Damage

Buffy woke up, stiff and sore. The hot bath the previous night had helped some but not completely. She got ready for school, dreading seeing Riley. She felt like she had “I fucked Riley Finn’s dad” plastered all over her forehead and everyone, including Riley would see it when she got to school.

She said goodbye to her Mom as her and Dawn went out to meet Xander and Willow. Xander always picked them all up for school now that he had his own wheels and they would drop Dawn off at her middle school and then continue on to Sunnydale High.

“Hey Buffy” Willow and Xander greeted her.
“Hi Dawnie” Xander winked at her, causing her to blush. It was no secret that Dawn had a crush on Xander.
“Hi guys” Buffy said to her friends.

Xander had informed Willow on the ride over to Buffy’s that he thought something was up with her or that something had happened with Riley. If anyone could pry the information out of Buffy, it would be Willow so she promised Xander she would talk to her today.

After dropping Dawn off and driving the remaining 5 minutes of their morning commute, they arrived at their school. The three best friends made their way through the student parking lot and up to the building. Buffy saw Riley at his usual perch on the steps, waiting for her and made a beeline in the other direction for the side entrance of the school.

“Buffy? Where are you going?” Willow asked her.
“Umm...school?” Buffy smiled weakly.
“Yeah…I know but why are you going to the side? We always go in the front and look, there’s Riley” Willow pointed.
Buffy reached out and grabbed her pointy finger down. “Don’t point at him, Willow!” she said, alarm in her voice.
“Buff, what is going on? You’ve been acting all strange since yesterday?” Xander spoke up.
“Strange? Yes…that’s me, strange Buffy and strange Buffy wants to go in the side entrance today, O.K.?” Buffy pleaded with her eyes.
Willow and Xander exchanged looks then Willow said, “Well, alright, Buffy...we’ll go in the side entrance today…but…you can tell us if something is wrong, you know that, don’t you?”
“Yep…” Buffy said as she hurriedly walked away with her two friends trailing behind her, hoping Riley hadn’t seen her yet.

Buffy, thankfully, didn’t have any actual classes with Riley but lunch was an entirely different matter. She had managed to avoid him in the halls between classes through her morning classes and now it was lunch time. She saw Willow wave her over to the commons area next to the cafeteria. She did a Riley radar check and then walked over.

“Hey Buffy…ready for lunch?” Willow asked.
“Umm...I was thinking…we could go out today…you know…seniors this year and all...allowed to leave for lunch...” Buffy nervously looked around.
“Did I hear that we’re going out for lunch?” Xander came walking up with Oz in tow.
Willow gulped seeing Oz.
“Count me in…and hey...everyone….mind if Oz here joins us?” Xander winked at Willow.
“Sssssuree” Willow stuttered as Oz smiled at her.
“LET’S GO!” Buffy almost yelled grabbing Willow’s hand and dragging her towards the door.
“Don’t you wanna wait for Riley, Buff?” Xander asked.
“Uhhh...Ummm…no…he had something to do…let’s go” Buffy resumed her draggage of Willow.

As the four friends ate lunch off campus, Riley waited almost the entire lunch period for Buffy. He could’wornworn he had seen her earlier but now there was no sight of her. He grabbed something out of one of the vending machines and hurriedly ate it before his next class started.

Buffy sighed in relief as her, Willow and Xander piled into his car after school was over. She had managed to avoid Riley all day and to her horror she didn’t feel nearly as bad about it as she probably should. Willow asked if she could come over to her place after school so Xander dropped the two girls off at Buffy’s house.

No sooner did they get into Buffy’s bedroom, Willow began grilling her.
“Now look here, Missy. I know something is going on. You’ve been hiding from Riley all day and acting completely wacky. Now you better tell me what is wrong? See my resolve face? I’m not leaving until you do” Willow informed her.
Buffy sighed and flopped down on her bed. She was bursting to tell SOMEONE…and Willow was probably the best. Her mom would call the cops, no doubt. Xander would freak. Dawn was too young to understand. Hell, she didn’t even understand it all herself, how could she expect her little sister to? So, Willow it was.

Buffy took a deep breath and began to tell Willow the events of the previous day.
To say, Willow was stunned or shocked was putting it mildly. She sat there, mouth hanging open as her brain tried to register what Buffy had just told her.

“Please don’t hate me, Will. I couldn’t take it if you hated” Bu” Buffy teared up.
“Oh, BufI doI don’t hate you. I’m just…WOW....but why would I hate you?” Willow replied.
“Because I’m a big honking slut.” Buffy sobbed.
“Oh, Buffy…no you aren’t” Willow took Buffy in her arms and hugged her, “There there” she patted her back to comfort her.

“What am I gonna do, Willow?” Buffy asked her friend.
“I don’t know Buffy. Do...you...I mean...do you want to...uhh...be with Mr. Finn again?” Willow blushed herself even asking the question.
“His name is Spike. He told me to call him Spike. Somehow I think that’s a nickname though. And, God, please don’t think bad of me but, yes…yes, I want to be with him again.” Buffy admitted to her.
“What about Riley?” Willow asked.
“I don’t know…I can’t say anything…at least not until I’m 18 because my mom will probably call the cops on Mr. Finn and I would just die if that happened.” Buffy answered.
“Are you going to at least break up with him? You don’t have to tell him the real reason.” Willow said.
“How can I? If I break up with him, what excuse do I have for going over to his house? I won’t be able to see Spike if I break up with Riley…” Buffy trailed off.

“Isn’t he married too, Buffy?” Willow said hesitantly.
“Yes…but...something is wrong with her…Riley said she wasn’t feeling well but there are all those rumors about her being crazy and…well…oh, God…I’m an adulteress. I’m a mistress!” Buffy cried out.
“Oh Buffy.”low low hugged her again.
“Please don’t tell anyone, Willow. Promise me you won’t tell! Not even Xander!” Buffy begged her.
“I promise Buffy. I promise!” Willow said sincerely.
“You’re the bestest friend ever, Will” Buffy hugged her back.
“Let’s go downstairs. I’ll bake you some cookies. That will make you feel better.” Willow smiled as she pulled her friend along with her.

Spike sat in his study staring at a blank word document. It mocked him as it stared back.
“ARGHHHHHHH” he bellowed as he stood up and paced back and forth. He hadn’t been able to write all day. Every time he tried, all he could think about was Buffy. Buffy’s scent. Buffy’s soft skin. Buffy’s breathy moans. Buffy’s hot and wet……..arghhhhhhhhh!
How did he get himself into this situation? Spike’s mind drifted to his utterly fucked up life and how he had gotten where he was now.

Spike had met Drusilla his freshman year of college. She was a black beauty and stole his heart immediately. He had been inexperienced and she was his first girlfriend. She introduced him to the pleasures of the flesh. Boy did she. She was an adventurous spirit and the things she taught him, amazed him. Even though she was his only sexual partner, because of all the things they tried or she showed him, he had become a very adept lover. She had brought him from shy William to sexy Spike.

They were a couple all through out college and married as soon as they graduated. They were 21 and in love. Almost immediately after they were married, Drusilla had informed Spike that she was pregnant. He hadn’t expected to be a father so soon but he was elated at the thought of having a child. He pampered Drusilla and treated her like a Queen.

During the months of the pregnancy, Spike began writing a book which would go on to be a best-seller as would several more that followed. When his son was born, he was a newly successful author with a beautiful wife and a brand new home. Life didn’t get any better than this. His dreams had all come true. The two things in life he had wanted most were to be a writer and to fall in love. He had both with the added bonus of a beautiful baby boy.

His dreams soon turned inightightmares though. Drusilla began acting “funny” about a year after Riley’s birth. Granted, she had always been eccentric and a bit strange so Spike overlooked a lot of her new behavior, just attributing it to new motherhood. Over the next 6 years, Drusilla would sink into a severe mental illness. Spike had taken her to doctor after doctor for help but she only got worse with each passing year. It finally culminated in her trying to stab Spike with a kitchen knife once as she spewed out all her “crazy talk”.

Spike had her temporarily institutionalized but he couldn’t stand to see her in that place and instead, researched how to provide home care for her. As long as he could administer her medications properly, she should be O.K. The medication helped control the psychotic episodes but it didn’t do much for her nonsensical talk. She was in her own little world.

Spike brought her home, having fixed up a suite of rooms for her. A bedroom, sitting room, bathroom and small kitchenette area in the upstairs wing of their house became her home. She rarely ventured out though Spike had to lock the doors at night so she wouldn’t wander off but he left it unlocked while he was awake so if she wanted, she could come out. She just rarely did.

That had been 10 years ago. Drusilla refused to have sex with her husband ever again. And truth be told, Spike had long lost his desire to have sex with her anyway. Something about doing that with a crazy woman just didn’t seem appropriate to him or interest him. At that time he still loved her though and felt responsible for her. He often thought it was his fault for getting her pregnant. She had only deteriorated after having a child. His guilt and self blame kept him taking care of her all this time.

He had long ago fallen out of love with her though and he felt horrible about that but her illness had taken a toll on him. He was emotionally beaten and battered by her condition. The woman who once loved him regarded him as the enemy now. She would frequently try and attack him when he was giving her medication or visiting with her. He often left her room in tears or angry. He was at the end of his rope. He had turned to alcohol as a solace. Alcohol was his lover now. He had been celibate for 10 years, never once touching another woman, being ever faithful to his crazy wife…until Buffy. Oh Buffy.

Spike’s thoughts jerked to the present. It was like the dam had burst open when he made the decision to make love to her. All the years of pent up frustration and need came bursting out. Now he was flooded with her. His heart, for the first time in years felt stirrings of…something…something he thought he had lost, never to find again. He was terrified. He already lost his wife. He would surely lose his son if he found out about Buffy and him.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her though. The look in her eyes as she looked at him when he was inside her. She looked at him like he meant everything in the world to her. Drusilla hadn’t even ever looked at him that way. So, yeah, he was terrified because he knew deep in his soul that he would be with Buffy agano mno matter the consequences.

Continued in Chapter 6- Mr. Finn, I Think You’re Trying to Seduce Me