Addictive Personalities
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
9
Views:
15,934
Reviews:
71
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
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Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
9
Views:
15,934
Reviews:
71
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
5
The alarm rang loudly and for once Xander was grateful to wake up. The dreams he was escaping were almost more disturbing than reality. With his present reality that was saying a lot! But at least in the waking world he didn't wear a collar and beg Spike to fuck him and fill him. . . well at least not yet. Who knew what the vampire would do next.
The shaggy haired body rolled out of bed and slammed hard onto the floor, then pulled himself up and stumbled to the shower. The blast of cold water instantly shrivled what was left of his large morning friend-slash-problem, and he looked briefly at his hand before focusing on the washing. He couldn't even think about 'taking care' of it the usual way, he was 99.9% sure that it would be Spike he saw when he came and that was just too much for him at the moment.
He dried off, dressed, and was out the door and safely in the sunshine without Spike waking up and he toasted his fortune with a trip to Krispy Kreme for sugary goodness in donut for and liquid energy in coffee form. Done with breakfast, he hurried to the site and got right to work. An entire day without the confusion that was Spike! All was good in Xand-land.
Or, all was good until lunch time. That was when the call came.
It wasn't a 'be one with God' type call or, 'heal the world' type call, it was more of a 'are you out of your mind?!' type call, and it was delivered via Giles. Xander listened to the watcher rant and rave at him and wished more than anything that he could beg the older man to help him, but every time he took a breath to do just that, he remembered what Giles had said at the Scooby meeting. He was glad the Ksani were dead. They were vampire whores. He was a vampire's whore. The good feeling was completely gone.
"G-man, look. . . Spike's a bastard, I know that, okay? I'm not dumb, I just play it on TV. Spike is a blood loving killer with enough stories to make Jack the Ripper throw up and there is no way in Hell Heaven or anywhere in between that he loves me at all. I know. I just need him right now."
"Xander, whatever you get from Spike you can find with someone else. Someone who loves you. You know that you deserve that, don't you?"
Xander's eyes teared up. Sometimes he could beleive that Giles really cared about him. That he was like a father to him. That he wasn't just worried about a boy dying on his watch. Those times would never be back though, because even when Giles was being all 'worried guardian' toward him, he would remember the hateful words he'd said in the Scooby meeting. Ksani were vampire whores, tools, of course the watchers killed them, of course they didn't have souls. Vampire whores. "Remember when I asked you where I could buy Wheetabix?"
"Yes." He sounded confused.
"I wanted to get it for Spike, because I knew he liked it. I thought we were getting to be, if not friends, then at least non-enemys. I liked him, and he was hot, and then suddenly he wanted me too. Maybe not for the same reasons I wanted him, but he wants me, Giles. I know it's never going to be true love or fairy tale endings, but I can give him up."
"You talk like he's an addiction."
"Yeah." Xander hoped his voice sounded joking enough, "Addicted to Spike."
Giles stayed on the phone a while longer, trying to make Xander understand the situation, then he hung up with a reminder of the get together they were having that weekend.
Xander hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. The sad part was that what he'd told Giles had been pretty much the truth, before Spike had gone all uber dom on him. He'd really begun to like the vamp. Well he'd always known how to pick them. Bug lady, Mummy girl, Vengence demon, Cheerleader. . . he should have known better than to think his luck with men might be any better.
The shift ended much too quickly and he stayed as long after as he could, making up things to do until every last person had gone home. He didn't want to face Spike, not in the mood he was in. Spike would latch onto the slight downer and turn it into an emotional breakdown. He trudged slowly through the streets, leaving his car at the site in favor of a long walk home. Lost in thought, he didn't even think about the fact that it was dark. Or the fact that he didn't even have a stake on him.
He managed to make it back to the apartment in one piece, he didn't want to think about how that had happened since he was sure it would involve being owned by Spike. At his door he paused and took a deep breath, Spike was inside, Spike would never let him go. He was stepping into the rabbit hole and he had no where else to go. Being used by Spike was still better than being used by Angel, and at this point Angel would be his only option. He turned the knob and was instantly forced inside, from behind! Spike shoved him had and walked passed him, grabbing his shirt as he went and throwing the dazed boy onto the couch. "Spike!"
"Let's get this straight! You are not going to get out of this by dying pet! I own you!"
"Wha. . .?"
The blond snarrled wildly at him, in full game face, and slapped him hard, not even noticing the painful cracking sound it made, or the blood it brought to the half human's cheek. "Followed ya home didn't I? Was gonna pick ya up from work an take ya fer a treat but did ya go to yer car? No! You bloody well walk through Sunnyhell in a feckin' daze tha' practically screams eat me! Know 'ow many fledges I killed ta keep 'em away from you?!" He straddled the boy's legs and grabbed his shoulders harshly, "C'n feel the chip gettin' close. Ah C'n feel it ready ta break, an there is no way in bloody Hell tha' 'm lettign you die on me when I'm this close!"
Xander stared at the fuming vampire and to his horror, he felt tears welling up in his eyes. This on top of his revealing conversation with Giles and the stress of the last few days. . . it was too much. He hadn't even known what he was doing, but he wished he'd been able to pull it off. He wished that he could have died. How refreshing would it have been to be fed on once and then be dead, no mind games or might have beens, just dead. He didn't even realize that he was talking until he heard himself speak, "Please let me die."
Spike growled in reaction to that, "No."
//He'll get the chip out, he'll kill Buffy and Willow and Tara and Giles and it will be my fault.//
The vampire was opening his jeans and pulling his boxers aside, he took Xander's cock into his mouth and began to suckle at it, milking him like human livestock. Xander pulled himself back into his mind and tried to ignore his body's reactions to the hard suction. //I wonder if cows find a happy place when farmers milk them. Do they feel violated, having some human pulling on their tits?// He only absently noticed when he came, and barely roused himself enough to suck when Spike stuck his cold cock down Xander's throat. Once he swallowed, Spike got off of him, lifted him up and dropped him into the empty bathtub. "Wash off pet, you stink."
He lay in the tub, waiting until he heard the door close behind Spike. The taste of the vampire was still on his lips, his mouth still felt round and open and obscene. Xander couldn't stop the tears anymore, they coursed over his face in shame and pain and fear. His cum, his demon cum was going to make Spike strong enough to break free from the chip. He was going to make it possible for Spike to kill again. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't watch his friends die because of him!
That conviction firmly in place he went over his options. Giles was out, he'd already said what he thought about Ksani and Xander didn't want his father figure to be the one to kill him. Demons assistance was out. Even if he knew where to find a demon who would help him, Spike watched to closely when he was outside. The initiative was doubly out because no matter how much Xanderhated Spike, he didn't want the vampire dead. He actually cared abotu him in some warped as fuck way. The conclusion brought Xander's reaching hands to the drawer beside the sink that held his shavign kit, and the small box of cheap replacement razors. He listened carefully for any sign that Spike was still in the apartment and, finding none, he turned on the water, and pulled off his shirt. He didn't want to risk Spike being able to drink enough to break the chip after, if his blood was as potent as his other fluids, and so he unstopped the drain and watched the water run down it a moment before sliceing deeply and neatly through his skin from elbow to wrist and then across the wrist too for good measures. He laughed at the cross-like cuts and lay down in the tub, arms under the hard, warm flow of water, washing the blood away.
It was odd, after all the times he'd almost died saving the world, that he would die in his own bathtub, saving his friends without them knowing. They would think it was a suicide and Spike would be pissed, but he would play the sorrowful boyfriend well enough to stay a part of the group, after all, he needed blood since the chip still worked. //Spike. . . // Xander's eyes drifted closed to the stinging sharp feeling of broken flesh being peeled aside by rushing water. //Sorry I didn't leave a note. Sorry we couldn't be friends. Sorry. . . Spike. . .//
~tbc~
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I'm sorry to those of you who already scolded me for the cliffhangers before, I couldn't help it. I really tried not to do it, but I couldn't stop it. Please don't be too upset with me.
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