The Brink Of Your Mind

Pale Saint
A/N: ok! new chapter. sorry for the delay, and don't forget to r&r


As the sun had peaked its weary head above the earth that morning, it had roused the dark slayer from her fitful slumber, calling out to her to start her day. Over the course of the night, following ghost buffy’s appearance, she’d decided that for once, she didn’t have to lose herself within city boundrieds for no one to know her name.

Out here she was deep in the middle of no where, with no people around and not one road anywhere near by. No one would stumble across her camp site and disturb her from her thoughts. Here there was no willow to look on disproovingly at her, no xander to look longing into her eyes and no giles to bark out orders to her.

Of course, she could always get another visit from ghost buffy, failing the the wish that the blonde slayer was actually her over active imagination, she’d do just fine here for a few days. Maybe the quite would do her some good. Let her sort out the thoughts and emotions that tumbled about inside of her, deep down int eh soul she knew she still had. Somewhere.

But it was buried beneath a lifetimes worth of violence and blood, or pain and torture. And dispite wanting to know what actually feeling that soul there would be like, everytime it tried to rise to hurfaurface, she surpressed the bubbling specturm of being until it no longer prosed a threat to her.

Because it was always in front of other people that it tried to claw its way to light again, out through the shadows that marred her broken and weakened soul. Faith looked upon that as a sign of weakness, to the very people that she’d sworn to protect, even if she never really had a choice anyway. No, out here, where it was quite and not even the trees knew your name, it was ok to let that hidden part of herself out.

She could hold herself up to the light and no one would be around to see as it burned her, causing long surpressed tears to rise to the surface and wash away streaks of darkness from her face. Here it was ok to screa and weep, to punch anything that was near enough to her. To throw herself against the ground and wreath about on it’s custion of fallen leaves with the agony of feeling that lost little soul rising from within.

She didn’t need a pulsing beat and a seemingly single organism of bodies crushing around her to lose herself and remember the pain, or any alcoholic drink to kick start the forgotten emotions into being again. Here she could just… be.

She looked down upon the bed of foliage from her perch up in the canopy of golden leaves, and breifly wondered how far it was to the ground below. Not that it mattered. If she felt there would be no one to catch her and no one to help. She’d been swiftly moving from tree top to tree top all morning, watching the sun in it’s accent in the sky and counting the small wisps of clouds as they trailed across an ocean of endless blue.

She’d hung upside down within the trees and said hello to the birds, relishing the feel of dried bark beneath her fingers as she threw herself from branch to branch and performing feats of such athletic ability, that a small part of her was dissapointed that no one was around to see it and applaude her.

In a silent, but effective move, she kicked her legs out in front of her and dropped from her perch, hooking her legs around a lower branch to break her fall, before up-ending herself to shift into the next tree over.

~ ~ ~

“And this is going to accomplish what, exactly Willow?” the harried librarian said as he walked out of his office, book open in one hand and mug clasped tightly in the other. At the center table of the room, willow sat with a small bowl in front er, er, bustles of herbs positioned in a circle around it, and deep brown sand sitting in the pottery itself.

She’d noticed that over the last few days, buffy had become distracted and distant. Her mind always wondering off in the middle of conversations and her face curling itself into an expression of deep concentration. As if she was thinking about the very meaning of life itself. Her energy was scattered, and dispite what giles kept saying, she knew there was a bigger reason for it and not just monthly cramps.

“It’s just taking a look at her energies giles, it’s nothing to worry about.” She lit a bundle of sage and waved it above the bowl of sand, her eyes following an intricate pattern in the air as her lips moved in an silent chant.

“As long as it’s not too… probing.” She could barely hear his voice over the roar that took hold inside of min mind, like she had fallen and dropped her head beneath the ocean waves. Everything sounded muted as she listened intently to the curling and retracting of that ocean, realising that it wasn’t the great sea at all, but a heart beat. Muted as it banged out it’s own rhythm inside of cheat chest it belonged too.

~ ~ ~

as she’d jumped from tree to tree, she’d stumbled across the stream she’d hear in through the trees yesterday. And she was rightabout it; shining a shade of bright blue she’d never seen before in her entire life, washing gently over the rocks in it’s bed, before curling itself over a small ridge and falling into a pool beneath.

She starred at it for the longest time, wondering absently, how she could never flow like the water; always forwards, never backwards. In her life it’s always seemed as if she’d take one step forward, and then ten backwards. A relentless cycle that she couldn’t break out of and didn’t even know how too, or if she could if she knew.

It was as she was watching the play of the waterfall, as it tumbled to it’s resting place below, that she realised that that was where it ended. Once it had dropped into that pool, that was seemingly the end of it’s journey. There was no small stream twriling its way further through the woodlands, and so, her logic reasoned that there must have been somewhere else it filtered slowly back out to the sea.

For the first time in about five hours, she dropped from the canopy and landed on her bare feet, her eyes never leaving that water. The more she stepped closer to it the more she felt the under lying urge to strip of excess clothing and dive into it’s seemingly cool waters.

So she did. Who out here was going to stop her?

When she broke the surface again, she gasped for air, not realising that whilst the water looked cool, it didn’t look as cold as it was, which was at a low enough temperature to snatch the air from her very lungs. Swimming in small, tight circles, she quickly got used to the drop in warmth and dd hed her head beneath the surface, opening her eyes and quickly scanning what was there.

It wasn’t murky beneath the surface, but it was filled with plants and other foliage that had made the pool it’s home, so it took her a few moments to spot the small hole in the rock face. Hidden behind some reeds and only really seeing it when the current of the water shifted the plants to the side.

She grinned.

~ ~ ~

what she expected to see, once she’d finally broken the surface of the water, was the under ground cave in it’s dusty shades of black and grey. She expected the staglatites as their tappered ends jugged out of the surrounding rock of the cave, and the soft drip drip dripping of water as it drop down from the ceiling in a steady rhythm. Hell, she even expected to see the water nymphs, shimmering pale blue visions as they sped around underneath the water, playing with each other in their own under water world.

What she didn’t expect to see, was another ghostly apperision of buffy.

She was sat on a small outcropping of stone, as it leaned out of the hazy green pool of water, running her finger tips through the liquid, even though no ripples formed in the surface, and staring down into the murky depths. Watching with idle curiosity at the small creatures below her, their images tittering as the water rippled.

“B?” the sound of faith’s voice, as she hauled herself out of the water startled her gently, causing her ind ind the eyes that were locked onto hers and smiling softly.

“Hey.” Without another word, she turned back towards the water and a wave of desire cascaded over the blonde’s face. Maybe it was to actually feel the water she was helplessly fingering, or perhaps to be one of those small beings that spent all day, ever day, doing nothing but play and directing the motion of the waters.

“What’re you doing here B? again?” the brunette flickered her eyes over the stone wallat sat surrounded her, wrigning the excess water out of her wavey locks and trying her hardest to keep the roll out of her eyes, or the tiredness out of her voice.

“I was dreaming. And it lead me here.” She looked around the cave for herself, a slightly smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “I don’t know what you’re doing here though. I had a dream with you in it lastnight too.”

The dark slayer lifted her eyebrow, tossing her damp hair over her shoulder as she crept closer to the apperition not ten foot away from her. She didn’t know if it was safe to get near this.. whatever the hell it was. All she knew was that it looked a whole hell of a lot like b, and even sounded like her – too much for faith’s liking. That dreamy wish washy way of talking when she wasn’t really paying attention to much, other than the thoughts inside of her own head.

The brunette sighed slightly, looking back into the water and wondering what the hell she’d done, as of late, to warret her time alone to be disturbed and broken like it had been. Twice in the last 24 hours as amatter of fact. She probably would have preferred it if the person that appeared to her would have been her father, or hell, even her brother would have been a better choice. Anyone but b.

“Yeah, well that’s great. But if you don’t mind, I’m trying to get a little peace and quiet here. You turning up whenever the hell you feel like it isn’t helping me any.” Her eyes once again flickered down to the bottom of the caves pool, and she felt a soft pulling inside of her to just splash into the water again, and start to play with those little nymph’s again. They were the reason she’d made it so damn far without breathing in more oxygen, as she slowly made her way towards what she knew must have been some form of under water cave formations.

“You’re so silly soemtimes faith.” The almost see through figure looked up and chuckled at her, the sound ringing in her ears long after she’d stopped to continue talking again. “I can’t control when I wake up, or what happens. It just.. is. You know?”

“Yeah I know. What the fuck do you think I’m doing in the middle of fucking no where?!”

faith threw her amrs up in exasperation and stalked over towards another out cropping of rock, looking down at one of the nymph’s as she gestured the dark haired beauty to re-join them in the water, as there was lots more here to see. But she didn’t feel like exploring the caves anymore. All she wanted to do was go back to her tent and have a nap. Maybe shut out som the the buffy centric thoughts that had been trying valiantly to hammer through her defences all morning. And she’d been almost completely sucessful, until she arrived at this cave to find the blonde waiting for her.

It was settled; she was never going to be able to go anywhere, without the little slayer following her.


To Be Continued