Revelations

The interview went by without a hitch and Buffy, for one, was relieved that hurdle was over. They had one more later that day and Buffy was hoping for a nap before it came. Her mind was clouded and fuzzy—partly because of her serious make out session with Spike in the limo. What kind of vapid ho was she? No matter if she was in love with Angel or not, she still respected him. Guilt. She felt guilt. And anger. Anger at Spike for making her remember the good times, for making her FEEL period.
She had a throbbing headache and she was finding it hard to focus on anything. Job hazard to be sure. As Spike chatted with a photographer and she chatted with the interviewer, she was offered water, which she proceeded to down in one long gulp. She was nearly gasping for air when she was done. Erin--?—stared at her in surprise.

"Thirsty, pet?" Spike asked, and she looked over to see him standing next to her all of a sudden.

"Yeah," she said lamely and tried unsuccessfully to crack her neck. Was it her or was the room hot? She felt suffocated suddenly.

"Pet, you all right?"

She ignored him and asked Erin "got a bathroom?"

"Down the hall."

"Thanks," and she strolled off.

In the bathroom, she stared at herself in the mirror. Spike made out with
her why? She looked like shit! She looked exhausted with the dark circles
and tired eyelids. Her hair was pulled back and nearly falling out in strands.
She looked disgusting to herself. She needed food, Tylenol, a nap and
another shower. All in that order. Trying to put her hair back into some
kind of order and trying to make herself look somewhat presentable, she
started on her way out when she slammed her foot into the corner of the counter. She gritted her teeth, trying not to give into the temptation to scream in pain. Limping out of the bathroom, she decided she just wanted to die.

"Pet, what'd you do? Why are you limping?"

She looked up to see Spike in front of her all concerned and gentle and she felt like the biggest shit because all she could think of was Angel and how she cheated on him.

"I'm fine, I just. . . I'm a klutz."

"Can you walk all right?"

"I just need to walk it off," she told him and started on her way.

"You hung?"

She frowned, "I never get hung over. I think I just need some sleep. And
food. And something for my head."

Taking her hand in his, Spike started leading her to the door. She stopped
and pulled her hand out of his grasp. He looked at her in surprise.

"I can walk fine Spike. I don't need you to hold my hand through it."

He was clenching his jaw. "That it then?"

She let out a loud sigh, "don't start. I'm not in the mood."

"Knew we never should have stopped for the interview," he muttered.

"Yeah, I should have continued my cheating on my boyfriend," she told him
sarcastically.

"You don't love him."

She threw up her arms, "that's not the point!"

"It's the whole point, Buffy. You don't love him. You love me."

"Would you stop saying that?" She hissed at him and stormed off. At that
point, she didn't want to be anywhere near him. She just wanted him to
leave her alone and stop muddling her thoughts. The limo was waiting for
them outside and she spun to Spike.

"Limo's here. It'll take you back.""Where are you going?"

"Taking a cab."

"Buffy—"

"I'll see you later."

He grabbed her arm. "Do you have money on you?"

She stopped. Did she? Fuck.

"Great. You see? You see how you mess up all my plans?" She yelled at
him.

"How am I messing up your plan to take a taxi? You're the one without any
money. You want money? I have some; by all means let me give you some,
consider it thanks for snogging with me in the limo earlier!"

Furious, for being made to feel even worse about herself for making out
with him and cheating on Angel, she saw red and hauled off and punched
him. Her eyes went wide as Spike shouted and grabbed his nose.

"You bitch!" He yelled.

Her hands flew to her mouth in shock of what she'd just done. Then she saw
the blood. "Oh my god! Spike I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to punch
you. Let me see—"

"Get away from me you stupid bint," he growled at her. "I'm taking the
fucking cab!"

"Fine! Take it!" She screamed at him and stomped away and into the limo.
She watched him hail a cab whilst keeping a hand on his bleeding nose. God,
she hoped it wasn't broken. That would not bode well. Not at all. Especially
with an interview later, and oh god, what if someone had seen them? She
sunk into the seat just as the limo pulled out. She turned to see Spike
getting into a cab. She sighed and sat down while her cell phone went off.
Message.

She opened it and read her text: ‘Miss you. Angel.' She suddenly didn't feel
so guilty about clocking Spike's nose. Guilty, but not AS guilty. Angel
missed her and she'd admitted to Spike she didn't love him. Then she'd
gone and kissed Spike. Surely the punch made up for that right? She sunk
lower into the seat and just wished the weekend would be over and soon.

When she arrived at the building, Spike was pulling in just behind her. She
had to bite back her pride and go over to him. He seemed a bit calmer, but
still glared at her.

"Come to finish the job?"

She took a deep breath. "Listen, I'm sorry that I punched you—"

"Are you really?"

She glared at him, "it's a sliding scale."

He glared at her.

"Can I see what the damage is please?"

He moved his hands away and she gasped. "Spike, is it broken?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Do you want it to be?"

"It's not broken. I just need some ice."

"Let me help you."

"Thought you wanted me to leave you alone."

"I just want to help; can you not make it a thing?" She sighed.

"Fine," he relented and they made their way to the hotel desk to find out if
they could get some assistance on ice packs. They sat in the lobby and
waited while Buffy tried to get him to show her more of his nose.

"Spike, it's all red and swollen. I'm going to cancel the interview."

"Buffy, no, why?""Because your nose looks horrible and you don't want
them asking questions."

"It's their job."

"I know smart ass."

"I'll just tell them that. . . that I got into a fight with a guy because he was
harassing a young lady and he didn't like what I said. Come on, isn't all that
lying and extolling my virtues right up your alley?"

She was trying not to grin. "Spike, I don't know."

"Don't fret your pretty little head about it. I have an interview and I intend
to go. Just because my publicist is violent is no reason the show mustn't go
on."

"Oh shut up. I wouldn't be so violent if you didn't know when to shut your
trap."

They fell into silence and some time passed before Spike spoke.

"I still love you, you know. If you thought punching me could stop that, you
were wrong," he told her softly.

"Spike," she started.

"No, don't say anything. Can't you just believe me when I say it and let that
be enough for now?"

"Why now Spike? Why didn't you ever tell me before?"

"It was never the right time."

"And it was the right time when I'm involved with someone? It wasn't fair
to spring something like that on me like that."

"Then you tell me when a good time would have been."

"Maybe when you started having the feelings?"

"In high school? You wanted me to tell you then?"

"I don't know! All I know is that you tell me you love me and that you
expect us to be dating and that I love you. . . you can't make those decisions
for me."

"You're right."

"Then why are you?"

He looked at her, a bit sheepish. "I was trying to convince you. I thought if I
told you enough, you'd believe it."

"You're kind of twisted."

"Can't help it. Comes with wanting you since high school. You drive me
crazy you know? Always have and probably always will," he muttered as he
hung his head.

She stared at him, feeling guilty for hurting Spike, for kissing him and
essentially cheating on Angel, for enjoying the kiss and wanting more, for
leading Spike on, for punching him. . . the list went on and on.

She wanted to go home. She wanted to go home and just hide. She didn't
want to be here anymore, she didn't want to deal with any of it anymore.
When the attendant finally came and handed them the ice packs, the
silently made their way back to their rooms.

"You going to take a nap pet?"

She nodded mutely, feeling exhaustion creep into her bones.

"Are you all right?"

She shook her head, her lower lip beginning to quiver.

Spike stopped her and grabbed her arm, turning her so she'd look at him.
"What is it kitten?"

"Just. . . everything. I feel like I've packed a week in two days. I'm over
tired and emotional and I punched you and I just. . ."

"What baby?"

"I want to go home!" She cried.

His eyes narrowed slightly, "you miss Angel that much?"She threw up her
arms in exasperation. "Why do you automatically think that everything has
to do with him?"

"Well it does, doesn't it?"

"No actually it doesn't. As a matter of fact this weekend has been all about
you, you conceited jerk! Do you realize that you are the only person I know
that can single-handedly turn my life completely upside down? You've been
doing it since I met you!"

He slowly broke out into a smile, "it's only fair I wager. You turned my life
upside down and have since I met you. You think you don't drive me
completely nuts? Do you know what it's like to love you and have to watch
you with Angel or any of the other blokes you've dated? Or how it feels to
love you and have you hate me? Why do you think I chose you to represent
me luv? Not just because I knew you'd do a fantastic job but also because
that way, I'd have you to myself. Some part of you would be all mine. It
was better than watching you from a far and never getting a chance to be near you."

She gasped at his declaration; let it wash over her. "You love me," she
finally managed. No one had ever said such beautiful words to her. No one.

He grinned, reached out and tucked some hair behind her ear. "Yes luv. You just figuring that out?"

"I. . . I. . . need a nap," she said, though not moving. . Her heart was
swelling inside her chest and she felt the incredible urge to kiss him. What
the hell was he doing to her sense? How in the world did he always manage
to take reason and accountability and fling it out the door? He made her such a mess!

"Go on then luv. Get your nap," he gestured toward the door.
She nodded and before she could change her mind and fling herself back in his arms, she unlocked the door and practically ran in.