Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

Spike grit his teeth and tried not to fidget as a wave of the Mage's spell enveloped him. He hated this, hated anything to do with bloody magic. It was unpredictable at the best of times and asking the Chaos worshiper for help gnawed in his gut. He hated asking for help as much as the magic, but he sure as fuck didn't want a soul, and no matter how much he might want to pull bits and bobs off Red until she was begging, he didn't want to hurt Xander either.

So he put up with it, and with the nattering of the Watcher he'd had to endure a few weeks earlier. He didn't seem to get it, get how a soul just didn't belong. The problem was most of the Watchers, Rupert included, saw vampires as something outside of nature. Different, not belonging.

But that wasn't how it was, or at least not how Spike figured it. Demons walked the earth long before humans learned to walk upright. It was a system of checks and balances; humans were the prey and vampires were the predators. They culled the old and the weak and the sick from the herd. Fuck, the way he saw it, if it weren't for vampires nipping at humans’ heels they would never have cooperated long enough to form groups and then cities. They were so used to fighting amongst themselves, they would never have gathered into large groups on their own.

Spike growled at himself. He'd listened to Xander one day talking to one of the flakes at the resort they'd stayed at in Taos about how evil it was that they were shipping wolves in from Canada or some other godforsaken place just because the deer population had gotten too big. Xander had used the same argument, and had verbally backed the old bint into a corner. Spike could tell his boy had put a lot of thought into his line of reasoning.

He'd never heard Xander so confident in all the time he'd known him. It had been all he could do to wait for Xander to come in from the sun before he'd picked him up and carried him to bed. Later on Xander had laughed and asked what had gotten into him and Spike had just made something up. He didn't want Xander to know how much it affected him when the boy actually showed how much he understood Spike. No one in his long life had fully understood him, not even Drusilla.

Just Xander.

“There. Done. And a good bit of magic, if I do say so myself. However, if Xander continues to call it Magic Teflon I may be forced to do something drastic.”

Giles snorted from his corner. “It is appropriate.”

Spike had to grin. When they'd first come to the two men about Willow's plan of ensouling Spike, it had been Xander who had begged for a protection spell for Spike to keep the future he saw from happening. “Yeah, well, I for one ain't saying a thing about it. What Xander wants, he gets, and if it's Magic Teflon for me, then I sit here while you kill a rooster or whatever the fuck it is you do and get Magic Teflon.”

Ethan made a huffing noise. “As if I'd be that provincial. Still, it should reflect any spell that Ms. Rosenberg might throw at you.”

Spike got up, unable to sit still any longer. “Have you at least chatted with little Miss Witch about playing with magic yet?”

Giles looked up from the book he'd been working on. “I did. However, I doubt if it did any good. As much as I care for that girl, she does wear blinders. I blame her parents; they refuse to really look at the girl or the world around them and, to a certain extent, Willow does the same thing.”

“Ripper, how Freudian can you get? The girl refuses to acknowledge certain facets of reality and you're blaming her Mother. The next thing you'll be doing is buying cigars and using them in a suggestive manner.”

Spike laughed. “As if you’d complain if he did.”

Giles looked put out and embarrassed and he shot a look at his lover. “Yes, well, that is enough of that. You say Xander's been having nightmares that he doesn't remember?”

Spike nodded. “I don't like bringing them up. I figure if his waking mind doesn't want to talk about it, there's a reason.”

Ethan gave him a look. “In your vast experience with dealing with minds like Xander's, eh?”

He growled. “That's right. You forget, it was my Princess who somehow gave him his nifty new accessory package, as Xan likes to call it. Back in the day, Darla and Angelus would force her to talk about what she saw when that happened and I'd be left trying to soothe her. There were times when she tried to claw her own eyes out, and it was usually when she was seeing something terrible and having dreams she couldn't remember but was forced to. Not havin' that with my Xan.”

The Watcher gave him a look and Spike restrained himself from rolling his eyes. It was amazing how Giles could doubt his intentions towards Xander still, after all this time. You'd think if he really didn't trust him, the man would try to get Xander to move in with him or separate him from Spike. Instead he just got the occasional glare, but he'd been glaring more and more since they'd come back from Xander's break. Spike wondered what was going on in the human's head.

“Yes, well...what exactly is he dreaming of? Can you tell? Or are you psychic now, as well?”

Spike paused and really looked at the Watcher and noticed for the first time that night that the man was truly mad at him for some reason. He wasn't sure if he wanted to find out why or not. “Phrases, words. Boy talks in his sleep when he gets like that, like Dru used to. Talking to the bloody stars or the fish that swim in the air or sprites or whatever the hell it is he sees. Something about a sword in the stone, and no he has not watched Excalibur. Something about Angelus waking up the dragon, one that will eat the world or the sun or god knows what else. About the stones coming to life. Then it goes onto the blood and death portion of the dream and I try to wake him up. Bloody well clocked me good the other night; I actually bruised.”

Spike had actually been proud of that. Xander's fighting abilities had taken a bit of a downturn when he got his powers because it was difficult for him to focus enough to be able to keep his brain in one place to fight, but the boy was getting a bit better.

Ethan was making notations of what Spike was telling them. “That's not much to go on, but it's a start. I'd give you something to help him sleep, but then the visions may break through into his waking hours.”

Spike shook his head. “Nah, I'll deal with him. Maybe if I tell him it's being looked into the next time they start up he'll be able to stop dreaming about that, at least.”

The Watcher made a rude noise in the back of his throat and Spike spun around. “Look, Rupert, something’s crawled up your arse and we might as well find out what it is now.”

“As if you really care. You had me fooled there for a while, you know; I thought that you actually cared for the lad...”

Spike was across the room and had pulled the Watcher up by his lapels before the Mage could even make a move. “You don't know even half of what I feel for Xander! Git. I might be an evil, soulless bastard but I would die for Xander!”

He could see Ethan move in the corner of his eye but something made the Mage hold back, and for once he was grateful. The so-called Magic Teflon would probably protect him from anyone except the magician who installed it.

“And let me guess, you'd kill for him too? Is that what happened with his Father?”

Spike snorted and let go of Giles. “So that's what this is about. Tried to track down Daddy Dearest, as Xan calls him, and found a few bits and pieces, eh? Tell me, what's got your bollocks in a twist? The fact that I killed him, or the fact that you didn't have a chance?”

Giles paled and Spike knew he didn't understand just yet exactly what Xander's father was. “I'd never...”

“Never kill the old bastard? You'd have been tempted, at least. Well, if you're as good a man as you'd like to think you are you would have.”

“Spike...”

Ethan stepped between them. “Ripper. Let him talk.” He turned to Spike. “Tell him. All of it.”

“You know?”

Ethan shrugged. “I have my guesses. Certain things that he's let slip or how he reacts every once in a while when Ripper is disappointed in him.”

Now they were both looking at him, and this time Giles looked white and Spike couldn’t help but feel a little glee in the fact that it was him getting to tell Giles just what was what. “First time we talked, he told me about the scars he has on his legs from being switched. Later on, I found out how much Harris Sr. liked to swat at his only child with anything he had on hand. Flyswatter, stick, belt. How about I tell you how many times Xander has wandered around the Hellmouth at night because it was safer for him to walk around than go into his house with his own parents?”

By that time the Watcher was green and Ethan had lines of anger around his eyes and mouth. Spike grinned evilly at their discomfort. “How about I tell you about the day he left home? You remember that, don't you, Watcher? How the boy came out to his friends, tried to let Red down easy and they didn't want to hear it, how he was gay. I wonder if your precious Slayer went home and told his parents? Maybe it was Red, hoping that Xan's Mum would talk him into loving her? More likely it was another one of the gits that was in the hall when he came out to them. Either way, dear old Da found out. Boy finally stood up to him, but not before he got a broken arm out of it.”

Giles gave a little strangled sound and Spike continued to talk. “Had a busted lip, too; black eye, busted ribs. Took him to a demon I know of and the boy pretended to be my pet while I had him healed. Still couldn't fix everything, though, could I? Had to wear a brace on his arm for a bit. Don't worry, though, Daddy paid for it. Every single inch of him. Gonna say anything now? How I shouldn't have killed him? Shouldn't have cut out his tongue? He begged, you know, from the first moment. Broke before I could really have any fun. You'd have thought no one had burned his knackers before.”

“That's enough!”

Spike subsided, feeling an inner thrill that Giles looked confused. Both the other men took a few deep breaths and exchanged glances before Ethan turned to him. “Does Xander know this?”

Spike snorted and felt for a cigarette. He wasn't “allowed” to smoke in the Watcher's flat but he needed something to do with his hands. “Of course. The boy isn't stupid, you know. He figured it out. Took him a while, though. Seems no one cared enough to go look for the git, not even the missus.” He turned to Giles. “Still gonna be a sanctimonious prick about it all, then? Or are you gonna be sensible and say good riddance to bad rubbish?”

The flat was quiet, with only the sounds of the two human's inner workings and the clock in the kitchen interrupting the silence. Finally Giles threw himself down in a chair and took off his glasses. “Bloody hell!”

Ethan snorted. “That's about the size of it.” He moved to pour himself and his lover a drink from the bar and Spike noticed that a third glass was out for him. Seemed he was out of the dog house, as Xander would say.

“I can't say that I approve of what you did, Spike. To me killing humans is never an option...”

“Good thing I'm not you, ain't it?” Spike nodded a thanks to Ethan and took the tumbler of Scotch he was given. “Look, Xander's dealt with it and moved on. You should too. Bringing it up will only drag in other dirt he'd probably rather you not know. There's a reason he didn't say anything to you about it. And he's okay now.”

It was an incredibly poofy thing for him to say, but Spike knew that Xander actually liked both the other men and it wouldn't do anyone any good if he got nervous at the thought of Giles poking around in his Father's death. They should have done with it and leave it be.

Suddenly there were voices outside and Spike could hear Xander's laughter. The door opened without anyone knocking and Xander and Cordelia walked in, arm in arm. Spike knew that if it were anyone else doing it the action would cause jealousy. With Xander it was just the fact that he cared about his friends and liked to touch.

Willow and Oz walked in and the girl glanced nervously in his direction. Spike ignored her and went to wrap his arms around Xander. Cordelia jumped in front of him and stood with her hands on her hips. “Spike! Xander's been picking on me!”

Xander grinned and ducked around her and Spike opened his arms. “Is that right, luv? Have you been getting up the cheerleader's nose?”

“EEWWW! No. I've just been annoying her, that's all.”

Spike rolled his eyes and saw Ethan and Giles do the same. “Bloody Americans,” he muttered. “What's got you lot so wound up?”

“The usual. Beach party, jocks being idiots, bloodcurdling screams followed by a disappearance. Buffy's checking out the beach so we came here to see if you guys know anything.”

Cordelia threw herself in a chair. “You left out the part where Buffy was shamelessly throwing herself at one of the swim team. I mean, really....all they do is swim. Doesn't take that much talent.”

Xander made a sympathetic noise and Spike knew that he'd found out about his friend’s crush on the Slayer. Before he could say anything, though, Giles pulled his notepad close to him and put on his glasses once again. “Right. Start at the beginning and one at a time, please.”

Cordelia started talking and Spike rolled his eyes and sat down, pulling Xander with him. It was going to be a long night.

*****