I Love You Enough...

Author: Niki

Title: I Love You Enough…- Chapter 5/?

Pairing: Faith/Buffy. It just doesn’t get hotter than those two, babe.

Summary: Faith and Buffy fall in love, but is love always enough?

Rating: some NC-17 this chapter. Yay! Sex! I love sex!

Disclaimer: Yeah, these aren’t mine, they’re Joss’s, but I think you already knew that.

***Note: Hey, new chapter. Let me know what you think…. Pleeeaaassseeee.

Note 2: This takes place after Earshot and goes into Graduation Day Part1. I’m also gonna be switching POV’s in this one.

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Buffy’s POV:
I walk down the street and think about the only thing that's been in my mind for the last month.
Faith.
I just left school to have lunch with her, and now I'm on my way back. God, I love Faith so much. Since that night a month ago, I've fallen even more in love with her. She can't do anything wrong in my eyes... OK , that's not totally true. She can do a lot of things wrong in my eyes. She constantly burps and she's so damn crude that a sailor couldn't out-do her. But those things don't matter. I have stuff about me that probably annoys her all the time.
There is one thing that bothers me about her, though. Well, not so much her as much as her lifestyle. She's still working for the Mayor. We avoid talking about it, which I really don't like. I feel like we should be able to talk about anything, but that subject is completely off limits. She's more sharing about her mother and her childhood than she is about the work she does for the Mayor. Not that she shares a lot about her childhood, but at least she's more willing to give up that information.
It's not that I want Faith to stop being a badass, cause that's a major turn-on, but I don't want her to be evil. No, she's not evil. She's sweet, loving, and wonderful. But some of the things she says... I feel her becoming colder. Not to me, but to most people in general. She's got more anger and she doesn't feel very guilty about anything anymore. I'm so worried. I don't want to lose her. I just found her, and now I feel like she's slowly slipping away from me. It's a horrible feeling. It feels like the life is slowly seeping out of me.
Alright, Buffy. Enough of the melodrama. Think about the good. Faith's beautiful smile, how good it feels to make her laugh... stuff like that.
Faith has been changing a lot, but so have I. I don't get as excited about spending time with the gang as I used to. I always want to be with Faith. When I am with them, though, they sometimes mention her and start the insults. I have to hold in the urge to beat them all down and tell them that if she's a psycho slut, then so am I for hanging out with her and sleeping with her. Instead, I just nod my head and pretend that I hate her.
I reach the school and see Will and Xan sitting at one of the lunch tables. I wonder where Oz is as I slowly make my way over, hoping they won't ask me where I ate lunch.

“Hey Buffy,” Willow says, smiling at me excitedly. Why do I sometimes get the feeling that seeing me is the highlight of her day?

“Buffster, where were you last night? We missed you at the Bronze. You missed the spectacle of Cordelia throwing a drink in my face.”

I snort but try to keep a straight face. “Well, I’m sorry I missed that. It was probably very entertaining.”

“So where were you?”

“Oh, I was with Faith.” I realize my mistake when Willow and Xander’s eyes widen. “-less people. I’ve been making new friends lately, and they happen to hate religion. They think there’s no God. Nope. None.” Oh, that was smooth, Buffy.

“You’re hanging with atheists?” Willow asks, confused.

“No Will, they’re against religion, not government.”

“That’s anarchists.”

“Oh… well. I was just joking. Hah! Gottcha. I’m just gonna shut up now.” Xander looks away uncomfortably and starts playing with his soda can. Whatever.

“But yeah,” I say, hoping to end this conversation. “I was with my atheist friends last night. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I didn’t think you’d be interested in hanging with them. Being Jewish and therefore believing in God and all.”

“It’s OK Buffy. I understand.” Willow smiles and nods her head at me just as the bell signaling the end of lunch rings. We get to class and find out that our teacher isn’t there. There’s a substitute that’s listed the assignment on the board.

I decide on a much better idea, though. I whip out my notebook and, after checking that nobody’s looking, I start doodling Faith’s name on the paper with little hearts all over the place. I love doing this. It makes me feel like a little kid again, which is something I rarely feel anymore. I have the world on my shoulders. I never have time to just be a kid.

A cough gets my attention and I look up in time to see Willow flick a little piece of paper onto my desk. I check to make sure the teacher isn’t looking, then unfold the note.

*Buffy-

I know we’ve kept a lot of secrets from each other lately, like the fluking and the Angel stuff. I want you to know, though, that I’m still your best friend no matter what. If there’s anything you want to tell me, I swear I won’t judge. I’ll only be supportive. Look up at me right now.*

I look up at Willow and she’s staring at me with her resolve face. Then she points back down at her note so I go back to it and keep reading.

*That was my resolve face. You know what it means. So you better tell me what’s up, Missy, or I’m going to have to hit you with something even stronger than the resolve face.

-Willow*

I fold the note up, not looking over at Willow. I don’t know what to do. Faith will kill me if I tell. She’s so convinced it’ll be the end of the world if people find out about us. Please! What do I do better than the end of the world?

When class is over, Willow gets up and stands over my desk, once again getting the resolve on. I’m really starting to hate that face. I sigh and look up at Willow from my seat.

“Listen, Will… I do have some stuff going on with me right now. I just don’t think I’m ready to share yet. I’m still really confused, and I know that once anyone knows it may be a big deal. Would you mind just giving me a little time? I swear! The second I feel ready, I will tell you everything.”

“OK, Buffy,” Willow says, slowly dropping the resolve face. Thank God. “Anytime, just come to me and I’ll listen, OK? I swear, I won’t judge.”

I frown slightly. “Why do you keep saying that? What exactly do you think my big secret is?”

“No reason. I just feel like I should establish that I don’t judge. You know, make sure it’s out there for all to know.” We get up and walk out of the room. When we get to the point that we have to separate to get to our individual classes, Will turns to me. “OK, I’ll see you later, Buffy. Oh, and by the way, you smell really good. Isn’t that the perfume Faith used to wear?”

Willow gives me the most significant look EVER and then grins. She turns and walks away before I can gather words or even a thought, leaving me speechless in the middle of the hallway. She knows. Shit, she knows. She’s not upset, though, right? She’s supportive. She’s grinning at me about it and practically begging me to tell her. It’s OK. She’s OK with it. And Faith can’t be mad cause I didn’t actually tell her. I let out a sigh of relief and start walking to my next class. Someone knows. It’s not such a big secret anymore. If Will can handle it, maybe the fallout from everyone else won’t be so bad.

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Faith and I are in my room, lying on the bed. I know what you’re thinking. What am I thinking, I’m gonna get caught, right? Wrong. Mom’s working late tonight. She left me money for dinner. We called the pizza place, but the sadly, Nick wasn’t there today. Faith did tell the guy that delivered the pizzas to tell Nick his favorite customers said ‘Hi’, though.
We ate pizza and watched t.v., making fun of all the characters. Well, Faith made fun of the characters. I happen to love Chandler. Faith says it’s ridiculous to think that anyone talks that way. That forced me to remind her of her use of the phrase ‘5 by 5’. I’m really hoping she’ll explain that to me one of these days.
Anyway, we’re just lounging in my room now. Faith’s head is on my stomach. She’s slowly tracing patterns on the material of my shirt, raising the hem a little bit each time she starts a new pattern. My breathing’s slow and I look down at the top of her head, admiring the gorgeous chestnut color. She’s wearing her hair straight a lot of the time now. I kind of miss the waves. They’re more playful and young. Faith looks more dangerous with her hair straight.
“I think Will knows.” OK, I have no idea why I just said that. It just popped out.
I feel Faith tense and her voice sounds tight when she says, “And how exactly does she know?”
“I said THINK, Faith. Pay attention. She was hinting at me today that she wouldn’t judge me if I had a secret to share with her. Then she mentioned that I smelled like the perfume you wear and gave me a weird grin. Will doesn’t ever talk about you in a light friendly way. You’re not exactly her favorite person.”
“Well, she knows then.”
“Yeah, and she’s handling it pretty well. That got me thinking that maybe-”
“No, B,” She cuts me off, sounding annoyed. “We’ve gone over this, like, a million times. We can’t tell. We’ll be totally fucked if we do.”
“But Faith, if Will can handle it-”
“Then that tells us jack about how everyone else, who are a lot more important than Red, I might add, will react. We can’t risk it. Why don’t you get that?”
“The Council doesn’t have to know.”
“Um, hello? Remember the Mayor? Your current big bad and the guy I’m working for? I could give a shit about the tweeds over in England. It’s him I’m worried about."
I take a deep breath and start to approach a subject I haven’t dared to even think about asking Faith about. “Faith, have you thought about maybe… coming back to our side?”
I feel Faith shake her head against my stomach. “Sorry, B. It ain’t gonna happen. I’m happy where I am. I do jobs for the Boss, and he gives me everything I’ve ever wanted. I’ve been poor all my life and I’ve never had a dad. Hell, I barely had a mom. Now I’ve got all the money I could want and a dad that loves me. I’m not giving that up.”
“Faith, your ‘dad’ wants to turn into a demon and kill the whole town.”
“Small technicality, B. How could you ask me to give all that up?”
“Because what you’re doing is wrong, Faith.”
“Who are you to say it’s wrong?” She sits up and looks at me.
“Faith, what was the last job the Mayor sent you on?”
Faith looks down at the bedspread for a minute and then lowers her eyes. She lies back down with her head on my stomach and answers, “He wanted me to take care of some loose ends for him.”
“What do you mean ‘take care of’?” Even though I think I already know the answer, I don’t want her to say it’s true. Please don’t let Faith become what I think she’s becoming.
“You know… the guy was causing problems. I took care of it.”
“You killed him?’
Her silence tells me everything I need to know. God, what is it with me and dating killers? This is so bad. My girlfriend’s killing people and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t make her stop without messing with our entire relationship. Should I do it anyway? Am I being selfish to put our relationship over the lives of innocent people? OK, when I put it that way, it does sound kind of selfish.
Faith sits up again and put her head on the pillow next to me, turning me so that I face her. “Buffy, this guy was scum. I was doing the world a favor. It’s not like I knocked off some old man or a bunch of little kids. It’s a long story, but trust me when I say that you’d approve.”
“How did you do it?” I ask quietly.
“Not important. Just, don’t let this change anything, OK? Remember, I love you. You love me. That’s enough, OK?”
She’s right, but she’s also so, so wrong. Why can’t she see it? Why am I going along with this? Normally I’d be screaming my head off and telling her how stupid she is. That she can’t just take justice into her hands and kill people because she thinks they deserve to die.
I’m not doing that, though. I’m just so relieved that she told me she loves me that I’m letting it all slide. All this bad, dirty stuff that’s corrupting her, corrupting us. I’m just gonna forget about it. OK, forgetting, Buffy. You no longer remember. OK.
I sigh. “You’re right. We said that nothing could come between us. There’s nothing too big for us to handle. And… I love you enough to forget this. To not judge or get mad at you. OK? I love you.”
“I love you Buffy.” Faith smiles at me gently and leans forward, softly pressing her lips against mine. I melt into the feeling of her luscious lips, and now I really am starting to forget.
This is all that matters. This feeling of being so close to her. So loved by her. I love her weight now pressing onto me. Overwhelming me and comforting me all at the same time. Warmth spreads through my body when I feel her tongue softly stroking mine. I can’t even remember what we were fighting about before.
Faith starts up a rocking motion above me, pushing her hips into mine. It feels so good. How can it feel so good when we’re fully clothed? She’s pressed so tight against me, and I start to feel the familiar ache in my clit. It spreads out, engulfing my whole body in arousal.
“Lose the shirt, Baby,” I mumble, pulling at the bottom of her shirt. I need to feel her against me. Faith lets me pull it off, sitting up slightly and shaking her hair out. Naturally, she’s not wearing a bra, and her hard nipples are right in front of me, begging to be sucked. I move forward and catch one in my mouth, moving my other hand up to toy with her other nipple. Faith sighs and closes her eyes, and then starts to rock against me again. The only difference is her pussy is pressed against my stomach rather than my own pussy.
She moves her hand down and unbuttons my jeans quickly. Yeah, I can tell this is gonna be one of our fast, passionate, animal sex kind of nights. I feel the nature of our caresses change to something rougher as Faith shoves her hand under my panties, immediately starting to finger my clit. God, it feels just the way I want it to.
I breathe heavy and gasp. “Oh God, Faith. That feels so good. Press it harder baby. I want to feel it even harder.” Faith obliges and starts grinding her finger into my clit. The feeling’s overwhelming. I’m so wet and hot, I know it’s not going to take me long to come.
“BUFFY! Where are you?!”
We both freeze at the sound of my mother’s voice from downstairs.
“What the hell is she doing here?” Faith yells in a whisper. Does that make sense?
Faith quickly pulls her hand out of my pants and I scramble off the bed, trying to button them. I see Faith’s shirt on the ground and throw it at her head. Faith quickly grabs her shirt and pulls it over her head, then tugs her boots on without lacing them up and goes over to my window to climb out.
“Buffy, are you in your room?!” Mom yells. Her voice is getting closer. I think she’s coming up the stairs.
I quickly kiss Faith and then she’s out the window. Just as she’s out of sight my door opens.
“Buffy, there you are. Why didn’t you answer me?”
“Sorry Mom, I was just coming to see you. I have kind of a sore throat so I didn’t want to yell.”
“OK sweetie,” she says, feeling my forehead. “You feel a little warm. Maybe you should get to bed.” I feel warm? Gee, I wonder why.
“OK, will do, Mom. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, honey.”
Mom closes the door behind her and I let out a sigh, letting my shoulders slump. Man, I really wanted to come. I’m so worked up now. I walk over to the window and look down. Shit! What is Faith still doing here?
She waves her sticky fingers at me and then licks them off, making me groan. She can be such a bitch some times.
Then she mouths “It’s enough?” at me. Aww… she’s so sweet, also.
“It’s enough,” I mouth back, nodding my head. She smiles and then turns and leaves. There’s a cute little hop in her step as she disappears down the street. She’s so cute! I really do love her.
I change and get ready for bed. Still thinking about Faith. It’s not all good, though. I’m still worried. Seriously, seriously worried. I don’t like where she’s going. Not that I’ve liked it for while, but she’s getting worse daily. I slip under the covers and close my eyes. OK, no more thinking about this tonight. Go to sleep Buffy, and hopefully dream about a naked, sweaty Faith.