Who, What, Why, Where, When?

CHAPTER 5

Buffy called Willow and Xander and they came over right away – delighted at the news that he had remembered so much of his past.

Willow hugged him when she arrived and said quietly “Doctor Alexander told me what he said to you and couldn’t understand why you nearly fainted dead away”

“The dishy doctor was here?” asked Buffy

Giles looked a little uncomfortable and moved across the room, away from Willow “Yes” he said, coughing nervously “Willow was a little concerned when my memories started returning on Saturday afternoon and she called the Doctor to make sure I was OK”

Xander slumped onto the chair with his leg over the arm and asked “So what brought this latest bunch of memories back, you weren’t hugging Willow again were you?” He had intended this to be a flippant remark but was devastated when Willow left without saying a word.

Buffy looked strangely at Giles as he continued to stare into the fireplace, not acknowledging Willows departure. “Xander” she said quietly “Go and make sure she’s OK, then bring her back in about five minutes”

Xander ed aed at Giles’s back as he left and slammed the door shut behind him, causing Giles to wince.

“What happened, what did you do to her?” she asked, moving towards him and touching his arm

“It wasn’t entirely my fault but I ended up hurting Willow very much and I can’t think of any way to make it up to her” he mumbled

She stood back a little and assumed her best slayer tone “Look at me” he turned round and stared into her eyes “What happened between you, what caused you to remember?”

“It might make it worse if I tell you” he suggested but kept eye contact to show his sincerity

“You may not remember everything about me yet, but know this, if you don’t have an A+ reason for what you’re doing to my friend then I will return you to the emergency ward quicker than can can say traction”


He sighed and moved to the sofa. Sitting down he took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes “We went on a picnic on Saturday” he began “Recently I have been noticing that I have feelings for Willow and I used the occasion to seduce her”

Buffy moved slightly on the balls of her feet and he almost felt the waves of anger coming off of her.

“We were kissing and, well, touching and holding and..”

“You aren’t Barbara Cartland, get to the point where you hurt her” she practically snarled at him

“I bloody well took advantage of her and right in the middle of everything I remembered about Jenny” he was on his feet and shouting at her now. She stood her ground and let her arms hang loosely by her side. If he had been clear headed he might have recognised the danger signs but he was still a little overcome by the recent return of the memories and continued shouting “When I pulled back and said Jenny’s name I might as well have staked her through the heart”

Buffy hit him once, but it was enough. He was groggily shaking his head and trying to get up off of the floor when Xander returned with a miserable looking Willow in tow. “Not fair” said Xander aovedoved over to stand next to Giles “I wanted to hit him first”

Giles looked into his eyes and then stood up in front of him “Go on” he said in a slightly blurry voice “I deserve it” and he wiped his hand over the blood seeping from his nose.

Xa did didn’t hesitate and before Willow could stop him he had caught him with a right uppercut that snapped his head back and left him on the floor again.

“Stop it” cried Willow and rushed to his side “Please don’t hurt him any more, he’s had enough”

He came to with his head cradled in Willow’s lap and Buffy pressing a cold towel to his jaw. Xander helped him stand up and then lie down on the sofa while Willow went to retrieve the ice pack from the freezer.


“What kind of a maniac are you?” she asked incredulously as she placed the icepack on his jaw and moved the towel to his nose “You’re still recovering from amnesia induced by a major head trauma and you goad the slayer into punching you out!”

“I might as well lose my memory again” he mumbled as his jaw started to swell “It’s return’s only brought you pain”

Willow glared at Buffy and Xander “Well, I hope you’re pleased with yourselves, which part of no more head traumas did we not understand!” she had her hands on her hips as they looked sheepishly at the ground. “You cannot, I repeat CANNOT, go around beating up everyone who upsets me, particularly old guys with soft heads and no sense” she had managed to glare at everyone during the last sentence.

Buffy finally looked up “He said what happened and that he’d taken advantage of you and stuff and, well, he wanted me to hit him!” she pointed at Giles’ prone form on the couch.

“You are supposed to be the slayer” Willow said, losing some of her anger and returning to her normal tone of voice “You’re supposed to know your Watcher better than anyone else, can’t you tell that he is punishing himself more than you ever could?”

“Besides” she continued “Who said he took advantage of me, I seem to remember I was taking the initiative when he got his flashback”

Xander groaned “I don’t believe I’m hearing this” he muttered “Do you mean to tell me you were kissing Giles? in public? outdoors? of your own free will?” He ran out of questions

“Yes” she answered sternly and then pushed Giles back onto the sofa “Don’t you dare get involved in this again, stay lying down and let the ice pack get rid of the swelling”

“OK” she sat opposite Xander and Buffy “I don’t know what he told you Buffy but here is the director’s cut”


“We went on a picnic to get away from the routine of training and stuff” she pulled her leg underneath her as she sat on the tabletop. “It was a really nice day and we walked and talked and got on really well, it was just like old times but even better because he wasn’t constantly worried about the next demon prophecy or whatever”. She didn’t look at him as she told the story “We all know that he is just like our normal Giles but more relaxed, more, more” she searched for the word and Buffy finally supplied “Cuddly?”

Willow smiled a little tightly and agreed “Yep, cuddly”.

Giles groaned slightly on the sofa and used his free hand to cover his eyes. He definitely did not want to be listening to this but he realised he had no choice and they needed to know the truth of how low he had sunk before he could face them again.

“We settled down to lunch and had a bottle of wine between us” she carefully checked their expressions “He did not get me drunk, the wine just made me relax enough to admit how I was feeling about him”

Giles was now squirming slightly behind her and she turned, putting her hand out to touch his thigh “Please, I need you to keep the ice on and rest for a while” she said softly and he stopped moving.

She turned back to Buffy and Xander and noticed Buffy’s expression had softened a little “We were still talking and then he leaned over and kissed me, gently”. Xander looked a little grim again and made to get out of the chair but Buffy put her hand on his arm and he stayed where he was.

“I kissed him back, with interest, then he pulled away from me anid Jid Jenny’s name” she paused a little. “After I brought him home I called Doctor Alexander who examined him and, while they were talking, he said something about us believing the world would end tomorrow if Giles told us and, well, I guess that’s what triggered the memories”


Buffy moved over to Willow and hugged her then sat next to Giles on the sofa. Gently she took the ice pack from his hand and turned it before placing it back against his rapidly darkening jaw line. “I’m really sorry I hit you Giles” she shook her head as he made to reply “No, I should have had more control” she looked back towards Willow. “But I think you have to take some of the blame for this, after all you painted a pretty black picture back there and you did it because you knew I would react like that” he nodded slowly. “OK, when you can talk again you can apologise and grovel, in the meantime I think we should leave you and Willow to sort this out” she looked towards Willow once again. “If you have to hit him try a body shot, I don’t think his face can take much more tonight”. Willow nodded and smiled but Xander was not forgiving as easily as Buffy.

“Wait a minute, has everyone forgotten the important theme here?” he glanced round everyone before continuing. “Giles and Willow were kissing in the park!” He stared round them all again and then said incredulously “Willow and Giles, that’s like Lois Lane dumping Superman for the wrinkly editor guy!”

A low growl was all that Giles could manage but Willow recognised the sound. “Buffy, please get him out of here before Ripper remembers how to hit back!”

Buffy hustled Xander out of the door muttering something about tact and subtlety.

Willow looked down at Giles again and removed the wet towel from his head. “I’m sorry, they are just very protective of me”

He nodded and removed the ice pack “Please Willow, I’m so sorry about all of this, I didn’t mean to get hit this hard and worry you”

She laughed a little “You’d think you could remember how hard your slayer hits things, although Xander’s right was a bit of a surprise even to me!”

He just mumbled “Me too” under his breath and started to sit up.

She went to make him a cup of tea and replenished the ice pack while she was in the kitchen. He moved behind her while she was at the sink and placed his hand on her shoulder. She didn’t turn round but whispered “Giles please”

She could hear him sigh before he said “I’m sorry, but I can’t get you out of my ” He” He moved to sit at the table “It’s not just run of the mill fantasy stuff but as if I’m remembering flashes of previous events and they all revolve around you”

“What kind of things” she asked, intrigued by the mystery but also by the thought that he fantasised about her.


“I'd understand if you didn't want to start this tonight” he said quietly

“I’d rather set your mind at rest as soon as possible so that we can get back to normal demon-y stuff”

He smiled. “OK, in no particular order, here goes: I’m pulling you out of some quicksand, then we’re both falling off of a cliff and we land in a heap at the bottom of the bottom; you are dead and come back to haunt me in a tight, leather miniskirt and low cut top; you are dead again but this time you’re a vampire in a full leather outfit; you and I are driving in a yellow spitfire sports car and the top is down which is causing your hair to get into your eyes so I reach across to push it back”. He looked at her with an embarrasseown own on his face and went to collect some painkillers from the kitchen cabine giv give her time to think about his revelations.

When he returned she put her hand on top of his. “No.1, it wasn’t a cliff but a flight of stairs; no.2 I wasn’t dead but was a ghost during the Halloween celebrations which Ethan interrupted; no.3 this did happen but the reasons behind it are way too complicated for tonight, suffice it to say that the vamp version of me is no longer in this dimension.” She paused and lifted his chin gently till he looked her in the eyes “No.4 I don’t recognise at all, but it does sound kind of fun?”

He shook his head “I still can’t understand how we could work together as closely as Buffy is suggesting and not end up being romantically involved” she opened her mouth but he silenced her with his fingertips on her lips. “You are a very special person and I would be honoured if you would consider me a friend again but I can only wish that it could become something more in the fe”
e”

Willow looked sadly at him “We can’t take this any further until you have all of your memories back and you’re fully returned to your old self again”

“I understand” he said “You are right of course but I can only imagine what kind of an idiot I must have been not to have taken my chance with you”

The next few days found more and more memories returning but they were frustratingly unconnected. He remembered Xander going out with someone called Cordelia but couldn't remember much about her, Xander secretly breathed a sigh of relief and Willow took pity on him and refused to fill Giles in.


After the initial excitement wore off they returned to the established routine. Xander had been given a stern lecture by both Buffy and Willow and had eventually agreed to let Willow deal with this her own way. Giles had apologised and they either ran or swam almost every day, he traiwithwith Buffy and even started some weapons training. steasteadfastly refused to let him tackle the broadsword or quarterstaff but figured that some fencing would hel get get him back into the swing of things.

Willow felt that she could begin to take him back over some of the demons they had come up against over the last six years and he soon realised that many of the books she used showed her having a more than passing interest in his most obscure volumes. This became even more apparent when she sheepishly showed him his cretcret horde" of magic books. With astonishment he looked through the books and realised that they were all related to practising magic, in particular the more esoteric and dangerous areas. He was trying to find out how she knew where he kept these when Xander arrived.

"Hey guys, what's up?" he asked, settling onto the sofa and looking up at them.

"I was helping Giles to sort out his books and now he's mad!" Willow announced, but wouldn't look Giles in the eye.

"You knew where I kept the most private books I owned!" he said, raising his voice and getting exasperated.

"Whoa… you found Giles' stash of porn?" Xander looked in amazement at Willow and then Giles. They both looked at him in equal amazement.

"Giles has a stash of porn?" Buffy exclaimed from the front door.

Willow started to giggle but Giles was staring at them as if they were mad. "This isn't funny Willow, these books are very dangerous, you could easily hurt yourself or others with them!"

"Giles has kinky, bondage porn!" Buffy asked, snuggling down next to Xander on the sofa as if they were settling in for a performance at their local theatre.

"Enough!" he shouted "They are not porn, they're ancient texts concerned with esoteric, long lost arts and various incantations….." he slowed to a stop. How could he explain the true purpose of the books to these people?


"Oh, you only found his musty old magic books" Buffy and Xander groaned and Xander continued "Jeez Roop, Willow's been reading them for years already!" He didn't notice Willows frantic signals to stop "I mean, what with those ones and the books you used to keep on the top shelf at the library, I bet she's read more of them than you!"

Willow eventually calmed him down enough to explain that he was teaching her proper control and the safeguards for all of the magic that she was undertaking. She took a little pride in assuring him that she was a kick ass adept and that he had agreed to be her mentor in her studies in this area.

Finally he agreed that this was possible and asked how she felt about returning the favour by guiding him in taking some tentative steps towards practising magic again. They discussed at length the possibilities of returning his memory by magic means and he enjoyed the spirited discussions and disagreements almost as much as the thought of getting back to his magic studies.

After many late evenings, with many "full and frank exchanges of views" they had finally agreed on a very limited experiment to see if he still had the degree of control required to practice magic.

Once the decision had been made Willow realised the irony in their present situation. "Reversed roles?" he asked with a little quirk of his eyebrow.

Willow giggled and remembered how much she had missed that particular facial expression. "It's just that you were always the one trying to dissuade me from undertaking magic and now I'm doing the responsible adult thing!"

He shook hea head and smiled "I wish I could remember you when you were an irresponsible child"

She looked completely bemused "You may want to rephrase that!"

Laughing out loud he shook his hands in denial "I didn't mean that the way it sounded, I meant that I wish I could remember you before you had the weight of the world on your shoulders"

She laughed as well and said "I was pretty much the same as now, you know fourteen going on forty, except I had worse dress s"
"

They both began laughing in earnest and the tension of the last couple of days caused a little hysteria to creep into their release. When they could both breathe normally again he handed her his handkerchief to dry her eyes.


When she handed it back he took his glasses off and polished them, which caused another bout of giggles from Willow.

"I hadn't realised that you had stopped doing that since the accident". He looked totally bemused "Wiping your glasses" she supplied "You always used to do that when you needed a minute to think, or if you were trying not to lose your temper with someone or if.."

"My glasses were dirty?" he asked and raised his eyebrow again. She felt herself gasp, she had forgotten how sexy she used to find that and in conjunction with the quirky smile and glasses polishing thing she was as close as she would ever be to losing her control and kissing him again.

"The most important thing to remember is that I will get back to being stuffy tweed guy abohinghings like this and you'll still be a responsible adult" he said and replaced his glasses. He had missed her reaction and carried on "What I mean is that I quite enjoy the change in our roles but I wish that we could synchronise our irresponsibility in the future" He stopped, a little flustered, and realised what he had said.

"I know exactly what you mean but I think the world isn't ready for us both to be experimental flaky magic types together" she deliberately misuntoodtood the real meaning behind his statement and smiled a little sadly.

They agreed to schedule his first magic experiment for the next evening.

Buffy and Xander weren't convinced that either Willow or Giles should be doing any magic. Willow could understand their concerns about Giles but was a little upset that they didn't trust her.

"It's not that we don't trust you Willow, it's just that we don't think you should go ahead with this without Giles"

"But I've already explained that Giles will be there, that’s the point!"

"No" said Xander "We mean the old Giles, the one who used to put the brakes on the magic bus whenever it looked like going out of control"

Willow gave them both a withering glare "This is just like before except Giles is doing my part and I'm doing his!"

"Ooookkkaaay, that makes me feel a whole lot better" Buffy looked to Xander.

"Yup, no danger from wierdness there!" he agreed.


Buffy and Xander insisted on being present at the experiment and were installed at the back of his living room on the sofa that had been moved against the wall to give a clear space in the middle of the floor.

“OK” Willow said in her best teacher knows best voice “You have to get the crayon to float in front of your face and then cause it to spin in a controlled fashion before lowering it carefully to the floor”

He looked a little bemused “I remember this being done with a pencil or pen or even a rose but never a crayon”

She looked a little sheepishly at Buffy “We changed to non pointy things after a minor incident which we don’t need to go into right now”

“Alright” he sighed “You’re the boss” and lowered himself into the lotus position on the floor.

“Yes indeedy” she nodded and sat in the same position across from him “magic boss lady in control”

After an hour he asked for a break and they both rose gingerly from the floor and stretched their tired muscles. Buffy was sitting reading a glossy magazine while Xander snored at the other end of the sofa. She looked up and asked “Are we done yet, I really have to go on patrol”

“Sure” Willow agreed “We’ve done enough for tonight anyway”. Buffy woke Xander and dragged him, grumbling, out into the chill night to take him home before going on patrol.

Giles was drinking a glass of orange juice when she entered the kitchen “Buffy had to go on patrol and she’s taken Xander with her”

He finished the contents of the glass and poured himself another “It didn’t go exactly to plan, did it?” he asked quietly

“Not exactly” she admitted and accepted a glass of juice from him “But you’re bound to have after effects from your hospital stay and you’ll get the hang of it again quite quickly”

He shook his head “I’ve been doing some reading on this and I can’t find anything magical that will restore the missing portions of my memory”


“Me neither” she agreed and led the way back into the living area. They pushed the sofa back to its normal position and she lay out on it with a groan and stretch. “You can’t give up though, after all, you’ve got most of the important stuff back already”

“It’s just that this drip feed of my memories returning is really frustrating” he said and lounged in the armchair. “I mean I’m useless to Buffy and all of you right now until I can return to being the support that she needs”

“You don’t need to have your magic muscles fully toned to be a help to Buffy” Willaid aid and turned her head to look at him “You didn’t have to use your magic skills that often any way”

“You’re just trying to make me feel better” he grumbled.

“No” she said, a little exasperated “I’ve been doing that for the last two months, now I’m trying to make you see that you can return to work as her Watcher tomorrow if you want”

“How can I possibly be of use to the slayer in my present condition” he asked, but sat forward in the chair a little in his eagernfor for her answer.

“I mean” she sat up to look at him “You were always the brains of the organisation, the tactical planning guy, the coach”

He looked a little bemused and she took pity on him “Buffy was the slayer so she had the whole spider sense, super power thing going on” he nodded to show he was with her so far. “I was the research assistant and computer hacker who occasionally got called on to shake a cross at bad guys” she had warmed to her theme now. “Xander was the one who encompassed a bit of all of us and would be the first into a fight and the last out of it, irrespective of whether he thought he would survive and you” here she paused and took a drink from her glass. “You were the one who held us all together and gave us our reason for being here”

“Surely the hellmouth played a part in that?” he asked

“I’m serious Giles” she said and got up to pace the floor “You were alwon ton the job, never had any life other than being our Watcher” she stopped pacing and kneeled down in front of his chair. “You could have left several times and the Council did send another Watcher” she smiled as he sneered a little at his memories of Wesley. “But you stayed and kept on with the fight, you gave up any chance you may have had at happiness or a more normal life and chose to remain here”


He shook his head “I have some memory of the time after Wesley and the mayor but I just think I didn’t know what else to do, after all I’d trained to be a Watcher all my life and I don’t really have many other skills that are in demand”

“Nonsense” she said and moved back to the sofa. “We made your life pretty miserable, cut you out of the loop and you almost left us” she looked down at her hands. “You were ready to move back to England and I persuaded you to wait and then I persuaded Buffy to persuade you to stay and help” she realised she was close to tears. “So, you see, it was actually my fault that you got hurt every time after that, and there were quite a few times” she finished on a mumble and couldn't believe that she was sharing these private guilt feelings with him.

She heard him get up from the chair and move beside her on the sofa. “You must be very persuasive if you could manipulate a 47 year old man, who I’m sure you’ll agree knows his own mind, to stay somewhere he didn’t want to be” he put his hand over hers. “Also you apparently manipulated the slayer, who I’m sure you’ll agree is often vociferous in knowing her own mind, to come and manipulate the same 47 year old man” he ended in a tone of incredulity. “I know you’re a strong wicca but I don’t think you’re that strong, are you?” he asked gently.

She shook her head “I played the “Buffy needs you” card” she sniffed “You were always a sucker for the needs of your slayer”

He used his thumb to wipe away a tear rolling down her cheek and lifted her head to look into his eyes. “Willow” he said softly. “I don’t believe that Buffy was the only one who needed the Scooby gang to stay together. I think we would all have lost a piece of ourselves if any one of us had left Sunnydale. I know now that it’s the strength of the group that has enabled the slayer and all of us to survive as long as we have”

The next morning he asked Buffy how she would feel about him returningWatcWatcher duties. She was delighted, but a little concerned that he was rushing things.

“You all keep reminding me that Doctor Alexander stressed the importance of my returning to my normal routine” she nodded “Well, for me, finding out that the world is going to end next week unless we kick some demon ass is normal routine!”

She laughedsee see Willow taught you her resolve face as well as everything else”

He changed the subject abruptly "So, perhaps we could go over your recent patrols tonight and try to work out where the latest evil is coming from?"


"Sure thing Watcher" she said and aimed a downward stroke at his left shoulder. He parried easily and claimed a hit under her upraised arm "Perhaps its just as well I'm taking you back under my wing!" he said sardonically and then spent the next half hour defending himself from a concerted attack.

He met Xander for lunch at the Espresso Pump. "Usual" he asked and Xander nodded and went to grab a table.

Xander was halfway through his sandwich when he put the remainder on his plate and wiped his hands on a napkin "I think I owe you an explanation and another apology for my recent behaviour" he started

"Apology not necessary" mumbled Giles round his sandwich

"No, it very definitely is necessary" he said with more force than he meant and caused several nearby diners to look round. "I mean" he went on more quietly "I hit you because I thought you were messing Willow around and, well, to be honest she's kind of made it plain that she was doing most of the messing on the day in question".

"You can't expect me to agree with that?" Giles asked incredulously. "It may not be saying much but, ever since I can remember, I've had very deep feelings for Willow" Xander picked up his coffee and signalled him to continue. "She was the first person I saw on wakening and, even then, I was convinced that she and I had a deeper relationship than we appear to have had" he ground to a halt, still unable to reconcile his knowledge of their friendship with his inner feelings of desire.

"It's not all your fault" Xander explained. "You guys were pretty close before your collision with a tree trunk, but I think pressure from the rest of us stopped anything else happening" he looked at Giles for a moment before continuing. "Probably I was more to blame than anyone else but n’t n’t stand the thought of anyone else being with Willow in that way when I can't"

Giles looked a little surprised "I had no idea Xander, I'm sorry"

"Don't be" Xander shook his head "I was too thick headed to notice Will until it was too late and she'd given up on me to "notice" Oz instead"

Giles looked even more surprised "Who the hell is Oz?"

Xander smiled "I'm not surprised she hasn't mentioned him, he dumped her and I don’t think she's fully recovered after all this time"


"Let me get this straight" Giles wiped his fingers on his napkin "Willow fancied you and you didn't even notice her, she fancied Oz and he dumped her and now, not surprisingly, when I proclaim my "undying love" she decides she doesn't want to go through it all again!"

"It's not just that" Xander dropped his voice and beckoned Giles closer "Oz left her because he was a werewolf and lost control one night, nearly killing her. He left to protect her but she never really got over him"

Giles was stunned "Let me this even straighter" he started enumerating on his fingers. "Buffy fell in love with a vampire who killed my girlfriend and tortured me, so she sent him to hell, but he returned as a good guy again and she still loves him" he paused for breath and Xander nodded. "Willow fell in love with a werewolf who tried to kill her and she still has feelings for him?"

Xander nodded again "Still with you so far"

"Bloody hell!" Giles whispered fiercely "Next you'll be telling me Anya's a troll" he smiled to take the sting out of the remark but was mystified by Xander's awkward look around to check who was listening.

"Actually" he confided over the cappuccinos "She's a vengeance demon who lost her powers after you stranded her in this diion ion but she doesn't hold it against you any more because she found me and gave up all thoughts of punishing men with anything but her chronic lack of tact". He checked to make sure Giles was still breathing "That's why you haven't met her yet because there was no way she would be able to keep any of this quiet and we didn't want to upset your healing process". He nodded as if this was a perfectly normal situation to be in. "Another cappuccino?" he asked.

"Do they serve anything stronger?" Giles asked weakly

"Oh, sure" Xander replied and headed off to order Giles a double espresso.

That evening the Scooby gang congregated around Giles’ dining table and smiled knowingly at each other"Thi"This is nice" Buffy said and nodded at the others.

"Yep" agreed Willow "Business as usual"

"Not quite" Xander said and looked around expectantly for the others to notice the missing item. "No pizza" he said in a hurt tone.


Just at this point Giles emerged from the kitchen carrying two large pizzas on plates in front of him. "Willow reminded me that we used to have pizza for these meetings so I prepared a couple but I wasn't sure of the correct toppings so they are both a mix of everything"

Xander stared with an open mouth "You can cook pizza" he asked, enunciating each syllable. He jumped up to help him carry one of the plates "I don't care which alien has taken over your body, he stays, OK!"

Giles laughed "I don’t know why you are all so surprised, after all I am English and we do eat hot food you know"

Buffy and Willow exchanged knowing smiles around mouthfuls of hot pizza but Xander had lost interest in the topic under discussion and was trying to fit two slices into his mouth at once. "Oh, my god" he finally managed to gaspill ill you adopt me?"

"I think it's time we moved onto the business?" Giles asked then had to wait for much frantic chewing before receiving an answer.

Buffy filled him in on the previous couple of weeks of patrolling but ended with "It's been pretty weird" she took a drink. "After all we would normally expect all hell to break loose if a demon found out you were out of the game, but it's been really quiet, just the normal vampires trying to skulk about and hardly anything else".

Willow cleared her throat "Maybe that means something big is brewing?" she asked and looked questioningly at Giles

"Perhaps" he agreed and took his glasses off to polish them. He realised what he was doing and grinned at Willow before putting them back on. "Although" he continued "It could be that the last battle cleared out the biggest schemers for a while"

Everyone took a couple of minutes to think about this, and finish the pizza, before Giles asked "So what was the last battle about?" Xander and Buffy both looked at Willow.

She took a deep breath "It was a group of vampires who banded together to try to defeat the slayer once and for all" she stopped and checked to see if he was bothered by discussing this.


"Well we showed them!" he suggested and arched his eyebrow then smiled when everyone let out a breath they hadeveneven realised they were holding. "It's very unusual for vampires to work together unless they have a leader, I wonder who was behind this display of teamwork?"

He looked around and finally stopped at Buffy, she was squirming a little and wouldn't meet his eyes "Buffy, perhaps you could enlighten me?"

"It wasn't really my fault and we all agreed that at the time" she began "Even you" she said, finally looking him in the eye.

She sighed and resigned herself to getting lectured for the mistake again "I was on patrol one night and came across a nest of vampires. I called you from the nearest phone and you rounded up the gang and headed over to meet me"

Willow took the story up for her "When we arrived you were looking through the window and trying to decipher the text they were reading from. They were kind of chanting and had made markings on the floor"

"What kind of markings?" Giles asked and got up from his chair to get one of his books.

"We never did identify them, that was kind of thobleoblem" Willow faltered a little.

Buffy took a deep breath and continued "After about five minutes it seemed that they were getting ready to move out and we sorted out a plan to kill most of them but capture one to question about the markings. I was also supposed to get the book they were using"

Xander had finally finished eating and took the next stage of the story "So, we're all crouching outside this crypt waiting for the dead guys to come out when we get ambushed from behind by some of their friends. They seemed very organised for vampires and we pretty soon realised that they had a leader of some kind who was calling the shots."

Buffy took over "During the battle Willow went after the book, but a couple of vampires were defending it as if it was their bible. Anyway she got caught by one who was about to the necky thing when you managed to stake him and his friend" she smiled at Giles. "After that they seemed to crumble a bit and we finished up pretty quickly but one of the last vampires knocked over one of the torches as I dusted him and the crypt started to burn."


They all stopped for a moment to remember the night. "Willow had been knocked out during the fight and you gave her to me to get out while you went back for the book. Unfortunately, there was one vampire left and he was pretty upset that we were torching his condo. I went back in after you and hauled you out just as he went up in flames"

He smiled and touched her hand "Thank you, why was I mad at you for any of that, it seemed to turn out OK?"

She looked a little embarrassed "I dropped the book when I was carrying you out and then tripped over the last step and landed on top of you so you couldn't get back to rescue it"

"So, other than reminding me yet again that I was an uptight, tweed clad arse, what has this to do with the leader of the vampires who attacked you?"

Willow giggled a little "It was his gang of vampires that we had dusted" she explained. "They had been gathering disciples to this cult thing they had going. They were trying to get the vampires organised and stop all of the fighting amongst themselves"

"They were trying to unionise vampires!" he asked incredulously.

"I know, I know" Xander agreed "I said at the time that the minimum wage for night shift would price them out of the market but would anyone listen to me?"

"Actually it turned out to be a one off deal they were putting together" Buffy explained. "They wanted to get every vampire to come after us on one specific night and figured that, by weight of numbers alone, they would kill enough of us to make the slayer impotent for quite a while"

"And the book held the secret to their plan?" Giles asked.

"We think so" agreed Willow "After it was destroyed the vampires kind of drifted apart and started working as individuals again so we worked out that they had been held by some demonic force which was controlled by the book"

"Anyway" she continued "When the leader found out we had dusted some of his boys and the book, he was seriously ticked off".


"You were trying to find out more about him when you found a prophecy in a book which told of a demon working together with vampires to defeat the slayer and open a portal to the demon dimension"

"Which book?" Giles asked eagerly

"That was the weird thing" Willow looked at him very deliberately "You wouldn't tell me and you wouldn't let any of the rest of us look at it"

"But I thought you were research girl?" he asked as he racked his brain for the title of the book

"So did I" said Willow quietly "I did ask about it but you just went kind of quiet and wouldn't tell me anything else about it"

Xander brohe lhe lengthening silence "Can you remember it now?"

Giles shook his head "No, I have no idea what it was nor why I would keep it hidden from any of you"

They talked for a few more minutes but mutually agreed that they should adjourn the meeting and let Buffy patrol with Xander while Giles and Willow hit the books.

When they were alone and Giles had taken the dishes back to the kitchen, Willow leaned on the counter and asked how he was feeling.

"Fine" he answered a little distractedly "I just can't understand what would have made me hide the details of the book like that"

"Don't worry about it, it'll come back to you eventually" she smiled at him and he felt his spirits lift a little at the encouragement.

They finished up the kitchen chores and returned to the lounge. Giles put on some music and, turning to Willow, asked "Would you like a glass of wine before we get started on the research?"

"Mmm, please" she answered and got comfortable on the sofa "I'm getting used to this" she murmured and smiled up at him as he handed her a wine glass.

"What?" he asked as he sat on the chair opposite her with a glass of scotch.

"You being sort of chilled about all of this stuff" she answered and sampled her wine "This is good!"


"What would we be doing now if I was the "before" me?" he asked

"We would have left the dishes in the sink and been knee deep in large tomes by now!" she looked over at him "Not that I mind that either, really, but this way I get the "after" then the "before" Giles all on the same night!"

They both concentrated on their drinks for a while before he sighed a little and took his glasses off "I was talking to Xander earlier and he mentioned Oz" he said quietly.

"Oh" was all she replied and he let the silence last for some tieforefore he realised she wasn't going to add anything else.

"I'm sorry I've been moaning about "us" for the last few weeks and how I couldn't believe I hadn’t taken my chance when I had it" he put his glasses back on and looked over towards her reclining form. "It simplyer oer occurred to me that you may have made the choice for us by having chosen someone else". She still didn't look like providing any further information so he finished his whisky in one swallow, "You obviously don't want to talk about this and I understand that, so I'll just apologise for the last time for being so selfish and promise it won't happen again"

She looked up at him as he stood in front of the couch "It still hurts to think about him and I can't really talk about this stuff with you, not now"

He nodded "I'm sorry I brought it up but I needed you to know that we are back to being just friends with no pressure from me for anything else" he held out his hand to her "Come on, we'd better get started or we'll never get this done tonight"

The next two weeks settled into something closer to their normal routine than any of the previous two months. Buffy patrolled every night, with Xander occasionally helping. Willow and Giles tried to recreate his research pattern to find the book that he had refused to share with them and to check that the prophecy had been nullified by the defeat of the demons during the Gang’s last battle. Xander also helped them out, especially when he had established that Giles' pizza making talents hadn't been a fluke and he really could cook. Giles eventually complained that they spent more time during one night researching new pizza toppings from recipe books than demon prophecies.

During all of this time Giles and Willow resumed their Watcher and Wicca apprentice relationship and both Buffy and Xander were a little confused at this return to previous behaviour.


One Friday night, after several hours chasing a promising lead that turned out to be a mistranslation in an old text, Buffy had agreed to walk Willow home. After a few minutes she turned to Willow "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question"

"Honestly, I think that your hair looks great like that!" Willow said with a positive nod of her head

Buffy laughed "No, I'm being serious here Will"

"OK" Willow sighed "Fire away with the personal stuff"

"What's up with you and Giles?" Buffy had stopped walking and was standin frn front of Willow, barring her way.

"I don't know what you mean" Willow said, but wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Come on Will, I know you better than anyone else, I know how you felt about Giles before his accident"

Willow started to disagree but Buffy interrupted "Please, I was really happy for both of you when he woke up as sexy, suave, non-uptight guy who was obviously into you as much as you are into him"

Willow shook her head "I only ever had a stupid crush on him and, besides, he only acted that way at first because he had a collision with a tree trunk that blended his brains!"

"He had pretty much recovered from the worst effects of that by the time of the picnic and, although I was mad at him for treating you like that, I could tell how upset he was at hurting you and how much he wanted to make things right between you"

Willow shook her head "That was my fmy fault and just a stupid misunderstanding"

"Will that is the second time you've called your actions stupid and I cannot believe that of you" Buffy guided her over to a bench and Willow sat down miserably. "I know you had a crush on him at the beginning but I kind of assumed that you were getting much closer than that in the months before his injury. After all, he saved you from the flames before he saved the vampire's book and I can't think of any greater display of Giles' true feelings than that!" she ended on a positive note.


Willow looked into Buffy's eyes and her friend was surprised by the depth of feeling she found there. "Please Buffy, whatever I may have felt for him before the accident, he is a different person now who can't possibly know his true feelings towards any of us until he gets all of his memories back"

Buffy argued "But he remembers all of the important stuff!"

Willow smiled "Important slayer stuff, I'll grant you he has most of that back, but what about his personal stuff?"

Buffy looked a little bemused "I thought he remembered about Jenny?"

"He does, but he still hasn’t mentioned Olivia and Doctor Alexander said he still hasn't remembered the times they used to spend together" she paused for breath "And we don’t know about any other "significant others" he may have had over the last six years which he can’t remember"

"Oh come on" laughed Buffy "We're talking about Rupert Giles here, not exactly American Gigolo material is he?"

Willow started to giggle "Oh my god could you imagine him laying out his tweed suits on the bed before choosing the appropriate shirt, tie and socks to go with them?"

Both girls dissolved into giggles before Willow finally managed to pull herself together. "It's just fate that we aren't supposed to be together" she sighed.

Buffy pulled her chin round to make her meet the slayer gaze that she practised with her make up mirror on slow nights. "We are the Scooby Gang, we kick demon butt and laugh in the face of fate!"

Willow laughed "Good slogan, maybe we could get T-shirts made up?"

As Buffy shouted "Hey" Willow started to run to avoid the arm bashing she knew she was due. She had to admit to herself that Buffy was right but she couldn't expect anyone else to understand unless she told them about the argument she had lost with Giles.


Although she was brave enough to face a pack of vampires without much more than a cross and some herbs, she would not let anyone in on hearteart breaking secret. No one would ever know that Giles had rebuffed her that night, especially Giles. He had made his feelings perfectly clear and she wouldn't take advantage of him during his recovery to fulfil her fantasies, after all when his memory finally returned completely he would probably be aghast at the intimacies they had shared so far.

Buffy decided to try attacking the problem from the other end. During her next training session with Giles she put in a little extra effort and he soon asked for a break. She smiled secretly and got him a bottle of water from the fridge. "You're nearly back to your best form" she informed him as she sat next to him.

"I think I'm better than I have been for some years, but you could still kick my butt if you really wanted to" he panted slightly and drank most of the water.

"OK" she agreed "While you keep that in mind tell me what's going on with you and Willow"

"None of your business" he said quietly and finished the water.

"Definitely my business" she said firmly and handed him her own, unopened bottle "Willow is my closest friend and you run her a pretty close second and I want you both to be happy" she paused to give him a chance to answer. "Everyone knew how you felt about her and you've made your feelings pretty clear since your accident, but there seems to be something stopping both of you and I want to help move things forward"

He looked at her for some time before using a towel to wipe his face and neck "I understand you want to fix this but there really isn’t anything you can do" he handed her a clean towel and stood up. "I made a mistake and I've apologised to Willow for acting inappropriately during my recovery" he put his hand out to help her up. "My feelings have obviously been more seriously affected by my accident than I had realised and that’s all there is to it" he gave this final phrase a definite tone to and and forestall any further discussion but he was reckoning without his slayer’s determination.

"Rupert" she said softly and he turned to look at her in surprise. "Please,y a y a couple of weeks ago you were kissing her in the park and now you're both back to "normal" and miserable".


He shook his head "Trust me Buffy, Willow was just relieved by my recovery and her hard work to get me back on my feet meant we were working closely together" she started to protest but he continued speaking. "I know you're going to tell me that was always the case but she has only recently broken up with her boyfriend and this, coupled with the stress of taking on the responsibility of my well-being, probably caused her to believe she was experiencing something other than the deep friendship that we have" he paused to put on his sweatshirt. "My behaviour was completely unacceptable and selfish beyond belief and I won’t continue in that manner and potentially ruin the friendship that we do have".

"But she still feels that way about you!" Buffy was getting exasperated. "She's miserable because she doesn't know how to deal with this and thinks the moral high ground lies in pretending she doesn't love you"

"It's a difficult time for all of us and we should try not to make any life changing decisions while we're still unsure of the dangers which may be round the corner!" he said, specifically meaning the prophecy.

"Welcome to the Hellmouth" Buffy said sadly. "If we all waited till life was certain and only good things were on the horizon then none of us would ever form friendships or fall in love". He didn’t have an answer and she continued. "After all, we've both fallen in love with significant others since we've known each other and the bad stuff may be what everyone else remembers but we can keep the good moments with us for the rest of our lives, isn't that the point?"

They silently packed up the weapons they had trained with and he carried the large sports bag to the car. They were half way to Giles' home for lunch when he broke the silence. "I still can't remember how I really felt about Willow you know". She nodded. "It's the strangest thing because I remembered about Xander pretty quickly and I think you and I are back on a fairly "normal" footing" she nodded again. "You say that both Willow and I had feelings for each other before the accident and I'm prepared to believe that, after all, the dreams since the accident certainly seem to point in that direction".

"You've been dreaming about her?" she asked excitedly. "Giles you old dog, why didn’t you tell me when I started on you earlier"

He looked sideways at her and smiled. "I didn't tell you because (a) it most particularly isn't any of your business who I dream about and (b) because Willow told me they were flashbacks to perfectly innocently explained incidents and not fantasies" he finished rather sadly.
"
"Whoa" Buffy reached out and touched his arm and he stopped the car and turned to face her. "You were having fantasies about Willow!"

"No, I thought I had just explained that I wasn't having fantasies about Willow" he explained patiently and removed his glasses.

"Did any of your "flashbacks" involve Willow in leather?" she asked innocently.

He squirmed a little and put his glasses back on before looking at her sternly. "If you must know a couple of them did but she explained about her vampire double from another dimension and that she was dressed as a ghost during Ethan's Halloween attack"

Buffy smiled at his discomfort. "Last question, I promise" said aid sweetly. "Did you ever wonder how dressing as a ghost for Halloweed tod to her walking through your wall in a leather mini?"

She waved her hand in front of his face after a couple of minutes to get his attention and he coughed a little apologetically. "Yes, well, I'm sure there is a perfectly simple explanation" he looked at her to provide one but she was looking far too smug for his liking and he realised she was planning on letting him stew on this for a while.

When she finally did speak she simply asked "Are we going to your place for lunch, I'm starving"


After dropping her off at the dorm later that afternoon he kept drivintilntil he left Sunnydale and was heading through desert. He stopped at a gas station to refuel the car and bought a couple of bottles of water. He checked with the garage owner that it was OK to leave his car for an hour or so and headed up the large hill behind the squat buildings. He had lifted his suede jacket and carried it, along with the water, as he headed off at a stiff pace for the peak. After ten minutes he was sweating and beginning to regret his impulse but he wouldn't give up until he reached the top. Ten minutes later he sat down on an outcrop of rock and stared at the valley unfolding below him. When he had recovered his breath he moved further along the plateau and had to admit that the panoramic view was breathtaking. “If only they had some grass” he smiled to himself and fondly remembered the Lake District from family holidays of years before. Finding a large boulder near the farthest edge of the plateau he sat down against it and pulled his wallet from his jacket pocket. He sighed as he looked at the group photograph of them from a couple of years before. He was sitting at the reading table in the old school library and Xander was standing behind him, pretending to read over his shoulder. His mock studious look had caused Buffy and Willow to burst out laughing and Jenny had glanced up from her book to see what everyone was laughing at. Oz had quietly said his name and Giles had looked up to see what he wanted. It was at this point that Oz had taken the photograph, much to Buffy and Willows annoyance. Something to do with a hair crisis he seemed to remember. He laughed to himself at the memory and studied the faces gazing out at him from the slightly crinkled photo. He noticed Jenny's amusement at his impatience with Xander and realised how much he had lost when she was taken from him. Their relationship may never have blossomed into anything but it would certainly have been intriguing to spend more time with her.

Memories of the others were still returning every day and he sighed, putting the photograph away again. He stared at the scenery for a while and tried to understand why he should 'miss' Willow more than any of the others. He shook his head and took another drink of water. He could rationalise missing Jenny, or even hankering after the green rolling hills of the English countryside, but he knew that he had lost something in both these cases. Willow had made it very clear that they had nothing of that kind in their past for him to mourn the passing of. Although she clearly had feelings for him, they were probably being magnified by their constantly being near each other and her concern over his recovery.


As the sun started to sink towards the town he stood and put his jacket on. He checked that the wallet, and photo, were safe in his pocket and trudged back down the hill. He waved to the garage owner and turned his car back towards the town. There was only one way to resolve this and, if it meant giving her some distance to resolve her feelings, so be it. He sighed as he turned into the apartment parking lot. He just hoped she would come up with the answer he wante
Bu
Buffy was pleased with her mor's 's work and assumed that Giles would take her advice to heart and move things along with Willow. She was not too concerned when Willow dropped out of the next night's research project. She wasn't even too concerned when Giles made his excuses and missed the team lunch after their next training session. It was only when Xander asked her if there had been an argument between them that she realised they had been avoiding each other all week.

"I thought they would be all over each other by now" she suggested, then explained her plan to Xander.

He shook his head wearily and put his hand on her shoulder "You have much to learn grasshopper". He nodded towards a table and sat down opposite her. "You are dealing with the two most intelligent people we know" she nodded her agreement. "They are dealing with the most basic of all emotions" she nodded again but was getting an impatient look on her face. "Add those two things together and you have two people who can't rely on their brains for once and who are, therefore, lost and scared". A clear understanding of the truth of what he said suddenly dawned on her face and he sat trying to look wise as befit his newly found "love guru" status.

Buffy decided that she needed some bigger guns to help in this particular battle and made a call to Doctor Alexander. He gave her directions to his office and she made an appointment for the next day.

She wasn't really sure how to start and looked at the certificates on his wall for a couple of minutes. Eventually he coughed "Was there anything specific you needed to see me about?"

She nodded "Uhuh" and continued wondering around the office with no apparent intention of settling down to the subject at hand.

He tried again "I'm guessing it's about Rupert?"

Sighing she finally looked at him "I need your help" she admitted.


"OK" he said, indicating a seat "You know I'll do anything I can to help Rupert, what do you need?"

"Really its about the unusual behaviour traits you warned us to keep an eye out for" she shifted uncomfortably on the chair. He sat down in his own chair and indicated that she could continue.

"I don't know how well you knew Giles before the accident but he was one of my closest friends" she stated this with a determined nod and looked ightight at to sto see his reaction. "Willow is my best friend and they have both been acting really weird since the accident and I need your help to try and figure out why" she finished in a rush.

"I'm not sure I'll be able to help with Willow, after all she's not a patient of mine, but I'll do what I can" he reassured her.

She accepted his statement and decided that it was good enough to let her continue. "Although they would both deny it Willow and Giles were growing closer together before his accident" she looked down at her hands. "I mean we were all working very closely together on a project so it wasn't just the amount of time they were spending together". He sensed that there was a large part of this story she would not tell him, but he also knew that she expected him to help her anyway.

"Nothing was ever said but I just kind of expected them to get together in a romantic, lip locking kind of way" she continued to look at him and he shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm not that kind of a doctor, perhaps you should get them both to see a relationship counsellor?" he was a little bemused andn mon more surprised as she stood up again and started to pace.

"NO" she said with considerable vehemence. "The problem is that since the accident they seemed to be getting closer and now they are avoiding each other completely" she realised that this didn’t make the situation any clearer and paced with more determination.

"I know I'm not explaining this very well but I think that the changes in Giles' personality are affecting him most clearly in his relationship with Willow and I'm concerned that he won't ever get over this last hurdle to his recuperation unless he realises that he isn’t behaving normally" she finished as she arrived at his desk and put her hands on it to emphasise her point.


"Exactly how do you think Rupert has changed and in what way does it affect his relationship with Willow?" he asked quietly and she sank back into the chair with some relief.

"He's been laid back and much more.. well kind of.. in a way.." she faltered and then made a conscious decision to continue what she had started "Actually he's less British!"

He looked a little startled and then started to laugh. "Believe it or not I think I know what you mean" he said as he continued to laugh. She looked immensely relieved.

"I mean i bee been great to have him so much less tense and intense about everything" she continued "but it's not our Giles and its really thrown Willow for a loop"

"I still don’t think there is anything I can do to help" the doctor said apologetically. "I have spoken to both Willow and Rupert about this and he feels immensely guilty about causing her pain but he can't do anything about it either" he explained.

She looked a little lost and he sighed "I'm really sorry, I don’t like to see either of them hurt, but it really can only be resolved by him getting the rest of his memories back and then making the decisions he has to make".