His Worth

Buffy continued her double life. She went to the office everyday and played the “Hank’s Good Daughter” game and she saw Spike at night. It took weeks for her father to question her about her going out all the time but she lied to him saying she went to clubs with friends. She was 23 after all. Hank merely snorted and walked away.
Buffy didn’t know how much longer she could continue how she had been. Having to get up and leave Spike to come home every night was getting harder and harder each tiNot Not to mention she feared her father would become too suspicious and find out about her extra-curricular activities.
She also didn’t want to keep paying for motel rooms by the night and she couldn’t bring him home. She could imagine the look on dear old Dad’s face. “Hi Dad, this is Spike. Remember him? The hooker I picked up a few months ago? Yeah, I’m paying him to bang me on a regular basis now so you’ll be seeing him a lot more often” Buffy giggled to herself. Right, like THAT would ever happen. No, she needed a place of her own and you know what, it was time anyway. She was 23 for goodness sakes. Besides she couldn’t stand to see Spike still staying in that dank basement “apartment”, by now, with all she was paying him he should have plenty to get a nicer place but every time she brought it up he got mad and changed the subject. It had to be something besides the money, but what? She made her decision. She would begin apartment hunting the next day. If Spike wouldn’t get one, then she would and she could have him move in with her. It would be HER apartment though so he wouldn’t get mad at her, right?

Buffy searched for a week before finding the nicest place she could that was the closest to Spike’s side of town. She took her best friend, Willow with her to sign the lease and get the keys. She went to high school with Willow and Willow’s parents knew her father through business dealings. Willow and she were also dorm roommates all through college at UC Sunnydale. Willow was a genius and now had an intern professorship at the college. She taught biology which still amused Buffy seeing as Willow had an abnormal fear of frogs. Even though Willow was rich as well, she was always kind of geeky and nerdy and never acted like a snobby rich kid.
“Did you tell your dad yet, Buffy?” Willowed asked her as they were driving to the new place.
“Umm, not exactly.” Buffy answered.
“O.K. Are you going to tell him? Or just let him guess when he sees you moving boxes out?”
“Yes, I will tell him. I’ll do it tonight.” Buffy promised. “Here it is” Buffy said as she pulled into the parking lot.
The apartment building was a quaint Victorian style home split into 4 units, two on top and two on bottom. Buffy had rented the bottom left unit. The house had been refurbished and modernized. It contained both the style and visual appeal of the era in which it was originally built yet it was now equipped with modern amenities. It had two bedrooms, a large spacious living room with a huge bay window overlooking the front yard, a smaller dining room and a fully appliance furnished kitchen. Off to the side of the kitchen was a small pantry and laundry room combined. The bathroom was equipped with an old but in pristine condition claw foot tub. That was Buffy’s favorite. Her grandmother had one in her home and Buffy could remember it from her childhood days. Lastly there was a side door off the kitchen that went out to a small porch. The walls and carpet were done in neutral colors of cream and beige.
“Well, what do you think?” Buffy asked Willow
“Wow, it’s really nice. I love it Buffy. You did well!” Willow beamed at her. Willow secretly wished she was moving in to be Buffy’s roommate again like they were in college but Buffy didn’t hint at it at all or offer so she kept her mouth shut.
“So, now what?” said Willow.
“Now, we go burn some plastic and buy furniture. I have no living, dining or kitchen furniture. I also want to get a new bed.” Buffy told Willow. She smiled inside remembering Spike’s description of what his perfect bed would be, knowing that would be exactly what she would seek out and buy.
“Ok, let’s lock up and go. Onward to the mall. Charge!” grinned Willow.

Buffy kept her promise and told Hank that night that she was moving out on her own. She was 23 and it was time. He didn’t seem to put up as much as a fight as Buffy had expected. Buffy would realize months later it was most in part due to Hank’s new girlfriend who, at 21 was younger than his own daughter, that he wanted to move in with him so he was all too happy at the convenience of Buffy leaving the nest. He did however make her show him the apartment to make sure it was up to his standaand and respectable enough for Hank Summer’s daughter. Buffy internally rolled her eyes.
Mr. Travers gave her a few personal days off and she spent most of that time furnishing and decorating her new home and keeping it a secret from Spike which proved hardest of all. She was bursting with wanting to tell him and he could tell something was up but every time he inquired, she brushed it off.
Finally the day came for her to reveal her surprise for Spike. They had just left Willy’s and he thought they were driving to their motel when Buffy turned a different direction.
“Where we going, pet?”
“I have a surprise for you” Buffy smiled at him.
“That so?” Spike said a bit timidly. He had no idea what was up her sleeve and he didn’t really like surprises.
Spike looked out the window and noticed they were leaving the “bad” section of town and coming into a more affluent neighborhood.
Buffy pulled up to a big house and stopped the car.
“Who lives here, luv?” Spike asked.
“You do, Spike”, Buffy turned to him with a beaming smile feeling like Mother Teresa helping this poor unfortunate soul.
“WHAT?” Spike slightly raised his voice.
“Come on, let me show you” she said as she got out of the car. She had to open Spike’s door and almost drag him out of the car and up the sidewalk.
He stood behind her mutely as she unlocked the door and grabbed his hand pulling him inside.
Spike tried not to let his eyes bulge out of his head as he took in the expensively decorated apartment.
“Well, do you like it?” Buffy asked. “If there is something you don’t like, I can take it back and we can get something different. I wasn’t sure what all you would care for, well except the bed which...you have to see it. Come on Spike” Buffy was babbling a mile a minute and dragging a dazed and confused Spike down the hallway to the master bedroom.
His eyes fell on the huge king sized four poster bed covered in plush pillows and blood red satin sheets and down comforter.
“Buffy, what is all this? What is going on?”
“Well, duh! I got us an apartment, Spike. You don’t have to live in that crappy basement anymore! And no more motel beds. Isn’t this great?” she jumped on the bed excitedly.
“Buffy, I can’t afford to pay for this place even with what you give me” Spike told her.
“You don’t have to, Spike. I’m paying for it. Don’t worry.”
“Oh right. I’m your “kept-boy” boy after all, isn’t that right, Buffy?” Spike spat out.
“What? No, Spike. It’s not like that.” Buffy’s face began to fall.
“Then explain to me what it’s like? First you pay me to fuck only you. Now my living arrangements aren’t up to par with you so you put me up in some posh pad. What the hell else would you call me?” he raised his voice.
“Why are you angry, Spike? I thought you would be happy. I did this for you. You should be thanking me, Mister!” Buffy began to get angry herself.
“Thanking you? For trying to control me? I may be a whore, Buffy but I’m a whore on my own terms. Never had a pimp and I don’t need one now!”
“I’m not your pimp you stupid jerk! How can you say that to me?” Buffy screamed.
“How could you go behind my back and do this? I didn’t ask for it, Buffy! I don’t need your fucking charity. Didn’t I tell you that once?” Spike screamed back at her.
“Fine, you asshole! Forget it! Forget everything! She reached out to grab him and began pummeling his chest with her fists.
Spike’s control snapped like a twig and he reached out his hand and backhanded her across the face. Buffy crumpled to the floor.
“Don’t you fucking hit me little girl because I’ll hit you back!” he shouted.
Then panic set in. He hadn’t meant to hurt her yet there she lay in a sobbing heap at his feet. You no good bastard, he thought to himself. All you ever do is hurt the girl. That’s all you’ve ever done.
“Buffy, I’m sor…” Spike started to lean down to her but she scrambled away from him across the floor.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again you evil disgusting thing” she looked at him with venom in her eyes.
She had been happier that morning when she woke up than ever before in her life. Now all her dreams and hopes lay shattered on the ground around them.
Buffy’s words cut Spike to the bone. They only confirmed what he already felt about himself though. Christ, why did he get so upset. It was just an apartment. He didn’t have to live there even if she did. He could just come here instead of the motel. But no, he had to go and make a huge issue and fight out of it. That’s it Spike. Always mucking up every good thing in your otherwise worthless life.
Spike ignored her warning and walked over to her anyway. He reached down and pulled her struggling form up to him.
“I didn’t mean to ‘urt you, Buffy. You hit me first” He rationalized.
She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him fiercely, tears running down her cheeks.
“You’re not disgusting. I didn’t mean that. You hurt me” she looked up at him accusingly.
“I can hurt you more, Buffy. Do you want me to hurt you more? Is that what you want?” he said in a husky whisper. Once again, Spike’s anger turned into lust.
He lowered his mouth to hers and they began to devour each other. They fell onto the bed and came at each other like animals. Biting, clawing, and scratching. Each of them taking out the other’s frustrations on the other. It was raw and violent and Buffy screamed as Spike slammed into her so hard, she felt like he was splitting her in two. They both came together with a primal roar.
Lying there together side by side waiting for their breathing to return to normal, Buffy hoped the neighbors hadn’t heard them.
She felt Spike get up from the bed and through hooded eyes watched him dress.
She watched him put on his coat, watched him walk out the door without saying a word. Watched him walk out of her life and she let him.
She had done everything she could think of to take care of him and improve his life. She had cared for him but there was only so much one could do for a person if the recipient continued to resist. He never talked about his youth or how or why he starting working the streets. The one time she tried to press him on it he became very angry so she never brought it up again. She was tired of walking on eggshells around him. The guy had definite issues. She wanted to help him. She loved him so much…wait…did she just think love. Oh God, she loved him. She loved Spike. Buffy loved Spike. She said it out loud to the empty room as if hearing it vocalized made it more real. She was in love with a shell of a man who thought her nothing more than a paying client. No wonder he left. He knows, Buffy worriedly thought. He sensed it. And he doesn’t love me so he left.
Fresh tears fell from Buffy’s eyes as she cried herself into a restless slumber.

Outside, Spike walked briskly down the street, cursing the distance it was back to his place. Dammit, Buffy! He cursed her. We had a decent thing going. Why did you have to go and muck it all up? Cripes. What does she want from me? What does she expect? Me to play Ken doll to her Barbie in the cozy Malibu digs? It’s not like I’m her sodding boyfriend. Never going to take my sodding ass home to meet dear old Pops. Not good enough for the bloody bitch. Good enough to scratch her itch but nothing more. Spike’s internal rants bounced back and forth between loathing and loving Buffy. What? Loving Buffy? No…No…No. Spike suddenly stopped and swung back around the way he had come from.
Just going to check on the crazy bint. Make sure she didn’t off herself or something, Spike told himself. He walked back to the new apartment and around the back to Buffy’s bedroom window. He peered inside and watched her sleeping. Jesus, I’m a nancy boy, sodding peeping tom out here, he swore to himself. He went back around to the side and sat down on the steps of the side porch. He pulled out a fag and lit it. Spike didn’t know how long he had sat there until he saw the first rays of daylight begin to make their way across the sky.