The Silent Urge Series

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I'm a bit late with this chapter, sorry. I was stuck on how to go on and end where I want it to end. But the lovely Alwaysand helped me figuring it out. Thank you so much. Good news is, 46 is already written and off to beta and 47 is about halfway done, too.

AND I totally bow down to my completely overworked beta-girl Joolz. Thank you so much for taking the time for my fic among all the other things you have to do!

AND I totally love all of you for reading, voting or commenting especially Tropicwhale, FairyNiamh and Dragonpink. It's a pleasure to write for you.

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45 - Fear

~ Spike ~

Smoke.

I can smell smoke.

My eyes fly open. I listen to the building.

Fuck.

I can hear rustling and swooshing, hissing and cracking.

Fire.

There's a fire downstairs.

I'm out of the bed and at the door in two seconds. I rip it open, the heat of the door grip registers seconds later, when I'm already busy ducking away from a furious blaze of fire. I try to shut the door with a kick but it's already consumed by fire, burning hot orange flames are shooting in the room, up the walls and onto the ceiling. I drop down to my knees.

Fuck. Fuck. Bloody fuckidifuck.

Fire in front of me, blocking the way down into the club and up onto the roof.

The big window behind me, the long curtains the only thing shielding me from the deathly glare of the sun.

Fuck.

What am I going to do?

Fuck.

The fire roars, grabs hungrily for the wooden panels and melts the plastic frame of the TV. The smoke mixes with acid fumes and I'm so glad I don't have to breathe right now.

Something explodes, little bits of gleaming technology flying everywhere. I raise my arm to shield my face, feel a thousand tiny hot pokers burn first through my shirt then into my skin. Hurts. Fuck. I flinch back, closer to the window.

Fuck.

I have to get out of here but there's no way out. Fuck. Bloody fuck.

I run back into the bedroom, grab my duster, shrug into it. Not going anywhere without it, no way.

Shit. How do I get out of here?

Back in the main room the heat is unbearable. My skin feels stretched too tight from the lack of humidity.

Calm down, calm the fuck down, I tell myself and try to control the panic. I need to get out. Need to get out. Get out now. NOW.

I stare at the curtain for two seconds. It's such a bad plan. I start running full speed before I can think about it any more. Please, whoever looks out for me, the ptb or whatever, give me a chance. I need to see Xander again. I don't want to die the final death in a fucking house fire after everything!

I jump and turn, hit the curtain, then the window with my back and it breaks from the impact. The awful sound of shattering, splintering glass and wood. Painpainpain. Still, through it all I manage to grab the flapping edges of the curtain, curl myself deeper into it and brace for hitting the ground. I have no idea, how far I've fallen already and - oompf - there it is, sooner than expected.


I snap back into conciousness when I’m grabbed and handled roughly. Blackblackblack - everything's black. Can't see a thing. Fuck. Oh - curtain! The window jump with the curtain as a sunscreen - I remember.

Feeling crawls back into my limbs. There's thick liquid squishy against the side of my face. Blood. Must have cracked my head open. My back feels carved open. I hurt all over. And who the hell is grabbing at me?

I feel too hot, smoking. The curtain will hold off the deathly sunlight only for so long. I hold onto it as hard as I can. Smoke seems to be everywhere. I don’t know if it comes from the building or if it is from my body already. And who the hell is dragging me around? And where to? It’s not as if I could have a look, won’t risk the sunlight. At least the person doesn’t try to free me from the curtain.

I can still hear the roaring of the fire that’s consuming the Twilight. Things are crashing down and breaking, some small explosions, probably the alcohol. Fuck, my fall-back plan is literally going up in flames. Guess there’s no option of staying in Sunnydale anymore. I don’t have any other place that is as secret and as secure as the Twilight was and well, that didn’t end well. Xander’s got to come with me. No choice. Maybe my Sire would take us in for a while, for a couple of weeks until we’re ready to go... elsewhere.

I can feel it the moment I’m dragged out of direct sunlight. The temperature drops, it’s even darker than before and the smoke lessens. Time to fucking get out of the curtain and see who has been my saviour. Raksha maybe? I hope they got out in time. Or Treckle? Thought he was out and away hours ago. I start struggling, trying to find the beginning or the end of the curtain. Got myself really wrapped up in this monster of black velvet.

Fuck.

Or maybe that's just someone hindering me to get untangled. I growl. The fuck? Is that rope? God - it is! I'm being tied up like a damn Christmas parcel. I start to fight for real. I have to find out who's doing this and I've got to rip their head off. I kick out and hit someone - pain explodes in my head, but I can still make out the unmistakable voice of the Slayer.

"Keep still or I’ll kick you back so hard you land directly where the sun is shining!"

I'm dead. Final-death-dead. God.

"Get up." Hesitantly I get to my feet. What choice do I have? I won't give up. I never give up, but right now, blind and bound and seconds away from direct sunlight, I don't have any options left.

"Look, Slayer-"

"You shut up. You don't say a word. You don't make a sound. You don't ask any questions. You follow my instructions and don't try anything stupid or I’ll stake you. Do you understand?" She commands, voice hard and unwavering.

"Yes." I can feel her continuing to tie the curtain around me with the rope. It hurts, cuts hard through the thick velvet, my duster and into my body. My back feels bruised, torn even in a few parts. I think I can feel shards of glass inside my skin. At least there is no new blood running down the side of my face.

"Hands." Buffy says from behind me and I push my arms towards her. Rope around my wrist - just great. Oh, hey! Damn, she tied my wrists together, wrapped the rope around my thighs. Nice.

"Come on." She says and tugs on the rope, makes me move forward, stumble really. I hate to be this incapacitated. Hate to be unable to see, to move, to even struggle. I wonder where we're going. What is she going to do with me?

"If Giles didn't say your death might be harmful to Xander, you’d be dead already. I'd have staked you the moment you were in my reach. Consider yourself lucky for a few moments more on this earth. I promise you're dust before the sun comes up again tomorrow."

Giles. Will she bring me to Giles' flat? Will Xander be there? Is Angel there? Is Angel keeping his promise? Is he there with Xander, looking out for him? Fuck - how could I be so stupid to think Buffy'd leave me, leave the club alone when she knew it was there? I should have hidden somewhere, maybe gone to L. A. Trusted my Sire to bring Xander back like he promised. Now I'm captured, made everything worse. I hope Xander is not there - he'll lose it the moment I'm close. His last feeding was too long ago, he'll be hungry. Angel can't feed him - could, but wouldn't. No, would he?

"You'll die by my hand, Spike. You're a monster. What you did to Xander - I'll drive the stake into your heart with a smile, Spike. You hurt him, Spike, you hurt him so bad. He wasn't even able to stand alone after... what you did to him. Why him? Why did you go after the weakest one of us? How could you do that? Because you're a monster, a soulless bastard with not a single good emotion inside you. You're already gone, Spike - it's only a matter of time."

For the rest of the way she is silent. Guilt eats at me - Xander couldn't even stand? He passed out, a claiming is hard on the human, but not that hard. I took too much blood, weakened him too much by the bloodloss and gave him not enough. Is he better now? I desperately want to ask Buffy if Xander is better now, if he needs me, if he's okay - but I can't risk her wrath.

I'm very sure we're nearly there. Sounds and smells are familiar, but it's not Giles' flat she's bringing me, too. It's her own house. Please, let Xander be there. I need to know that he's okay.

The moment we're inside the house disappointment squeezes me harder than any rope ever could. Xander's not here. Nobody is here. The house is empty except for Buffy and me.

"Basement." She says and shoves me forward, cuffs me with her fist hard in the back. I bite the insides of my cheeks to not cry out. The basement door opens and without any warning she gives me a push. I don't find the first step, tread only into air and tumble down the stairs. I lie helpless, whimpering despite myself at the bottom of the stairs when she kicks me hard in my side. Kidney hit.

"Get up." She yells and it echoes inside my head. Must have hit it, again. I nearly make it to one knee when she grabs me and drags me through half the basement to a wall. The sound of chains and the feel of cold metal against the skin of my forearms. She doesn't untie me, just clicks the chains closed a bit higher where they bite deeply into my flesh.

In her eyes I don't deserve better. In her eyes I'm not worth it to be handled like a living being.

"Don't dare to move or try anything. You're dust the moment you even think about it!" She says and goes up the stairs with loud, hard steps. She leaves and I'm alone. The basement door is locked and I can hear her steps. She's pacing above me, restless.

What are they going to do? Why did she bring me here? Where is Xander?

I'm bleeding out of several wounds and I'm exhausted. I'm stuck in a half kneeling, half lying position. I can't see, can't smell a thing. I hurt all over and I can't think of any way to get out of this alive.

Bugger.


_____________tbc next 10th_______________

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