Need

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Need_5

I took his hand and led him from the club before the song ended.
Wha Whatever you want, I'll give it to you.
Wherever you go, I'll be with you.
And whatever you want, I'll give it to you.

I was scared. Terrified. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to tell him that when he died I was so lonely and sad that I slept with someone else, to feel closer to him, to feel something…anything. I knew I had to, and that just made it harder. “Did you see the singer in there?” I asked, my tears almohokihoking me.

“No…Wasn’t paying attention to the band Luv, when you’re around all I see is you. Why? What’s this about then? Why are you crying Luv?” He asked pulling me into his arms.

How can I tell him, the man I love that I had sex with a complete stranger? How can I tell him that I missed him so bad that I went home with some guy?

“Luv? Talk to me…come on It won’t be bad. I swear…what did you do? Sleep with the guy?” He tilted my chin so I looked into his eyes. Damn vampire knows me too well. He could see the fear and tears in my eyes.

I nodded. “Spike…I was so lonely…desperately lonely…I was devastated…I thought I lost you forever…I’m so sorry…” I said softly as I pulled back from his embrace. He only pulled me closer. That small gesture made me love him even more. I wanted nothing more than to let him hold me.

“Shhh baby. I can’t believe you thought I’d be upset in the least. I love you so much. With every fiber of my being Luv, You having sex…or even a relationship when yooughought I was dead…I’d be more mad if you shut off and didn’t let anyone near you or your beautiful heart…” Spike held me tighter.

“You’re not…mad…I tried to…I pretended he was you…” I sobbed again.

“Not mad Pet. Not upset, a little sad that my dying hurt you that much…but Luv, I could never be mad at you…”

I told him everything, how I met the guy and how I wished it was him, let myself believe it was. He was very supportive, he just held me and let me talk, cry, shake, sob.

“All better?” He asked when I was done and had my head resting on his chest listening to the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat. It felt…right. I know that sounds strange, I was with him and in love with him and his heart hadn’t beaten in a hundred and thirty years, it felt…real it felt like it was supposed to be like this. I nodded against his chest. “Wanna go back in?” He asked. “The Scoobies are probably wondering what happened to us by now.” See how sweet he is worried about everyone.

“How do I look?” I asked

“Gorgeous pet.” He kissed me softly on the forehead. “Always gorgeous to me.”

“Yeah you’d think that no matter what…But do I look like I was crying?” I asked.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. “Your eyes are a little red luv, but I don’t think they’ll notice.” He pulled me close again. “I love you…”

“I love you too.” I took his hand and led him back to the club.
~~~~~~

Spike and I were standing at the bar getting drinks when the set ended. He came towards us, our backs were turned so I didn’t notice at first.

“Buffy? I thought it was you… how are you doin Luv?” He asked sideling up beside me.

I turned to him and smiled softly. “Hi.” I felt Spike’s arm grip me tighter. “This is my… This is Spike…” What is he now? He’s more than my boyfriend, more than my mate…not my husband…yet…He’s my world. I pressed my back firmly against my vampire. “Spike this is…uh…”

“James…Nice to meet you mate…” James put out his hand. Spike grasped it in a firm shake.

Spike smiled. “Nice to meet you too mate…heard a lot about you I did.” Spike let his hand drop back to my hip. A sign of possession. I felt a tremor run through m
I
I could have been really uncomfortable…but with Spike there, holding me like he was, reassuring me I was calm and clear headed. The night I was with James…I was lost. Spike found me and I knew I would never be lost again. I knew what ever happened we would face it. It may not all be hugs and puppies but it was our life. Our life together.

We sat and talked with James for a little while, Spike was so…calm…so rational…it made me happy. He makes me happy. I glanced over and saw our reflection in the mirror behind the bar. We really made a perfect couple. I turned to him and smiled happily.

“Buffy…can I have a turn around the floor?” James asked nodding towards the dance floor. The jukebox was playing. I glanced back at Spike. He nodded. He let me go dance with James! I was shocked.

I followed James out to the dance floor and he took me into his arms. It felt so wrong “I never thought I’d see you again.” He said softly. He was being respectful, his hands resting gently on my hips, allowing distance between us. My hands rested on his shoulders.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again either.” I replied.

“I realize now why. You were trying to replace him weren’t you?” He asked nodding back at Spike.

I glanced in my love’s direction. He was smiling softly. He wasn’t jealous, he wasn’t hurt. He accepted the fact that I tried to move on but couldn’t, and he accepted the fact that I was completely in love with him. That I was his. WOW

“I thought he died…there was and earthquake in my home town…he wouldn’t leave until he knew everyone was safe…he made me leave him there…I really didn’t want to…When I went to L.A. three months ago to get something for a friend…He was there.” I looked up at him. “I love him more than anything…”

“He’s a lucky guy…” He said softly.

“No. I’m the lucky one…he’s my world, I…” I couldn’t continue. How could I explain what Spike means to me? Without him…I would be nothing. An empty shell.

“I should have known…there was a sadness about you that night…almost desperation…I see how much him and I look alike and I see why you chose me…thank you for that…I hope I helped.”

“You did, I needed to feel closer to him, I missed him so much. That night through you I did.” I said honestly. “That night things changed for me…I’m sorry for running out on you in the middle of the night…I just…it got to much you know?” I felt that I could be honest. Because of Spike. Because he loves me and trusts in our love.
~~~~~

“Spike? You’re letting Buffy dance with someone else and you’re not freaking out? All jealous and Grrr…” Xander approached the vampire.

“Whelp, I love her, she loves me…no reason to be jealous…” Spike stole another glance at Buffy and smiled.

“Wow man you really have changed. A year ago you were trying to hide your jealousy of Robin…and now…”

“Yeah well back then…I didn’t think I’d ever have a chance with her maow Iow I know how she feels about me and I’ll never let her go…”

“She’s a lucky woman Spike…”

“Thanks, But I’m the lucky one.” Spike smiled and bought Xander a beer.
~~~~~~

I finished dancing with James. We said goodbye and left it at that. I can’t believe how easy that was. Spike made it easy on me.

I walked over to him, He was sitting at the table with my friends. “I’m almost ready to go…I was promised a treat earlier…” I whispered seductively in his ear.

Spike pulled me into his lap. I could feel how much he wanted me. I felt so loved and adored. Since he’s been back I feel…whole…it’s an unbelievable.

“We’re gonna take off…we have to get some sleep…big meeting with the Watcher tomorrow…” Spike said to the group while getting to his feet.

We said our goodbyes and made our way out of the club. We held hands the whole way home. See like I said, he knows me so well, knows what I need and gives it to me.
~~~~~~

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