Now and Then

Buffy swum slowly back to a state of consciousness. Blinking her eyes open, she stared in fascination at a set of red, faded, and tattered velvet curtains, hanging across from her. Rolling to her back, she pushed herself up on her elbows and examined the space. She was lying on a big bed that was familiar, uncomfortably familiar. Directly in front of her was an old desk that was covered in the remains of what appeared to be maps. That was pretty much about it for the room.

Curtains, bed, desk and a whole bunch of cave.

Groaning, Buffy fell back on the bed and closed her eyes.

Well at least it’s not a crypt.

A slight scuffling noise had her eyes popping back open. Turning her head towards the entrance, she watched Spike duck under the curtains. He paused when he saw that she was awake and felt a small bout of pain go through her when an expression of annoyance passed over his face. Tucking that away for later examination she sat up.

“You’re awake.” He muttered

“And you were praising my powers of observation.”

Spike tossed her an exasperated look and came to sit on the bed beside her.

“Here, it’s not warm but you’ll have to make do.”

Buffy stared at the small plastic bag of blood he had thrown in her lap. Lifting it gingerly by a corner she watched as he sunk
fangs into his and proceeded to drain it.

“Where did you get it?”

Spike finished quickly and wiped a hand across his mouth.

“Always keep some in the car for emergencies. This here”, he said, waving a hand around to encompass them and the room, “ is an emergency. Now be a good girl, quit talking and eat your dinner.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose a bit and hesitantly bit into the bag. The scent of blood filled her nostrils and before she could think
about it the contents were empty. Dropping the empty plastic she stared at it for a moment as if trying to figure out where it had gone. A slight chuckle had her head shooting up and she glared at the amusement on Spike’s face.

“What?” she snapped

“You, acting all ladylike and disgusted. Didn’t last long once you got a taste though did it. Seems to me that was always your reaction when I showed you something new.”

“Spike.” She growled in warning.

Don't get your knickers in a twist. You are what you are Buffy. It will go a lot easier when you just accept it.”

“That’s the part I remember most about you Spike.”

Spike raised a brow in question.

“Always thinking you know the answer for everyone, when usually you don’t have a clue.”

Spike rose from the bed and looked around the cave for a second. When his gaze came back to hers, Buffy was shocked to see a hint of pain marring his face.

“I did know the answers, Buffy.”, he said softly, “You were always too afraid to ask the questions.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Spike ran a hand over his face and effectively erased any sign of tenderness he may have had.

“Nothing. It means nothing to you, as usual. I need to go get some supplies for this little road trip you’ve forced us on.
Stay here and…”, Spike leaned down beside the bed and came up with a magazine,“ read this. I won’t be long.”

Buffy jumped as the magazine hit her in the chest. Ignoring it, she scrambled off the bed.

“I can’t just sit here. I’m coming with you.”

Spike shoved her back on the bed and leaned over pinning her arms.

“You will just sit here.”, Spikes voice was low and filled with warning. “I don’t know how much of a lead Jules has and I don’t
want to find out. I know what we need to get by. I don’t need is some whiny little girl tagging behind me, slowing me down.”

With that he pushed up off the bed and stalked out of the cave.

Buffy sat up slowly and stared at the space he had just passed through.

Okay how sick am I that, that just turned me on.

After scrubbing the notion off her face, she picked up the discarded magazine. It was a good ten years old, judging by the date on the cover. It was some kind of Enquirer rag with a big picture of Antonio Banderas ducking the cameras. Buffy tossed it back on the floor.

What kind of ditz reads that crap.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Spike shuffled his grocery bags to a more comfortable position. Peering inside, he estimated they contained enough blood and smokes to get them through the next couple days.

“Well, well. What do we have here, boys?”

Spike froze as a voice behind him bounced off the walls of the alley. At first he thought it was one of Jules guys but after a
swift spin on his heel he discovered three vamps instead. Slowly setting his bags on the ground, Spike reached into his duster and pulled out his smokes. Lighting oe gae gazed dispassionately at the obvious newbies. Waving a hand in
their direction, he took no pains to hide the cockiness from his expression.

“You blokes out for an evening stroll.”

The leader of the group sauntered down the alley towards him.

“I know who you are.”

Spike couldn’t keep the bored tone from his voice. The new ones were always trying to prove themselves.

“That right? Well I know who I am too and who I am is someone you really don’t want to fuck with.”

The vamp was standing right in Spike’s face now. He leaned in and Spike got a whiff of thoroughly rotten breath.

Okay the slayer was right about that. Someone really oughtta teach these whelps about hygiene. Just cause you’re dead is no excuse to let yourself go.


Spike backed up a step to avoid the erroneous odor and the kid took it a sign of submission.

“There might have been a time when you ruled this town but you lost it, man.” , he hissed, “I’m the king around here now.”

Spike raised a brow. “Sorry I missed the coronation. Tell me what does take to get a crown these days.”

“Easy, you kill that slut of a slayer. Something you failed miserably at.”

Spikes mind started to spin. Buffy had said there was only one but this idiot standing in front of him should have taken her
seconds to take down. It didn’t make sense.

Wait a tick……He said slut….not bitch…..slut…..

A small feral gleam leapt into Spikes eyes.

This whelp had better hope he meant bitch.

“You killed the slayer…..all by yourself.”

The vamps chest seemed to puff up with an extremely misplaced sense of pride.

“I did.”

Spike dropped his cigarette and took his time lighting another one. It would do no good to rip his head off before the story
was told.

“How did you kill the toughest slayer in history.”

“I got her when she couldn’t fight back.”

Spike nodded slowly.

“That’s interesting. And useful knowledge there. Tell me, how did you manage to get her in a position where she couldn’t fight you?”

If the boy had been paying more attention he would have noticed the tight coil of conrtol Spike had over his body. Unobservant to a fault, he just laughed and knocked his chin up an inch.

“I was fucking her at the time.”

If he hadn’t been so caught up in bragging over conquests, he might have noticed that Spike was no longer holding a smoke. He was now grasping an object decidedly more wooden. There was a slight choking sound when Spike’s hand shot out and wrapped around the boys throat. Really it was just to pin him in place while a stake was busy imbedding itself in the
kids chest. Spike watched the ashes descend slowly to the ground.

“Here endeth the lesson.”

He looked up as the others cautiously approached the remains of their friend.

“Geez man. What did you have to do that for? Carl was the best, he got rid of Slutty the Vampire Layer and everyth-“

Another layer of ashes covered the first, and Spike slid his gaze over to the remaining vamp.

“What’s your opinion of the slayer?”

“Sssslayer. Best warrior who ever lived.”

Spike nodded slowly, then gestured down the alley.

“That’s correct, Go tell your friends.”

Spike bent down and picked up his bags, moving slowly down the alley he attempted to come to grips with the disturbing bits of information. It wasn’t working. At times like these there were only two viable options, kill something or get drunk. The first option hadn’t come close to cooling the rage simmering in his stomach. Spike ducked into an open doorway
and made his way to a very familiar spot. Setting his bag on the bar he growled out his order and he grabbed the bottle instead of the glass placed before him. Turning around and leaning on the bar he surveyed his surroundings. It was
virtually dead, there couldn’t have been more than a dozen people milling around.

Rat trap hasn’t changed a bleedin’ bit.

Narrowing his eyes he watched a very familiar figure approach him.

For the love of………one drink that’s all I wanted……just one bloody…

“Spike.”

He lifted his bottle slightly in salute.

“Red.”

“What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to……… Where’s Buffy?”

Willow was glancing around nervously as if she expected Buffy to jump out at her any second. Spike felt a lump of disgust form in his throat.

“Had a slight mishap. Not to worry though, I said I’d keep the newly fanged away from your precious throats and I don’t break my promises.”

Spike grunted slightly as a body came flying into him from the side.

“I warned you Spike.”

Spike blinked at the enraged man holding him by the throat.

“Get off me, whelp. I just stopped for a drink and then I’m gone.”

“I should have known, I never should have let you take her.”

Spike glared Xander.

“You didn’t let me do anything. She’s mine, always has been.”

“Well I’m sure you two will be real happy in matching ashtrays.”

Spike grabbed Xander’s throat and started to squeeze.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Buffy ducked into the bathroom. Leaning her forehead against a wall, she slammed her fist against it.

……….newly fanged…….precious throats…….. let you take her…….

Waiting was never her style and Buffy had wasted no time in leaving the cave shortly after Spike. It had come as quite a shock when she had figured out just where she was. It had also made her incredibly pissed off. She had figured that Spike was hiding their whereabouts from her because he didn’t want her to leave him.. After two hours of searching the streets of
Sunnydale she still hadn’t found him. She had however found about fifty vamps and discovered, much to her delight, that old habits died hard. Still, the slaying hadn’t diminished her anger a bit, instead the adrenaline rush she had going on was not boding well for anything Spikeish. She had literally been vibrating with anger when she stalked into the Bronze. Spotting him within seconds of her arrival, Buffy had practically raced towards him prepared to kick a serious amount of Spike’s ass. She wasn’t sure why but the sight of Willow approaching him first had her ducking behind a pillar. Violence was fine in her current frame of mind, but an in depth discussion with her friends about her new sun allergy was not something she could deal with.

Buffy slid down the bathroom wall and wiped at the tears on her face. The people who were supposed to trust her, love her, protect her, had thrown her away without a second thought. She dimly decided that in the two days since becoming a vampire she had cried more than she had in the last two years as a human.

So much for that not caring thing.

A woman walked into the bathroom and shot a curious glance at her. Buffy watched the girl walk to the mirror and fuss with her hair. Standing slowly, Buffy approached and stood directly behind her. A small smile played at Buffy’s lips as she felt the woman stiffen and lean closer to the mirror. Buffy took a small step back as the woman turned slowly, shock and fear evident on her face.

“Boo.”

Bending over the body of the unconscious woman Buffy slid her arms out of her shirt.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Spike snarled into Xander’s face. He had the man trapped against the bar and was holding him there by his throat.

“You bloody wanker. She gave up everything for you and when she wasn’t what you wanted you tossed her away like garbage.”

Spike could feel Willow pulling on his arm but he didn’t let up on his grip.

“How do you think she’d feel if she knew what you-“

“Spike?”

Spike felt his body tense as Buffy’s voice cut through the room. Turning his head slowly, he looked back to find Buffy
standing a foot away. She was dressed in a pair of tight black leather pants and a red leather corset. Spike felt a swift and undeniable surge of lust bolt through his veins at the indisputable sex appeal she was projecting. The only thing stopping him from dragging her off into a corner was the slightly dazed expression she wore on her face. Slowly releasing his hold on Xander, he stood up and walked towards her, effectively blocking her from prying eyes.

“Pet?”

The closer he got the more the illusion of a lost girl was shattered. The force of the pain and anger in her eyes almost made him stumble back. Reaching out a hand, he trailed it down her cheek in a gesture of comfort. It was plain as day, to anyone who looked, she knew…..everything. Sighing, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, preparing to defend her against
her friends. He never got the chance.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Buffy closed her eyes when she felt Spike’s reassuring embrace engulf her. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he
had been trying to protect her from the truth. And Buffy was not now or ever had been stupid. Swallowing hard, she schooled her features and opened her eyes. Sliding a hand up his chest, she stared pleadingly into his eyes.

“Spike. I’m bored. You said we were gonna have some fun.”

Turning to face her two best friends in the world, Buffy let a malicious grin spread over her face.

“I’m hungry and they’re not fun………yet.”

Buffy felt Spike’s body tense and silently prayed he wouldn’t screw this up. It took a moment, but she felt each individual
muscle relax against her.

“Sorry, luv. I got distracted. I’m sure you can find something to eat here. There’s plenty just hanging around.”

Buffy slipped out of his embrace and moved towards Willow. Stopping in front of her she picked up a strand of hair and watched it slip slowly through her fingers. Buffy wondered if Willow would recognize the move from her vampire doppelganger.

“So pretty. Like fire without the burn.”

Great, now I’m channeling Drucilla.

Sliding into her vamp face, Buffy mentally listed all the traits of any female vamps she had come in contact with. Snapping her head to the side, Buffy pinned Xander with a cold yellow gaze. Walking sensuously towards him, she let out a malicious laugh as he tripped in his attempt to back up. Seizing the front of his shirt, she lifted him so that he was only a few inches from her face.

“Who said you could touch my Spike.”

Harmony……come on down.

Buffy lunged for his neck.

“Buffy, this isn’t you! You don’t want to do this!”

Buffy stopped her descent a mere second away from imbedding her teeth. Reverting back to her human face, she pulled back and stared calmly into Xander’s eyes.

“No Xander, I never wanted to do this.”

Dropping him to the floor, she let her gaze encompass both Willow and Xander. Willow was the first to speak.

“Buffy?”

Before she could reply, Buffy felt a strong arm encircle her waist.

“Time to go, luv.”

Buffy nodded slightly and wrapped her arm around him, sinking into the familiar comfort. Turning towards the door, she glanced back at Willow and Xander. They were watching her with twin expressions of pain and confusion. Buffy placed a hand on Spikes chest to stop their exit.

“You two will never know how much I love you. But maybe now you will know how badly you hurt me.”

With that she spun on her heel and headed out the door. Only to be stopped by Spikes hand on her arm.

“Just a moment, luv. Need to take of one last thing.”

Buffy raised a quizzical eyebrow but stayed silent.

Spike moved back into the bar and stepped in front of Xander, who had finally picked himself off the ground. Tilting his head to the side, Spike studied the man.

“You remember all those times you punched me and I couldn’t fight back?”

An extremely wary expression crossed Xander’s face, but he managed to stumble out a “Yes.”

Spike’s fist shot out in a blur and connected painfully hard with Xander’s nose. Spike strolled back to door and took Buffy’s
hand leading her out into the night.

The last thing Xander and Willow heard was quiet laughter from Buffy and Spike’s parting words.

“Me too.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Buffy wrapped her arms around her waist and watched as Spike unpacked the groceries. He could feel her gaze on him and
fought the urge to drag her back into his arms. There had been a river of past pain separating them before now it was swiftly developing into an ocean.

“You think that was a wise move?”

Buffy pulled herself back from the subsequent bout of self pity she had been indulging in and glared at him.

“Which move is that. The one where I let my friends know exactly what I think of them or the one where you punched Xander
in the face.”

Spike tensed at her sudden change of attitude.

“Errmm….I’m gonna go with the first one.”

Buffy flopped back on the bed.

“I think it was a bloody spectacular idea.”

Spike winced as she butchered his accent. Stalking towards the bed he grabbed her arm.

“The only thing bloody about that little scene was that it was bloody stupid.”

“What do you care? You lied to me just as much as they did, you just had the balls to do it to my face.”

Spike dropped her arm like it had grown teeth and bit him. Moving back to the desk, he busied himself arranging pints of blood.

“It’s always about you isn’t it. You know if you would stop for one second and realize-“

“Realize what? That I’m a vampire, that my friends threw me away, that I get to spend the next I don’t know how many years
attached to your sorry ass. I realize plenty Spike and you know what. It all sucks.”

Spike willed his body to remain still although the urge to reach out and throw her through a wall almost overwhelmed him.
Clenching his fists, he turned around slowly.

“Poor little, Buffy. Nowhere to turn. Everyone has left you and all you have is me. The one person who you took such a great
amount pleasure stomping into the ground and I’m all you’ve got. Well forgive me if I’m not drowning in pity for you.”

Moving towards the bed, Spike placed his hands on either side of her and leered into her face.

“Maybe you should have learned to keep your legs shut.”

Buffy shoved at him but Spike was determined to have his say.

“What are you talking about?”

“I met an old friend of yours tonight. Unpleasant bloke, what with the pointy teeth and all. Rather fond of you, though.”

 

Buffy gasped and her eyes darted around the room.

“I….I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“Really? He had such endearing little pet names for you. Slutty the Vampire Layer ring any bells.”

Pure rage shot through Buffy’s small frame, bringing her legs up she kicked Spike in the stomach. He hit the opposite wall
with a loud crunch.

“What right do you have to judge me!”

Spike picked himself up off the floor and faced the irate vibrating girl.

“So it’s true then.”

Spike watched Buffy’s anger crumble little by little until finally she was just sitting on the floor, shaking. He held on
tight to his anger, but felt it give when tiny little choking sounds interrupted by words emerged from her throat.

“I…….I……..you……”

Cursing himself, Spike sunk to the ground and pulled her against his chest.

“What, luv?”

Buffy turned her face into his chest.

“It was you.”

Spike stiffened at her words and would have got up but she moved so that she was staring into his eyes. He almost flinched when she lifted a shaky hand and traced her fingers over his tense mouth.

“It was you…….It was always about you.”

“Are you trying to say this is my fault that you-“

Buffy leaned forward, placing her lips tentatively against his, she whispered into his mouth.

“No ones fault. It just is. This….”, she ran her tongue lightly along his lips, “ just is.”

“Buffy, I don’t think you-“

Spike’s words ended on a sharp hiss as Buffy grazed her teeth along his neck.

“Thinking”, he gasped as her teeth found his ear,” is highly over rated.”

In one smooth motion he swung her up on the bed. Staring down at the beauty before him, Spike felt a sharp tug at his
conscience. She was hurting, she was confused, she might hate him for this…………she was wearing a lot of leather. Sinking down into her waiting arms, he quietly dismissed any and all notion of ever going back to a life without
her in it.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Buffy brought her arms up and slid them around Spike’s shoulders. Cool fingers slid up her neck and tangled in her hair, massaging her scalp. A hard tongue invaded her mouth and her eyes fluttered behind closed lids at the sensation. Her
fingers moved into his hair and tightened into a fist, pulling down, not hurting but not gentle either. A soft moan escaped her throat and Buffy fought to bury it against his mouth.

Spike broke the kiss and raised his head. “Look at me” he whispered.

Buffy reluctantly opened her eyes and dove right into the all encompassing blue depths of his.

“You feel it don’t you?…. You’re mine.”

Buffy choked on a sound emitting from her throat that could have meant pleasure or pain. Probably both. It was true, she was his. A claim that had endured long before the events of this night.

Spike reclaimed her lips with a savage vengeance and growled against her mouth.

“Don’t fight it, Buffy. Don’t fight me.”

Spike’s fingers were delving into the lacing of her borrowed corset and Buffy arched her back to give him better access. A
slight shiver coursed through her when cool air slid across her skin. Her body bucked when she felt his fingers brush her nipple and then return to pinch and roll it gently between thumb and forefinger.

It was exactly the same and yet completely different. The idea fluttered through Buffy’s mind as his mouth moved to her
jaw and began a slow descent down her neck. Without the sound of her heartbeat rushing through her ears, everything took on a calmer, cleaner sensation. But on the other hand that perfect stillness made every touch, every caress that
much more vibrant and exhilarating.

A long agonized groan broke from her throat as his teeth scraped against the underside of her breast. It swiftly built up volume when his tongue flicked against the hardened peak of her nipple and sucked it greedily into his mouth.

“Yes”, he whispered against her flesh, “ let me hear you, Buffy. For me, I need to hear you.”

Buffy brought her legs up, creating a perfect cradle for his hips. Tugging his head free from her breast, she pulled him up her body until their frames locked in place.

“Now.” She half demanded, half pleaded.

Spike’s soft chuckle was swiftly lost as Buffy’s nimble fingers ripped the button to his jeans off. Glancing down at their
entwined bodies, Spike returned the favor by tearing open the fastenings to her pants. Buffy heard the leather rip but was impervious to anything but the wall of need shooting through her veins. She wasn’t sure how he accomplished it
because she couldn’t recall moving away from him and she didn’t really care. The last coherent thought she could claim was that her pants had seemed to disappear from her body and Spike’s fingers were dancing along the smooth skin
of her stomach.

Shutting her eyes against the inevitable pleasure in the path his fingers were taking, Buffy arched her back in a silent plea for more. A scream ripped from her lungs when his hand slipped between her folds and caressed her clit. Her head thrashed wildly on the pillow as his fingers found their way inside her depths and began a slow steady thrusting rhythm. She
could hear his voice in her ear gently trying to calm and soothe her, but it was too late. It had been too long. Gripping his shoulders, she flipped him onto his back. Running a fiery gaze over his body she glared at the offending jeans he still wore. She figured out what had happened to her pants because it was remarkably simple to shred the cloth right of his body with a few hard tugs.

Staring at the tattered remains of his clothes in her hands, Buffy felt a wave of ice dread wash over her. Slowly setting them
aside she steeled herself for the inevitable. She was a freak. Had been told more times than she could count. Too hard, too fast…..too much. Loathe to see the expression of disgust at her forcefulness, Buffy ducked her head and picked at the blanket.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

Buffy felt herself being pulled roughly forward and found herself staring into eyes full of anger and need.

“Never”. He ground out,” hide it from me.”

Buffy cried out in shock as he shoved her onto her back and covered her body with his.

“Is that what they did to you…..made you ashamed of what you wanted, what you needed.”

Buffy blinked back the tears that had formed in her eyes. They were enough of an answer. Spike cupped her face in his hands and rained kisses along her eyes and cheeks.

“Never again, you hear me?”, Buffy nodded slowly at his question that was more of a statement, “ I want it all, every fiber of passion burning away under your skin.”

A slight gasp escaped her mouth as he reinforced his words by sliding deep inside her. Buffy felt the tremors begin again deep in her stomach almost like they had never stopped. She realized now that in all the time since they had been apart this was always simmering under the surface. Thrusting her hips upwards, she opened herself wide and clung to his shoulders. Spike dropped his head to her neck and thrust his hips in time with her movements.

“Yes, luv, that’s it. Burn for me.”

Buffy could feel a familiar ache spread through her limbs, race along her flesh and convulsing in her center. She felt her
inner walls pulse hard against his length and squeezed harder, not willing to give up even a second of him within her. She could hear Spike growling against her ear and thanked whoever was listening that he was still a talker.

“So hot, so sweet, so tight. God Buffy, you’re killing me.”

Buffy was too lost to respond, she could feel all the sensations spiraling down into a pit somewhere in her stomach and knew it wouldn’t be long before they came bursting back up in a shattering array of color. She felt Spike lift his head and turned hers slightly to meet his gaze.

“That’s it, luv, I can feel it. I still know when. Now, Buffy. Come for me now.”

Buffy opened her mouth to tell him…..something. It was lost as her world collapsed in on itself and seconds later exploded in wave after wave of white hot heat. The last thing she heard was Spike screaming her name as he fell off the edge with her.