Fangless.Sequel

A/n: Thank you everyone who left fb. I read it, don't worry. I just have a busy life at the mo and can't respond to all. Just know I read the FB and appreciate it! *hugs you all*

-Chapter5-

Dawn rubbed her hands roughly over her face, scrubbing hard and trying to wipe the frustration off. She could feel the skin being drawn up like a tired rug under her palms, restless and dry, and there was a nasty bit of palm sweat left behind when she finally took her hands away. Every inch of this space was confining, clouding her thoughts and making it incredibly difficult to concentrate. From the blazing lights above, to the bed, to that Rainbow Brite doll that was lying on the floor near the closet giving her a menacing glare that wouldn’t let up! Where had that thing come from anyway? It definitely wasn't hers, because that doll was creepy in more ways than one - inherently evil. You‘d have to be demented to want something with such enormous eyes hanging about.

It was probably Buffy’s.

There were so many questions floating in the air, each one more troubling than the last. But she couldn’t be pessimistic, because that was being a downer, and she was an upper, and perky. There was a lie blatantly stated. Since when had she been perky? That was also more a Buffy thing. An ‘Oh-look-at-me-with-my-blond-hair-and-innocent-eyes-and-aren’t-I-the-greatest-thing-ever’!

The patterns of her thoughts only made her teeth clench until she felt a migraine pulsing in her skull. Work had to be done, and as soon as possible. She picked up her pencil yet again and started the equation over.

B was the first letter in the formula, starting out as negative and being taken from the second variable. But, wait, variables are the unknowns, which was what she was trying to solve. So why was there a number in front of the X and why in the world did it have to be negative?

The end of the pencil was brought to her lips, fingers spinning the barely used number 2 between her pearly whites. She nibbled on it while she stared intently down at her Algebra book, looking closely at all the numbers and letters thinking with a sense of worry that maybe she would never understand how to solve the problems. That maybe the quadratic formula was out of her reach. Then something came to her like a lost memory long forgotten. Placing the pencil down on the table with excessive force she came to one conclusion.

Erasers tasted awful! Why was it a good idea to put that in her mouth anyway? Like, seriously, the thing was molded down into a small piece of black gunk, which in itself was strange because the pencil had rarely seen the smooth surface of a piece of lined paper. In other words, it was disgusting, odd, and it tasted like chalk smothered in dirt. Her head fell forward and slammed down on the book, banging noise in her head, a loud frustrated groan filling her ears.

Many thoughts were bothering her now. One, she shouldn’t know what chalk tasted like. Because first what freak eats chalk?! Well, maybe if they were a child and didn’t know any better, but that was completely beside the point. Second, why didn’t she know any of this? Obviously the teachers must have taught this stuff in class, because it would be counter productive to give work that was not accomplishable. And honestly, if she hadn’t learned it that really wasn’t her fault. Someone should have suspended or expelled the boy sitting next to her, Tyler Jensen, for being so distracting. Was it her fault he had long curly hair and the most gorgeous hazel eyes she’d ever seen?! No, definitely not! That was unacceptable, it was the teachers own fault that none of the formulas were coherent.

Eventually she gave up on figuring out which B went where and why some numbers were negative while others were not. It was just way too distracting and not important enough to finish. If mom asked, she was done with her homework, and that was that.

With her homework left forgotten, lonely on the wooden surface of the desk, Dawn got up and stretched. The joints felt stiff, like she had wood wedged between them making it hard to move. Her arms stretched in the air, as high as she could reach, and she heard the satisfying pops that made her able to move right again. Slowly she walked to the window and sat on a chest placed tightly against the wall. She sat comfortably, staring out the large window. The night was beautiful, mesmerizing - with so many clouds in the air and not one blocking the glow of the moon, appearing to be dark fluff in the sky.

Time drifted by dismally, boring her almost to tears. Instead of watching nothing she could be… What? Watching television perhaps? That didn’t seem all that intriguing, considering nothing seemed to be on this time of night. Well, there was that, and mom was probably down stairs too. She’d probably ask to see the homework, the homework that was supposedly done, the homework that in actuality was lying there with nothing to show but doodles of Buffy running away from scary shadows - very poorly drawn scary shadows.

Dawn sighed, feeling the heavy weight of boredom rest on her shoulders. That was her calling in life she supposed, to be pushed aside and always bored. Dawn Summers, the queen of the unconventional lack of spontaneity. Oh, she’d definitely go down in history for that…

Sarcastic much?

Just when she had been about ready to call it an evening and prepare for bed, a glint appeared, a flicker of something, outside. The light was tiny, merely a speck, and it flashed from under the tree on the front lawn. From where Dawn was sitting, what was under that tree was not in view, blocked by many leaves. But that light had gotten through the green, almost winking at her. To make sure she wasn’t imagining a false spark she stared the small glint down a while. It flickered a few times, disappearing from sight, but it always came back. Now she was interested. It might be dangerous, but if anything were there she was sure she’d be safe.

Taking one last look at the small light under the tree she quickly grabbed her coat and headed downstairs. Her descent was slow and stealth like. She tried to keep down the noise of her feet so as not to alert her mother she was leaving. Her heart began to pound rapidly in her ears as she approached the front the door, the creaking of the floor under her shoes sounding thunderous. Why was it that when you're sneaking out the floor was especially loud? She swallowed a lump in her throat and peeked into the living room, her small head not small enough to not be seen if someone were actually there. The light was on, but no one seemed to be around. Mother was probably upstairs, in the bathroom or something, which gave her the freedom to leave without trying to be the ninja she obviously wasn’t.

Her hand gripped the knob tightly and she opened the door, stepping out into the cold night air. There was no breeze but the air itself was chilly, almost making her want to step back inside. Looking over her shoulder she decided that she’d come this far and a little further wouldn’t make much of a difference, so she closed the door gently behind her.

Surprisingly, what she’d been looking for wasn’t that hard to find. The light had a source that was easily seen from the outside, and it wasn’t far from the porch either. Slowly she walked toward it, seeing the source of the tiny spark as it came into view from the other side of the large tree protruding from the earth in front the house. She took a slight step back, noticing the ground covered in tiny, used up cigarettes. There were so many, like someone had been trying to create a large mound of ash and brown stubs.

“Uh, hello?” Her voice came out shy and a bit scared when she’d been going for firm and confident. She was trembling now and shoved her hands deep in her coat pockets, shaking apprehensively. The source of the light was dropped to the ground, fading quickly into nothing before it even hit the surface. A head turned her way, looking more frightened than even her. Dawn felt a smile coming on. Ah ha! You’ve been caught! She thought excitedly.

“This… this isn’t what you think,” the man said, his blue eyes wide, tone sounding ashamed. He quickly calmed and began backing away slowly, his gaze never wavering from Dawn.

“Wait, stay,” she insisted, voice soft. The man froze against the tree, his back pressed to it, almost as if he were stuck to the ground. His hair was an odd color, bleached blonde, but so overly done it was nearly white. His clothes were reminiscent of someone she was sure she’d seen before; someone who wore black and talked in an accent which she identified as British - someone not so nice. Her eyes narrowed until her brow was scrunched, expression questioning.

“You’re Spike aren’t you?” She didn’t sound sure.

The man looked around, as if trying to find an escape route. There were many, though he didn’t run. Dawn couldn’t help but get a feeling that he was going to deny his identity. That thought seemed a bit sad,and pathetic considering he was probably up to no good being out here anyway.

“Aren’t you Spike?” She tried again.

Eyebrows raised questioningly, the bright blue orbs fixed on her once again. A light bulb seemed to flash in his head and suddenly his face changed. The brow descended into bumpy ridges, teeth turning into jagged fangs, features not the same - not human. And yet the scar that had been above the left eye, running through the hairs of the eyebrow in a slash, came out to the forefront and stood out more - almost as a dignified marking. It looked pretty cool.

He stomped toward her with his hands raised to look like claws, resembling a pose the wolf-man would do in those old black and white films Dawn happened to see from time to time. The breath could be seen in a swift haze in the air, like smoke in her face when he approached her with a loud snarl.

“Are you afraid?” He was in her face, inches from her, a predator ready to devour. Dawn felt chills throughout her body, crawling on her skin like little furry critters scurrying all over. To the surprise of the vampire, which obviously he was, Dawn managed to suppress a smile. Like a child who had a secret and would not give, she had a cheeky grin and sucked in her lips. It was almost too much; the breath was coming from her nose in huge puffs. Her cheeks began to swell.

The vampire stayed his ground. “Are you afraid?” he repeated.

Dawn considered for a moment, and then dropped the cute expression. She shrugged her shoulders and sighed, taking some pity on the poor man, explaining her reaction. “No, I’m actually not. Because you’re Spike, I’m sure of it. I heard you were, what’s it called… not dangerous anymore, because something was put in you’re head and you can’t hurt people. Yeah,” she nodded, convinced by her words, “that’s it. And besides,” she added. “If you really were going to kill me you’d have done it by now. So, I’m pretty sure I’m safe.”

The man, Spike’s, mouth fell open in disbelief. Dawn wondered for a moment if she should have chosen her words more carefully. Because she felt really bad when Spike returned to his human face and began pacing around the tree throwing a fit.

“It’s not my bloody fault. I‘m getting taunted by a little girl,” he mumbled to himself while walking in circles. “You know, it’s like a bloke loses his girl, wants her back, then everyone is on his ass. Then I wanted a gem, got it taken away… wasn’t that enough? Do I not deserve some goddamn happiness? No, no, no, because the GODDAMN universe has to screw me the BLOODY HELL OVER!” He screamed at the top of lungs, voice sounding hoarse near the end.

Dawn quickly looked around, frightful, afraid someone might see her outside with a stranger and tell her mother - which actually would qualify in the category of something scary. Quickly she grabbed Spike by the forearms and stopped his maddening paces. “Stop, will you?” She pleaded. “You’re going to wake the neighborhood.”

Spike had another questioning look, dumbfounded, but otherwise said nothing. Dawn noticed the blue eyes again, one of the many things that stood out. They were really nice, kind of gorgeous even. Now, if only he weren’t an evil vampire.

“Do you need to sit?” she offered and led him to the front steps of the porch without any resistance what so ever.

Spike sat down on the left, Dawn on the right. It was awkward to say the least, and for a while Dawn couldn’t help but wonder what she was still doing outside. It was cold, making her skin so numb she’d thought it would shatter. And stopping there, considering that wasn’t a pleasant thought; she turned her attention toward the now quiet vampire.

“Are you okay?” She placed her hand gently on his shoulder. The leather felt good, smooth, like aged material that was broken in and comfortable. Slowly he turned toward her; his features were soft now, almost blank as though he were terribly saddened by something. Dawn felt her heart give this weird tugging feel, the kind she only got when she felt terribly guilty or sad. Spike was completely silent, and she had to wonder why he seemed so depressed. “Are you okay?” she tried again.

“Yeah, sure,” Spike said softly.

Dawn gave the leather another affectionate squeeze, trying to console him from whatever his problem was. Yes, he was a vampire, she wasn’t stupid. It didn’t mean he didn’t have feelings though.

They both were silent again and stared up at the night sky. Dawn spoke up, attempting to be sympathetic and helpful.

“You don’t have to feel bad you know. The only reason I knew about the thing in your head is because I heard Buffy telling everyone about it. She’s such a blabber mouth, I can’t believe her sometimes.”

Spike appeared to withdraw at her sister’s name, and even further at hearing his little problem had been mouthed to just about anyone worth being feared by. He continued staring up at the sky, blank stare with hollowed eyes.

“Yeah,” he said simply.

Dawn continued to stare at him, and she felt terrible. Maybe not being able to feed really did hurt him, or maybe it was the place he’d gotten the thing in his head that had hurt him so badly. Or, more likely, it was just not having the respect anymore. She had to admit it would cut her deeply if people laughed at her as if she were a joke. Most were insignificant in the end, but people not having any sort of regard toward you or your feelings must be crushing.

Suddenly she remembered something that might cheer Spike up.

“You know,” her eyes lit up as she tried to reach that perky level which she never quite had, “I just remember the first time I saw you. Well, actually, it was one of the only times I saw you before tonight. Remember about two years back, I was eleven, and you were like ‘Grrr‘, terrorizing the old Sunnydale High?” Spike didn’t seem to be listening but Dawn went on. “You had all those vamps around the school and me and my mom were looking for Buffy, and you were like,” she did her best imitation of a male's voice, “’I’m Spike, and I‘m the big bad‘. And oh my god, I was really scared that time you know! You frightened me so much that I didn’t even want to leave the house afterward. I was like completely scared. Oh! And you were really beating Buffy up until my mom hit you with that axe.”

“Sorry about that,” Spike apologized, voice still low.

“Oh, don’t even worry about it. Buffy really needs to get a beat down every now and then; her ego is just too huge to be left unscathed.”

Though she’d been trying to cheer him up, Dawn felt even worse when she realized her words weren’t even affecting the vampire. He seemed so distant even though he was sitting next to her. His eyes, those blue and gorgeous eyes, looked so far off that she couldn’t tell if there was anyone inside. What was going through his mind that he could appear that destroyed? She reached out her hand, fingers inches from his cheek, as though to caress, and she froze. Slowly Spike turned toward her, that same blank expression and far off look in his eyes.

He plainly said, “I have to go.”

Dawn wasn’t sure what to say. She really didn’t want him go, it seemed sort of sudden and unwanted - though they'd just met. What was wrong with him? His eyes never faltered from hers, and he appeared to be waiting for an answer, needing her consent to leave. Her lips wouldn’t move, but reluctantly she nodded.

The vampire stood and slowly made his way away from the house.

Dawn stopped him before he reached the sidewalk, calling out his name. “Spike?” Another soft call, one she barely managed. He turned and stared, waiting for her to speak. “Will you come back? I mean… What I mean is… Can I see you again?”

After a long moment, spreading into the infinite abyss of time, Spike slowly nodded. And to Dawn’s surprise he had a small smirk on his face. Her heart made happy thumps inside; glad that this wouldn’t be the last time they saw each other. A vampire he was, yes, and for the first time Dawn wasn’t sure that made a person all that bad.

When she snapped from her thoughts Spike was already in the distance, so far down the sidewalk that Dawn questioned how long Dawn she'd zoned. She didn’t listen to the voices in her head, not questioning herself, and called out loudly. “Bye Spike! It was nice meeting you!”

From far off she could barely see his arm go up, long sleeve of his black duster up to his wrist, and he waved goodbye with his back still to her. She thought she heard him say, "Bye Niblet," but she wasn‘t quite sure. Her mind was questioning again, guessing what that meant. What’s a niblet?

Coming to the conclusion that she would never find out, she decided that she liked it.

“Niblet,” she repeated. Sounded kind of childish, like a nickname you’d give a toddler, but from Spike she took it in stride. If she ever saw him again she wouldn’t mind the phrase, even if it was referring to her age and inexperience. She let out a deep sigh, feeling the space under her eyes become heavy, tired and needing rest. Turning back to the house she walked to the door, but then stopped.

The cigarettes, she remembered, they were still lying on the lawn, scattered in an ugly mess. She knew she’d have to pick them up tomorrow, and that was one thing. But when it dawned on her that she never asked Spike why he was there, that was a whole new mystery. She bit her thumbnail and looked out at the tree, trying to remember how exactly it was he was standing and what he was looking at. He was definitely staring upward, at the house, but at what? Suddenly it hit her, but only confused her that much more. Spike was staring up at one of the rooms.

But which one?

~*~*~*~*~*~

~Present~

Dawn woke feeling her muscles ache, every inch of her body tense. Two items clutched in her hands, a photo and a necklace. The photo was a sin, revealing to her the true nature of evil. The necklace was a burden, weighing on her soul. She didn’t want either; they were like acid in her hands, burning her skin until it peeled.

The memories came to her slowly, and then she realized the moans had stopped. The room was silent except for her breath. Slowly she stood on weak feet, wobbling, needing to press her weight against the wall for support. When her eyes finally opened, still puffy and heavy, the sleeping figure on the bed came to rest in her field of vision.

It was him, that vampire she met so long ago with that lonely look in his eyes. Only, as she got to know him he never did seem that lonely. Not to her. But Spike, she realized, must have been feeling pain, possibly before she even knew him. Maybe the hurt only seemed to fade because he was good at hiding his pain. But he wasn’t anymore. The pain used to be held in by a shell he'd created. That exterior had been strong, so hard it didn’t seem as though it would ever break. But it had. He now wore that pain on the outside. It was showing on his skin, which was tight around his body, revealing every bone and rib - face nearly skeletal. It shows in his eyes, nothing left inside - nothing that she remembered.

All Dawn felt was pain, from her heart, from her bones, from everything. She realized what she had and what was lost. For a while Spike was the only friend she really had. Now, Spike’s the only person she cares for. Yet, in the whole world there seemed to be no one to care for her.

Somehow a random phrase had burrowed into her mind, crushing her heart into little pieces.

“You’re not my daughter!”

It’s what her mother had said after she'd left the hospital. Dawn never told a soul about that night. Mother probably doesn’t even remember.

Who else did she have? Spike was it, and she knew it. Though in the past his words never truly reflected his feelings, Dawn felt it in his actions. She had to get him back, she just had to. But for now she succumbed to tears, slowly making her way toward the soft mattress and lying down.

Spike was at rest, his being tired and needing sleep. When he wakes, Dawn knows he’ll call for his master, for the person who broke him and took him away from her. She can’t stop him from doing that.

For now this is all she has, the only peace she’ll find. Spooning Spike from behind, Dawn wrapped her arms around his chest, trembling with anguish from how thin he had become. She cried herself to sleep again, holding Spike tight her arms. It was all she could do, all she could think of. The photo she placed in Spike’s hand, so when he woke he’d be holding it, the image of his sinful master and him.

But the necklace, Dawn kept it for herself; tucked away in her pocket.

The necklace was a burden, symbolizing the cruelty brought down upon a once proud creature.

The burden was hers, and she’d accept it for him.

~TBC~