Full Moon Rising

‘Italicized words with single quotation marks indicate thoughts.’

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Chapter 5

Xander’s eyes fluttered open. He didn’t know how long he had been sleeping but it was still dark. Moonlight streamed through the open window illuminating the dark room in a soft blue ethereal light. It was a hot summer night and the air was thick with humidity. Sweat formed across his heated flesh and the sheets were sticky and uncomfortable. But none of that really bother him. No. His sole focus was on the very warm, very naked and very male body wrapped around him.

Xander slowly detangled his limbs from the sleeping man and sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. The thin white linen sheets fell from his naked chest to his waist as he dragged the covers with him slowly uncovering Nathaniel’s nude form. He froze as the reality of what he had done sunk into his sleep ridden mind, thrusting him into full awareness faster than a bucket full of ice cold water. Oh god! He had sex with a guy! Xander wasn’t exactly panicking per say. No…it felt more like an anxiety attack, a very strong anxiety attack. This was one of those life altering, reevaluation, introspective kind of things where a person suddenly learns something shocking about themselves and doesn’t quite know if they should be horrified or not. To be honest Xander didn’t know how exactly he should feel. But he knew he liked it and that was the part that wigged him out.

Xander shook his head in his hands and tried to calm down. There was no reason to panic just because he slept with a guy. It was just sex and he was a man, which pretty much meant he thought about sex constantly. So what does it matter if his bed partner was female or…or something else as long as it was a warm, willing and ready. Okay that didn’t come out the way he wanted it to. It made him sound like some kind of pervert but basically sex was sex. Riiiight…can we say denial much. If this wasn’t enough for him to forfeit his card carrying membership to the world of heterosexuality he didn’t know what was.

Oh Xander would gladly liked to pretend that it hadn’t meant anything and go on living his life in the delusion of heterosexuality bliss. But he knew better. He was from the Hellmouth and if Xander had learned anything from the oblivious residents of Sunnydale it was that denial doesn’t change a goddamn thing, it only hides the truth until it literally bites you on the ass. No, this was more than sex. What he had shared with Nathaniel was exciting, thrilling and more real than anything he had ever experience with Anya or with anyone else for that manner.

So did that mean he was gay? He didn’t think so because he still liked the ladies. So Nathaniel was special. Well duh, that was pretty obvious since the moment Xander laid eyes on him. Nathaniel was different and he wasn’t talking about the fact that he was a shifter. Oh yeah, Xander knew exactly what Nathaniel was. He wouldn’t have risked relinquishing control to the Hyena if he wasn’t. Usually the hyena plus sex equaled disaster. But as a shifter, Nathaniel could take what ever the hyena dished out. A small smile tugged at the corner of Xander’s mouth. It was kind of nice to let go once in a while, it felt really, really good. He was always afraid of losing control with Anya and hurting her. Sure his ex fiancé like her sex kinky but she was still human and therefore fragile.

Maybe the wereleopard appealed to his beast and that was the reason why he was suddenly attracted to Nathaniel. The hyena definitely liked the boy. Could these new found feelings be his inner beast manifesting herself? That would certainly explained why the hyena was practically purring in post cotial bliss while he was nearly hyperventilating in panic. She was just probably horny and suddenly had a hankering for dick. No, that didn’t make any sense. The hyena was him and he was her. What ever he wanted she did too. They weren’t two split entities sharing the same body like Deadboy’s soul and Angelus's demon. They were one; mind, body and soul.

Confused and more than frustrated then before, Xander ran his hand through his unruly hair. His head was starting to hurt and to be honest he wasn’t quite ready to deal with this right now. He still had feelings for his ex and it felt like he had betrayed her somehow. It was too soon and his heart ached every time he thought about her. Then an awful thought came into his head. What if…what if he was just using Nathaniel to take his mind off Anya? He felt terrible and his stomach twisted with a new wave of guilt. Nathaniel was far too sweet to be used liked that and Xander had a sneaky suspicion that it wouldn’t be the first time someone had taken advantage of the wereleopard.

Xander looked down at the small man sleeping peacefully beside him and his heart filled with emotion. A warm pleasant tingling sensation washed over him, calming his frazzled nerves. All the fears and anxieties about himself and Sunnydale melted away, leaving him feeling lighter than he had for a very long time. Suddenly his problems didn’t seem all that important or dire. He didn’t feel like such a failure anymore and life no longer seemed so complicated or overwhelming. Right now all that matter was Nathaniel and the outside world was inconsequential. Xander would have to admit this wasn’t the first time he had felt this way. He had felt it the first time he peered into those beautiful lilac eyes. It was instantaneous and so powerful that it nearly blew him away. At first Xander had thought he was just horny and later he contributed it to the excitement that came from having sex with a man for the first time. But after things had calmed down he still felt the same way and his feelings just got stronger the longer he was with Nathaniel. He couldn’t quite explain it, but he was never much of a thinker that was always Willow’s department. He was more impulsive sarcastic guy. So Xander decided not to worry about it and just follow his instincts. They had gotten him this far so why not see where they would take him next. Oh yeah, he knew that was a bad idea but he didn’t care. He was happy and Xander thought it was funny that he had found a little bit of paradise in a seedy little motel room on the bad side of town.

Xander laid down beside the sleeping man so that his face was even with Nathaniel’s. He studied the man’s face closely with a quiet intensity. There was no doubt that the man was beautiful. His skin was flawless and glowed with an ethereal beauty in the moonlight. His long silky hair was a deep rich auburn and fell loosely about his face. He looked so much younger when he was asleep, a boyish face that spoke of innocence and youth. But his eyes told a different story. When they were open there was a sadness about them that spoke of pain and abuse. Xander had seen that same look in his own eyes. But unlike Nathaniel his eyes had harden to the horrors of the world, it no longer touched him like before and he now used humor and lame jokes to hide his vulnerability. But Nathaniel’s eyes were different. They were still bright and opened. He had not yet closed them to the pain. He was still a child stuck in a man’s body; and Xander both exalted and mourned for him because Nathaniel had not lost that childlike innocence, but he was vulnerable. He could still be hurt.

Xander’s brown eyes traveled down the young man’s slender body and stared at the dark bruises and small red bite marks marring his beautiful tan skin. He brushed his fingers lightly over the crescent shape bruises on Nathaniel’s hips, where his fingers had dug into his skin, and frowned. He didn’t think he had hurt Nathaniel but some of the bite marks looked really deep.

“Why are you sad?” whispered a sleepy voice and Xander’s hand stilled. He looked up into tired violet eyes slowly blinking at him.

Nathaniel had woken up when he first felt the gentle touch on his bare skin. He snuggled closer into Xander’s warm embrace and sighed in contentment as strong arms wrapped securely around his body. He laid his cheek against the older boy’s hairy chest and listened with quiet fascination to the sound of Xander’s heart as it beat in time with his. Nathaniel had missed this oh so very much. He had almost forgotten how good it felt waking up in someone’s arms. It had been a long time since he had woken up with someone other than Anita and his pard; and it had been ages since anyone just held him. Usually his bed partners would roll over after awhile leaving him feeling cold and dejected. There was just something intimate about being held, more so than the actual sex. Nathaniel liked being held and there was no place he would rather be than right here in Xander’s arms.

“Did I hurt you?” asked the older boy in concern as he brushed a stray lock of hair from Nathaniel’s face.

Xander’s eyes filled with an aching tenderness that made Nathaniel’s chest swell with joy and a small smile spread across the wereleopard’s face just before he captured the other boy’s lips with his own, kissing him slow and deep.

“I liked it. Couldn’t you tell?” asked Nathaniel playfully. Last night was incredible. His body ached in the most pleasant ways and he was sore in all the right places. Their lovemaking had been intense, almost primal. They rutted blindly against each other like two sex crazed animals in heat, wild and uncontrolled. Xander took what he wanted greedily and he wasn’t satisfied until Nathaniel was screaming in pleasure right there with him. He had pushed Nathaniel to the very edge and beyond until he was quaking with raw pleasure. Every touch seemed to set him on fire and Xander seemed to know just how to make him scream. Yeah he liked it alright and he couldn’t wait to do it again.

Xander sighed in relief and rubbed Nathaniel’s back sensually. The wereleopard preened under the gentle administration and his cock stirred with renewed interest. “Not really since I kind of black out at the end. Sorry about that,” admitted Xander sheepishly as his face flushed in embarrassment.

Nathaniel buried his nose into the crook of Xander’s neck and took in the heady scent of sex and sweat. “Hmm… you smell nice. I wish I could stay longer, ” whispered Nathaniel forlornly.

Xander’s heart fell in disappointment. The few precious hours that they had spent together exploring each other’s bodies were wonderful but it wasn’t nearly enough. He wanted more. “Do you have to go?” sulked the older boy quietly.

“The people that I live with will worry if I stay out for too long. I’m not suppose to leave with strangers without telling them first,” admitted Nathaniel. To be honest he was probably already in trouble for leaving the club without Jason. Anita had given him specific instructions to stay close to the werewolf at all times and he wasn’t supposed to go out with anyone until they had met with Anita’s approval. He felt kind of guilty about leaving Jason, Stephen and Gregory all alone to suffer Anita’s wrath and he would probably catch hell for it when he got home.

“Well okay. If you gotta go,” resigned Xander sadly. Just because he didn’t have a home to go to anymore didn’t mean that Nathaniel didn’t and that was just depressing. Xander could feel the aching loneliness that Nathaniel had managed to chase away for a few precious hours seep back into his bones like a chill on a cold winter’s day. Soon he will be alone again with only his depressing thoughts to keep him company.

Then suddenly an idea popped into his head and Xander smiled mischievously as he hopped enthusiastically out of bed, completely nude and pulling an equally naked and slightly confused wereleopard with him. “Come on. Let’s take a shower first and then I’ll take you home.” Maybe Xander couldn’t stop the inevitable but at least he could have some fun trying and hopefully keep the black shroud of loneliness at bay for just a little while longer.

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AN: Please review. Next Chapter Xander meets Anita.