Me kiss you? It was more like a mutual….. activity.”

“Yes Red, very mutual.” Well now, that was interesting. She hadn’t assured him it wouldn’t happen again. “Now, am I staying or leaving?”


Just so that there was no confusion about his desires, he placed one hand lightly on her hip and used the other to tilt her head up. He kissed her very softly. He let his face hover inches above hers. It was her choice, she could either push him away or return the favor.

His kiss was so gentle, even Tara’s kiss hadn’t felt like that, or at least never made her heart try to jump out of her chest.

She looked into his eyes for a moment that seemed, at least to him, to stretch into eternity. Finally she returned his kiss with a passion that consumed them. He burned so hot that he briefly wondered if he was in danger of bursting into flames.

Picking her up with one arm around her waist, he pushed the door open and carried her in without losing contact with her lips or her body. He closed the door behind them and pinned her to it. He wasn’t holding her with any real force, but she wasn’t trying to escape. He only pulled away when he realized her lack of oxygen had become a problem.

No, no, no, why did he do that? She wanted those lips back where they belonged, on hers. Oh, she needed to breathe, he wasn’t stopping, only trying to keep her from passing out. His mouth was on her cheek, her ear, her neck. A thick fog of desire was starting to cloud her mind. The only thought that fought it’s was to the surface was that they shouldn’t be doing this - here. They’d be less likely to get caught in her room.

“Spike” It came out much more like a moan than an actual attempt to say his name.
He continued kissing her and was now working his way along her collar bone.

“Spike, please…” Mmmm now he was back up to her jaw line and right there, in that perfect spot behind her ear. Goddess, that felt good. She had to stop him right now while her brain was still trying to function.

“Spike, you have to stop for a minute.”

He stopped kissing her suddenly, and tried to hide his disappointment. “Sorry luv, got carried away.” He tried to step away from her, but she grabbed him by the waist and held him in place.

“No, I wasn’t complaining, I was just thinking we should go upstairs.”