Time After Time Series

(Characters: Not ours, Joss' – we're just playin' with 'em)


(A/N: "Time After Time" an episodic series, released once every four to six weeks, or whenever the muse takes us. Spike and Xander are soul mates, and they’ve met time and again in past lives. Each episode will contain a full story/flashback to at least one past life together, as told by newly ensouled Spike. Each episode will be completely different. Sometimes they will be human, sometimes one or both will be vamps, etc... If and when there are character deaths, it will be in the past life only, not current life where they are talking/exploring the past.)

After they negotiated the ice barrier, Spike left the bridge. By the time he reached his quarters, his crew had recalibrated the security code on his door to override Xa'an's attempt to lock him out, and he easily entered.

Before the door even slid shut, a vase came hurtling toward Spike. Dodging it, he didn't even look at the mess it made on the floor. "Is this going to be a strange welcome ritual, then? I'll have to remember to stock up on vases," he drawled, as he brashly strode to the bed and leaned over Xander.

"Not naked... you don't take directions well. What I am to do with you?" Lifting him up in his arms and completely ignoring the struggles, he kissed Xa'an senseless, rubbing his arousal against his hip. It didn't take long for Xa'an to respond. The regrets of their earlier encounter still on his mind, this time Spike made sure to pleasure Xa'an, to treat him as gently as he could, until Xa'an himself made it impossible by demanding more.

Hours passed, and finally the heat cycle receded. Spike showered with Xa'an and dragged the tired boy off to bed, this time to sleep in the protection of his arms. They'd have to find time to talk, to really get to know each other. One more day of his heat cycle and it would be easier for them to do just that. Not that Spike had any intention of giving sex up for the rest of the month.

*

Xa'an woke up feeling much the same as he had the previous morning with some extra mortification thrown in. He got up and quietly got dressed, intending to get out of the suite without even looking at Spike. He didn't know what the Captain did to make him act like that but he didn't like it. What he liked even less was being laughed at, looked at, poked and prodded, and being the subject of people's ridicule. He'd been all that the previous day, all because of the smug annoying bastard.

He hadn't realized he was crying until he saw a teardrop plop down on the floor. Hastily wiping his eyes, Xa'an tried to work up the energy to up and leave. He heard a soft swish as the bedroom door slid open and looked up to see the very cause of his total humiliation standing in front of him.

"What do you want?"

"Good morning. I have breakfast ready and-- Are you crying? I forbid it," he strode over and cupped his chin, rubbing his thumb lightly over the boy's wet lashes. "I won't have you unhappy. Tell me what you want. Do my quarters displease you? Are you bored? Is it cabin fever? Has someone hurt your feelings? Tell me, so I can fix it," he demanded in rapid succession, hating to see his mate in distress.

"You're asking who hurt me? You're asking?"

Xa'an started laughing, taking shallow breaths between fits, laughing harder and harder until he wasn't sure he would ever stop. Spike wanted to know who hurt him. Didn't want him to be unhappy, he said. Wanted to fix it. Xa'an clutched at his stomach, laughing so hard he hurt.

The Captain saw no humor in the situation. None. But he was sharp enough to understand the implications. "In the circuit closet... I hurt you. I apologized... I do apologize for that," he put his palm on the side of Xa'an's face. Last night, the boy had said it hadn't been that bad. But then, he might have said anything in the throes of passion. "I don't think as straight as I should during heat cycle. It's no excuse, just a fact."

"Oh no...no, you started hurting me way before that. But you know? I was willing to let things go eventually, 'cause you're a warrior and they tend to be all gruff and stuff," Xa'an's tone was light and airy, as if he was talking about the weather, "but then you had to tell the whole ship you wanted to fuck me. Yeah, the whole ship knew I was on my way to get laid by their almighty captain. And they laughed at me. No, let's be honest here, they didn't all laugh, some of them snickered. They were very helpful you know, they even pointed me in the right direction when they thought I was going wrong. Yes...then the crew had to hear me scream. That was a laugh, wasn't it? Having your crew hear the new mate scream? Very fun for you I'm sure. Showed me exactly what my place is in here."

Xa'an turned his back to Spike, hugged his arms around himself and closed his eyes. "I want you to go now."

"Your place is at my side. Not behind me, not under me, but at my side," he answered firmly, putting his hand on Xa'an's shoulder. "The summons was no disrespect. To the contrary, I needed you, only you would do. Everyone knows we are mated, that I rely on you to help me regain control during my cycles. If they laughed, Xa'an, it was probably out of a sense of relief and their own embarrassment as to what used to happen before I was mated." He spoke softly, his voice smooth and reassuring as velvet. "I don't understand why no one has educated you yet about these matters, but I will get an answer from Bart."

"What are you talking about?" Xa'an didn't move other than to shrug Spike's hand off his shoulder. "You wanted me, you made sure you got me, there's nothing else to explain."

"And you have me, for better of for worse. Do you deny a warriors right to recognize and claim his mate?" It astounded him that Xa'an was still bothered by the honor of being chosen. "You've told me I'm not who or what you expected, but I was sure once we were bound, you would feel for me. I do love you, you know?" He gripped the Xa’an's shoulder again. "Won't you have breakfast with me? Talk face to face. I promise to keep my hands off you," he said, hiding a smile.

Xa'an turned his head so he could look at Spike. "D'you promise I'll be able to keep my hands off you? I know there's something you do to me."

"For now, yes. Xa'an, I cannot help what happens to you when it strikes me. It never occurred to me you don't... enjoy it." That was a blow to his ego, to say the least. "In another twenty four hours, we'll be free of it for approximately a month." He stepped away. "Certainly, I will try to exert more control. You understand though, now that we are bound, I cannot turn to anyone else when my need arises."

The Captain felt like a cad, and he didn't know why. This wasn't the usual reaction of one's mate. Nor had he ever heard of any psychic mates complain about a Traxidus warriors' monthly requirements. In fact, though there was much teasing about it, most thought of it as a very positive and desirable trait.

Xa'an sat up on the bed, staring intently at Spike. "What are you talking about? When what strikes you?"

"Don't you listen? I told you, the night of or our mating ceremony. I'm a Traxidus warrior... I go through heat cycles three days a month, did they really not review this with you?" He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, and strode across the room. He'd promised control, but talking about it could bring it on. Well it wouldn't, because he wouldn't let it.

"During that time, the urge to couple strikes me. The intensity of the urges increase as you get older. They were controllable in my early twenties, but of late..." he shrugged. "The way I usually handled it was to be sure we were either at my home planet, or at least docked at a space station where I could leave the ship during the three days. Of course, it wasn't always possible."

Giving up on his breakfast, he drew up a chair and sat. "There were times when we didn't make it to port and... well, without a bound mate, the pheromones I generate were general rather than specific to you. I can tell you there were a lot of crew members suddenly walking around with clipboards in front of their bodies, or rushing away from their stations at the oddest moments. It wasn't just the crew. I suppose it was quite a nuisance to them." He gave a low laugh. "A certain merchant's wife was thankful, though. She didn't mind a mid-day conjugal visit by her husband."

Xa'an sat there, staring at his mate until the information filtered through his brain. Then he stared some more. "So let me get this straight...three days a month I get to be all horny and with no control of my body because you're in heat and every single person on this ship will know that." Xa'an flopped back on the bed, feeling himself blush just at the thought. "Any other surprises I should know about?"

"I'm horny even when I'm not in heat." Spike let that information settle, before adding, "Especially when a certain good looking dark haired boy is waiting for me in my bed."

"But that won't affect me, right? I mean, I can say 'no' if I want, no pheromones going woosh and making me all wanty and needy." Xa'an's stomach picked that moment to growl...loudly. He cleared his throat and slowly got off the bed. "Maybe we should talk about this over breakfast. I didn't eat anything after lunch yesterday and the..." Xa'an's face tightened as he remembered, "...announcement interrupted even that."

"You're free to say no," Spike answered tightly, following him into the living room where breakfast was set up. One by one, he took the warming covers off the breakfast foods. "I hadn't counted on you finding me physically... unattractive," he said, watching Xa'an through hooded eyes. As far as he knew, it wasn't possible for one's mate to reject them so. Obviously, if he was wrong, then something would have to be done.

Xa'an's head snapped up and he looked at Spike speculatively. He'd sounded put out when he'd said that. "I never said you were unattractive," he said carefully, some part of him not wanting to hurt Spike. "I just like to have a choice."

"I see." He didn't. Not really. He'd been taught all psychics hoped and waited for their warrior. And if they were chosen and recognized, it was the culmination of their hopes and dreams. Had something gone wrong? It still felt right to him. It bloody well was right.

"Well, good. Now sit down and eat," Xa'an gestured towards the empty chair across from him and started putting food in his plate. He felt like he hadn't eaten in days! "About these heat cycle thingies, how long do we have 'til the next one strikes. Cause I gotta tell you, if you pull the announcement trick on me again I'll jump on the first shuttle out of here." Xa'an looked up and offered a tight smile.

Sitting down, Spike let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know. They strike when they want. I thought you would enjoy the freedom of roaming the ship rather than being tied to my side waiting for it to come."

"Oh no, I'd rather just wait it out in here. It's only one more day, right?" Xa'an looked at Spike, waiting for his nod of confirmation before he continued, trying to strike up a normal conversation. "So...erm...what's up? I mean, what are we doing on this ship?"

"My commission has a dual purpose, to hunt down war criminals, and to explore at will when we aren't tracking. Right now, we are in tracking mode." Reaching out, he punched the voice control on the table. "Open view screen." A wall panel lifted to reveal a view screen. "Access graphics of current targets on the planet Borda." He gave the required access codes and turned his head. "These men are responsible for the bloodbath at Terragon. It was a prisoner of war colony, it is a mass grave now. My brother died there," he added grimly. "That one and his cohort, the short one," he pointed at the pictures of some men armed to the teeth, "have made off into the mountains. The others are in the city. The city dwellers will be easy to locate and retrieve. Those two, I will track. They'll all be in the brig by Borda nightfall."

"Oh. It sounds dangerous..." Xa'an refused to admit to himself that that he was worried about Spike. Still, he looked at the pictures of the men and back to Spike, fidgeting a little in his seat. "Are you...do you have a good team behind you?"

"I'll drop most of the team off in the city, but I'll track those two myself, or with Zach. We're good in the mountains. Having a score to settle doesn't hurt."

"What? No! You're not going after him alone, they killed your brother, your judgment will be all affected!" Xa'an didn't even think before he reacted, fear for Spike's safety crashing through all the defenses he'd built up.

"I don't think so." Giving Xa'an an amused smile, he patted his thigh under the table. "After I leave, watch my biography. That will set your heart at ease." It wasn't a slip, he'd meant heart and not mind.

"You still need someone to watch your back," Xa'an insisted stubbornly. "I'm not letting you go out there alone and that's final!"

Spike watched him for a long moment, and relented. "I will take two with me. But you're to stop worrying. Instead, I expect you to put a nice celebration together for my return. Private... or public, your choice."

Xa'an blushed fiercely, his body immediately reacting to the images conjured by that thought. He was coming around to the guy thing, Tayra was gay and she was obviously very happy with it but still this was going entirely too fast for his peace of mind. "We'll talk about that when you get back," he mumbled, looking down on his plate."

"I meant dinner. Here, or at one of the restaurants on the merchants deck," Spike clarified, eyeing the boy's flushing face. "What you're thinking of, well... you know how much I love my dessert." Wiping his mouth, he got up and dropped a light kiss on Xa'an's forehead. No need to test how quickly he could bring on a cycle. "So you'll be here the remainder of the day? If I need you, I'll try to come here. If there is a glitch, I'll send someone for you. The whole ship won't know." He strode away and added, "only the bridge crew and security, and I'll forbid them from laughing."

*

Xa'an stood on the deck watching the planet below, waiting anxiously for Spike's return. Spike had been gone two weeks and Xa'an had been quietly going crazy. Nobody had told him that the bond would make him insane worrying about Spike's safety. Hell nobody had told him he was going to grow to like the arrogant bastard. They’d spent some time together before he left and when there was nobody around to see him, Spike somehow turned into a funny, kind guy and Xa’an loved that. But now Spike was gone and Xa’an was growing more and more upset. He’d tried using his powers to contact him but true to his history, he couldn’t break through. Stupid powers getting all wonky when I’m all involved with people he growled internally, still staring out towards the planet. Bart had told him that there was supposed to be a bond between him and Spike and he'd tried to use it to see how his mate was but no dice. All he got was static. He was stuck on the observation deck with most of the crew, waiting for Spike to come back.

He finally spotted the shuttle approaching and broke into a run towards the elevator, he needed to make sure Spike was back on board and okay. He skidded to a halt at the holding bay just as the door opened to reveal half a dozen persons all shackled up. Xa'an frowned at the back of the crowd, not paying attention to the prisoners as they were escorted past him, he was looking for a distinctive head of yellow hair but nothing caught his eye. He realized why when he saw Spike come into the room. His hair was matted and dirty, the brilliant platinum hue lost under layers of grime and what looked suspiciously like blood.

"What the fuck happened to you?" he demanded angrily, coming to stand next to Spike.

Spike lifted a finger, asking Xa'an for a minute, then turned around and barked his orders. The prisoners were to be secured in the brig and arrangements made for the prison barge to rendezvous with the ship and pick up the war criminals. Once he dismissed the others, Spike put his arm on Xa'an's shoulder and allowed himself to slump.

"They had a few tricks up their sleeve we didn't know about. Sophisticated weaponry. I stood in its way," he gave a pained smile. "Miss me?" Spike's gaze lingered on Xa'an's mouth, before he dragged them back up to his face.

"Where was your brilliant elite team when you were being shot at?" Xa'an asked angrily, reaching out to run his hands down Spike's body, searching for injuries, "We're going to the infirmary, come on." Too upset to care about the consequences of manhandling a warrior, Xa'an grabbed Spike's arm and started pulling him towards the elevator.

Spike cursed, both due to the unexpected sharp pain in his shoulder from the sudden tug, and because of his body’s reaction to the cursory inspection. He put an arm around his mate's waist, held him tight, forcing him to walk at a more comfortable gait. "Do not tell me they failed to follow my instructions on giving you a course on how to treat and greet your warrior," he teased, basking in his mate's anger. For once, it wasn't directed at him, but came from a deeper place.

"I don't follow instructions very well," Xa'an replied, keeping a steady arm around Spike as he led him to the infirmary. "Don't think we're not having a talk about the idiots you surrounded yourself with."

"It wasn't anyone's fault but mine that he managed to come up behind me. No need for you to come inside." Naturally, Xa'an didn't listen and breezed right into the infirmary with him.

A quick exchange with the doctor lead to the doctor cutting Spike's tunic off and shaking his head at the metal imbedded wound on his Captain's shoulder. "You should have transported back sooner, this could have festered."

"Just take it out. No need to alarm Xa'an more," he whispered, gripping the edge of the bed as the doctor began taking out the shrapnel after a quick exam told him no vital organs had been pierced. As usual, he'd foregone the anesthetic as it made him feel strange for long after its effects were supposed to wear off.

Xa'an paled at the doctor's words, growing even paler when he saw the bits of metal being pulled out of Spike's skin. He grabbed hold of Spike's hand, fingers tight around the palm as he swayed unsteadily.

"Aren't you supposed to give him something for the pain? You can't just start yanking things out like that!"

"Well you haven't listened to me in all the years I've followed you from ship to ship, maybe your mate will change your mind. You don't want him fainting, do you?"

"Just finish it," Spike's tough facade was belied by the squeeze he gave Xa'an and by the manner in which he gritted his teeth.

Giving an exaggerated sigh, the doctor continued the gruesome task, cleansing the area as he removed each piece of metal. "Hold still," he sprayed the wound to stop the fresh bleeding, and bandaged it. "Take care not to wet it... we can order a sponge bath..."

Spike raised his hand in a gesture indicated 'no,' but wasn't ready to speak yet as he waited for the waves of pain to recede.

"No exerting yourself either, for at least a few days. I'd say it's a good thing he's over with his heat cycle," he said, laughing and turning to Xa'an as if to share a joke.

"What did I say about laughing at him," Spike snapped, eyes hot with fury.

"I wasn't... oh come on Captain... you know..."

"Give the guy a break, Spike you're too hurt to yell at him," Xa'an turned to the doctor himself, he had a score to settle with the guy, "Poke me one more time with that meter thing and I swear I'm unleashing him on you during his heat cycle, before letting him touch me. And you!" he pointed accusingly at Spike, "don't think we're not going to talk about your high-handed stubborn ass when you get better."

"We'll talk about it later, both of you," Spike impatiently got off the table.

"Wait, Captain, I have several more tests to run..."

"You're through. I'll advise if there are any problems, Xa'an?" He put his arm around his mate for support and headed out of the infirmary, straightening the moment they were in the open corridors.

The fact that his torn tunic was flapping behind him didn't faze him one bit, but acting as if he was good as new was taking its toll. He knew he was leaning more and more on Xa'an. "Almost there," he said, as if reassuring his mate.

"Funny, I was going to tell you that," Xa'an grumbled, shouldering most of Spike's weight. By the time they got to their room, Spike was all but stumbling. Xa'an carefully lowered Spike to the bed, watching until he was sure the Captain wasn't going anywhere.

He hovered uncertainly next to him, not sure whether to lie down or leave, not even sure what he wanted to do. He'd started out hating the guy's guts but now...well now he looked so damn small and fragile lying on the bed there and Xa'an couldn't fight the bond anymore, couldn't fight the wave of tenderness towards his mate.

Spike gathered his energy. "Need to wash up. Can't very well celebrate like this, can I?" It would be several hours before he was in any shape or form to do any celebrating. He'd felt better before the doctor's bloody prodding and healing.

"You better mean just dinner," Xa'an said firmly, taking a step back towards the door. "I'll go get you a nurse. With that hole in your shoulder you're not gonna be able to take a shower," he continued, running out of the room, away from Spike and the feelings he kept bringing out in him.

The best he could do was muster a speculative look as his mate ran away. Again. He'd hoped that distance would make his heart grow fonder. If Xa'an had missed him only a quarter as much as Spike had, Spike might not worry as much. While planet side, he'd searched... tried to tune into Xa'an. Connecting with one's mate was supposed to be an intuitive skill, and yet... he'd been unsuccessful. Well that was true in the initial days. After he'd been injured, he'd intentionally blocked any attempts at psychic location.

Alone, and staring at the ceiling, he couldn't help but wonder, was something broken. Would Xa'an ever fully give himself over?

* * *

[present]

"So, true to form, you confused me further... blowing hot and cold for the next few days. You'd snuggle up to me, throw your arm over me, even touch me..." Spike's voice dropped an octave. "But when I wanted more, you'd run away."

"Well, you were hurt! I was obviously worried about your welfare. Didn't the evil doc say that you weren't supposed to have any strenuous activity?" Xander asked smugly.

"You're assuming I didn't have any," Spike responded, equally smug.

Xander visibly flinched, his hands tightening around the bottle. "You cheated on me?!"

The nonchalant shrug Spike gave was at odds with the rush of triumph at Xander's reaction. "Cheated a bit with my own hand, yeah."

"Oh...well...good!" Xander sat back, feeling decidedly flustered. "What happened next?" he asked, trying for a change of subject.

* * *

[Flashback]

Xa'an sat alone in the food court, dragging his spoon around the remains of a hot fudge sundae, looking like someone had nailed his puppy to the door. Ever since Spike had come back he’d started having stupid feelings for him. Spike was supposed to be an annoying smug bastard who went out of his way to take Xa'an's choices away from him. He wasn't supposed to be vulnerable, hurt and nice to everyone. He sure as hell wasn't supposed to be hard to resist. Xa'an had tried to get into Spike’s head over and over again but his blind spot was there as ever, stopping any contact between him and anyone he was involved with. He’d tried to logically work out what was going on, he’d even had a theory about a second heat cycle so he checked every book in the library on warriors from the clan Traxidus. There was only one heat cycle a month. Stupid books.

Bart peeked over Xa'an's shoulder, and then helped himself to a chair, grinning widely. "Finally coming around to learning about how to take care of your mate, are you? That's good, I'm glad it's getting easier on you. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? I'm psychic too, I've been waiting oh... much longer than you," he said with a nod.

"Yeah well, don't knock waiting, it's a hell of a lot less confusing than being picked. I'm trying to figure out what makes him tick, maybe then I'll be less confused." Xa'an slumped back on his chair, rubbing at his eyes, "So far I got nothing."

"Funny how the stars are always brighter on the other side. He told me I was high on his list of potentials, you know? I'm happy for you that he's linked to you, but there was a time when I hoped. I mean he's a captain, and he always knows what to do. Isn't that what you want in a warrior mate?" He cocked his head. It puzzled him, that Xa'an was so bothered by the Captain's controlling ways.

"Yeah I guess...it's just...I always thought she'dlisten to my opinion. Didn't even have to follow it, just listen. Now I get a guy who couldn't care less what I think so long as I act as his mate."

Xa'an lifted his hand, gesturing at Bart to stop his protest before he was even begun, "I know he's a nice guy, okay? Doesn't mean he's not an overbearing, high-handed bastard."

"I think you might be exaggerating, just a little. Anyway, do you have plans for after lunch? I'm done with my shift and I was thinking... something wrong?" Bart noticed Xa'an's expression change.

*

Spike looked at the planet stats and tried to think like the enemy. Where would they hide? "Give me a list of planet resources and--"

He turned at the sound of the doors hissing open behind him. Somehow he'd known it was Xa'an. "You don't have clearance to come to the bridge at will, at least not yet," he pointed out lifting an eyebrow as he teased. "Unless you're in heat?"

Xa'an was too focused on what he had to do to think of anything other than getting Spike to take him home. "We need to get back. I have to go home."

"You are home." Spike's tone was clipped, decisive.

"Fine, then I have to go back to Gaia! Spike I'm not discussing this I have to go!" Xa'an glared at Spike, seeing the overbearing, high-handed bastard he'd just described to Bart come to life before him.

"We will discuss this later, not on my bridge." Stars, what would he have to deal with next? Did the boy really think this was a taxi. That he'd get to see earth at the first signs of homesickness?

"Captain, incoming."

Spike's gaze lifted. "On screen. All non-essential hands to quarters. Please escort Xa'an to ours." Just like that, Spike switched everything off. The security of the ship and those aboard were his primary concern. That left no room to think about anything else.


*

It was dark, the climate control hadn't yet started to emulate daylight. Spike hadn't slept. How could he, with his mate hardly talking to him. Now that his shoulder was better, Xa'an would have had no excuse to keep avoiding intimacy, and yet... he'd conveniently found one. He was mad and pouting over Spike's refusal to turn back to earth… his beloved Gaia.

How did one find their mate, bind with them, and then lose them? It was inconceivable.

Silently getting out of bed and dressing as fastidiously as ever, he moved to Xa'an's side of the bed and sat down. For over a quarter of an hour, he stared at the sleeping figure. His reluctant other half. A warrior does not cry. Swallowing over a painful lump in his throat, Spike did it... he found Xa'an's wrist and uncuffed the bracelet that claimed him as mate. Hand shaking slightly, he dropped it on the nightstand and left the room.

By the time he reached the bridge, the announcement was filtering over the speakers. "We will be in orbit around Gaia in T minus 1 hour. Shuttles will be running. The Captain has granted twelve hours of shore leave to all non-essential personnel."

Xa'an was woken up by the announcement, a slow grin spreading on his face as he realized that Spike must have decided to help him. He jumped out of bed, intending to go thank his mate and explain why he needed to go. Last night he'd been too worried and angry to explain and when Spike had come in, demanding to know what that scene on the bridge was about, all Xa'an could do was repeat that he wanted to go home.

He tried to get to the bridge but without Bart to wave him through security he couldn't go anywhere near it. After his third aborted try he gave up and jumped on the first shuttle to earth. He'd talk to Spike later.

He didn't even notice that the bracelet wasn't on his wrist anymore.

*

When the shuttle went out of range of the human eye, Spike watched it onscreen. His face was drawn and forbidding. None of the skeleton crew remaining behind dared to speak to him. He didn't notice. All he knew was that a part of him had been ripped out, and it hurt more than any bloody shrapnel. It hurt more than even the knowledge he'd have to turn in his commission, now that he'd lost his mate. Long distance and dimensional jumping was out of the question for him.

He tried to smile. Tried to imagine Xa'an happy on earth, but he couldn't.

Waving his hand, he dismissed the rest of the bridge crew. They were in orbit anyway, there was no need for them, and he needed to be alone.

*

Xa'an ran through the Grand Infirmary as fast as he could, ignoring the security guards and nurses running behind him. He needed to get to Tayra. He burst through the door, and slowed to a stop in front of her. She looked worn and hopeless, her usually smiling face drawn and pale.

"I can't find her. It's like she's gone and I tried to reach out but I can't find her."

Xa'an put an arm around her shoulder, pressed a kiss against her hair. "Betcha we can do it together." Tayra smiled a little at the phrase. Xa'an would always say that, every time she told him she couldn't do something he would bet her they could do it and they always did.

"Promise?"

"On my soul. Tell me what happened." He spoke quietly, as if the figure on the bed could hear them... as if she'd wake up if they made too much noise. Tayra reached out and took a cold hand in hers, rubbing the skin, trying to cause some heat.

"She was looking at a new world. You know, she gets all excited about new plants? She'll squeal and bounce and babble like you used to when a new comic came out... sometimes I wonder if I love her so because she's a little bit like you. One of the plants, it wasn't as harmless as we thought, she got pricked by a thorn and now..." Tayra bent forward, long hair framing her face so Xa'an couldn't see how weak she was, how she'd cried until he got there. "The doctors say there's nothing wrong with her body, she's just not there and I tried the link but I can't find her."

Xa'an run his hand through Tayra's hair, repeating the gesture that had calmed her down so much when they were kids. "Okay...okay we just have to think on this. Have you tried amplifying your signal?"

"Yeah but still nothing, just a faint buzzing around my consciousness."

"You managed to reach me just fine and I was in a whole other dimension so it can't be you. Has anyone else tried reaching her?"

Tayra shook her head, "They think that if I can't find her through the bond then there's no hope for anyone else."

Xa'an got up and started pacing. He knew this, he'd seen it in one of the books he'd read when he couldn't find Spike through the bond. He knew this!

"Xa'an?"

"There was a book, on the ship, I'm trying to remember what it said. I thought Spike was hurt but...the bond can be blocked! I remember, I was so pissed off that Spike blocked himself out but then he was hurt and I forgot and...anyway, what if she was blocking you so you didn't know how much it hurt but now the signal's jammed? We could try putting both our energies in it, slam through her resistance."

Xa'an ended with a flourish, smiling triumphantly at a bemused Tayra. "Come on then, let's do this!"

*

Xa'an slumped back against the hospital bed, tired of arguing with doctors.

"Tay, please tell them I have to go. It's a psychic collapse, it happens all the time! I have to get back home, Spike is going to kill me."

"Sorry Xan, they're determined to keep you here overnight." Tayra smiled at him from her position in the next bed.

Xa'an let his head fall back on the pillow, one hand automatically going to play with his bracelet. He shot up on the bed, clutching his wrist in dismay.

"It's gone! My bracelet is gone!"

*

The First Lieutenant walked onto the bridge. "Captain, the shuttles are starting to make their way back. We'll be ready to leave orbit in two hours."

Spike nodded, leaning back and closing his eyes. "Dismissed for now."

Who knew why he was torturing himself, but over and over, he replayed the scene of himself freeing Xa'an from him. Of course it was only symbolic, there was no such thing as a divorce for the likes of them. But he'd done the unthinkable, let him go. It's for the better, he told himself. Despite what Xa'an thought, he certainly didn't want him under duress, or only during his heat cycles. From the day he'd settled on having him for a mate, he'd wanted him body and soul. Mere presence on his ship would not fit that bill.

*

Xa'an shifted nervously on the bed.

"D'you really think this'll work? He's going to kill me."

"No he won't, if he was kind enough to let that Bart guy think he was worthy of being chosen then he'll be kind enough not to kill you. Now go ahead and try it out."

Xa'an closed his eyes and concentrated on Spike, trying to reach out to him through the bond. Come on, this isn’t psychic, it’s the bond, don’t bail on me now, let me in. He pushed a little harder, and suddenly with a soft plop he was in.

Xa'an reared back, losing the connection and shutting down completely. "Oh my God, he thinks I left him!"

*

Spike felt a warm glow, the light brush of Xa'an's mind. His heart pounded as he experienced what he'd only heard about, a connection so deep, two people were one. Then it was gone, as if Xa'an realized they'd connected, and recoiled.

Gripping the arm rests, Spike fought the urge to go after him. To grab him and force him back to his side. "Sweet stars, how can he give this up?"

*

"Well let him know you haven't!" Tayra replied, looking about as alarmed as Xa'an felt.

"Okay, okay, here we go...Hope he's not too mad at me."

Xa'an opened up his mind, trying to channel his emotions to Spike, the same way he'd gotten Spike's in his own head.


*

Spike felt the second brush. This time, tugging at him, dragging him into some sort of emotional well. Bugger that. He slammed his mind shut, blocking, sealing it tight. He wasn't going to be foolish. He wasn't going to taste the mind drugging effects of their bond, only to lose it. It was enough that he'd tasted Xa'an himself, breathed him.
That even when they were at odds, he craved his presence. This would be foolish, and he wouldn't have it.

The crew started filtering in. "Are all the shuttled back yet?" he demanded.

"There are a few stragglers. And Sir, you mate hasn't--"

"Jump drive to the Omega galaxy the instant they arrive." He swirled his seat around and got up.

"But Captain!"

"You have your orders, Sir. If you can't follow them, you are relieved of duty." The silence followed Spike off the bridge, clung to him all the way to his quarters.

Suddenly, the place that had been his solace, now only reminded him of how cold and lonely it was without his mate. It was the first day of the rest of his life. He drained a glass of wine, then smashed the glass against the wall. Wonderful. Now he was even acting like his missing mate.

*

"He kicked me out."

Xa'an looked about as shocked as he felt, his face nearly the colour of the hospital sheets.

"Try again." Tayra insisted for the fourth time.

"He kicked me out."

The only way Tayra knew to get Xa'an out of a funk like this was to make him angry. "Stop saying that! Try again! He's not supposed to do that, he left you no choice again, Xa'an. Are you going to let him get away with that?"

"I know what you're trying to do Tay, it's not going to work."

"I bet he's out there right now checking out other choices for a mate. I bet he's going to pick that little blond chick you were so jealous of. Or maybe that Angel guy."

Xa'an sat up, colour flooding into his cheeks. "He is not!" He channeled every last bit of energy he had to mentally lambast Spike for even thinking of doing that.

Listen to me you annoying high-handed arrogant son of an intergalactic whore, you are not leaving this place without me! Get your fucking ass down here and get me out of this place or I swear to God I'll break every single vase in your rooms. Which I'm going to redecorate by the way, in every colour of the fucking rainbow. And if I so much as see a single picture of Angel in the screen I will find him and cut off his manly parts do you hear me you rat?!

Having exerted all his energy in that last pulse, Xa'an fell back on the bed in a dead faint.

*

Spike blinked.

Ten minutes later, he'd reversed his prior orders and was drawing a lot of odd looks as he strode to the shuttle bay and refused to have anyone else pilot the shuttle. They were going to have it out, once and for all. Focused on that objective, he sought and found Xa'an's mind path and followed it. It was easier now, but he didn't ponder the why's or how's.

"Visiting hours are over... Sir!" The guard saw the blond's rank, and the cold look in those eyes and decided not to make a scene. Let him go visit his girlfriend or whatever, why risk a fight?

Quick strides ate up the corridor until Spike stopped and unerringly entered a room with two beds. He didn't care about the women, but there lay his mate soundly asleep. In two strides, he was at Xa'an's side and hauling him up hard against him. "What do you think you're doing here? You're not sick, you don't belong here," he said, shaking him, frustrated beyond belief that the guy could sleep at a time like this.

Xa'an drifted awake, muttering quietly. After a big psychic burst he always slept for at least twelve hours otherwise he was more like a zombie than a person. He blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Spike? You're here? It worked?" he asked, yawning loudly. "Good." Xa'an snaked his arm up Spike's torso, bringing his face close to his mate as he reached behind the blond. He grabbed the vase sitting at the side table behind Spike and brought it down on his head with as much energy as he could muster. "This is for kicking me out and deciding I wasn't coming back," he growled, suddenly wide awake and furiously angry. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Shocked, Spike hadn't had time to dodge this time. And damned if the back of his head didn't hurt. Flicking the broken shards off his shoulder, he brought his face close to Xa'an's, equally angry, only it was a controlled anger. With his strength, it had to be. "Stop toying with me, I won't have it. I gave you what you want... what you've demanded from the first day we crossed paths. Your freedom. Your planet. To be away from me. It's unheard of, but I gave it to you. Now you will give me something back. Your promise to stay out of my head, to stop taunting me with things that won't ever be."

"What are you talking about? The one thing you never gave is freedom! You gave me less than an hour to adjust to getting bonded to you! You decided to use a proxy in my place! You didn't even let me choose the fucking degree I wanted to do. And oh, let's not forget your heat cycles, the ones everybody knew about but me. Ever think of giving me a chance to get used to all this? Huh? I wasn't even gay before I met you!"

"I don't want to hear about your other conquests, spare me that," Spike said, flashing a dark look toward the girl contently laying in bed and watching their argument. Yeah... he'd bet she couldn't wait for him to leave. "You are free Xa' luv," he lifted the boy's left hand and kissed his inner wrist, which should be covered by the missing bracelet. "Free from me, but not from this... you'll never be free from this, and neither will I," he said, his voice thick with emotion as he pulled his mate into his strong embrace one last time, taking his mouth, kissing him, tasting him, making love to him with his tongue and with his hands, memorizing how he felt, how he smelled, how he made his blood rush. "This is one ache you will always live with, and so will I. And not even she can take it away," he broke away.

Mouth swollen. Body protesting the separation. His soul already trampled, Spike gave a curt nod. "Keep out of trouble," he started for the door.

"What the hell are you on about?" Xa'an yelled as he jumped out of bed. Or at least as he tried to jump out of bed. Still a little bit unfocused from his psychic efforts he stumbled on the sheets and feel down on his face.

"Ask him for help," Tayra whispered as Spike stepped out of the room. "Trust me on this, he's a warrior, just ask for help."

"Fine, but it better work," he hissed, putting on his most helpless face before he yelled for Spike.

Spike had taken all of four or five strides when he stopped cold. One part of him said it was time to make a break, now or never. Another, stronger part, so deeply engrained that he could not ignore it, forced him to determine what was wrong... to do everything in his power for the comfort and well being of his mate.

Returning, he lingered at the door, staring questioningly at his mate. "You are not sick, I would have felt it." Yes, he would have, because the bloody bond was finding just this moment to start strengthening.

Xa'an sat back on the floor and looked up at Spike babbling for all he was worth. "I know that I'm not sick, I just got a bit tired helping Tayra get her mate back and now the doctors won't let me out. Then I lost my bracelet and I couldn't find it but I thought maybe you could get me a new one. And I tried to tell you that but you wouldn't listen
to me and then she said you'd probably find someone else and I got upset and yelled at you but that kinda knocked me out for a while and now you're here and you're not getting me out! Why aren't you getting me out?"

He was stunned. No, that was an understatement. "You want to go...home?" With me, he wanted to ask. He tried to squelch the flicker of emotion throwing him off balance.

"Well...yeah. Unless you don't want me to?" Xa'an asked, unsure of his reception for the first time since he met Spike.

Was an answer really required for that question? Spike didn't think so. He hauled Xa'an off the floor and into his arms, refusing to allow him to squirm out of his grip. "I know your paranoia of long hallways and laughing people. Close your eyes and you'll be in the shuttle soon." Despite the brash words, Spike was smiling as he took his mate out of that room, never giving a thought to the female they left behind. Various hospital personnel rushed towards them. Nurses, doctors, even guards. Spike pretended they weren't there, bowling right though some of them and using Xa'an's legs shove them out of his way. They wouldn't dare to shoot, and he wasn't about to go through an hour of check out procedures.

Xa'an waved goodbye to Tayra, grinning triumphantly over Spike's shoulder. He was going home! He tried to ignore the weirdness of being so easily carried by a guy slimmer and shorter than him and concentrated on not looking at the people they were passing.

"We're still going to have to talk about your controlling arrogant smug bastard side okay? Soon as I get some rest. You're damn hard to reach, kinda wiped me out."

"I'm sorry. Letting you go was the hardest thing I've done. I was... afraid to learn what I'd be missing." He crossed the parking lot and reached the clearing where the shuttle waited. The door slid open and then they were inside.

He set Xa'an down, but held him around the waist. "Before we take off. This is your choice? To make your home, and your life, with me?" Lowering his voice, he added. "I could ask for no greater gift."

"My choice yes. Fair warning though, I'll be making a whole lot of those. Including coming with you on your next assignment." Xa'an crossed his arms over his chest, looking as determined as he could.

"Exploration trips, yes, I planned to take you anyway. Armed conflict, not a chance in a million moons." His voice was equally implacable. "I won't put you at risk, and I cannot do my work if I'm worrying about you."

"And I can't sit on the ship and go quietly mad while I wait for you to come back." Xa'an countered. "I'm going whether you like it or not."

"I will allow you to connect and see what is happening," he answered, as if the matter was settled. "Trust me to come home to you."

"You I trust, it's your stupid back up team that let you get in the way of a gun that I don't trust." Xa'an glared at Spike, very clearly stating that the matter was not settled. "I'll let you train me," he offered, "and I'll be very careful and cautious and all that crap."

Spike's grip on the guy tightened, refusal was on the verge of his tongue. "Two years training, full warriors courses, then you may come."

"Keep the link open while you're gone and you have a deal," Xa'an replied, grinning at Spike.

"My shoulder is a lot better. Think we can celebrate now?" The innuendo was thick in his voice, as Spike sat and started to strap himself in, never taking his gaze off Xa'an.

Xa’an secured the safety belt, growing serious. “I was kinda hoping…I mean, I like you and I think it’s turning into more but…it’s still too fast.”

Spike leaned his head back against the headrest and took a deep breath. "I don't understand that. I want you so bad it... no I want you to want me so bad, it's killing me. We're bound, we're mated... and you want time and space. It's unheard of." A muscle twitched in his jaw.

“It took me five months to pick an apartment. One year to decide what I wanted to do for college, three more years to be sure I picked right. I’m sorry if I displease you Captain but I can’t help the way I am and I need time to make choices.” Xa’an kept his voice low but it was still vibrating with tension and once again he was near tears. They were right back where they started and he was tired and achy and wanted to go home, damnit!

He felt his mate's distress like waves of emotion, choking him up. "Don't cry... please don't." It was all wrong, and it was all right.

Indecision was not an emotion Spike was familiar with. In war, you didn't take months or weeks, or even hours to decide. The problem or issue was before you. You decided, and plowed forward. But Xa'an wasn't like him. And if he insisted... even if he didn't lose his mate, he might break him. That wasn't what he wanted.

"You will have your own quarters. You will have dinner with me every night and show up at official occasions at my side. Other than that, you are free to ... to do whatever it is have to in order to recognize what is best for us. Heat days excepted."

He'd be a laughing stock. The warrior who couldn't attract his mate. That wasn't the difficult part. Keeping his promise and not changing his mind would be the hard bit.

Xa’an sighed and shook his head at his mate. “Always have to go to extremes don’t you. I don’t want my own quarters. I just want some control back. So…no sex until I’m ready for it, dinner every night is good, no bossing me around. I get to decide what to do with the rest of my life.” He looked at Spike, wanting him to see he meant what he said. “I do want you. I’m just not…comfortable with that yet.”

Spike flipped the switches and waited for the power bar to move. "You want a play mate. Nursery is on the merchants’ level."

“Fine. Give me my separate quarters then. I’ll see you on your next cycle,” Xa’an snapped, turning his head away.

Pushing the thruster lever with more vigor than necessary, Spike had the shuttle ascend at the fastest speed possible. It wasn't a graceful exit from the atmosphere. It was obvious that whatever he said was just antagonizing Xa'an, so he kept his thoughts to himself. When they got back, he'd have to ask the doctor whether it was possible for a male to go through the emotional cycles that women went through during their time of flux!

* * *

Xa’an hovered outside his…no, Spike’s quarters, trying to work up the courage to knock on the door. On the one hand he was angry at Spike, how dare he call him a child! On the other hand…he just wanted to go home. One week in his new room and all he wanted to do was go home. Except of course, Spike being the smug arrogant stubborn bastard that he was, he would probably just send Xa’an to the nursery again.

A knock. There was only one person on this entire ship who would knock instead of using the announce panel.

Spike left his virtually untouched meal and opened the door. If his face was drawn, or his features gaunt, more austere, it had everything to do with the man standing at his door. "Xa'an." He licked his lips and drank in the sight of the man he'd dreamed of night after night.

“Spike,” Xa’an started to speak then trailed off, not knowing what to say. Spike looked tired and sad and Xa’an wanted to make things better but he didn’t know how.

"Xa'luv, do you need something?" Realizing he was standing in the doorway, he made room, just in case.

“See, you keep asking that but then you get upset and yell at me and we’re back to where we started.” Xa’an made no move to enter the room, still hovering outside uncertainly.

"A warrior doesn't yell," he said the words by rote. He lowered his eyes to hide the depths of his feelings. "We just seem to have an opposite view of everything. I whisper, you hear a scream."


"You yell and I hear you yelling," Xa'an countered, glaring at Spike for a moment before dropping his eyes, hand coming up to rub them. "Can't we just...I don't know...get along? Is it so hard to not get mad at me?"

"No." Spike turned his head to stare directly at some crew members who'd slowed down as they passed his quarters. That lead to some double quick leaving action.

"Well...okay then." Xa'an shifted nervously from one foot to the other, "Think you could do that, the not-mad thing, and explain to me why the erm...not having of...ah...sex is so big a deal?"

"Is this the part where you tell me you've decided we can just be friends?" A bitter laugh escaped the Captain. Never... not in a trillion years would the thought have crossed his mind that his mate would want nothing physical from him. "Is that what you would have
asked of the female warrior you dream of?"

"What? No! I mean, yes, if she was anything like you then yeah. I didn't say I wanted us to just be friends, I...excuse me a minute," Xa'an took a few steps to his right and glared at the ensign standing around the corner. "Do you mind, we're having a private conversation here." He glared until the clearly frightened man apologized and left
before going back to stand in front of Spike. "I never said I want to just be friends," he repeated, "I said I wanted to get to know you before we went all groiny. Heat cycles excepted because no way in hell are you having anyone else."

"You should come in, if you don't want them talking more than they are already." His mouth flattened when Xa'an didn't move. "Unless my recollection is faulty, I suggested meeting for dinner and promised to leave you to your... to yourself the rest of the time. I don't know what you want from me. I don't. All I know is I..." he swallowed, fought the urge to look away. "I miss you... your laugh... from those moments when you forgot what you're doing here."

"All I wanted was a couple of weeks and you moved me to another room!" Xa'an protested, taking a step inside the room. "I kinda miss you, too," he confessed after a brief hesitation.

But not enough. Spike thought the words Xa'an didn't say. "Asking to sleep in my bed and telling me not to touch you is asking the impossible. That, or another reason to hate me." Spike pressed the release button and the door slid shut. "Don't worry, I've de-vased my quarters."

"I wasn't going to throw any vases," Xa'an pouted. "Never said not to touch me. I said no sex! What is it with you Traxidus people and sex? I want you too, doesn't mean I can't control my self for a couple of weeks."

"Why?" He didn't keep the anguished tone from his voice. "Why do you have to control yourself if you.... I need a drink, do you want something?" He broke away and went to the wet bar. Back turned to Xa'an, he struggled for control. Not the sort he had when he captained the ship, because he was sure the unbending strength and decisiveness he exhibited under pressure was all wrong for this situation.

Xa'an took a deep breath, tried to calm himself. Yelling at Spike wouldn't do any good. "Now don't get mad but...since you showed up, I haven't had any control over myself. You even hijacked my body with those cycle things. I just...I just want to make sure that I want you. Is that so damn bad?" Despite his best efforts his voice showed all the tension he was trying to suppress.

"Bad... no. Extraordinary, inconceivable, unheard of, yes." He knocked back a measure of the most potent drink in the bar, then poured again. This time he added a glass for Xa'an. Leaving it on the bar, he crossed the room and leaned against a far wall. He raised his glass in salute. "Sometimes it's knowing when you've won, that's the trick, yeah?"

"But I didn't. I..." Suddenly it was too hard to keep this argument going on. Spike would never understand and Xa'an would only get to be more alone than he already was. Fine. You win. I'll move back in, we can fuck like bunnies. Things can go all normal-like for you," he said miserably, turning to go get his stuff.

"No. I don't want to fuck like a rabbit. I am not an animal, despite what you might think. I've fucked hundreds of men and women, but I've only made love to one. Just my luck, he doesn't know the difference." Therein lay the problem. He took another long drink, letting it burn all the way down.

"You're not going to blame me for ruining your life, I won't let you. Now stop vacillating to please me. I've already said you don't have to get... groiny with me," he gave a
shudder at the language he was picking up.

"Hundreds? There have been hundreds?" Xa'an yelped, glaring at Spike. "When did you have time for hundreds? Oh you are so not getting out of my sight again. Gimme that," Xa'an stomped over to Spike, grabbed his glass and gulped the rest of the contents down, sputtering and coughing the moment it burned its way down his throat.

In an automatic gesture to steady him, Spike put his hands on Xa'an's back and abdomen. The heat of Xa'an's body seeped through the thin material of his tunic. Suddenly every nerve in Spike's body was fully aware of his mate. Dropping his hands to his sides, he strove to answer the question.

"Well I am almost thirty." Seeing no light of understanding dawn in Xa'an's eyes, he added. "That's twelve heat cycles a year, each lasting three days, starting from when I was thirteen... and without my matched mate, that means practically constant sex for that time period. As for off-heat periods," he cleared his throat. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not completely sexless."

"No? Really? You don't say?" Xa'an leaned back against the bar, crossing his arms over his chest. "This is what we're going to do. I'm moving back in. You're going to be your own smug annoying bastard self and I'll probably throw stuff at you every couple of days. I get to initiate all and any se-love making, and isn't that a girly way for a warrior to speak, unless you're on a cycle and that is that," he concluded, looking at Spike expectantly. "Oh and you're never ever touching anyone else. Ever. Just 'cause I have groiny issues doesn't mean I'm not the sole owner of all that." He gestured
towards Spike briefly before going back to his previous stance. "Well? Deal?"

"A warrior does not cheat on his mate, no matter what. It would be dishonorable." In letting Xa'an leave and go back to earth, Spike had thought he was confining himself to unrelieved tortures of the flesh for the rest of his life, and was stung that Xa'an would think he would ever break their binding vows. "You are the ... sole owner of
all that my body can offer," he confirmed. "But no. I don't want your deal. I don't want you to settle for me." Call it settling, or jealousy...in either case, it wasn't what Spike wanted.

Walking away, even if it was only to the bar, was the one of the hardest things Spike had done. He turned and locked gazes with his mate. "When I see you, all I can think of is that you are the culmination of all my desires. You're the one I want to prove my
warrior prowess to, the one I want to succeed for. I don't care what others think, I don't care about the honors they bestow. I care about what I see in your eyes... having you be proud of me, share in my victories. I have loved you, not only in body, but with my heart and soul... since the day I knew you were the one." His voice grew hoarse with emotion. He wouldn't acknowledge that it shook. "Do you want to know what I want? I want you to see me the same way. To make love to me, because you want to, not because it's expected. To share your life with me, because I am as much a part of you as you are a part of me. I don't know Xa'an... I don't know why it isn't so for
you. I've consulted all the books on lore, contacted my clan, and the answer is
always the same. If I recognized the right mate, then my mate will recognize me. I have not made a mistake. I don't understand this."

As an unfamiliar wetness crept down his cheeks, the Captain was appalled and quickly wiped away the unexpected tears. "You have a lot to think about and should go. Have dinner with me tomorrow," he said, dismissing Xa'an before he made a fool of himself.

Xa'an stared incredulously at Spike, "You really think I'm settling? I don't...fuck...look Spike, I...okay...I tend to babble a lot but I'm not good with the explaining. I mean obviously because you didn't get that I do love you. I do! I didn't at first but then I did and I do and you left and I was so scared you weren't coming back but then I got more scared because you did and do you even hear yourself when you're ordering me about? The love didn't come through let me tell you. I thought you just picked me out of a list, 'I'll take that one, he won't clash with my furniture'. You never said all the other stuff.
I just wanted to be sure...You really feel all that?" he asked softly, looking hopefully at Spike.

"Xa'luv, you're supposed to be able to know what I feel. Don't you?" He cocked his head.

Xa'an blushed, he'd been hoping to avoid having this discussion. "I have a bit of a blind spot. I can't read people I've...erm...had sex with. Not til after I, ahem...stop. Doctors poked and prodded a lot, they said it's no big deal, my powers work just fine otherwise so they didn't put it on record. So yeah, no problems, so long as I don't sleep with the enemy," he laughed nervously.

"Can't you read me now? We haven't had sex in... eight days, nine and three quarters hours, giver or take a few minutes."

Xa'an shook his head, "It's not about time, it's about how things are and moved out or not I'm still with you. Unless you open up the bond, you'll always be the only person I won't ever be able to read which is very frustrating let me tell you. Why do you think I read all those books on your people and the bond?"

"Well... I'm the one who likes strange and exotic things..." he eyed his mate who appeared to now be 'different' for more than one reason, and then sat down heavily on a chair. Taking a breath, he made a concerted effort to open up his thoughts and feelings. Something he'd always assumed that Xa'an was already privy to and had rejected.

Xa'an let out a gasp as slivers of emotion started trickling towards him, he sat down heavily on the floor, reeling from the intensity of emotion revealed. He'd caught a glimpse of it last time he'd used the bond to contact Spike but it'd been so brief and he'd been kicked out so totally that he hadn't seen all this. He stayed where he was even after Spike had retreated, struck into immobility by all he had felt.

"I have struck you speechless. Hopefully not with horror," the Captain said, with a self deprecating laugh. He crossed the room and helped Xa'an up. If his nose and mouth ghosted over the guy's throat and lingered for a few seconds as he breathed in his mate's intoxicating scent, it wasn't intentional. "Come on, I'll get you to your quarters. This has been too much for you." Another cold, bleak night of loneliness awaited him, but he would deal with it. As he had these many nights. He lifted Xa'an up, and headed for the door. "Do you want me to order the corridor cleared so you aren't seen being carried?"

"What? No!" Xa'an immediately threw his weight downwards, making things as awkward as he could, but still Spike was holding on to him. "You're doing it again, you're not giving me time to adjust and you're making all the decisions," he protested, throwing open the bond and pushing everything he felt for Spike across.

Spike initially felt Xa'an's anger at being told where to go and what to do. Brushing past that silliness, as he'd never do anything against his mate's best interest, he felt a rush of emotion. Emotion deep, and true, and focused on him. Love. Fear of being made to leave. Of spending another night alone. And there was more. It had Spike smirking. "Of course you may kiss me, didn't you say I belong solely to you?"

Xa'an poked Spike's shoulder, "Let me down first. And get me a vase, you're being smug annoying bastard again."

Spike put him down... ever so slowly, letting Xa'an's body scraped along his own until the boy stood on his feet. His gaze lingered on Xa'an's mouth. He knew first hand how swollen those lips could get. Just the thought of how Xa'an looked after they made love sent a rush of heat to his core.

Xa'an groaned and closed his eyes, trying to retain a semblance of calm. "You know that space thing? Kinda less confused now so never mind that, okay?" he mumbled, leaning forward for a kiss.

"What space thing?" Spike murmured inches from Xa'an's mouth, before closing the gap. One long, hungry kiss followed another. Between kisses, Spike backed Xa'an up against the wall, claimed him with every press of his body. With his hands, he stoked as many fires as he could. Tugging Xa'an's tunic open, rubbing his calloused palms across the guy's chest, down his stomach, and skimming softly over the growing buldge in his pants. When he felt Xa'an push back against him, he looked up. "You are free to say no."

Xa'an pressed against Spike's hand, chasing the sensation. He frowned as he focused on the words...he was free to say 'no'. Xa'an's eyes widened and he immediately took a step back, breaking all physical contact between him and Spike.

"Just so we're clear, this is not hormone-driven or cycle-effects or anything like that," he said, more a statement than a question. He waited for Spike's nod before he stepped forward, arms going around the blond to pull him close. "Good. Now, kiss me."

"Kiss you where?" He dropped a light kiss on Xa'an's forehead. Then pressed a warm, moist kiss against his ear. Then several feather light ones at the very corner of his mouth, moving away every time Xa'an tried to deepen the kiss. "Or here?" Spike gave him a closed mouthed kiss and moved away just as Xa'an's tongue chased him. Chuckling, he put his own tongue out, curling it mid-air around Xa'an's, stroking it, withdrawing and moving away every time the guy tried to either suck him into his mouth, or delve his tongue into Spike's.

Xa'an growled in frustration and shoved Spike back against the wall, his hands coming up to frame his face and keep it still. "Don't move," he whispered and laid one, two, three soft kisses on Spike's lips, licking and nibbling on them. "Tastes good," he hummed and came back for more.

His mate could be a tiger, he'd known it all along. Spike let him take the lead, enjoying the exploratory kisses full of sweetness. It was different and nice, having more control over his reactions and needs of Xa'an than when he was in heat and searing desire guided his every move.

And his mate caught on quick! Was he teasing with the shallow kisses? Spike gave a mock growl, but let him be. Other than shoving both hands under his tunic and slowly exploring Xa'an's back.

Xa'an stopped kissing Spike long enough to drag his tunic up and off, coming back for more the minute the garment cleared his head. "Clothes, off, now," he murmured against Spike's lips, reluctant to leave that taste even if it helped him get more.

Spike chuckled. "Next you'll be wanting me to call you Captain." Heated gaze skimming up and down Xa'ans body, he started undoing his jacket.

"Oh, I like that," Xa'an grinned, quickly shucking his trousers and reaching out to help Spike with his own clothes. He started unbuttoning the jacket but somehow he got lost on the way and ended up pushing his hands under it to tease and tug and Spike's nipples. "Wanna taste, hurry up..."

"You can taste me all you want Xa'luv." The hunger in his mate's eyes had Spike's gut clenching with anticipation. Free of his clothes, he stepped forward and quickly brought their bodies together. His cock surged against Xa'an's thigh, stars but he wanted to drag Xa'an's hand to his shaft. Afraid that it would only remind his mate that he was a man, he took another course... decided to drive Xa'an to distraction.

Lowering his head, he skimmed his mouth over Xa’an's throat, lingering over a pulse point, then moving lower. His hands never ceased exploring, finding all of his mate's secret hot spots, listening and feeling his reaction, reveling in his perfection.
"You're beautiful... every part of you."

"That's...oh yeah...that's good, don't stop that," Xa'an moaned as Spike's fingers pressed and tickled, skimming over his body, giving him everything he'd ever wanted. "No wait, stopstopstop," he batted at Spike's hands pushing them off him, "bad hands! Distracting me like that." He stepped back and moved towards the bedroom, muttering about evil sexy hands, expecting Spike to follow.

"Stop, yes.. no.. stop?" His mind and body hazy with lust, Spike slowly followed, trying to puzzle out when 'yes' became 'no'. Trying to catch his breath, he stood in the doorway, staring at his mate. Did he need some more bed side coaxing, or was it something else.

Xa'an came back, grabbed Spike's hand and dragged him to the bed. "What's taking so long, I wanna taste." He pushed Spike back until he landed on his back and straddled his hips, staring down happily. "Been wanting to look too, you never let me look."

"You can look your fill. I thought you were scared of..." His mate was confusing in the best of circumstance. But now, laying under him, basking in his smiles, the Captain gave up thinking. He slid his hands up Xa'an's thighs, throwing his head back at the shock that ran through him when Xa'an clenched his thighs. "Look quickly," he
amended, running his hands behind Xa'an, cupping his ass and dragging him slightly up his body.

"Wasn't scared, was confused," Xa'an clarified, reaching out to touch Spike, starting at the shoulders and slowly exploring downwards. "Feels nice," he commented and leaned down to taste, licking a trail down from Spike's collarbone to his nipple.

"Yes... feels very nice." Shuddering under Xa'an's ministrations as need curled tightly in his stomach. The need to be touched. To kiss and be kissed. To rock his erection against Xa'an. And yet he held still, let his lover do things his own way.

Xa'an smiled against Spike's skin and kept on tasting along, licking and nibbling up and down, moving around until he'd covered all of Spike's torso. He decided he loved hearing Spike moan and that the vibrating thing he did when he tried not to move was
just amazing. He leaned up to kiss his mate, exploring his mouth as deeply as he could, wanting every little taste he could get. "You can move you know, you can even return the favour if you want," he said, grinning down at him.

"You're... relinquishing the con, then?" In a fluid motion, Spike rolled them over, reversing their positions, and chuckling at Xa'an's shocked reaction when his hand accidentally brushed against the guy's cock. "So, I can touch you... and taste you... where would you like me to start?"

"Oh...anywhere is good," Xa'an said breathlessly, gasping as Spike took his words to heart and seemed to touch everywhere at once. Unlike his mate, Xa'an didn't fight to stay still or quiet, writhing and arching into Spike's touch, letting him know what felt good.

Every stroke, every lick, every little touch earned Spike a response from his mate. A low groan that spoke of desire. And insistent thrust seeking pleasure and relief. The little 'pleases' that threatened to drive Spike mad, as he worshipped every limb, every part of Xa'an's body. Finally, he reached for the guy's shaft, biting his lips when he noticed how the guy's eyes glittered with fever... a fever he'd stoked. No hormones, no heat, just him. The ache in his own belly deepened. He wanted to be inside Xa'an so bad, it hurt. Giving a frustrated cry, he lowered his head, and took Xa'an's cock in his
mouth. At first he teased with his tongue, but when a desperate hand clamped the back of his head, he started to suck, lips clinging tightly to Xa'an as he moved ever faster up and down his length.

"Oh God Spike, if you stop I swear I'll kill you." Xa'an thrust up, eyes trained on Spike's mouth, taking him in so beautifully. They'd never done this before, it had always been rushed, Spike needing relief and Xa'an providing it but now, oh God now it was so much
better. His mate looked up at him, blue eyes hazy with desire for him, just for him and Xa'an arched up, head slamming back against the pillow, his body taut as a bow as he came.

Spike continued to lathe and comfort Xa'an until the shudders subsided. Slowly, Spike crawled up Xa'an's body, and found his mouth. "I love Xa'an. I'm glad you came." He gave a soft laugh. "Back to me, I mean."

"Oh very funny, Spike." Xa'an pushed and pulled until Spike was arranged to his pleasure, head lying on Xa'an's shoulder, legs entangled with his. He sighed in contentment, rubbing his cheek against Spike's hair. "Love you too you smug arrogant bastard," he whispered, allowing himself to fall asleep.

* * *

[Present]

"And there you have it. How the Captain tames his shrew," Spike gave Xan a smug look and raised his almost empty beer bottle. "Could use another one. Why don't you be a good mate and get me one, yeah?"

"Sure," Xander said wandering off to the kitchen, too lost in thought to care that he just did what Spike said. The story felt...wrong. The other ones made him feel connected, like some part of him recognized the people in them. This one was nice but it felt like it was just a story. He grabbed two beers and went back to the living room just in time to see the tail end of an interview for Nathan Filion's new film. The actor's face filled the screen as he explained the premise of his film.

"I play Captain Mal, a warrior who is forced by his very nature to choose a bond mate. He picks a human psychic, Jayne, except of course Jayne isn't very amenable. Let's just say sparks fly and so do a couple of vases, right at the Captain's head."

Mal laughed and the camera went back to the presenter who smiled warmly at the audience. "So there you have it, the Taming of the Psychic, coming to theaters near you just in time for Christmas."

"You big fat liar! I should have known you were making the stories up!"

"Didn't like my real ones. Called 'em whoppers this morning," Spike coolly pointed out. "So I gave you one. What does it matter? They're just stories to you. Aren't they?" he asked in a velvet whisper, meeting Xander's gaze.

Xander glared at Spike, muttered something about lying cheats and stomped off to his room.

Spike gave a loud, loud laugh, not even trying to hold it in. His boy was coming around. At snail's pace, but he was coming around. Or he wouldn't be that annoyed. Yeah... He knocked back his drink and took control of the remote.


(A/N: I hope you enjoyed this story in the series. Please, please, please, leave feedback :) We probably won't get to another story until December or January.)