Life of Experience

Part Five


Xander didn’t believe Giles. He knew deep in his heart that Spike was telling the truth about him. Xander was a mistake. A thing his parents didn’t want to have. Something inside him began to squeeze his heart so hard that it hurt. Was that why his mother was keeping distance from him? Was it why she never came to visit? Was it why she never sent him a gift for his birthday? Was it why she hadn’t been there for his father’s funeral or asked about how he was?

Many questions with no answers. Xander always acted like he never cared about his mom’s neglect, but inside he was dying. He quit asking about his mother when he was seven. Because every time he mentioned her, his dad would get upset and call Aunt Joyce to do the mother duty his dad couldn't.

There was a twist in his heart at the thought of his father being forced to raise him all these years. Did Ethan Harris really love him?

Xander glowered. ~ Of course Dad loved me! Stop with the crazy thinking! ~

The phone’s ringing startled him. He stared at it for a moment before picking it up.

“Hello?”

“Uh … is Mr. Giles present?”

“No, he’s out. Can I have your name?”

“Why of course, I’m his cousin Edward Giles.”

“Okay, I’ll give it to him as soon as he comes back.”

“Thank you.”

Xander put the phone down and then stared at the clock. It had been several hours since Mr. G was out. After Xander’s drama scene in the kitchen, Giles bandaged his wounds and then they went to the living room to watch TV. Giles put on the Cartoon Network channel for Xander’s sake. The boy couldn’t help but think anguishing thoughts. He also wanted to turn off the TV because the loud sound annoyed him. He considered going to his room, but he didn’t want Giles to worry. After a few hours, the phone rang and Giles picked it up. His guardian sounded very concerned and shocked at the news he received from the person on the phone.

When he placed down the phone, he jumped towards the door and left without saying a word to Xander. The boy was too wrapped up with his dilemma to ask what it was that scared his guardian so much to run this fast out of the house. Xander felt guilty for not asking, but hoped whatever it was, that it wasn’t that bad.

Suddenly, he heard the main door in the lobby crack open.

"Get in there you bloody brat!!" He heard Giles yell.

Xander's eyes widened with surprise. It was the first time he heard his guardian curse. He ran towards the lobby door. What he saw made him freeze with shock. There was Spike and he was totally out of it. His eyes looked funny and he couldn't stand straight. The sight was very scary.

"Xander," Hearing Giles call him name, Xander turned towards the angry man. "Go to your room, now."

Xander nodded and went to the stairs, his eyes not leaving Spike. The young boy's mind was racing. What the hell did Spike do to look like this? Was he drinking? Or was it …?

Once he was out of sight, he heard Giles yell at his son. "Drugs, Will? Drugs?!!"

Xander gasped quietly. ~ Drugs? God, this is huge! ~ He heard Spike yell back at his father, but Xander thought it was rude to listen to the conversation. He closed his room's door behind him and let his thoughts flow.

*****

This scene has both Spike and Giles' point of views:

Spike was beginning to focus a little. The colors were still brighter than usual, but his focus was getting back. Bloody hell, Parker was right! Spike did experience unnaturally intense feelings of pleasure. It was bloody marvelous after all the downs he had this morning.

He started pouting. That pleasure he felt was starting to go away. He wanted to have more of that stuff but Parker's ol' man said that it would kill him. Especially since it was his first time. To Spike, Parker's father was dense, he should have let him take more because this stuff was beginning to fade. ~ And you know who else is dense? That fucking Devon, who chose *that time* to drop by to watch the Play Boy channel! The pounce ratted us out to the police! ~ Spike thought irritably.

"What did I ever do to you to deserve this?!" Rupert's shout was annoyingly ringing in his ear.

He clumsily turned around, looking for his father. ~ Where the hell is he? ~ He wondered looking around the very bright room.

He felt hands grab his shoulders and then his eyes met his father's unclear face. "This is the most foolish, immature thing you've ever done, boy!"

"Bla, bla, bla, don't you know how to shut up?!" Spike yelled. The loss of the pleasure was starting to get on his nerves. He wanted to break something. He had an urge to hit his father whose grip was hurting him. Rupert must have noticed that because his grip began to loose. Once he did, Spike began to sway a little but he was still standing.

"How many times have I warned you not to accompany that boy," Rupert went on angrily. "Look what it did to you! Drugs, jail, what would that do to your reputation?"

While he and Xander were watching television, Rupert Giles received a phone call from the police earlier at evening. They informed him of his son being in jail because of drug use. Stunned at what he heard, Giles ran to his car, forgetting to wear his jacket, and drove towards the station. Over there the police told him that they got a report from a 17 year old boy, Devon Carter, who told them that the Abrams' residence had drug users. Once they got there, the police found two middle aged adults, one 18 year old boy and a minor, looking very high.

Giles insisted they let William go, seeing that he was a minor. The police told him that he could pay for his son's release, if he got him a consular to work on his son's problems. Giles agreed heartedly. The police told him that he could pay for the other boy, but Giles wasn't going to. He knew that young Mr. Abrams was the one who gave William the drugs. The doctors, who treated the users, informed Giles that it was William's first time and the effect would fade soon. William may not have major side effects but he would be more angry and frustrated.

Giles was going to lay new rules on his son. There would be no going outside the house, except for school, until William got in college.

The man watched his son scoff. "What reputation? I don't give a shit 'bout reputation!" The boy looked crossly at him "Why didn't you get Parker and his Pops out?!"

"Because I don't want such a boy to be able to contact you under any circumstances!" he answered firmly.

Spike's bloodshot eyes widened dangerously. "Who do you think you are?" he spat impolitely.

"I believe I'm your father," Giles spoke dryly.

"Bullshit!" Spike snarled. "If you call yourself a father, then tell me, what's the name of my band?"

"What? I don't know what's the name of your …"

"That's what I'm talking about! A normal father would have known that. I bet you didn't even know that I was actually in a band."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You never ask about me or …"

"I ask about you …"

"You only ask about my grades!" Spike yelled. He was getting frustrated from the loss of the pervious happiness. The only thing that would make it better was to yell. Get it out, whatever 'it' meant. "The only time you annoy the shit out of me is if it was school related stuff! Other than that you just don't give a bleedin' shit!"

Giles' eyes narrowed dangerously. "How dare you say that about me? I care a great deal about you!" How could this boy even think the opposite?

"As much as Xander? I don't think so!" Spike was beginning to get sober. He knew it because he was just realizing what he was saying. He never spoke his feelings about his father out loud. Not to anyone and especially not to Rupert.

~ Xander? ~ Giles thought confused. "What does Xander have to do with this?"

"You give him all your attention …" Spike snapped.

"I thought you didn't want my attention!" Giles snapped back angrily.

"I do!" Spike shouted very loudly. He could see the shocked expression on his father's face and Spike knew why. There were tears sliding down his cheeks, but he didn't care. He was feeling both tired and aggravated. He wanted to release whatever he kept inside. Wanted to yell it very loud for everyone to hear. That way they would notice him. Notice that he needed help and, therefore, help him.

"I do," he whispered brokenly. "I go through a very tough time and my old man doesn't care to notice." His voice began to rise. "I mean, everything is so fucked up. School's 'bout to end and I'm the only senior in Sunnydale high who hasn't had his first shag yet!"

Spike ignored his father's embarrassed cough and went on. "I couldn't get off, not even with a very naked girl in front of me and rumors have been going around at school about the chance that I might be attracted to the same gender. And guess who told me this piece of news? Your precious little Xander! Oh, and in a very nice way indeed! And all you seemed to care about was his well being and didn't ask what bothered me and the only way I found my peace was DRUGS!"

Spike broke down and dropped on the floor. That rambling did make him feel a little better. He just realized his jealousy towards Xander. He always thought that his father's neglect was the only thing that bothered him. But watching Rupert and Xander bond like his friends and their fathers, he couldn't help but think that it should have been *him*.

Giles looked at his own son, on the floor shaking and crying. The librarian's heart was twisting painfully that all his rage drifted away. He approached the weeping boy and wrapped his arms around him. William pushed him away and stood quickly. A flash of hurt crossed Giles' face, but then switched into anger.

"You can't blame this on me, young man!" he said with gritted teeth. "It was you who put that distance between us! You are the one who said that 'cool' children shouldn't spend time with their parents! You were the one to say 'no' whenever I call you to have breakfast, lunch or dinner with me! You are the one who won't talk to me about his day at school …"

"When did you ask …?"

"I did! Don't you ever say that I didn't! I did ask you for years and you always grumble and head straight to your room! Eventually, I gave up thinking that this was what you wanted!"

The father and son stared at each other for a moment. Each of them realizing their mistakes. Eventually Giles went to his son and hugged him close to his chest, close to his heart and let his tears slip.

Spike laid his head on his father's chest and just stood there, listening to his father repeating on and on, "I love you."


*****