You promised

You promised_5


Spike was thrilled that they had exactly what he wanted. ‘It’s Perfect.’ He smiled opening the small box and taking another peek inside. ‘She’s gonna Love it.’

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Buffy trudged home slowly. She was feeling really awful by the time she reached her house. She walked up to her room, feeling like her legs were made of led or rubber, or both. ‘Rubbery led.’ She got into bed without even removing her clothes. Sighing deeply she pulled the covers up to her neck and began to shiver.

Beads of sweat formed on her forehead and upper lip. ‘So cold.’ She thought closing her eyes.

FLASH

“Buffy…honey…is there anything I can get for you?” Joyce asked, leaning over and wiping her head with a cool cloth.

“Mom? No…I’m fine mom. I just want to go home…”

“We will take you home honey. I promise. You just have to get better first.”

“I want to get better…I want to…”

“The doctor said you have to give up your imaginary world…”

“I…”

“Look Buffy…you need to…do whatever it takes. They aren’t real honey.” Hank said walking up behind Joyce and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“It's not going to be easy, Buffy. You have to take it one step at a time. You have to start ridding your mind of those things that support your hallucination. You understand? There are things in that world you cling to. For your delusion they're safe holds, but for your mind, they're traps. We have to break those down.” The Doctor said grimly.

”Slay?” Buffy asked. ‘Oh god! I can’t do it. Kill my friends. My sister. Spike.’

”Yes. I'm talking about those things you want there. What keeps you going back.”

”My friends.” Buffy looked up at him with tear filled eyes. ‘My Whole life.’

”That's right. Last summer when you had a momentary awakening, it was them that pulled you back in.” Joyce said softly, stroking her hair. ”They're not really your friends, Buffy. They're just tricks keeping you from getting healthy.”

‘Last summer I was in heaven. My friends pulled me out of heaven.’

”You have to do whatever it takes to convince yourself of that Buffy. Whatever it takes.” The Doctor murmured before turning and walking out of the room.

FLASH

She opened her eyes and was back in her room, under her covers. Sweat poured off of her. She threw back the covers and took in huge gulps of air. She heard a noise downstairs.

“Buffy?” She heard him calling her but she was too weak to reply.

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Spike walked into the silent house. “Buffy?” He called out. No answer. Taking his duster off he threw it over the banister.

He walked into the kitchen taking his purchases with him. He had picked up a card while he was out so he decided to sit down and write. When he was done with the card he sealed it in an envelope and wrote her name on the outside, tucking it into the tissue wrapped around the flowers Spike made his way up to her room, flowers and gift in his arms.

“Luv?” Spike stopped suddenly when he saw her. She looked so fragile and pale. “Are you ok Buffy?” Fear gripping his heart in an icy grip he made his way to her bedside.

“You’re not real. I have to let you go…you’re not real.” She moaned turning slightly away from him.

“I’m real Buffy. I’m right here I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Spike gripped her hand in his. It was burning up, just like the rest of her body.

She closed her eyes, comforted by his grip on her clammy hand.

FLASH

“There’s my girl.” He said walking up to her bedside and running his hand slowly over her breast.

“I’m NOT your girl. I could never be your girl.” She said angrily trying to push him away.

+Spike looked at her stunned. ‘What the bloody hell?’+

“Come on sweetie…let yourself love me…” He smirked. He was an orderly that worked at the hospital.

“I could never love you, there’s nothing good or clean in you. You’re a monster!” She screamed shrilly.

+”Buffy? Luv…I…please…don’t…don’t say those things…we’ve been so good…I have changed Luv. You know I have. For you.” Spike felt tears welling in his eyes.+

“Sweetness I could change…for you I’d be willing to give it a shot.”

“You’ll never change. You’ll always be a soulless monster.”

+“You don’t mean that Luv. Please tell me you don’t. Did Xander say something to you to get you to…Buffy…it’s onnivnniversary…Two months luv…” Spike tried one last time to reason with her, as tears trickled slowly down his face.+

“Don’t’ be like that.”

“GET OUT! GET OUT. Don’t you ever come back here!!!” She screamed. She closed her eyes and sobbed.

+He turned and fled, still clutching the roses and small little jeweler’s gift box in his trembling hands.+

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He stopped on his way out the door to write down a quick note. ‘Buffy. I’m sorry that you will only ever see me as a monster. I hoped and dared to dream that things could be different between us, I still want you to have the gifts I got you for our two-month anniversary. By the time you read this I will be gone. The things you said to me, I can’t take it. You want me out of your life, and now I will be. I’m sorry. Love Spike.’

He sealed the note in an envelope, writing only her name on the front. He walked out the door shutting it softly behind himself, turning he placed the gift box down, and the roses on top of it.

Hearing a snarl he turned just in time to see a vampire lunging at him. Spike growled viciously.

“Look, it’s the slayer’s…” The vamp didn’t even have time to finish his sentence before Spike plunged a stake deep into his heart. Screaming it crumbled to dust falling on top of the roses and gift he left for Buffy.

He looked down and smiled sadly, tears still running unchecked in a steady stream.. ‘I’ll leave it like that. She’ll think that’s my dust.’ Spike turned around and made his way down the porch steps, and out of Sunnydale.

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Buffy awoke writhing in pain. ‘Oh god! Spike…help me…Where are you?’ She moaned and rolled onto her side, noticing for the first time that it was light outside. Had been for a long time by the looks of the sun in the sky. ‘I hope he’s not mad about what happened at the wedding. He said he wasn’t going anywhere. He promised.’

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’What the hell is that?’ Dawn wondered walking closer to the steps. She realized it was flowers and took a few steps closer. “BUFFY!!!” She screamed loud enough to wake the dead. “BUFFY!”

She knelt down, tears already forming for the best friend she ever had.

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Buffy heard Dawn scream, it was shrill, gut wrenching, a scream of anguish and despair. She quickly made her way downstairs and flung open the door.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, falling to her knees and already knowing the answer before Dawn spoke.

“It’s…Spike…Oh god…he’s dust…” Dawn ran her fingertip over one of the rose petals and collected some of the dust.

“Wait…don’t move…” Buffy said desperately trying to hold back her tears. She ran to her room and grabbed a small little box. She came back and collected the ashes the best she could. Quickly gathering the items on the ground she pulled Dawn into the house and went back to her room.

“Call Willow. Tell her to get over here as quick as she can…” Buffy said softly to Dawn before shutting the door.

She opened the letter first, since it was on top. Tears were coursing down her cheeks by the time she finished it. ‘Spike you idiot. I love you.’ Her eyes widened. “Oh god. I do. And now I’ll never be able to tell you.’

She sobbed brokenly. When she got herself somewhat under control she opened the little box she had found. Ned ind inside tissue and cotton she found a beautiful chain, the pendant read. BAS. In beautiful script. She opened the card, tears still streaming down her face.

‘Buffy,
I just wanted to tell you again how much I love you. You are my reason for being Luv, these past two months have been the happiest of my entire existence. I wanted to get you something to show you that I believe in us. I believe with all of my being that we have a chance. The necklace, it stands for ‘Buffy and Spike’ I know you won’t tell your friends that so for now, until you’re ready you can tell them it stands for ‘Buffy Anne Summers.’ I hope you like it. Yours always Spike.

She threw herself down on the bed, face first, card, necklace, flowers and the box containing what she believed to be Spike’s ashes stilutchutched tightly in her hand. She let out gut wrenching sobs, breath stealing painful tears of anguish and dispair. For the loss of him. For never telling him when she had the chance, and now never being able to tell him she did figure it out, she Buffy the vampire Slayer, was in love with one of the most violent brutal Vampires’ off all time, and that he did change. That she believed in him.

That was how Willow found her, curled around her gifts and his ashes as if they were treasures she would never part with.

“Buffy?” Willow tapped lightly on the door and then opened it. She saw her lying there and walked over. She placed her hand on Buffy’s shoulder.

Buffy turned to her and buried her face in Willow’s shoulder. “Oh god Will. I love him so much, and now he’s gone.”

“Who Buffy? What’s going on? I got a call from Dawn…”

FLASH

“Mommy? I don’t know how to make it stop.”

+”Buffy? Are you ok?”+

“It’s ok honey. You just have to figure out what’s real…” Joyce said softly hugging her.

“I know what’s real. I really do. I promise. Please let me out.”

+”Buffy What’s wrong? Please talk to me…”+

FLASH

“Will? Oh god. It’s happening again…”

“What is?”

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“Ok Tara Dawn and I researched it…it’s called a Glargabullgashmanick. It hunts it’s prey, injects them with poison, and then when the prey is in a weakened state, inside it’s own mind, the Glargabullgashmanick attacks and kills it.” Willow said.

“So…what do I need to do?”

“Wait it out. If after 72 hours it hasn’t killed something it’s injected…the poison wears off.”

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“I feel so lost.” Buffy said sadly, tears forming in her eyes. ‘I want Spike to be here with me.’

”I know. You're confused. It's the crazy juice inside you.”

”It's more than that…it’s… you don’t understand…”

”Buffy, look at me. You are not in an institution. You have never been in an institution.” Willow said wrapping her arms around her friend.

”Yes I have.”

”What?”

”Back when I saw my first vampires. I so sso scared. I told my parents and they completely freaked out. They thought there was something seriously wrong with me. So they sent me to a clinic.”

”You never said anything...”

”I was only there a couple of weeks. I stopped talking about it and they let me go. Eventually, my parents just, forgot.”

”God, that's horrible...”

”What if I'm still there? What if I never left that clinic?” She let her sobs overtake her.

”Buffy, Buffy, you're not. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But... it's the past. You've gotta trust me. We're going to get you through this. 72 hours is not that long…we’ll take turns sitting with you.”

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“Toyenza coyengara. Erio mtuwana.” You can't go in there. It's very dangerous. The villager said softly, placing his hand on Spike’s arm

“Not asking for permission, mate.” Spike said walking past him and continuing on to the mouth of the cave.

”Ymirira! odja kufa! Ymirira!” Stop! You'll die! Stop! He yelled watching Spike enter the cave.

”You seek me, vampire?” A disembodied Voice asked. Spike looked around but didn’t see anyone.

”You do the finger paintings? Nice work.”

”Answer me.”

”Yeah. I seek you.”

”Something about a woman. The slayer…and you want to return. To your former self...”

”Yeah. I want my soul.”

”Look what she's reduced you to! You were a legendary dark warrior - and you let yourself be castrated. And you have the audacity to crawl in here and demand restoration?”

”I'm still a warrior…”

”You're a pathetic excuse for a demon…”

”Yeah? I'll show you pathetic! Give me your best shot!”

”You'd never endure the trials required to grant your request.”

”Do your worst. But when I win, I want what I came here for.”

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“He's everything I hate. He's everything that ... I'm supposed to be against. But the only time that I ever felt anything was when ... Don't tell anyone, please…I’m not ready to face that yet I need some time to mourn him.”

”I won't.” Tara said softly, wiping Buffy’s forehead with a cool cloth. “You love him and I-It's okay if you do. He's done a lot of good, and, and he does love you.”

“But he’s gone. It’s too late. I hurt him. I didn’t tell him and he went out and watched the sun rise…it’s my fault.”

”It's not that simple. You didn’t…you couldn’t have known…”

“Please don't forgive me, please... “ She sobbed, leaning forward to grip Tara in a tight hug. “Please don't... Please don't forgive me...”

And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No.

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Song Sometimes love just ain’t enough Patti Smith

TBC…weather you want it or not, I’m loving this story and I hope you are too…Az.