Truth Denied
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
64
Views:
22,813
Reviews:
75
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Slash - Male/Male › Spike(William)/Xander
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
64
Views:
22,813
Reviews:
75
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 49/62
Ben served them all chicken quesadillas, making sure Xander ate at least three, along with two glasses of milk. They barely talked. Xander, personally, felt as stuffed as a thanksgiving turkey and groaned getting up from the kitchen table to flop on the couch.
“Okay, they may not have fed me and have only kept me drugged, but Ben, your cooking is going to kill me on its own, it’s so damned good.” He put a hand to his stomach and licked his lips, let out a belch and then sighed. “So much better.”
Ben smiled and sat on an armchair. “I like cooking.” He got everyone a beer, and they sat, drinking, till Spike got up with a smile.
“Got some paperwork for the club to do, don’t worry, brought my laptop.” He put his empty beer down and got up, going to his guest room, Xander followed him silently. When Spike was going through his bag, Xander pressed his palm against Spike’s upper back. Spike didn’t flinch, didn’t jump, but seemed to kind of melt. “Xander?”
“Need to tell you something Spike… figure sooner is better than later.” He said softly and sat on the bed. Spike sat beside him and looked at the floor, not sure what Xander needed from him now.
“Yeah, I’m here,” he said and said nothing else, just waiting for Xander to start.
Xander took one of his hands and picked it up, then twined his fingers with it and held it gently with his in his lap. “Ethan was there, is there.”
“Ethan?” Spike looked at him in shock. “That tosser?”
“Yeah… just listen, okay?” Xander whispered. “Not sure I can say this once, never mind over again with interruptions.”
Spike nodded and squeezed his hand, silent, letting him continue. Xander took a deep breath, then sat sideways on the bed, clinging to Spike’s hand. “You know Ethan Rayne, right? He worships a chaos god, Janus, likes to put one thing out of step and see the chaos it delivers, right? Well… he did a spell on me.”
He got up and paced the tiny room, not scared, but anxious. What if he was wrong, what if this wasn’t what he’d been shown, but it felt so right, and it was the only thing that made sense!
“Ethan…. He… he showed me a world… the best world I could have imagined… I was so happy. He was surprised I got out of it, but that was only because I died because I couldn’t live as a vampire, but I wanted you and….. let me get back to the beginning.” Xander took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair and sat beside Spike again, and held his hand.
“Ethan showed me a world without my father in it.” He stroked his thumb against Spike’s hand, gently, almost lovingly. “And… I grew up as I was meant to be, and I… was happy. Spike I was so happy.”
He sniffled, tears flowed down his cheeks, and Spike gave him some tissue. Xander blew his nose and wiped his eyes. “I was so happy. I lived a whole lifetime with Jesse, loved him, lived with him… then you came and cl-claimed me for yours, and I was happy in a vampire way, but devastated in a human way. I didn’t want to spend eternity killing people, so… slayers came and killed us, and I snapped out of it, but Spike, that’s not important.” He squeezed Spike’s hand and gazed up at him, looking him in the eye.
Spike looked back, confused, how can he be happy that he’d been slain?
“I learned I could love, Spike, really really love, honestly, completely, I’ve… never done that before.” Xander looked away.
“Wh-what does that mean? You’ve never loved before?” Spike asked, incredulous, whelp had nearly gotten married!
“Not like this! Not real love, soul love…” Xander sounded frustrated and he pulled his hair. “How am I going to explain this?”
He looked madly at Spike, at his hands, at the double bed, at the pictures, at the glass of water, at Spike’s suitcase, at everything in the room for inspiration until he finally did the only thing he could think of doing to make Spike understand him.
He wrapped his hands around Spike’s head and pulled him gently closer, closer, until they shared breaths, then gently kissed him on the lips. Xander’s lips were firm and sure, kissing him with pent up passion of decades worth of need. His tongue gently probed past soft full lips into a pliant mouth to gently massage Spike’s tongue in his own need, making Spike gasp in surprise, and try to pull back to speak, but Xander’s hands on his head didn’t let him.
They kissed a long sweet kiss for what felt like hours, before Xander finally broke it, his head swimming with need and want, hunger, sweet sweet hunger that he’d forgotten how to feel. He lifted Spike’s chin and locked his brown eyes on Spike’s blue one’s and said just one word, “Yeah?”
Spike clears his emotion constricted throat and nodded faintly, “Yeah…”
“Okay, they may not have fed me and have only kept me drugged, but Ben, your cooking is going to kill me on its own, it’s so damned good.” He put a hand to his stomach and licked his lips, let out a belch and then sighed. “So much better.”
Ben smiled and sat on an armchair. “I like cooking.” He got everyone a beer, and they sat, drinking, till Spike got up with a smile.
“Got some paperwork for the club to do, don’t worry, brought my laptop.” He put his empty beer down and got up, going to his guest room, Xander followed him silently. When Spike was going through his bag, Xander pressed his palm against Spike’s upper back. Spike didn’t flinch, didn’t jump, but seemed to kind of melt. “Xander?”
“Need to tell you something Spike… figure sooner is better than later.” He said softly and sat on the bed. Spike sat beside him and looked at the floor, not sure what Xander needed from him now.
“Yeah, I’m here,” he said and said nothing else, just waiting for Xander to start.
Xander took one of his hands and picked it up, then twined his fingers with it and held it gently with his in his lap. “Ethan was there, is there.”
“Ethan?” Spike looked at him in shock. “That tosser?”
“Yeah… just listen, okay?” Xander whispered. “Not sure I can say this once, never mind over again with interruptions.”
Spike nodded and squeezed his hand, silent, letting him continue. Xander took a deep breath, then sat sideways on the bed, clinging to Spike’s hand. “You know Ethan Rayne, right? He worships a chaos god, Janus, likes to put one thing out of step and see the chaos it delivers, right? Well… he did a spell on me.”
He got up and paced the tiny room, not scared, but anxious. What if he was wrong, what if this wasn’t what he’d been shown, but it felt so right, and it was the only thing that made sense!
“Ethan…. He… he showed me a world… the best world I could have imagined… I was so happy. He was surprised I got out of it, but that was only because I died because I couldn’t live as a vampire, but I wanted you and….. let me get back to the beginning.” Xander took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair and sat beside Spike again, and held his hand.
“Ethan showed me a world without my father in it.” He stroked his thumb against Spike’s hand, gently, almost lovingly. “And… I grew up as I was meant to be, and I… was happy. Spike I was so happy.”
He sniffled, tears flowed down his cheeks, and Spike gave him some tissue. Xander blew his nose and wiped his eyes. “I was so happy. I lived a whole lifetime with Jesse, loved him, lived with him… then you came and cl-claimed me for yours, and I was happy in a vampire way, but devastated in a human way. I didn’t want to spend eternity killing people, so… slayers came and killed us, and I snapped out of it, but Spike, that’s not important.” He squeezed Spike’s hand and gazed up at him, looking him in the eye.
Spike looked back, confused, how can he be happy that he’d been slain?
“I learned I could love, Spike, really really love, honestly, completely, I’ve… never done that before.” Xander looked away.
“Wh-what does that mean? You’ve never loved before?” Spike asked, incredulous, whelp had nearly gotten married!
“Not like this! Not real love, soul love…” Xander sounded frustrated and he pulled his hair. “How am I going to explain this?”
He looked madly at Spike, at his hands, at the double bed, at the pictures, at the glass of water, at Spike’s suitcase, at everything in the room for inspiration until he finally did the only thing he could think of doing to make Spike understand him.
He wrapped his hands around Spike’s head and pulled him gently closer, closer, until they shared breaths, then gently kissed him on the lips. Xander’s lips were firm and sure, kissing him with pent up passion of decades worth of need. His tongue gently probed past soft full lips into a pliant mouth to gently massage Spike’s tongue in his own need, making Spike gasp in surprise, and try to pull back to speak, but Xander’s hands on his head didn’t let him.
They kissed a long sweet kiss for what felt like hours, before Xander finally broke it, his head swimming with need and want, hunger, sweet sweet hunger that he’d forgotten how to feel. He lifted Spike’s chin and locked his brown eyes on Spike’s blue one’s and said just one word, “Yeah?”
Spike clears his emotion constricted throat and nodded faintly, “Yeah…”