Crushing

Thank you so much for the reviews. I haven’t abandoned this story and I hope someone’s still reading it. Let me know…


Crushing_5

“I know Will. I do really. But With Spike…I can’t explain it. I Know He’s a demon. But I know he loves me. He really does. It’s real. And I do feel something for him…I’m just not sure what…” Buffy sighed.

“I get that. I really do. Just don’t…don’t start something with him just cause you’re grateful about him saving your mom, and Dawn.”

“It’s not just that Will…I‘ve been feeling this pull to him for a while. I’ve tried to deny it…but I don’t think I can anymore…I need to talk to him…” Buffy said picking up the warmed mug of blood.

“Ok. I’ll make sure Dawn gets to bed. Go talk to your vampire.”
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Spike laid down on the cot and closed his eyes. ~ What the bloody hell just happened? ~ Spike wondered.

Then he heard the whelp’s uttered words. “How long has this THING With Spike been going on?” Spike cringed. ~ So he saw the look. Maybe he saw the hand holding too…Buffy certainly didn’t tell them what happened between us, If she did I’d have been dust as soon as I walked through that door. Maybe before that even. They wouldn’t have helped her rescue me that’s for damned sure. ~ He was so engrossed in his thoughts he didn’t hear what Buffy said.

“Yeah. We all know how well it turns out when you make your own choices.” He heard Xander’s spiteful words being hurled at the slayer. ~ My Slayer. My Buffy. ~ He was on his feet and making his way upstairs when he heard the slap.

“Buffy…I’m sorry…” He heard Xander’s whimper.

He smirked and sat back down on the bed. He heard her head into the kitchen.
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Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ~ Ok. This is it. Time to face him. ~ She opened the door and walked tentatively down the steps. “Spike?” She called out softly.

“I’m here Luv.” Spike said softly from the confines of the bed.

“I brought you something to eat.” She said offering him the mug.

“You didn’t have to…” He said softly.

“I wanted to talk to you…” She looked into his eyes.

“Did you now? Why’s that then?” He asked resting his back against the wall.

“You know why Spike.” She glanced at him again.

“I’m just…”

“Spike. It’s complicated. My feelings for you have changed…” Buffy said softly.

“You have feelings for me? Other than hatred and loathing?” Spike asked incredulously.

“I think I do. I really think I do. I mean, I didn’t believe it before. I really thought you couldn’t have feelings…and then I saw the way you looked into my eyes when you…you know at your place when you…”

“Slayer I’m really sorry I did that…it was really stupid of me. I shouldn’t have…”

“Spike since that night I…I’ve been feeling a kind of pull towards you…I can’t explain it any better than that…”

“I feel pulled towards you too Buffy. I want you all the bloody time.” Spike said softly. “I want to hold you, touch you smell you…”

“Spike…could this…I mean what guarantee do I have that you won’t kill me or my friends? What If you get bored and want to go back to what you were before?” Buffy asked the one question burning in her mind. ~ If I let myself love you what would I do if I had to kill you? ~

“I’d bloody dust myself before I ever hurt you or yours again. Buffy I know now what it feels like to have you in my arms…I want to love you and have you love me…if I have a chance at that…”
Suddenly she was crushing her lips to his. Pushing him down on the cot. “Buffy?” He questioned, arms already going around her waist.

“I want to feel you inside me…I want…” She pressed her lips to his again.

“Buffy…wait I have to tell you something…” Spike said pushing her gently off of his lap.

“What’s wrong Spike? I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted me?” Spike could see the tears forming in her eyes. He grasped her hand in his. He leaned forward and captured her lips in a bruising kiss. He realized she was thinking he was rejecting her. ~ Can’t have her thinking that. ~ He pulled her hand slowly towards the bulge straining the material of his jeans. He placed her hand against his throbbing cock.

He pulled back when she gasped at the size of him. “That’s how much I want you. I want all of you…want to kiss your soft lips, I want to make love to you for hours making you come over and over…I want to give you a life of joy and happiness Buffy Anne Summers. I want to give you everything. That’s why I have to tell you this…”

“I don’t understand…”

“When I had you unconscious I…I…”

“Is that why my panties were missing?” She demanded harshly.

“Yes.”

Buffy pulled her fist back and let fly. She hit Spike squarely in the nose.

“Bloody hell. I deserved that…and anything else you care to dish out…I’m sorry Buffy…don’t suppose there’s any chance you would let me explain?”

“Explain? Is this why I’m all…Is that why I like you now? Why I want you so much? Did you put me under a thrall or something?”

“No. God no…I realized that even though I could go back to what I was before I didn’t want to. You make me want to be a better man. ME You make me a better man. You are all I think about, all I dream about…I’m drowning in you Summers. Drowning.”

“You’re in love with me? Really and truly?” He could hear the emotions warring in her voice.

“Yes Luv. I am completely in love with you…I want to be your everything, as you are mine…”

“How can I just…”

“I didn’t bite you…or put you under a thrall...I want you to love me. I will do anything you ask of me…” Spike said defensively.

“Anything?” She asked.

“Anything.” He confirmed.

“Ok. Answer this question.”

He nodded.

“What exactly did you do? While I was out I mean…” Buffy sat on the bed. Not facing Spike. She stared at the carpet waiting for his reply.

“Well I…I knocked you out, then I carried you to the bed…I was gonna just leave you there…untouched. I swear I was.” Spike glanced at her to gauge her reaction.

Buffy glanced at Spike and then back at the carpet.

“Then I saw you laying there, you looked like a goddess. Buffy I…did something really stupid. I let your words get to me.” Spike drew in a deep breath. “I took advantage of you…while you were unconscious. I’m sorry…Buffy if I could take it back…do it over…I was just so hurt…I didn’t mean to hurt you…I wanted you to know how much I loved you. But as usual I bollocks it all up.” Spike felt the tears running down his face and wiped impatiently at them. He held his arms wide. “Do it quick ok?” He begged.

“What? Do what Quick?” Buffy asked glancing at his posture.

“Dust me…I hurt you…didn’t realize it until it was too late how wrong it was.” Spike waited patiently. “I just wanted you to know why I did what I did.”

“I don’t want to stake you Spike…I …I want to…I don’t know what I want…but I know I’m not ready for you not to be here.” Buffy closed her eyes and sighed softly. SpikSpike swallowed the lump rising in his throat. “Anything you need luv.” He murmured.

“I need…I need to think about this…”

“I know…”

“I need to go…” She got up from the bed and walked slowly towards the stairs.

He wanted to call out to her. Beg her to stay. Beg her to let him wrap his arms around her. But he stayed silent. He watched her retreating form, silently praying it wouldn’t be the last time he saw her.

She stopped at the top of the stairs. “Get some sleep. I’ll come back in the morning. We can talk then.” She didn’t turn around to look at him. She knew if she did she wouldn’t have left the room. She would have run back to him and wrapped her arms around him if she looked back at him.
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“How did the talk go?” Willow asked. was was sitting at the kitchen table when Buffy came up from downstairs.

“Uh…oh…we’re gonna talk tomorrow…we’re both gonna get some sleep first…” Buffy said nervously. “So…goodnight…”

“Night Buffy.” Willow said softly. She knew Buffy wasn’t ready to talk yet.
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She couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned thinking about everything that had happened since Spike had come into her life. She rolled her eyes and glanced at the red glowing numbers taunting her. 3:18. ~ Damn it. ~

She rolled over on to her side. She tried to get him out of her mind, but he just wouldn’t leave. ~ Just like the real Spike. He just won’t leave. He will never leave me. ~ She threw the covers back and sighed. ~ May as well get it over with. So I can get some sleep. The sooner the better. ~ She threw on a robe over her yummy sushi pajamas and made her way downstairs.
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Spike was lying miserably on his cot, blanket pulled up to his chin. He heard soft sounds coming from upstairs. She was coming. Spike wasn’t ready to face her. He quickly pretended he was asleep. If she had a stake with his name on it, he didn’t want to know.

Buffy stood silently beside his bed. She watched him for a few minutes. She watched, as he lay motionless. Her breath caught in her throat when he inhaled and growled softly. She felt her knees getting weak and moisture slowly seeping into her panties. Buffy made a decision that would change her life forever. She slowly pealed the blanket back.

Spike stiffened when he felt the blanket being pulled slowly down his chest, revealing his naked chest and torso to the slayer. He was sure, absolutely positive that she was going to thrust a stake into his un-beating heart. Her next move shocked him to the core.

Buffy reached out and stroked her hand down his chest. Softly. Intimately. She glanced up at his face. Still asleep. She pulled the blanket down further exposing one of Spike’s hipbones. Buffy licked her lips in anticipation and ran her hand lightly over the protruding bone. Spike groaned. Buffy pulled her hand back as if she had been burnt and looked up into his face expecting to find his blue eyes pinned to hers.

~ No. Don’t stop touching me… ~ He thought desperately. He fought to remain in control and appear asleep. She seemed to be comfortable with that.

~ Still asleep??? ~ Her mind pondered that even as her hand reached out again to caress his taut stomach. She dared to lower the blanket further and gasped in surprise as his erection was freed. ~ Of course he sleeps completely naked. Oh My God! He’s huge! ~ She caressed the silky skin with her fingertips, causing Spike to growl softly. Buffy glanced up at his face. ~ Still nothing? ~
She knelt down beside the bed and grasped his shaft firmly in her hand. She stroked him softly, glancing up at his face every few seconds. Seeing that he was still asleep gave her courage and she leaned over to engulf him in her mouth.

Spike couldn’t stop his hips from thrusting slightly. The sensations he was experiencing were unbelievable. She reached down and cupped his sac gently rolling it in her hand.

Spike couldn’t stop himself. He felt himself coming. She sensed it coming and sucked harder, drinking him all down. She glanced up at his still closed eyes and smiled to herself. Spike kept his eyes closed. He waited. Not breathing, not anything. Waiting.

Buffy crawled into bed beside him. She pulled the covers up over both of them and wrapped one arm around Spike. Settling in comfortable she leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Now we’re even.” She closed her eyes and was asleep almost instantly.

Spike opened his eyes and looked at the sleeping girl by his side. He closed his eyes. Sleep claimed him quickly.
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TBC…