Hearts and Secrets

Spike and Gunn hoisted the last of the larger boxes onto the truck and decided to take a short break before venturing onto the next row. Spike sat down on the edge of the long dock, opened his half empty bottle, took a sip and then poured the majority over his head, letting the cool water drip down and seep into his sweaty t-shirt. It was half past midnight, but the temperature had barely dropped, leaving them uncomfortably hot and sticky.

Gunn took a seat beside him and leaned back onto his elbows, letting his head fall backward as he looked up into the dark sky above them. “So, you gonna tell me what’s lodged up your ass tonight?” With a sigh, he looked over at Spike, who was looking expectantly at him. “Then again, maybe I don’t wanna know,” he added with a smile, “you and Angel get up to some kinky shit, right?”

If Spike weren’t in such a foul mood, he would have gotten a laugh out of his friend’s ribbing. As it was, he barely raised an eyebrow and began peeling the label from his water bottle.

“C’mon, man. We’ve been here two hours and you haven’t said jack. What’s up? And don’t tell me nothing cause I know you better than that.”

Spike shrugged his shoulders and sat his bottle down, trading it for a cigarette. After lighting it and blowing out the first stream of smoke, he finally asked, “Why the bloody hell didn’t you warn me when I got involved with Angel?”

Gunn looked at him as if he were crazy. “Yeah. Like that would have stopped you,” he answered sarcastically.

Spike rolled his eyes. “I’m serious.”

“If I remember right, I told you to go find you a nice girl, settle down and have lots of bleach-headed babies. I don’t think I ever said anything about hooking up with Mr. Uptown private eye.”

Spike, looking rather defeated, said, “Guess I should’ve listened to you. Think maybe I could get used to shaggin’ someone without a dick?”

Gunn shook his head and ignored the question. “C’mon, the kinda heat I’ve seen between the two of you? Wasn’t nothin’ gonna stop it from happening. So spill. What’s got you so bummed?”

Spike frowned, images of Angel and Wesley clouding his head. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to open up, but needed to talk to someone. Gunn was his best friend and the only person who knew as much about he and Angel’s relationship than they did. “I think we’re loosing some of the heat. " He took another long drag and then added, “He’s bored with me.”

Gunn shook his head in disagreement. “Nah, man. That ain’t Angel. He’s a lot of things… snooty, anal, a white man with no rhythm… but I’ve seen the way he is with you. I can’t imagine…”

“I think he’s shaggin’ his ex.”

Gunn’s dark eyes widened as he sat up and looked over at Spike. “Daaamn, that’s harsh. This the same guy he’s been working with? The one you were telling me about?”

Spike took one last drag and then flicked the finished butt into the water down below, nodding. “Wesley. Sodding nancy-boy with an oversized stick up his arse.”

With his brow furrowed, he asked, “Okay, so how you know Angel’s messin’ with him?”

Spike shrugged and looked down, away from Gunn’s gaze. “Don’t exactly, just a hunch.”

“Man, you’re getting’ yourself all worked up over a hunch?” He followed when Spike stood up and began unloading some of the smaller boxes onto a dolly.

“They have a lot in common.”

“So? That automatically means they’re fucking?”

Spike rolled his eyes, took out a second cigarette and sat back down on the couple of boxes they’d just stacked, while Gunn continued to work. “I’ve been kidding myself, thinking me and Angel belong together. We’re too different.”

Gunn turned around with a stearn frown. “And that’s bullshit.”

A long exhale later and Spike said, “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he should be with Wesley.”

“No. That’s fucked up thinking and you know it. You wanna tell me about how you think Angel’s bangin’ some other dude? Okay. You wanna tell me what you’re gonna do about it? Even better. You start in with the ‘pity me, I don’t deserve him’ attitude and I’m outta here right now.”

“I didn’t say…”

“You didn’t have to.”

Spike’s eyes narrowed.

Gunn stopped talking for a moment, and then asked, “Do you love him?”

Spike’s thoughts traveled to the stranger in the alley. If he did love Angel, why didn’t he try to fight the attraction? In fact, why’d he go back looking for it again after what happened the first night? Wasn’t that what a relationship was all about? Resisting the temptation of fucking around with other people?

“C’mon, this isn’t a test. Either you do or you don’t.”

The sound of Gunn’s voice jarred him and he answered, “Course I do.”

Gunn nodded. “Then start acting like it. You gonna sit back and what? Give up? Push Angel to the other guy?”

Spike tossed the cigarette to the ground, stomped it out under his boot and blurted out, “I almost shagged someone… earlier tonight.”

Gunn froze in place, his expression one of bewildered curiosity as he stuffed his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. “Come again?”

Shamefully, he said, “I met this fucking kid. One minute I was drinking a beer, the next I was snoggin’ him against the building.” He sighed, biting his lip, waiting for Gunn’s disapproval. He chanced a glance and was surprised when he didn’t see any sign of the disappointment he’d expected. Letting his eyes drop, he said, “I don’t know what the bloody fuck I’m doing, Gunn. I just know I wanted it.”

“Okay, let me get this straight. You’re pissed at Angel cause you think he’s messin’ around with this Wesley character, so you go out and lip lock with another guy?” Finally, his expression changed. Sarcastically, he continued, “Yeah, I can see all kinds of good there.”

Spike immediately bit back, “It was good. It was hot and hungry and…and why the sodding hell shouldn’t I? If Angel’s gonna go around flaunting his new-found rekindling with his ex, serves him right if I’m off enjoyin’ a snog! Way I see it? Angel brought it on himself.”

“Since you have a hunch,” Gunn offered.

“Yeah.”

“And your hunches are never wrong.”

Spike sighed again, “Not when it comes to Angel.”

“Spike, man…. you got some issues.” Shaking his head, Gunn stacked a couple of crates and sat down beside him. “Seriously. You need to figure out exactly what you want and what’s important to you.”

“Everything was fine until Wesley…”

“Fuck that,” Gunn snapped back, “This ain’t about Wesley. This is about you and Angel and the fact that you don’t talk to each other about anything. You don’t even know for sure if he’s fucking around and you’re already out there trying to get even with him.”

“That wasn’t what happened.”

From the expression on Gunn’s face, it was obvious he didn’t agree. “That’s exactly what happened and you know it. You ain’t touched another guy since you and Angel been together, now all of a sudden you’re kissing some kid you don’t even know? Sounds like payback to me.”

“Can’t be payback if he doesn’t know about it.”

Shaking his head, Gunn asked, “So what about this kid? Who the fuck is he?”

Spike shrugged. “Just some guy at a joint downtown. Fucked around a bit, nothin’ to it.”

“Well if you ask my opinion, which you did… I think you need to go home to your honey in the morning and have a damn serious discussion. That, or you can go home pretending like nothing’s wrong and fuck his brains out like usual, but it’s your call. You know I’ll tell you to do whatever makes you happy.”


~*~


The trouble was, Spike wasn’t sure what it was gonna take to achieve the happiness Gunn was talking about. Angel not seeing Wesley? That was a given, and also not an option. Angel had been very clear about that. So what was left? Trust him and hope he loved Spike enough? The same way Spike loved him enough not to go out looking for the first hot, horny guy he came across?

Spike shook his head and put the key in the door. Something had to change and it had to be soon. Hopefully, Angel could call in late again and maybe they’d have time to talk. He wanted to make it work. With that decision made, he intended to do everything he could to make it happen.

Walking through the door, he was surprised to see Angel sitting on the sofa instead of meeting him in the room like he usually did, coming home just in time to watch him get ready for work. Angel met Spike’s gaze and the look of complete seriousness made Spike’s heart jump, his entire body tensing with nervousness. He was about to say something, to ask what was going on, figuring Angel was still pissed about what had happened at dinner, when he finally noticed the other person sitting across the room in the recliner. Instant dread was the only thing that came to mind when the boy looked up at him. That, and a few silent ‘bloody hells’ that were screaming to be heard.

And then there was Angel’s voice, the tone so even and business-like, speaking directly to him. “We need to talk.”